Who here knows how I can obtain a live bear cub, either legally or otherwise? Real suggestions only...

Who here knows how I can obtain a live bear cub, either legally or otherwise? Real suggestions only, of course I can't break into a zoo etc.

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Google "James Yeager". He has recently moon-lighted as the porn-star "Buck-Angel". This should provide you with the next clue to your puzzle.

Kek, thanks nigger

Maybe something not retarded? I really need this bear.

Bump with nudity? I gotta have a bear.

just go out into the woods, find a mama bear, RAPE the shit outta her, and steal the cub.

I don't get how this is difficult

why do you need a bear user

Bears have claws and shit and would kill the fuck outta me. That's IL why I need it as a cub. So I can teach it to love me like a momma bear.

Why wouldn't someone need a bear? Bears are kick ass. Everyone should have one.

But honestly, I live in the Metro Detroit area and already have a boxer and a pit bull. I figured a bear is just the next logical step.

fuck yeah dude I love bears
if you raised one from a cub, it would probably imprint on you and be an awesome pet so long as you can raise it correctly

...

you're gonna love this guy

I am 100% positive that a bear is all I need in my life to be happy. Especially now that I know they're a good drinking buddy as well. Help me anons

Dubs don't lie, bears are fucking legit

If you niggers help me get a bear then I'll let anyone who lives near enough come over and wrestle him free of charge.

Bears are cool. Leave them be. You would just make it autistic.

youtube.com/watch?v=qcI99zct_K0

I would give him the best life his little bear brain could imagine and you know it. I would let him sit at the table with the humans and give him the big piece of chicken and everything.

Wrong kind of bear. You're not even trying.

Well I hope that anyone who owns an undomesticated exotic animal gets mauled to death

I was thinking of starting out with an Andean Spectacle Bear because they only grow to be 200-400lbs, which is only a little bigger than me. Just in case owning a bear is harder than I imagined and he turns into a dick and attacks me, I'll be more able to defend myself.

Kek. Your fat ass will have no chance. Post results please.

Also, Spectacle Bears are some of the least aggressive, and eat mainly vegetation, almost like pandas. And I'd get a female because they're smaller. And she would be domesticated, I would domesticate her.

I would post whatever you want if you fucks would help me get the damn bear.

I really don't think it would be as bad as everyone says it will be. I mean, I have dogs already.

>200-400lbs,
>only a little bigger than me.

my sides are only a little bigger than that

>I would post whatever you want
OK
for starters,
post dick w/ timestamp
also shoe on head w/ timestamp
also IP address w/ timestamp

I mean, it could technically even be smaller than me. I'm 6 feet tall and like 280lbs. I'm not like people of Walmart riding a fat guy scooter fat or anything. I feel like if I'm stern enough with her when she's a cub she's not really going to question it later anyway.

>can't break into a zoo

Why not cunt? No balls. Faggot. You'll never have a bear if you think like this.

I'm not a grill, that doesn't apply to me. Nice try at getting another man's nudes tho faggit

I can't enjoy my new bear if I'm in jail. Also, I don't think the Detroit zoo has any cubs at the moment.

That's somebody's daughter you know

Godspeed user.

I'm sure they're very proud of their daughter. Can you help me get a bear or not?

And I'm definitely not not going to the Toledo Zoo for a bear. It'll be hooked on meth when I get it.

there really is no other way to get a pet bear without getting it from the wild
first, you're going to need a group of friends
or, since you probably don't have any those, promise crack to local crackheads if they comply
first, you need to find where you're going bear napping. Any area with lots of bears. Maybe Kodiak island, faggot.
Alright, now that you've chosen your location, you'll need weapons. a lot of weapons.
A similar loadout to what I take boar hunting. Each member of the group will need a high powder assault rifle, a shotgun with slugs, and a handgun. the rest is optional
since you're hunting a fucking bear, maybe a couple members of the group should invest in a full auto gun. fully automatic uzi sub machine guns do not seem hard to find, yet a bit pricey
next thing on weapons is you'll need a large ammo capacity. you won't have time to reload when a fucking bear is running at you, motherfucker. preferably a 100 round or more drum magazine
protective gear might be a good idea to, but it's expensive and probably won't do much since it's a fucking bear.
you'll need mask, for sure. a cub won't like whoever killed its mother.
oh, and don't forget the other fucking bears that might be around to tear you in half
motherfucker
one last thing
drugs
you're gonna need a lot of meth
it will keep you confident and alert
but you don't know how long this is going to take, and you don't want to be coming down at any point
so get a shit ton of meth
a lot

you said this is life changing for you op, so don't be a pussy and half ass it