>Watch out for that vicious bounty hunter Boba Fett, Luke. Did I ever tell you I fought his dad? He was hired to assassinate a senator me and your father were guarding. We kept bringing her around open windows and public areas in order to draw the would-be assassin out because we knew he had too much pride to just shoot her from long range. He had used his payment to hire another bounty hunter to kill the senator for him while he sent us on a wild bantha chase. Also the 2nd assassin used her payment to buy a robot to assassinate the senator for her. Did I mention the 2nd assassin was a shapeshifter? She could have been a good friend in disguise and just shot the senator for all we knew! Then the robot used its payment to buy poisonous bugs to release into the senator's room while she slept after lasering a hole through the window. It could have just lasered her too after that because we weren't watching her at all, but it already bought the bugs. So we sense the hostile life forms (not the robot) in the room and rush in and save the senator in the nick of time! Then I jumped out the window to chase the robot back to its owner! Luckily it didn't have a self-destruct function. Then we found the 2nd assassin and chased her across the planet, and caught her when she tried to kill us instead of shapeshifting and escaping. But to our surprise, Jango Fett was watching the whole thing instead of going to kill the senator while we were away chasing the bugs chasing the robot chasing the shapeshifter. He shot her with a poisonous dart instead of sniper blaster, and only her instead of shooting all of us or blowing all of us with a rocket or something, then he escaped with his tiny jetpack. Luckily for the senator, my good friend Dexterr Jettster owned a 50s dinner on Courscant that had Republic secrets on the menu along with cheeseburgers and malt shakes. We found the assassin and Mace killed him later, right in front of Boba. He was a good friend.
Watch out for that vicious bounty hunter Boba Fett, Luke. Did I ever tell you I fought his dad...
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>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time when people who were alive during the Jedi massacre now refer to Jedi as a "superstition"
>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time I rode a giant lizard against a tube-cycle riding multi armed robot who I eventually killed with a blaster, and then said that said weapon is shitter than a lightsaber?
>30 trillion people in the galaxy and everyone knows each other
>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time where midichlorians were a thing, and nobody ever bothered to check Sheev's count when the Jedi knew there was a gigantic Sith running around trying to rule everything all the while Sheev was amass more and more personal power?
tl;dr you fucked the meme up, kill yourself
>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time that I fell thousands of feet and landed safely on a vehicle without even a scratch? I hate flying.
>Luke, did I ever tell you that within the space of a few hours, your father went from a Jedi hero to a child killing monster for pretty much no actual reason other than plot progression?
>Luke, did I ever tell you about how I dismembered your father, my best friend for over fifteen years, and left him alive to slowly burn to death on a bank of lava? Imagine what I would be capable of doing to you, a boy I literally just met for the first time today. It would be unwise to disagree with me.
This thread is going places.
Lmao
>Luke, did I ever tell you about how your mother was so healthy that she never aged a day in 20 years then died during child birth because her body apparently just stopped working for no reason?
You don't even realize how much of a newfag you just showed yourself to be.
>Luke, did I ever tell you that the separatists had won the clone war, and then their entire army spanning thousands of planets suddenly gave up because we killed a few of their leaders and turned off some imaginary robo signal?
>Luke, did I ever tell you about the farmers on Tatooine who all wearing Jedi garments?
>Luke, did I ever tell you about Sheev being able to slowly kill a handful of the best Jedi in the order with his lightsaber while they stood there and did nothing, yet they had super-human reflexes and speed?
>Luke, did I ever tell you about the space nigger who decided to arrest Sheev in his office at lightsaber-point instead of showing the criminal video recordings of him being a Sith to the senate?
>Luke, did I ever tell you that the force apparition that my master taught me is actually a Sith power and no one seemed to notice this?
>No Obi-Wan, how did he do it?
>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time I cut off your fathers arms and legs and left him to die in a river of lava? He was a good friend.
This whole thread is top tier I'm dying from laughter.
>Luke, did I ever tell you about spinning? It's a good trick.
OP is one dedicated autist
t. reddit
What? Is this real?
>Luke, did I ever tell you about the high ground?
No, not at all.
>(You)
There's literally no reason Obi Wan would bring up that specific exploit during the time he was alive in ANH. I'm not entirely sure what the point of this thread is.
>Luke, did I ever tell you that sith lords are my specialty?
Thanks reddit
Just shut the fuck up and enjoy.
>Luke, did I ever tell you about the children your father butchered with this very lightsaber. He wanted you to have it.
>I'm not entirely sure what the point of this thread is.
Reddit tier Sup Forums memes.
You're welcome bud
>Luke, did I ever tell how I rescued the Emperor?
So you want us to explain the humor to you?
O shi-
Was it THAT lightsaber or another one?
upvoted
>Luke, did I ever tell you about losing every duel I had with sith lords? They are my specialty.
Wait, let me check.
It is that one.
Thanks friend
>being angry because he hates a particular website
>being angry because he believes that content is being "stolen" from anonymous posters of one website, and promoted by not-so-anonymous posters at another website
Here's how it is, friendo. You're not going to like it, but all I offer is the truth.
You can not stop the oncoming tide of what you perceive to be "le randum post-millennial newfag summercancer tourists" from coming to this site. Or any site. Or any nation. Ever. Our numbers are too strong.
What you CAN do, however, is this. You can take a giant step back from yourself and ask, "all this crying about the past, all this whining about the present and all this despair for the future - does it make me a genuinely happy person? Does my knowledge of the idiocracy enlighten me? Does it hold me and reassure me on a cold night?"
Chances are, everyone who desperately clings to the "good old days", the answers to these questions probably aren't what you would refer to as "positive". Chances are, you probably fucking HATE yourself. Why don't you do something that distracts you from your smug, arrogant self-righteousness, for a change?
Take up a hobby. Take a walk. Lift. Oh, you'd be surprised how much better you feel, after a few weeks of doing a nice, light weights program to get those joints and muscles moving.
Maybe then there'd be less of you insipid, whining cunts making posts like this.
We are memes. We are fun. We are the NEW Sup Forums.
You're welcome.
*tips fedora*
>Luke, did I ever tell you about how your father hated sand? That's why I hid you on the sandiest planet in the galaxy.
>"humor"
Stale pasta.
Have some that isn't posted all the time:
>"I've been here for 5 years and I've never read anything as idiotic as this."
>Luke, did I ever tell you about when my master cheated an honest businessman out of a slave and a bunch of parts.
*Tips back in acknowledgment*
>Luke, did I ever tell you about that Rodian who Mr. Solo killed in self-defense at the Cantina was one of your father's childhood friends?
*touches your tip*
>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time that Chewbacca teamed up with Yoda? Strange that it never gets brought up again... Also, you have no grandfather! Your father was spontaneously conceived. Strange how no one ever mentions it again.
>Luke, did I ever tell you about when my master cheated a jew out of a slave and a bunch of parts.
That's a deleted scene Obi Wan.
*touches tip in return*
My favourite SW pasta.
Luke, did I ever tell you about that time your father rushed a Sith Lord and got his arm chopped off like a dumbass?
He was a cunning warrior, and a good friend
...
>Luke did I ever tell you about Jar-Jar? He was a retarded gungan but we made him senator lol
So you do want someone to explain the humor?
Might as well, the threads gone to shit.
>Luke did i ever tell you that your grandmother was raped by tusken raiders
...
>Luke, did I ever tell you about the turbofaggots who won't stop shitting in threads of my stories?
>Luke did I ever tell you that owen and beru aren't related to you? If they died you probably wouldn't care
>Luke did I tell you about the reddit boogeyman?
>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time I forgot to use my Force Run powers to save my mentor from being killed by a Sith Lord?
Kek
>You'll forget it after we get to Mos Eisley
>""""humor""""
>Luke, did i ever tell you about how your father massacred a village of sand people because his mother had been sold into slavery thank to him forgetting about her for several years? He was a good friend.
He didn't know about that I think but I haven't watched TCW all the way through.
>Luke, did I ever tell you about poetry? It rhymes.
Kekd.
>Luke, did I ever tell you tale of the Disrupted Communications?
Had to take a break from reading because I couldn't breathe. This isn't even the first time I've read most of these. Why is Star Wars so God damn shit? I still love it tho.
No Bibble tell me more.
No that would be Lucas himself.
Star Wars is actually funny as fuck when you over analyze it and I still love it.
>Luke did I ever tell you about the time in your future when your sister, the Princess Leia whom you'll make out with, and your brother in law, the smuggler Han Solo whom we'll meet once we reach Mos Eisley, will name their son after me even though Leia has never met me and Han Solo who will only know me for roughly 20 minutes before I die. Oh and you'll go on to train your nephew but he'll turn to the dark side and end up killing your brother in law, Han Solo.
>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time I had to consult a class of young children to figure out why a planet was missing from the archives, and only got a lead when a boy of about 5 years suggested that someone may have erased it? He was a good friend.
>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time the shield generator was hit, even though the shields were up? Then R2 saved everyone by plugging a wire into a socket but it was for nought because we weren't hit thereafter.
Too soon...
>That your sister would rather hug a complete stranger then your brother in law's best friend and partner for years.
Luke only knew Obi-Wan for about a day himself. It's retarded how they push their relationship as being something deep and special. Yoda makes more sense because Luke was on Dagobah with him for 3 years training.
>3 years
What?
I like to think he's seen him around at least a couple of times before they met or at least heard stories.
>Obi Wan, you think he could mean Old Ben?
Give or take.
>Luke, did I ever tell you about Darth Maul? He was Sheev's apprentice before Dooku and your father that used a double-bladed lightsaber. He fought against me and my master Qui-Gon pn Naboo, and managed to kill him. Fortunately, even though I was still a Padawan I managed to cut him in half by taking advantage of the fact that he didn't know how to use the High Ground. However, it turned out that his hate somehow allowed him to survive getting cut in half and falling down a bottomless pit, and he somehow managed to escape from Naboo and become a cyborg spider on some other planet. Years later, during the Clone Wars, his brother Savage Opress found him and upgraded his cyborg legs. They went on a rampage across the Galaxy, trying to get revenge both on me and his former master Sheev. It's such a pity that he never told anyone that Sheev was a Sith Lord, that would have saved us a lot of trouble. They eventually took over Mandalore and killed the only woman I had ever loved right in front of me. After that I kind of lost track of him, not sure what became of him. I hope he's doing well, he was a good friend.
>Luke, did i ever tell you about the time the trade federation locked me and my master in a room with poisonous gas instead of putting the poison in the drinks we happily consumed. What me worry lol
My coworkers are staring at me bwcause i laughed so hard
Is there an actual timeline in Star Wars or is like Terminator where fuck it shit doesn't matter because John Conner?
Is John Conner even the same one from the original timeline after sending Kyle back? Fuck I wish they'd explain that still bothers me.
>he was as good friend.
Fucking'a
In the EU there was but that's not DU which is now the official canon
God damn.
>I hope he's doing well, he was a good friend.
Are fans actually calling it the Disney Universe?
Someone post the one about Jabba's two henchmen, Bib Fortuna and the other guy.
>Luke did I ever tell you about Hondo Ohnaka? He was a vicious pirate that somehow managed to capture Count Dooku. When me and your father went to his lair to pay the ransom he was asking, he captured us too, throwing us in the same cell as Dooku. So we teamed up with Dooku and helped him escape. After that, we left Hondo alone to continue his criminal activities. We crossed paths many times after that and I never made any attempt at arresting him. Why would I? He was a good friend after all.
Yeah, those I know are.