New Steven Seagal kino

New Steven Seagal kino
youtube.com/watch?v=MiajBF0Mygw

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=BAG_EkEcofI
reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/4i0jso/i_am_actor_steven_seagal_live_from_thailand_ama/
cbsnews.com/news/steven-seagal-muscled-by-the-mob/
imdb.com/name/nm0000219/
twitter.com/NSFWRedditImage

So, where dios he get the money to keep making these?

>that WMM transition at 1:43
what

His funded by the WMBBF (Wal Mart Bargain Bin Foundation)

You snatched my motherfucker attention

Literally pushing the boundries of cinema

>French punch lines
Is there anything this man can't do?

Make a bad film

Its does it twice

I thought it was the youtube guy who did it

I feel kind of bad for him, such a well known actor, yet all he stars in is direct to video turds. What a shitty life

he's alsa always the worst actor in them

Oh god, just the trailer is horrible

0:24
>guy peeks out twice, walks out of cover and then walks back to get out a grenade

Wait are you serious? I'm French and I was wondering what the hell he was saying.

Is that GSP and fucking Prince Nuada?!

They're literally a money laundering scheme.

That's why they shell out for sets and stunts but then clearly do absolutely everything in one take.

The Fat man. Why does he walka like a toddler?

>implying segal needs to do more than one take

Get a load of this birthday boy.

lmao yes

yes its motherfucking GSP

So how does this scam works? can you get more specific? i can't into jewry

il dit : "c'est bon, vient." je crois. quel gros sac à merde issou

>Seagal breaking a sweat from climbing a few steps
>them handwavy motions
>that ugly plastically "enhanced beauty"
>seagal & the bad guy's apprehensive looks
>seagal's body armor to hide huge gut

KI
NO

Jesus..Seagal barely deliver his lines.. nigga is gassed as fuck

Posting Seagal kino

youtube.com/watch?v=BAG_EkEcofI

Eastern Europeans apparently love his films
Combined with money-laundering and you've got an artificial action-movie star

Is it just me or is Seagull a really big guy

Light, camera, pannini

t.Poor offended French nu-male cuck

>"I will snatch every mother fucker's birthday cake"
What did he mean by this?

Wow, that looks like absolute ass. Straight to DVD, then?

Let me guess, there's gonna be some "Americans and Russians must work together to defeat ISIS!" propaganda message.

>You will join your friend in a bodybag.
>C'est bon. Viens.
Wut?

Threadly reminder: reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/4i0jso/i_am_actor_steven_seagal_live_from_thailand_ama/

>haharg
Really makes you think.

>segal's body armor

there are no plates. the body plate carrier is empty, filled only with his fat.

>Straight to DVD, then
Of course..it's steven fucking seagal

>So how does this scam works? can you get more specific? i can't into jewry

they just lie about how much profit the film makes and buy enough props and so on to make it look semi-legitimate, but not so much that it costs them a lot.

then they can claim to the government of whatever third world shithole they're from "No, this million dollars in cash here didn't come from selling krokodil and underaged prostitutes, it's profits from that Steven Seagal movie. Honest m8"

I kinda liked it. Fight scene at the end was too long bad sound effects.

>Studio sets inflated but believable budget for film
>Transfer clean money to production account
>Spend almost none of it
>Churn out shitty movie with dirty money instead
>Transfer clean money back to main account
>You are now making 100% happy-tax-man approved profits from 99% audit-waiting-to-happen illegal funding

>costs $10m on paper
>funded by anonymous donors (read the mob and cartels or illegal government grants - see: Wolf of Wall Street)
>get tax-rebates from whichever shit-tier country he's filming in
>the rest doesn't get taxed as its 'spent' on business costs
>only spend $1m of the money
>pocket the other $9m which is now 'clean' - it's what you were paid for consulting costs

Straight to dvd is the new exploration grounds for true auteurs e.g. Seagal

It's so sad watching a trailer/sequence for one of his films cause all you can think is that a decent director and writer, and no Seagal, could've turned it into an awesome low-budget action film without spending anymore money than it already cost

have you figured out what the rg stands for yet genius?

jesus christ he can barely move

it's bad enough when he's waddling around with the gun but the martial arts scene at the end is absurd

No. What?

KikeKino

>fat
I think you mean chi-made-flesh

How the fuck did he ever even get rich and famous? He's such a bumbling fucking retard, a literal manchild living out his fanfics on low-budget movies.

His ego's so great that he wouldn't realise he was funding the sex-trade and drugs under the guise of being a film star

>Literally the same outfit for the last 8 flicks
One of us

How did Uwe Boll get money for his terrible films?

Ego, overconfidence and boasting helps. Possibly mafia connections.

cbsnews.com/news/steven-seagal-muscled-by-the-mob/

his earlier action movies (from when he wasn't a literal human blob) are dumb as shit but fun, and he was at one point a competent martial artist if nothing else

from the libtard german gubment

...

HEY BEACH, IS THIS OPERATORKINO OR WHAT?

LMAO
Literally irl croocked cop

>hand switch

every time

>On Tuesday, Santangelo asked Seagal if he once tried to hire a former CIA operative to kill someone.

>"This is insane," Seagal shot back before the judge struck the question. "I'm not on trial here."

...

I think I have figured it out. He's so fat he can't properly switch directions with his guns, so he has to switch hands.

looks like the stairs will be the main villain

hahahahaha

Someone make a compilation of these

imdb.com/name/nm0000219/

>2012-2015
5 movies
>2016
7 movies

Did he ran out of money or why is he suddenly churning out so many movies?

the Russian economy needs a stimulus

Drug money doesn't launder itself.

I liked when his body double was clearly 15kg lighter than him.

No way he isn't on a hoverboard

HE CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS

...

Seagall posting died because it was the same 10 webms over and over again.

This is why we need ot actually watch his films and compile the silliest scenes. New material.

>This is why we need ot actually watch his films
Nice try, Vlad.

...

why though

DELET THIS

Damn, another one snatched

he's lazy, and can't move that fast

If you want to expose as little of yourself as possible while peeking over a corner then you should switch hands, but seagal doesn't really peek

It looks more like he was edited in

...

>reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/4i0jso/i_am_actor_steven_seagal_live_from_thailand_ama/
brutal

for you and only you

Someone needs to get on this. Seagall posting needs to live on.

how does he keep reaching these new lows

Holy fuck

Dude that's Batroc on the right

it's just lag

>STRIKE FACE
>handle with care
Wow that's really mixing up messages

K I N O
I
N
O

>be struggling indie director
>write pure genius features which fail to get funding again and again
>finally you get the call
>a production company wants to fund your thriller
>and they're in talks with a big actor to star in it, but they can't say anything yet
>go over there, sign a contract
>it's even better than you expected, a $15m budget on your first film
>finallymadeit.gif
>as pre-production commences and you're having a great time casting the smaller parts and working with your DP and storyboard artist, you get a call to the producer's office
>'great news' he says, they've signed that big actor who will be a real box-office draw
>and further, the actor wants to meet immediately and get involved in the creative process
>you're cautious about some bigshot trying to distort your vision, but this is how the big leagues work
>so who is it?
>'Steven Seagal'
>colour drains from your face
>knees weak
>studio will only fund your film if you keep him on
>he keeps removing scenes and ad-libbing shit dialogue that makes no sense and requires constant script-editing to keep the story coherent
>he refuses to do reshoots
>and he's overweight and slow as hell yet the main character is supposed to be some rugged mid-30s assassin
>halfway through filming, he decides that killing is at odds with his Buddhism and refuses to shoot any more scenes where he kills people
>2 days are wasted convincing him to do his fucking job
>after 2 weeks you're told you're out of money
>entire scenes haven't been filmed and some scenes need obvious reshoots
>have no clue how this happened since you made a point to try and stay underbudget
>shrugs from the producers
>crew laughs at you but won't tell you why
>editor craps something out in 2 days
>it has your name at the end as director
>well done, you're a hollywood director now

PUNANI'S GONNA FREAK

>keep the story coherent
You clearly have no understanding of Seagalkino

Don't worry, at least the editor is on your side!

Did someone edit that to show him flying out the window more or is that how it originally is?

What was that zombie one?

Official American diplomat to Belarussian melon farmers

>new heights
ftfy

>be dictator of small eastern european shithole
>spend your days feeding steven seagal huge carrots

living the life

all jokes aside that does sound awesome tbqh

HOLY SHIT MY SIDES

> you will never make Segall smile with an offering of huge melons

i rewatched under seige recently and other than being his best movie by far, i also figured out why: the editors did wonders for the film by clearly cutting around him except for footage and dialogue that was absolutely needed

actually his movie are highly rated on netflix