Holy fucking shit, /b, have I got the story of a lifetime. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.
>4th of July
>literally today this shit just happened
>hanging out at the family barbecue/firework show
>my family hosting it this year
>stepdad proudly emblazoning his "Hillary for Prison 2016" shirt while blaring such hits as "Born in the USA" "Courtesy of the Red, White, and the Blue" and "America:Fuck Yeah" when the kids weren't around
>Mexican neighbors two houses down turn up their taco music in retaliation
>they've hated us ever since our Trump/Pence sign was posted in our yard close to a year ago
>always suspected them of massive drug trafficking and/or border hopping
>fuckers have literally 7 cars parked in their garage, drive way, and up and down the street.
>never said anything, just always made passing glares and shrugged it off
>in retaliation to disrespectfully blaring fiesta music on America day, we pump up the jams with some more red, white and blue balled tunes
>dinner is done, the sun sets, and the main event has approached: the firework show
>apparently all that drug running never really paid off, because they couldn't afford halfway decent fireworks
>all my little cousins and little sisters were lighting off giant artillery shells, roman candles, smoke bombs
>los mexicanos only had satturn missles and two packs of artillery shells
>basically America's nuclear stockade vs North Koreas
>watched the dozens of ninos look jealously over at our massive flex of true American might
>girlfriend and I head to basement room after the party's all over
>making love while parents are out of the house running everyone else home
>hear children outside of the yard
>screaming, laughing, chanting in Mexican
>shrug it off because pussy was too good
>walk gf to car after sex, say goodbye and head inside
>an hour later, moms friends come to pick her up for 4th of july bar hopping event
>stepdad doesn't drink
>mom mentions her friends are all dudes
Holy fucking shit, /b, have I got the story of a lifetime. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried
Cont?
Don't ask, just continue. You don't need our consent.
Regardless, I am intruige.
twist
>gf = his sister
Cont.
>stepdad and I immediately oppose, no way are you getting drunk with a bunch of fucking dudes
>grab bat and wait by door, not taking shit from any fucker trying to hit on my mom
>dude calls my mom, can hear his voice, clearly high as fuck
>"Bro, your house, is like on fire"
>what
>"the side of your house, its, like, burning"
>sprint out to trashcans parked on side of house, stepdad in tow
>giant blaze as tall as me, I'm 5'10"
>dart inside, cant find fucking fire extinguisher
>fuckfuckfuck
>fuck it, filling up water buckets
>stepdad runs to garage and pulls out giant hose, runs it to backyard
>meanwhile the pans of water only make the fire burn hotter
>what the everliving fuck
>stepdad bursts down backyard gate, douses the fire in water
>burns even fucking hotter
>eventually, enough water to keep a village in Africa hydrated for two months manages to put out the flames
>faggot that came to pick up my mom is sitting there mumbling "fuck bro" "shit dude" and coughing his lungs out
>stepdad and I say fuck it, if it weren't for bumbling retard we'd be dead by now
>let mom go out and bar hop
>inspect fire remains, stepdad insists that it must've been the fireworks
>my taco hunting skills, pic related, insists this is no mere work of mother nature
tl;dr, Mexicans are jealous of my beautiful country and set my trashcans on fucking fire
>and all the evidence burnt up proving it was them
How to detective my way through this shit to determine what caused the fire? I need some CSI level shit to get back at those sombrero wearing cunts.
you could sue if they were the only ones on your street w/ fireworks
That's a lot of hype over a pretty average beef with naibors
he literally said he and his dumbass redneck family were letting off a massive amount of fireworks
obviously one of the little bastard kids his dumbass family invited over is a pyromaniac.
but where is your mom right now?
Why don't Trump's Just build an wall around they're house and make them Mexicans pay for it
>>average beef
>"oh hey Joe, didn't really like the way your lawn was cut. and that picket fence is so last decade"
>lights fucking garbage can on fire
mexicans spend all their money on the 7 cars in driveway and on the street
you spend all your money on fireworks you shoot off
Mexicans 1 - Redneck 0
what the fuck did i just read?
fuck you pendejo
>I'm 5'10"
Fucking manlet
I'm more educated than you, in every way shape and form. Also more intelligent than you (exponentially so). I am better than you, in every facet of life, and I don't even know you, however, I just know, that I am. Also, we aren't bro's. If anything, you are someone I assign less value and worth than my own feces. Your life has no value, and you will make no contribution to this world, in your entire life, because of your low intelligence, and lack of skills. How does that feel, you fucking bottom denominator. go back to you vegan subreddit to fill your useless void of a life, pretending it means anything. Am I a narcissist? I don't know, I am a fucking God. I will, do, and have succeeded in every facet of life. I have done more, in this year alone, than you will have achieved before you leave this world... let that sink in. You have no fucking clue who you are talking to. I am so vastly superior, and intelligent, that I can infer all of this, with 100% accuracy. You are like a fucking ant, and I am a GOD. You do not even fly on my radar, let alone get acknowledgement, from the likes of me. I know you can sense my superiority, my power, my intelligence,and you are trying to pretend you don't feel it, its real. To conclude, go back to fucking yourself, you meaningless water-trash bottom feeding peasant.
You know you should discard fireworks in a bucket of water, not the trash dumbass. Shitty greentext anyway.
are you gay or something?
FAKE AND GAY
Is this pasta?
Waste of greentext, faggot
>Mexicans are jealous of my beautiful country and set my trashcans on fucking fire
>How to detective my way through this shit to determine what caused the fire?
Wait what!?
>5'10
remove your inferior genes from the gene pool.
explain to me why the fuck you're in my country if you're gona act like a Mexican?
You fucking smelly rat bastard?
this thread is shit ABANDON THREAD HUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
>bitting the line this hard
i expect nothing less from 'gringos'
AT LEAST I DON'T SPEND MY TIME SUCKING DICKS IN THE BATHROOM AT OLIVE GARDEN. YOU DIRTY LOWDOWN SLIMY FILTHY DISGUSTING GLUTTONOUS HOGLIKE MOTHER FUCKING COCK SUCKING SON OF AN INCESTUOUS PEDOPHILE SHEMALE RAPIST PROSTITUTE. GET YOUR MOM'S DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO? I'M GONNA SHIT SO FAR UP YOUR ASS. STOP FOR A MOMENT AND REALLY GRASP THAT STATEMENT. I AM LITERALLY GOING TO SHIT UP YOUR ASS. I WILL TAKE MY PANTS OFF, RIP YOUR PANTS OFF, OUR SPHINCTERS WILL TOUCH, AND I WILL SHIT. YOU WILL TRY TO COUNTERSHIT. BUT MY SPHINCTER WILL OVERCOME. AND I WILL PUSH A LOG OF SHIT FROM MY ASS UP INTO YOUR BODY. THIS IS WHAT SHALL OCCUR WHEN I FIND YOUR KEYBOARD FUCKING FACE. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? I WILL PISS INTO A POT. I WILL ADD CORNSTARCH TO THE PISS AND BOIL IT UNTIL IT GETS REALLY THICK, LIKE SAUCE. I WILL POUR THE THICKENED PISS INTO A PLASTIC CONTAINER AND PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE UNTIL IT HARDENS INTO A FIRM JELLO. THEN I WILL THEN CUT IT INTO RECTANGLES. BATTER IT IN A MIX OF MILK, FLOUR, AND EGGS. AND DEEP FRY IT AT 375 UNTIL GOLDEN BROWN, FLIPPING ONCE SINCE THEY FLOAT. AND I WILL SERVE YOU MY DEEP FRIED PISS. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING SUCH A FAGGOT. COCKMUFFIN
lol! redneck family hilarious
itt OP gets btfo'd.
What gets me is these two geniuses saw water was making it worse (ie a grease was used as accelerators HINT HINT) and they decide to keep using water as opposed to.....dirt. or sand. Or anything like that
He "knows" the cholos did it but he cant take it to court or anything without proof and he wants to find some