Recently realized that I'm an alcoholic

Recently realized that I'm an alcoholic
And before I realized it I didn't want to stop but felt I could
Now that I know I want to stop but feel I can't.

Kill yourself? Kill yourself.

Seriously, if you are not in a phase where you don't feel like a runned down racoon after a couple hours without a drink then you can still quit.

Also, check them.

Alcoholics are the only sane people left

>Cynical assholes up this shit

Not far from the truth, but they are still pretty fucking stupid assholes.

I'm drinking right now. Sue me

I'm drinking and smoking. Commit suddoku.

I don't have a physical addiction yet and I'm only sipping sometimes at work
I'm still doing well at work, still holding down what I need to
I just find myself so drunk that I stumble into the street and flip off and yell at people driving by
I think I hate myself. But I love the bottle. But I hate the bottle. My mind is on full throttle and I can't get it to SHUT THE FUCK UP you know what I'm saying.

...

OP here. I'm drinking rn, bout to drive home. Weed in the car, thinking about eating all the shrooms I have left at home too. Feel like I need to trip through some thoughts and figure out why I hate myself so much.

Sit still for a couple minutes and contemplate. Since you seems to be completely stupid use a candle or fire of sorts, focus your sight into it and lay still or sit still.

Be comfortable while doing it, you are not intended to meditate just to shut your mind enough for things to fall into order.

I drink and smoke because I can't cope with mortality but I couldn't give two shits about anything else.

hey OP, as an alcoholic myself, I hear and feel you. It sucks. I'm drinking rn too.

>I think I hate myself. But I love the bottle. But I hate the bottle.

You're romanticising. I bet you think there's something cool, Kurt Cobainish about this.

When you're genuinely strung out, waking up in the middle of the night to drink, puking, drinking and falling asleep again, you'll wish you had stopped now.

Nigga you think I haven't tried meditating? You think I haven't tried your bullshit Descartes method of thinking? When I sit like that I get worse. If I'm not doing something, any damn think to keep me moving or drinking, the yelling in my head gets louder and fucking louder. I start hitting my chest to calm down and then other people start thinking I'm freaking out and they yell at me so I get fucking worse

ive been drunk every night for about 6 years straight now. i think its just starting to effect me badly tho, super tired all day and night

Yeah, I suppose you're right. My buddy is in AA because that's how he was
Heart pounding, shit was pitch black and he was getting shakes and shit

Idk maybe I'm just an asshole but it just not sure I have a lot of strength. I'm probably just an asshole. That's probably just it.

Knew it, you are a total idiot.

I never wrote you to meditate. If you are drunk and enter meditation you are likely to go crazy.

>Get sober
>Get the damn candle
>Get gasoline
>Die in a fire stupid motherfucker fuck die
>???
>Profit

Conversely, you can go full Columbine/Eliot.

lol you're just an asshole too.
Fuck you, I'll just get the big book I guess.

...

Black shit is death territory. It means your bleeding from the stomach - digested blood is black. At that stage you're very close to a perforated stomach ulcer (google it) which is just about the worst way to die.

Thanks for the information I'm already aware of jackass

Alcoholism is a bitch, I don't believe in AA really.

Not to rant but you hopefully realize its some deep seeded personal issues you're not addressing, and instead numbing with alcohol.

Thing is, that stuff doesn't go away, as well as your alcoholism.

Don't damage your body, and just smoke some weed. Get a script for a benzo to ease the emotional trauma

>TL DR: Grow a pair and deal with it

Got out of rehab in February. If you have a physical dependency on alcohol it's fucked. You can die from withdrawal. You can't die from heroin withdrawal. So it gets rough. But I had anti seizure pills. And I tried many times by meals to stop beforehand. To no avail. I am retarded and started drinking casually since about a month ago. I feel the pull. But now it's like a balancing act to not go over the edge again

the way i stopped was laying in bed and sweating it out. drinking a ton of fluids and eating light foods. i slept the better part of two or three months. i wasn't even that heavy of a drinker. a six pack daily or equiv. in hard liquor, more on days off. quit job and moved back in with parents to do it. that was this past winter. sucks but i think it will be worth it in the end

if you are a really heavy drinker you really need to go to rehab because if you're not careful you could die. they will give you benzos there to help with DTs.

be careful and good luck

Me too.
I drink about 2 liters of wine a day.
Getting numb feet because of it.
Didn't have a drink mon to Fri last week and numbness died down a bit.
Had more wine this weekend, but not as much.
Functioning, work in office, 8:30 to 5 mon to Fri.
50, 3 kids

>Got out of rehab in February. If you have a physical dependency on alcohol it's fucked. You can die from withdrawal. You can't die from heroin withdrawal. So it gets rough. But I had anti seizure pills. And I tried many times by meals to stop beforehand. To no avail. I am retarded and started drinking casually since about a month ago. I feel the pull. But now it's like a balancing act to not go over the edge again

sorry to tell you but you WILL relapse unless you get some support via aa meetings or therapy or something similar. typical alcohol rationalization: "i can control myself" -- the truth is you can't, you're gonna fall back into old patterns unless you go get help asap

i can't drink casually, i've accepted this fact. it took me a long fucking time to admit that to myself. it's a zero-sum game for me. it's hardwired in my brain, alcoholism runs in the family.

Op I've read through this thread. You seem like an angry person. While I'm not going to lecture you I will say this; if you can't or don't want to stop, you need to at least learn to control yourself. Getting so drunk you wander into the street and flip people off? It's only a matter of time before you really fuck up. Me personally, I got lucky. I crashed my car, was on the verge of catching a DUI and got the luckiest break of my life. Since then I don't even enjoy drinking, and all the joys I had behind the wheel is gone. Sad part is I'm actually drinking right now. If you're this angry, you have to address it before you do something so horrible you can't come back from it

it's not about control, it's about admitting that you LACK the ability to control / moderate... an alcoholic cannot moderate

Fully aware my friend. I kept thinks my it's a slip it's nothing. It's a slip not a relapse. And then a litre of wine a nights nothing compared to how I used to be. I'm fine. Now I think I might be fucked again

been there. you are pretty clearly an alcoholic. sipping at work? being a bad drunk?

Just a matter of time until your life starts imploding.

Feel bad for you.

yeah it really sucks. it took me so many times to get the message and i know if i went out and got a six pack right now i'd drink all six, if i had a bottle i'd drink the whole bottle, i can't control it. one sip and i'm back on the fucked up merry-go-round

this is the truth. i was always good at hiding it too. if people had a clue, i guess they didn't care because i was still functioning. wake up, drink. get to work, take a sip in the bathroom. drink at lunch. go home and drink self to sleep. drunk all day

Right?! I know. But the evil thinking says 'but what's the big deal having six beers in an hour. ' it's when that doesn't work anymore that you start thinking ten beers isn't all that bad. I hate this shit. I used to enjoy it now it's the bain of my existence

Well I can only speak from my own experience. OP sounds a lot like me before my accident. It's not just that he's drinking, it's the anger and despair in his posts that are concerning. For me, I still have the anger and frustration, but knowing what could've happened and how fucked up my life could be right now makes me feel far worse. I haven't had the slightest urge to drive when I drink after that, whereas before I couldn't control the urge to jump behind the wheel. All I'm saying is that it sounds like op is dangerously close to losing all control if he hasn't already