How to touch a woman without her reporting you to your boss or the cops?

How to touch a woman without her reporting you to your boss or the cops?

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Be rich and/or famous, or at the very least attractive.

Kill first.

You forgot to mention that he needs to make sure she isn't a feminist or he will end up being called rapist until he actually rapes her and skins her alive

pretend youre gay

Grab them by the pussy.

pretend to be autistic
feign complete ignorance to what you did, and no matter what fail to understand the situation, don't get scared otherwise it'll blow your cover.
Innocence and ignorance.

She's in your workplace? You're better off getting a hooker who you can do whatever you want to then losing your job and risking jail time. If you must, just be subtle and do it while you're walking past her, and just touch her ass as your passing. If it's boobs forget it, you could never get away with groping boobs

find a good place to dump the body after you touch her.

i just want to touch her hands or legs, all that stuff can come later. Anything to get us started touching.

Always afraid a girl will turn on me though. That they will take the smallest thing and blow it up to huge proportions as a way of getting attention or power. Cause the attention and power is more appealing than sharing love with me.

>learn her schedule
>kidnap her at a time and place that there will be no witness (people or recording devices)
>take her to rape dungeon
>keep her as your sex toy until she is no longer sexually appealing to you
>put her in a 55gal drum
>fill drum with lye and water
>seal drum
>repeat

Have you tried inviting her on a date, and then asking for permission?

Well, that's their right, since you don't actually have any right to touch them and they have no obligation to share any love with you.

This level of creepy makes me think you're fugly which would make the touching even worse.

No autism isn't enough. Play the down syndrome card and then just grab their ass while going "a doooyh." And if she yells at you cry while making downie sounds.

this

what kind of board is this?

The kind that has a queen and gets laid
is that way

This kind of shit is exactly why I only fuck other men. No fucking drama and no needy bullshit, just fuck me in the ass and go to sleep or play a video game with me. Being a faggot is p. much the best thing in the world

lmao, thinks he's cool cause >my grillfriend lets me touch her!!

...

Just ask for a hug you dingus

If you're going to be a sick fuck about it, you can always take the bones, grind them down, and make bread out of it. The Germans used to do this to the Jews to get rid of bones.

be black and/or muslim

she'll be too afraid of being labeled a racist

I like how you say "repeat" without actually coming to a conclusion explaining what to do after committing murder, how to handle the police, and even how to dispose of the remains and excess chemicals

such a bitch move, i don't do that. I don't "ask" for permission to do every little thing. Do you see girls asking permission when they touch dudes?

Why is this board made up of pussies tonight?

if you did your surveillance right there will be no police after you
keep the 55gal drum in the rape dungeon as a mental fuck for the next victim

Posting this message
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Post boipussi

personally, i spend way too much time in a friend group that has a practice of smacking each others asses. I work with one of the girls in that group and we carry on this practice when the coast is clear. I work with another girl who is not in this group but is about my age, and one day while checked the fuck out she was bending over and I just automatically and casually smacked her ass. We both just kind of stared at each other for a moment, both surprised, and then I said i am sorry and just told her to slap me hard as shit and we'll call it even. I got the chance to explain after my face stopped stinging.
tl;dr
>if I let you slap me can I smack your ass?

Solid

When you say you do you mean you or me? Because if we're talking about YOU its a bad bet.... fuckin greasy neet dweeb

Look where you're at, friend.

I used to gently touch her hips to get her attention, ended up dating for like 3 years.

Pics or didnt happen

soo convinced.

how do you go about sound-proofing a "rape dungeon?

Is it possible to rent out the rape dungeon on weekdays / weekends when it's not I'm not using it? If I can't lease out the dungeon to close friends it seems like a large capital loss!
LOL

>Is it possible to rent out the rape dungeon on weekdays / weekends when it's not I'm not using it? If I can't lease out the dungeon to close friends it seems like a large capital loss!
youtu.be/oNJGAwqV0ys

same fag, shit I just scrolled and nvm bro just don't be creepy.
>I'm sad, can I have a hug?
>touch shoulder while talking
>hold hand while asking if they can grab you something from the warehouse or any other small favor

You sound very creepy and possibly anti-social. In normal human interactions you can generally read when there is an opportune moment to touch someone. Posting on a Taiwanese kite flying enthusiasts forum asking how to touch a co-worker is not one of those moments. I suggest you either kill yourself, or let the demons out and just go on the killing/raping spree you've always fantasized about.
Best of luck user.

i don't want to do this "playful" slapping and grabbing and whatnot. In my mind that's worse for a girl because you're doing it so you can hie it under the guise of "i'm just being playful".

I just want to regularly casually touch this girl, but I can't figure out an "in".

It's obviously different at a club or party when touching happens immediately. But with the concept of being so incredibly anal about being touched in any way the norm these days, there just seems to be so much risk. You could touch a girl on her forearm and she might blow up on you.

no i'm pretty real, and empathetic. The world is antisocial and hypocritical though. And I'm sure suckers like you thrive in that environment.

>tips fedora

if you never get out the house you might think this is the case;)

See, this is the difference between unbriddled contempt and narcissism and someone who is empathetic. I thrive because I can intuitively understand people. Your post is literally you describing your lack of understanding people. She's not your gf, or friend even. Shes a coworker. She doesnt want or need to be touched by you. If she did, you wouldnt be here. There is no combination of words or examples I could give you to help you realize this though. What would she say if she saw this thread?
"Oh that user is really nice and empathetic. I had no way he felt that way! Touch me whenever you want".

Or

"Holy fuck I always knew he was a creepy stalker serial killer. Im calling HR and he cant EVER come near me again".

Which one is more likely? Not saying you're a serial killer...but you are not an empathetic and open person. I hope one day you realize this and just accentuate your good qualities more than trying to be something you're not.

jesus christ, that photo with that text?

Once again, what kind of people are on this board? I didn't know I needed to help you before you help me

Apparently peoplw that need advice on how to touch coworkers.

Enjoy loneliness and hiding corpses from neighbours user.

>Doesn't know how to start touching other human beings in a socially acceptable way
>Thinks he's qualified to give help on female interaction and psychology

Ok, at this point you must be trolling. You're not a good one though.

enjoy hiding your actual loneliness and thoughts of hiding corpses, while pretending in front of others on Sup Forums that you have everything under control in your life.

It's laughable how hard you try

You're bad at this dude. You should start interacting with regular people more often.

Yep. If you're rich enough you can grab em by the pussy.

What was the point of this thread? You're masturbating right now, aren't you?

Asking "May I hug you?" usually works.

aww did the big bad feminazis hurt you?

poor wittle fella

It was to solve a problem I'm having and improve in an area, by hearing other's experiences and advice. This comment for example was in the right direction.

Instead as usual I got replies from people who are 50x the neckbeard I could ever be virtue signaling and trying to look cool in front of strangers on the internet. Truly sad to know you're out there.

Just cause I'm having an issue here doesn't mean I'm 100% antisocial. It doesn't mean I have NO clue what is socially acceptable. It doesn't mean I never interact with anyone. Oh wait, you fucks don't know how to think without absolutes.

Just asking so I can improve my life.

I could be wrong here, but pretty sure you can't cure autism. Asking for a hug is about the cringiest thing you could ever do. Unless your mom died or something you're just giving off the most fucked up vibes possible.

You are so wise and cool and clearly understand people

I know. Do these people not know anything? How can someone who's got no social sense tell someone else they've got no social sense?

It's not a club, user. You need to have a romantic relationship before you touch her or you'll become a total creep.

Sorry some other people are being unnecessarily insulting in their responses, but you did come here asking when it's ok to touch female coworkers you aren't in a relationship/close with, and the answer is never, so they aren't totally wrong.

I hate to say it...but I really do. Travelling the world and going out socially tend to have that effect on you. Writing this down sounds cocky as fuck, but I'm just trying to let you know how it sounded reading what serial killer dude wrote. You can generally tell within 30 seconds of meeting someone if they're normal or not. Cant do that online. Take the advice however you want, but real life isn't an anonymous online forum. We unfortunately have to interact with eachother

Underrated

>Is it possible to rent out the rape dungeon on weekdays / weekends when it's not I'm not using it?

I also have this question...

He's not wrong though. My girlfriend and I laugh all the time at the weirdos she works with because they're constantly orbiting her desk and trying to chat her up. It's harmless and we get a good laugh out of it, but if one of them just up and touched her because they were autistic enough to take advice from Sup Forums, things would go pretty badly for him.

I know how to slap a woman and get thanked.
Just yell "spider" or "mosquito" theyll thank you for killing it

Just read fifty shades of Grey, there is the secret

i don't care about the level of insulting, but I care about who's doing it. You can tell these people just got some ugly woman to be their first girlfriend and have been acting gay around women their whole life, and now want to talk like they're so sure of themselves when that's so not the case.

What really pisses me off is the moralizing though. Don't tell me what's right or wrong. Tell me how to make a "wrong" right. You know it's possible to make a girl comfortable with you over repeated interaction? You know you can make your OWN moves and don't have to spend your life waiting for a girl to chose you, which seems to be the fucked up mentality on this thread.

You know there's a phase where you GET close to a girl before you're actually close to her? Or wait, ave people here never experienced that so they just assume life is like a movie, where people who are close to each other have always been that way?

So don't tell me what;s "never" okay, like you're some cop giving a talk at an elementary school. Tell me how you personally touch girls in order to get a more physical relationship out of them. I'd like to know

LOOOOOOOOOL

bait?

Naw I'd say thats how the real world works. No matter what kind of man you are, if someone starts fucking with your girl you're sort of expected to put it down in the most manly way possible. It sucks having to be that dude...but at least you're not the autist that forced it to happen?

Can you show a pic of what you look like? I'll give you a step by step guide when I see what I'm working with here.

wow. do you really think like this?

>ask for permission
>goes on one date

can i touch your tits now?

don't grope coworkers and take em out on at least one date, but more like 2, plus be a chad

Can I bang your girlfriend please (:

Gaslighting, you're talking about gaslighting. Slowly putting the idea into the persons head that what you are doing/want to do is a normal everyday thing they should be fine with. Normally done through constantly re-enforcement of an action or thought over and over then way you would train a dog. Generally you need to be in a procieved position of power over the subject to make it work well. It can work regardlesss but takes sooo much time and the risk is rarely worth the reward unless you got some control issues and it gets your jollies off.

Reality though, flowers, dinner, movie, bottle of wine, good conversation. Its faster, more ethical, requires less charisma, and not gunna land you in a bad situation if flub it up.

Here's one taken in March. Lemme see if i can take one now...Don't have my phone on me so i don't think i can though

It's pretty simple user, and it's been said in this thread multiple times. You ask her on a date. You do not grope her at work before that. She's not there to be romanced by you, she's there because it's her occupation. If she is at all interested in being touched by you, she'll say yes to the date. If she isn't and says no, then you wont be the huge creep who gropes his coworkers.

It's not bait, friend. To be clear though, I wasn't saying I'm some superchad who would drive to her work and beat up her pathetic coworkers like a psycho. "Go badly for him" means she would tell him to back the fuck off/injure him depending on what he actually did, have an unpleasant relationship with him for the rest of their careers, tell all of the other women at the office how creepy he is, and he'd probably get mercilessly made fun of by all of the men as well.

Lol ok

Ummmm...either this suddenly all makes sense, or you're a huge larping faggot...but if that is you, you write surprisingly well for a 15 year old my man.

In my opinion you are blowing this so out of proportion. You like everyone else here are throwing out these DSM labels.

So because cheap dinners and flowers and bottles of wine (when i don't even drink) are what everyone else does, that's makes ANY other way of seducing a chick insane and indicative of a mental disorder?

I see your reasoning, but it's pretty boring. I don't see how running the exact same routine a girl's been exposed to her whole life is better, even more ethical, than something exciting and new to her.

In any case, these are 18,19,20,21 year olds I'm working with, and we work outside all day long, not in an office.

I totally pictured like a 40 year old incel asking about touching the office secretary. Sorry if I came off as a dick before. You're just nervous for asking a girl out! Thats kinda cute. You can totally get away with brushing her arm, or if you tell a joke and it goes off just tap her shoulder as you turn to walk away. Dude, youre golden.

I'm 18 i just graduated. My question is for the girl at my summer job

Yah man. I totally feel you now. For girls that age its 3 thingsl : humour, height, athletics. If you can be above the competition for at least 1, preferably 2, of those things you'll be in like sin. If I could talk to 18 year old me to give advice it would be just go for it. You only get one shot at a summer job when youre 18. Dont care or worry at all. People will tell you this all the time, but it wont make sense until you're 27...this is the best time of your life. If she says no, theres literally thousands of other girls youll see this summer that will say less. If you can train yourself not to care or get too emo now you will be an awesome man in a decade from now. Dont over think about touching her or any of that bullshit. If youre making a point of being around her she will notice. Be funny and then ask her out for drinks or a walk. Something that gives you face to face time. No movies or netflix or shit. Sorry again for thinking you were a serial killer :(

"hurr durr 40 year old incel" thanks for apologizing but you're just too retarded to listen to. I'd probably take your bitch.

>Thats kinda cute

so you're a woman...which means you're a lesbian. And you're SO confident you can keep your girl...

>Kid who asks Sup Forums advice for getting women
>Taking anyones anything

Dude. Its not too late for you to become what you fear most...I got laid before online dating was a thing. Thats got to count for something.

once again, i didn't know the level of basic i was dealing with on here

You sound like a little cunt. When people say sorry and try to help, you shouldn't keep acting like a little manlet. You get what you put out. Good luck, but you'll fuck it up.

Okay thanks for changing your tune. She constantly talks to me and asks me about my life, which I find annoying when I'm not getting any physical action out of it. We spend most of the day sitting around, and shit gets super boring, time I'd rather spend touching her than answering stupid questions about what music i listen to and what i eat and do for fun etc.

I'm not gonna ask her out "for walks and a drink" or any corny bullshit like that either because she's already (annoyingly) mentioned a boyfriend a couple times. If I could fuck her, I'd wanna get her so worked up from physical contact throughout the rest of the summer that she can't say no when I ask her to "hang out" at the end of this job before we both go to our separate colleges. I just want to touch her body tbh.

Think you can help?

I'm the first to give respect to anyone that acts like a real motherfucker, and apologizes when they're wrong. But the things people are saying here are bitch mentalities...in all sincerity. I can't respect people who are that far off the mark. They're bad for the world. Not what i expected from Sup Forums since i was last here, it's changed

In your case user, if you really have to ask, just don't.
>ever
Not even if they ask

Ooohhhhh....yah if she mentioned a bf, then thats sort of code for her not being interested. And unfortunately we have to put up with girls talking and shit before we can just fuck them all the time. Goes with the territory. Maybe use her as a girlfriend to wing-girl/set you up with her friends? From my perspective it doesnt look like you'll be touching her super soon.

She have any hot friends?

This thread is making me depressed.
Not op, but don't want to Elliot Rogers this world up...

Here's a tutorial to touching strange women:

youtube.com/watch?v=B48ZpNcxBL0

Sure, kid.

Alright. Acceptance is the first step toward recovery.

Whatcha thinking about? Greentext?

The fabric-touch actually works. I tried it after seeing that episode.

Mhm. Totes.

i know nothing about her other than this job and don't plan on asking/finding out. The niggas in another state and she's not going back there before the summer.

Every girl in college has a "boyfriend" so saying 'look for one who doesn't' is horrible advice. Am i only getting advice from people who only fuck their girlfriends? wtf....

A. I'm trying to touch this girl at work to pass the time. B. If i can fuck her, it's gonna be one time.

Also i'm sorry i'm shooting your advice down, but do people do the "setting up" thing after high school? Wtf? Are you saying that awkward shit is perceived as "normal" out here, and acceptable? Getting set up with a girl you've never met in person simply because she meets the "no boyfriend" check mark, and you're a friend of her friend? Why would you want to fuck that person? What is sexy about that?

People are weird

>24
>Pretty chill guy
>know enough to know i'm not good at talking to girls
>don't want to end up prema-frost virgin
>don't want to waste rest of young adulthood not participating
>thinking about using an escort in near future

As I see it now. Using an escort may get me caught by police but the alternative could be me unintentionally harassing a girl. So in the worse case scenario of both I'd rather be seen as a hooker user than a harasser.

What do you guys think?
Go for it?

Wrap a towel around your hand so you don't leave any marks