Any funny sex stories? I start

Any funny sex stories? I start.
>put dick in girls butt
>pull out
>shit on dick
>smells

how's year 8

how was it, all things considered? i wanna fuck my girl in the ass so bad but she wont let me because shes worried this will happen. i worry too but i feel like its worth the risk.

Fpbp

pretty tight. felt good at all.

It's only smellzz.
You taste?

>fucking girl on her period in the shower
>Not too much blood
>Say fuck it, let's just go to the bed
>Go to the bed and fuck
>Murder scene happened on my dick
>"Let's get back to the shower"

And that's why you gotta do it in the shower if she's on her period

No.

I guess you havn't seen the clip. Go to efukt, and look up it only smells. You'll get it then.

I think I have seen it already. The one with a negroe crackhead?

not that one. This one is with Rocco Siffredi

Nah if I remember right its a redhead, getting it in the ass, then sucking off the shit afterwards.

enemas exist

>Any funny sex stories? I start.
>>put dick in girls butt
>>pull out
>>shit on dick
>>smells
I think you need to expand this into a full-length novel.

Really? What else do you need to know?

Another one:
>girlfriend blows me
>come into her mouth
>she tries to swallow
>vomits on my stomach instead

Last one:
>creampie girl on a toilet at a club
>do you want to swallow?
>nope
>later see her again
>giant cum spot on her jeans

>put dick in girls mouth
>pull out
>shit on dick
>smells

now that's funny!

>Titanic: Boat sinks, everyone dies. What else do you really need to know?
biggest blockbuster of all time

>>put shit in girls smells
>>pull out
>>dick on shit
>>butt

Vomit pizza onto dick

that is like your signature on a cast

>fucking ex gf In the shower
>decide to switch to anal
>start really pounding that ass
>feels good man.jpg
>pull my dick out for some reason
>her asshole fires a single tiny poop pellet that hits my balls
>pellet is so small it actually goes down the drain
>ex gf and I can't even finish the sex because we are both laughing too hard

Now that was really funny. Laughed very hard. Or kekd, like you kids call it these days.

>fucking gf from behind at a weird angle
>bottom of dick hurts a bit but feels great otherwise
>cum
>pull out and blood EVERYWHERE
>"Sweetie, are you near your period?"
>"No, I finished a week ago."
>...
>"Uh, oh."

I must have burst a vein or something, because I had managed to ejaculate about a quart-cup of blood along with the semen.

That's awesome.

>fucking chubby 3/10 from gift shop at work on my bed
>shes riding my dick and im smacking her titties around coz they were sensitive
>both about to climax, shes screaming
>hear door creak open
>roommates puppy sits in the doorway with the most horrified look in her face
>jumps up onto the bed, stands against her back and tries to join in
>i kek as i blow my load

I like to think her asshole made a little "ThFOO" sound as when launching a spitball.

Reminds me of one:

>gf riding me cowgirl style
>gf's dog enters room, starts licking her juices off my balls
>feelsgoodman.jpg

And that's my threesome with my girlfriend and her dog.

>Be me 14 years old
>Getting first handjob from a friendly slut
>She doesn't want to suck it wtf.jpg
>Keeps going with hand, rubbing my balls with the other
>She keeps looking at me as if to say her hand hurts
>Tell her to swap hands, the new hand has better technique
>Start getting real close
>She notices and starts going all out full power glove shit
>"I'm gonna cum" I whimper out
>"Go user, go for me"
>First spurt of cum hits me straight in my left eye
>she bursts out in laughter and stops rubbing while I'm still cumming
>My whole belly/chest is covered never mind half my face
>In lots of shame and euphoria
>Never speak to her or see her again
>FeelsBad.png

E N E M A
N
E
M
A

Fucking beta. Should have laughed with her. Insecure cuck

>doing a bored single mom after work one night
>she manages a tanning salon so has no tan lines anywhere
>also friends with wax place next door so no body hair anywhere
>also she has 15-25 extra lbs on her so no sharp corners anywhere
>90% there when I realize I'm basically doing a giant mexican baby

> be me at age of 7
> got molested by the 4 years older boy from the neighborhood
> jump cut
> be me at the age of 9
> putting my weiner in a 8 y o puss I talked into playing seek and hide and showing the parts
> parents get aware of this
> we both got shit
> story came to light about the older boy
> he got shit
> story came to light about how his parents molested him
> end

>having sex with gf
>Haven't done anal yet
>tell her I want to cum in her ass
>she's down, but it's gotta be at the last second
>pull out of the v and empty a huge load in her butt
>nice.jpg
>later on we're cooking inbthe kitchen
>suddenly I hear a brap over my shoulder
>gf staring at me in horror as she's brapping sloppily
>sounding like she shit herself all kinds of bad
>goes to bathroom
>a few seconds later
>"it's your fucking cum user!!!"

Fucking gf $0
Nice dinner $30
Making your gf fart out your cum...

priceless.

Happened a few times to my gf. Always funny.

>Get wamen over ive been working on for months
>I finger her vageen
>realize I can feel poop clogging her angus through the vaginal wall
>its like hard dumps in there, real mastic
>try to fuck anyways
>cant focus
>cock is parallel to enormous poo log
>i feel it
>wang goes into nah mode
>she wants to know what was wrong the next day via text
>tell her she needed to take a crap and I could feel the poo more than her vageen
>never spoken to again

Fuck it, I could have said it was me but it wasnt. she had a crap filled vagina

You fucked up man. Chicks that are down to bone when they gotta poo are keepers

>decide to fuck gf while she's on her period
>figure it won't be too bad, just have her on top
>actually feels pretty good and I don't mind the blood too much
>doesn't smell or anything
>get ready to pull out
>flip her over
>pull out cock
>sweetbabyjesus.jpg
>there is blood everywhere
>it's all over me, up to my navel
>thighs, dick, and abdomen absolutely covered in blood
>she has blood wedged in her asscrack that dried in the open air and she didn't realize it until I flipped her over
>it's incredibly thick
>don't dare to touch the aborted fetus that my cock has become
>we both go to the shower

Still worth. Would do it again if she wanted it.

Fucking this.

My gf said she was down to fuck so we did. She was riding me reverse cowgirl and I could feel a massive shit through her vaginal wall and it was fucking my shit up.

Worst part was I was ignoring it for the most part, up until I saw her asshole start to wink and open up because the shit was so close to exiting.

Why didn't you shove your dick in her arse to push the shit back? Asking for a friend.

this so much

had a gf just like that. No fucks given as long as we could fuck. Everey fucking day.

god I miss her
theonethatgotaway.webm

Is there anyone whoe doesn't fuck his girlfriend when she's on her period? That's disgusting! In Europe that's not very common.

wang goes into nah mode
Ha ha haaaaaaa live it

>In Europe that's not very common.
and you know this beacuse you asked them all?
I bet you don't even have any friends you could ask. Just because you are a scared little douche who can't handle some vagoon blood doesn't mean that the rest of us are the same

Fuck you you little bitch

t. European all fucker

>kekd
>like you kids call it these days
>keks as old as Sup Forums
kill yourself newfag

I meant *love it

only newfags call other newfags
>your a newfag

kek is from 207
>Sup Forums was founded in 19986
>newfag detected

What else do you do? Eat her out while she is on her period? Who are you? King of the cucks? Topcuck? You are pathetic, americuck. Keep cucking.

Back when efukt was funny

Similar story

>fuck girl in car
>make her put in buttplug
>6'3 so i make her ride me
>cum
>afterwards smell shit
>assume i stepped in dogshit as we were in a field
>shit on my hands and shirt
>realize her ass leaked while i fucked her
>never mention it until now
>still fuck same girl

> Wife is 6 months pregnant
> haven't had sex in a while due to her feeling uncomfortable about it at first
> Finally feels sexy enough to go at it one night out of the blue
> Finally.jpg
> Decide to get things going by eating her out, it always gets her soaking wet and horny asf
> Going to town when she accidentally lets out an involuntary fart right in my face
> try not to gag and keep calm about it as to not hurt her feelings
> go to bathroom to "wash up"
> throw up
> I'm mortified but we end up laughing our asses off about it later

> be me age of 22
> only had older women so far
> they showed me
> thought, I wanted to make a virgin a woman
> got laid with this sweet 17 girl
> gf for 3 month
> after we split, she became lesbian
> I thought, I should give it second try
> got laid with a very nice, little chubby 19 yo virgine
> my gf for 6 month
> again it's her who dropped me
> year later I hear she is lesbian now
> WTF
> Im am 25 and by now, I had sex with three virgins and two of them became lesbians.
> me sad

sounds ca$h

you broke up with this chick?

because soobermoon

I dont get the negative stigma of periods. I honestly have been fucking girls on periods since i was in school. My first girlfriend who was tiny had really bad periods and it still never put me off.

>cuck
did you learn a new word this weak?

No, but you are just a nasty bitch.

This is the funniest thing I've read on Sup Forums. So funny because it's sooooo relatable