Greentext thread
I'll start
>Be me
>Be 17
>Brother comes back from Iraq
>Brings home a bunch of pork rib MRE's(Basically military rations)
>Tells me to try some
>Looks disgusting
>Try it
>notbad.png
>eat 3 bags
>Worst mistake of my life
>Next day
>My stomach makes the loudest whale call I've ever heard
>somethingsnotright.jpg
>Book it to bathroom
>A tactical shitstrike was eminent
>Pull down pants an slap my ass down on the toilet
>Let out a huge fart that sounded like a 30mm Gatling gun
PPPFPPFPFFRRRRRRRRTTRTRTT.mp3
>Attempt to force out the massive log that took refuge in my rectum
>nothing
>Push with the force of 2 US army Sherman tanks
>Nada
>Utter a legit battlecry to get my diaphragm to push with enough force
>Brother sitting in the other room
>Audible keks
>Turd starts to budge
>The agony
>Asshole expanding to sizes beyond human understanding
>Tears in my eyes
>Feel the sharpest pain ever experienced by man
>Hear massive "KER-PLUNK" in the toilet followed by a loose, wet fart
>itsdone.exe
>Scared to look into toilet
>For when you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back
>It had the length and width of a can of Monster energy drink
>Can hardly stand up
>Walk out of the bathroom after experiencing the most violent rape
>Tears in my eyes, and visibly exhausted
>My brother's sides are in orbit
How do people eat that shit
Greentext thread
you ate 3 bags of industrial butthole-clogger, that normal people eat one bag of and you're wondering why people do that to themselves ?
Maybe stop being such a fat fuck
OP was not a fag today.
So you ate a MCrib?
For those who are wondering, this is what the contents of the MRE look like.
You didn't snap a pic of that impressive ass shit?
meh. i feel like you really just wanted to flex your summerfaggotry on a post
.mp3.....jpg....orbit?
come on dude you're probably watching grimmmz play pubg as we speak. can you just stop trying too hard to be cool here.
How many courics?
Seriously though you should have ate the chocolate, well at least our army rations chocolate are supposed to be like a laxative probably same for US.
I actually did
Necessity and the UCMJ basically.
That's a public toilet faggot
>massive log
this guy knows
Get that gay shit out of here
You're more of a faggot than OP
Your green text reeks of newfag
>le jpg le mp3 le exe xDDDD
Also
>Be 17
Fucking massive. Why does your bathroom look like a public one
That was 4 fucking years ago
Because my family is poor and thats what the apartment bathrooms were like.
>butthurt baby response
>no defense for the newfaggotry
kek
>b-but that was X years ago!
Nice try newfag
lmao op came here trying to look cool for the 'chon and failed miserably. gg faggot
I will admit I only started coming to this shit hole last summer, but the events that took place in this greentext happened 4 years ago
BAIT DO NOT REPLY THIS POSTER IS A TROLL
Oh please, you don't even know what a big shit is. Probably weren't even gushing blood after.
Dude just stop you look like more of a retard with every post and you're clearly 17. No one posts a story 4 years after it happens with photos
...
dfh
it's true ?
Watches at $0 ?
hes not a troll, hes literally just a 17 year old newfag who thinks if hes edgy enough Sup Forums will accept him anyway
Pretty funny op, but damn how do you eat 3 meet parties straight?
Did you add any fixins?
LOG
Thsts twice you replied to a post of mine for your spam. Stop it before I impersonate LE, subpoena providers, and spam your doc.
Do you, actually admit to anyone in real life you do these stupid fucking posts daily? DAILY? I mean, would you ever admit to a girl you do this every day? That you post pictures of Andy Sixx specifically and ask people if they would eat his shit? Do you think any woman would find this OK? Normal? If you would admit it, how do you think she would react? If not, why would you not admit it? Because, deep down, you know it is fucked up to be doing that? Fucking explain yourself
You realize it takes half a second to search google for an image right? You lying sack of garbage
im watching grimmz play KEK
but im not op and im not a faggot
(also grimmz fucking hacks somehow)
First greentext, be gentle
>Be me
>Be 17
>kissless beta virgin
>Work at Papa John's Pizza
>BetterIngredients.jpeg
>Have qt3.14 redhead for manager
>About a year older than me
>Always having casual chat with her on the job
>Slowly come to realize she's perfect for me
>Start crushing on her hard
Yeah like that'll ever happen
>I tell myself I'm being delusional
>Shes 7/10 on a bad day without makeup
>No way will I ever have a relationship with her
>ff 1 year
>qt3.14 manager starts talking about getting a new job
>Realize I won't get to talk to her anymore
feelsbadman.wmv
>She asks me if I'll ever come visit her
>She starts acting all sad as the last hour of the final shift we will work together comes to pass
>Tells me to go clock out then come to the dish station in the back of the store
Niggawut.bmp
>Go to the back of the store
>She asks for a hug
PANIC.JPG
>Awkwardly offer my arms outward and shuffle forward
>She wraps her arms around me and squeezes me really fucking hard considering her slender frame
"Will I ever see you again user?"
>DOESNOTCOMPUTE.EXE
"Uh... heh heh... maybe... I don't know..."
>She looks really sad all of a sudden, almost hurt
Oh... okay...
>She turns around and starts doing dishes
>I quickly walk out the back door and try to process what the fuck just happened
cont?
I've read this story before. Is this copy?
What makes you think this person cares what a girl thinks? Maybe the poster is a girl who likes guys. Maybe the poster is a guy who likes guys. Maybe the poster is a girl who likes girls. Maybe they legitimately enjoy poop and just because you don't like poop doesn't mean everyone with a poop fetish is a fucked up human being. Not defending the Sixxpost, just letting you know your argument is stupid and obviously closeminded. There are plenty of women who enjoy poop in a sexual manner.
...
>its just a prank bro
why you lie though?
Yeah, looks kind of like a cross between a McRib and an unagi fillet. Probably tastes less like either of those and more like familial disappointment.
keep going
>just because you don't like poop doesn't mean everyone with a poop fetish is a fucked up human being
Yeah, if you want anything to do with shit, you ARE A FUCKED UP HUMAN BEING. That stuff is vile and nature intended it to be for a reason.
>plenty of women are into it
Who? Crack whores?
Fuck you with your sermon. There's open minded, and then there's fucked in the head.
Go on..
Well that "vile" stuff is part of nature, and I seriously hope you are excreting it every day, because otherwise you should see a doctor. Just because you think it smells bad doesn't mean someone doesn't like it because it has passed all the way through another human's body. Take your boring, "missionary is the only position I can think of oh except doggy style because I heard that in a rap song" ass and go find something nice to jack off to. Meanwhile, plenty of us other folk will go off and enjoy some things that really turn us on and get some real pleasure out of finding someone else who is either into whatever we are, or willing to indulge us because they're not a judgmental asshole like you who seems to have "right" and "wrong" sex figured out like some sort of grand designer of human pleasure. Go stick a dildo up yourself and realize it feels good because it does. The prostate is a pleasure center that exists in all males, not just gay ones.
Just because you aren't into something doesn't mean other people aren't. My ex girlfriend like doing butt stuff, both being done to her and her doing stuff to me. We are no longer together but she's finishing a PhD right now and we still chat. Pretty sure she's never done crack, or been a whore.
>Decide to go visit her after one of my shifts
>Drive 5 minutes down the street to the Panda
>Sit in my car for 10 minutes just trying to hype myself up to go inside
>Finally get out
>Walk up to the store
>Open the door
>Walk up to the counter
>She turns around and her face brightens up with the biggest smile I have ever seen
>She is genuinely happy to see me
>She tells me to go sit at one of the corner tables while she clocks out for a break
>Go sit down and wait for her
>She walks over with a big plate of vegetables and sits opposite of me
>We chitchat for about 10 minutes
>Racking my brain the whole time trying to come up with a subtle way to let her know I like her
"My break ends in 5 minutes user"
>Shit
>Plan B: Operation Sperg Out
>Decide its better to be straightforward and be shut down rather than just never tell her and risk what could have been
"Are you attracted to me?"
>She stops eating and looks at me
"...Um....yeah...."
>W H A T.jpg
"Oh....well I like you too..."
>She stands up with her empty plate
"I need to get back to work, maybe you should text me and we could talk more about this"
>Stand up and hug her
>Wave goodbye and head back to my car
>Drive home still dumbfounded that this is happening
cont.
Butt stuff? Like involving shit?
Grow up.
Lol you are a fucking walking joke. I'm all for "whatever turns your crank", but scat is a red flag alert for fucked up head. Just because I find shit repulsive I only do missionary and am uptight? Fuck you, you fucking stain. Don't you even think you know me. I can't believe the logic of some fucktard thinking I AM the one with the problem because I don't want anything to do with feces. Fuck you, degenerate.
Nope. No shit. Mostly just rubbing. She didn't want any finger or anything else put in her, but she did want to put her own fingers inside of me. Hadn't ever done it before but it was pretty good while we were together.
Come on man, i need to go to work, hurry this shit up
Why have you not killed yourself yet?
...
Thats my normal shit size...I only take a shit about once a week.
Well, you can be into something. Have whatever kink you want, I'm not going to judge it. You could be into diapers and I can still say "huh. whatever turns your crank" but not be bothered by the fact that I am not into shit or covering myself in my own waste or reverting to a infantile human. And I would not question your ability to be a fully functional human being with a job and healthy relationships
I'm talking about playing with actual shit, you retard, not assplay. Fucking read before you post.
>"all for 'whatever turns your crank' "
>proceeds to hate on people who are getting their crank turned
inb4 dinosaur
...
>ff about a week and its our first date
>Never had physical contact with grill before let alone a date
>We're both poorfags so we decide just to walk around a hobby store for about an hour
>Nervous as fuck the whole time
"user are you okay?"
"Yeah I'm alright, just a little nervous"
>About 20 minutes of silence after the question
>As we're looking at some overpriced decorative wreathes she tries to hold my hand
>Yank it away like I had touched a hot stove
"user whats wrong?"
>Still intimidated by this amazing woman
"I'm just nervous, I like you a lot and I'm afraid I'm gonna fuck this up somehow"
>She tilts her head slightly and smiles at me
"Don't be silly, Its okay if you're nervous"
"Oh...okay"
>We leave the hobby store then drive to the mall
>Pull into the mall parking lot
>Still nervous as fuck
>She asks why I'm so nervous
>I start breaking down
>Start rambling about self doubt and other bullshit
>As I'm starting to tear up she leans over and kisses me
>On the lips
>My brain shuts down I sit there dumbfounded
"user, I'm sorry I'm making you so nervous"
>She starts going off on a tangent on why she was afraid I wouldn't like her
>Turns out she had a crush on me too
>Papa John's has a rule about manager dating employees
>She left because she wanted to date me
>wat.gif
>We have a deep heart to heart for 2 hours in the car
>Drive her to her apartment
>She has roommates so I can't come up
"Thanks user, I'm glad this happened"
>Good night kiss
cont.
No I'm reading. You're just still being a judgmental asshole who can't seem to exist knowing that some couple out there is happy rolling in each other's feces even though you don't have to be any part of it, and I'm sure that couple wants nothing to do with you either. So what the fuck difference does it have on your life?
And then...?
Cmon i gotta go to sleep fag, type faster
I would. Smearing shit on yourself? This is something people locked in rubber rooms do. No joke. You think that's ok? I don't give a fuck if that person can carry on a normal relationship, or job, or whatever. It's what you do behind closed doors that reveals who you are. And if that includes finger painting with shades of brown only, you're getting filed under "never again".
You can call me judgemental all you want. I'm judging you right now, Fuckstick. You go on ahead and eat your bowl of shit, but don't fucking try to tell me it's perfectly healthy. It's fucked and so are you for defending it.
...
Dubs logged
There's a lot of subjectively unimportant content to cover so I'm just gonna abridge the following six months
Let's call her Hanna
>2 weeks after first date we rent a hotel room and have sex for the first time
>More dating
>More sex
>Start to really get to know her
>Hanna was beaten as a child by her stepmother
>She is epileptic because of how brutal the beatings were
>Hanna's dad thought her mother had cheated on him so he neglected her
>She was raped and nearly murdered by a crazy ex boyfriend a few years ago
>Sympathize with her and talk to her about all her problems
>One day Hanna calls me while we're both at work
>She's crying
"user, I can't remember how to do anything and I'm really scared. Please get here as quickly as you can"
>She's afraid she is about to have a seizure
>Tell my boss its an emergency and I need to clock out
>Drive like a madman to Panda
>Talk to her boss to find out whats wrong
>Seizure induced amnesia
>Get her clocked out and drive around with her
>Spend 7 hours talking with her
>At the end of the day she's feeling better and that talking with me really helped
"I never want to forget you again user, I love you too much"
>ff 2 months after the amnesia date
>I think I want to marry her
>Ask her if she's interested
>Not an actual proposal, just wondering if she's interested
"Oh my god user, of course I'd marry you"
>Happiest I have ever been in my life
>A couple weeks after my "proposal" she quits her job at Panda
>Coworkers are harassing her relentlessly and it becomes too much for her
"user I need to move back in with my mom"
cont.
you type so slowww >.< cmonnn i need sleep ;w;
CMON BRUH. IM REALLY IN A CRUSH WITH HANNA RIGHT NOW
VIRGEN POCO BRAZO
cont
gonna be like 20 minutes for a 2 minute read im gonna just go to sleep :C
BAMP
HOLY SHIT!
go on, i need to schleep
Enjoy your aids, kek.
Alright I'm gonna wash a bunch of dishes and when I get back. This shit better be fucking down or face annihilation. Deal?
and just imagine, when youre in the field, you shit into those MRE bags instead of a comfy toilet
>eats MREs on a daily basis
Duly noted
>She moves about an hour away
"No distance can end my love for you user"
>Visit her a couple times a month and text her as much as possible
>Hanna can't find a job for a couple months after moving
>She has tons of debt and dwindling funds to ward it off
>Offer to help pay for minor things but she refuses
>She finally gets a job at a dollar store but says she isn't happy
>Try to keep her happy by sending cute texts and calling her most ever night
>Notice our conversations are starting to slow down
>Barely talk at all
>ff to 2 weeks ago
>Ask her if she's alright
"I don't know anymore user"
>Ask her if she wants to meet up for a date so we can talk about it
"I don't really have the time"
>She starts to completely ignore me
>Leave dozens of texts and voice mails daily asking her just to talk to me
>Worried she might commit suicide
>After a week she agrees to see me
>2 days later she cancels
"Turns out that's not really gonna work out for me"
>Another week of pathetic texts and phone calls
>Finally she tells me the truth
>My suspicions confirmed
"user I'm seeing somebody else"
>Betrayal.mp3
"I don't know what I want anymore"
>Ask her why I she is doing this to me
>I have abandonment issues
>She goes back to ignoring me
>Decide I'm done being a beta
>If she can toss aside her feelings so easily, so can I
>Leave her about 30 minutes worth of voicemail
"I thought what we had was special. You could've at least broken up with me before going off with another guy. I refuse to stand by and be cucked by you like this. Goodbye."
>Alpha as fuck
>Feel happy for the first time in weeks
>She finally decides she owes me an explanation
>We talk for about 30 minutes over the phone
>We start to sort things out
>She claims nothing has happened with the new person
>Go back to being a beta because I genuinely love this girl
"Well as long as its just emotional support it's okay I guess"
cont.
Well you most certainly don't have to fuck like that. But I still don't see why you think other people can't. They're not asking you to be involved, and most people who are into it are not asking you to suck sixx logs. I'm not into scat, and i find the logspam annoying. And yes, I agree what you do behind closed doors is you, but if it stays behind closed doors, who gives a fuck? Bill gates could be a cuck for all I care, I still am glad he built up microsoft. What he does behind his own doors is his own deal and not ours. Just because poop is something you can't stand to touch or be around (even though you poop on a daily basis) doesn't mean you have to freak the fuck out if someone gets a little poop on them. Some people deal with poop on such a regular basis that they are desensitized to it. You ever had a baby? You ever had a cat or a dog? Any bird owner would laugh at you for your 3-year-old-knee-jerk-reaction-to a-centipede reaction to a little bit of doodoo that's already been inside you for a day
I waited this long for a cuck story?
At least tell me you killed her and her boyfriend and are writing this in jail
Dump the bitch already, a shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on user, remember this and you'll never be the cuck nobody wants to be
among the tribes
>a shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on user
Wouldn't this mean to be a cuck a d get pussy?
Explain.
I TOLD YOU + Trips confirm aids.
if yo girl takes you as a shoulder to cry, u will be cuck'd,
and if you girl has someone else shoulder to cry, you're cuckd already i guess
>
oh thats uhh johnnymre right?
did you heat the stuff in HOTHOT water?, if you just scarfed the stuff down,as it went through the GI traintracks, the meat absorbed water expanding,and caused al that distress,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
yer bro toleya to just eat the stuff?
thats what big bros do bud,they wanna see the kid bro in misery, and the chain yanked.
mres lose water, meat muscle cells lose even more after a few years storage.
your bod might have reacted to plastic chemicals
>She says she needs some time to think
>Agrees to contact me after 2 months
>She hangs up
>Feel like a beta again
>A couple hours later she sends me some texts
Something along the lines of "So I finally listened to those dandy messages you left me while I was working and you called me a slut. Looks like I won't be in contact, goodbye asshole"
>mfw
>Forgot I said such things
>Feel like Alpha again
>Happy I'm not getting cucked
>Lost virginity
>Good learning experience overall
I had her get tested before we made spanky, she was clean.
>Be neurotic and get myself tested for everything just to be sure
>Negative across the board
>ff to Today
>Saw Spiderman Homecoming
>Don't know how to end a greentext
Everything is coming up Milhouse
How are you doing Sup Forums?
Oh fuck I forgot I have a mostly unmarked mre in my drawer we found in the take whatever you want section of the dump.
We were gonna eat it on camera.
Lmao so if im hanging out with a girl what if shes just upset about something else and I walk away
>Saw Spiderman Homecoming
Why do they keep rebooting this franchise user?
Was the film as shit as it looks?
I'm not gonna throw my life away for some whore
You obvi did
Actually it was pretty damn good. 9/10 overall. It feels like a Marvel movie, not some third party licensed shit like the other two versions
My options were to kill her and be sent to jail for the rest of my life, only to be raped by niggers
or to cuck myself for some thot
Those would be the options if I cared anymore
But I don't care and I'm gonna leave all this shit behind me when I move out of state in two months
So i have my own greentext
>be me 18yo
>getting into engeenier university
>Theres this hot. athletic brownish girl
>she has that tipical square hipster glasses
>half year passes and im sort of a funny guy so everyone is around me
>get to talk with her, shes perfect, the girl with daddy issues that loves to cock brownies and drinks vodka like a man
>eventually start chatting and sitting 2gether almost all of the time, she's that kind of needy for attention girl