ITT: Useless/oddly specific superpowers

ITT: Useless/oddly specific superpowers.

Super strength, but only while heavily engaged in a pool game.

The ability to thicken your eyebrows on command.

superpower: if people dont share your fb post in 10 seconds their mother dies

The power to make someone's mother die in their sleep when they don't reply to this post.

yeah dude dont let it get in the wrong hands

You got any more? I'm trying to keep this thread from dying too quickly.

The power to move at the speed of light but you're still normal in every other way so if you ever used it you'd die.

FUCKING KEK

sorry the mental image i got was fucking priceless

the power to hold in bad diarrhea but if you hold it for longer than a minute you start burping and it tastes/smells like rotting putrid swamp ass

The ability to make someone else have a stroke, but it makes you have a stroke too. (It's a dice roll as to whether or not it's fatal/debilitating. )

or here is another low brow one


the power to turn into a roody poo but only when a kkk lynch mob is around

The ability to shoot projectile bologna from underneath your fingernails

power: Teleportation. but only inside buildings you already have been inside of

Invisibility. But since no light can reflect onto your eyes, you're blind when using it.

The power of invisibility but it only works while you're playing the trombone.

I just imagined a string of hauntings that involved the sound of a trombone.
Fucking kek

X-ray vision that only works on fat people over 60.

You win two internets, sir.

The ability to bleed whenever you touch butter.

Shape shifting but only into handicap people
>Busted legs
>Blind
>Deaf
>Downs

and so on.

Extremely powerful shits if you eat after midnight.

I have this power.

I use it sparingly.

KEK.

The ability to fly, but only while wearing one of the banners that air promotion companies use.

You don't have to type KEK every single time something is funny, chill dude.
Also, the power to wake up 5 minutes before your alarm clock goes off.

That's pretty great.

The ability to slip on any puddle, no matter where it is.

Super awkward smile to get out of any acquaintance

Super uncomfortable truths nobody believes like knowledge of jewish plans to control physics and never reveal the secret to clean renewable energy

Super hat tipping that's too fast for human eyesight

the power to greatly influence minds, but only while masterbating

Nice trips.

The ability to know for absolute sure whether or not the Holocaust was a lie, but not have enough evidence to prove either side.

The power to be speak any language, but become super mega mentally retarded doing it

Checked. Personally I think it is proven, just generally grossly overrated over other atrocities committed by mankind. But let's not digress. From a nerf the superpower thread I give you

>Can swim through any atmosphere, but can't breathe while swimming in the air.

The power of immortality but everytime you suffer (normally) lethal damage to your body you loose a 3.33% of your current braincells

the ability to summon ants

Be cool if you could hold your breath for an extended amount of time.

The ability to fall from any height and live, but only if you sneeze mid-air.

How many ants, and can you control them?

The ability to launch bananas out of your ass at super sonic speeds, but only when being recorded live in front of a studio audience.

The ability to communicate with plants.

pretty fucken useless

As many as can get to you in the amount of time you spend summoning them, and no, they just crawl all over doing ant stuff.

Ability to turn into a toaster but you can't turn back

ability to lose you're wallet at will

your*

Every time you put a T-shirt on it's the right way forward, no matter what, first time, every time.

This happens to me all the time, it's really fucking irritating.

The ability to stick to and crawl on any surface, but you vomit uncontrollably while doing so

>Gravecat Neko

Ability to create food from nothing but it has no nutritional value and really doesn't taste that good.

The power to grow your cock to any length but only while you are alone.

Ability to teleport, but every time you do so you teleport to the Phoenix police department. Clothes/belongings are not brought with you, so you're naked with no ID in a PD.

And you are stuck in Arizona

My actual failed superpower.

Check'd. Also, I want this power very badly.

nudes of trump?

As a person who sleeps through EVERY FUCKING ALARM this would be nice to have

The ability to locate any object on Earth, but you can never look at it again or talk about it for the rest of your life

Is that an ordinary toaster or are you still made out of flesh and stuff? Like, do you have a spinal cord still and can feel pain and see? I'm just trying to get a mental image of what this is like.

The ability to predict dubs, but Everytime you post you post CP and get b&

Do what now?

Uh. Holy shit.

Hc assassin

So in essence you're not creating food, for food's definition in essence based on it's nutritional value.

Jesus, nice fucking quads user

able to turn invisible/intangible when no one is looking at me

You can turn invisible but only when you're alone

fuck beat me to it

The power to sense when another man has an erection. Power can only be activated while user is also erect.

this has some merit, do you get to know why they have an erection or just that they do?

asking for science...y;know?

the ability to always make the perfect dodge in videogames but you aim like you have cerebral palsy

The potato whisperer - can communicate with potatoes, but it turns out they're all arseholes.

Lord pyro shit - the ability to combust poop into a moderately sized fireball

The anchor man - can turn babies into anchors.

Umbrella clown - can summon a clown with an umbrella, only when its sunny though.

super speed but only when your tongue is touching your dick

holy shit i think i have this superpower

does it have to be all the way on there or just the tip?

doesn't matter

>cut small piece of dick off
>salt cure it for preservation
>keep on you at all times for usage
>???
>profit

small price to pay but it fixes your power

Only when they do.

CUM 5 TIMES IN TWO MINUTES

Go back in time
But only if I kill a men called Dave

what makes this power useless is that you are required to kill a singular plural, which doesnt exist.

Exactly

The ability to say KEK after every single post without being judged

You have the ability to close your eyes and think the word "start" and when you open them you are now in an alternate time line. You can take a test, rape a girl, get in a shootout, ask out a long time female friend, gta style fuckery, etc. You don't have any superpowers in the new time line but upon death or closing your eyes and thinking end (just wanted to see how a situation would play out, wanted the answers to a test, got arrested, etc.) You are return to the same spot you originally left from your old timeline, like reloading an old save in fallout or skyrim. You can only choose to return to the most recent timeline and every time you return to an old timeline, when you "awaken" your body has aged one month.

KEK

The power to change your skin colour but only when there is a kkk member around

The power to fly north.

The power to turn your hands into feet.

That reminds me of that old movie mystery men where the guy had the power to turn invisible but only if nobody was looking at him.

Don't you already do that?

The Clean Break : Any and every time you poop, you NEVER have to wipe.

see

And you can only change it to black

That is NOT a useless superpower. I want that

What are you talking about user...I don't see anything

Ability to cum buckets, but it begins as soon as you're erect.

you probably arent looking at the picture then

Super jump, but regular landing

>regular landing

what the fuck do you even mean by this? Your feet hit the ground, then you continue with your business, what other fucking kind of landing is there unless you pose (and it doesnt seem likely that the power doesnt let you pose)

You can leap tall buildings, but you land like everyone else does when they fall from hundreds of feet

oh so you mean you can leap....but you die when you hit the ground? damn be a little clearer next time (maybe you should have said fall rather than land)

You can make people do the nazi salute by yelling HEIL HITLER

I may have worded that a bit clumsily, true

.

You can fuck literally any woman in the world, but while you do she vomits, sprays diarrhea and pee.
(If you saw minority report, that sort of taser mace's effect)