Autistic things you did as a child

Autistic things you did as a child.

>Be me, 7 y/o
>Worship Buzz Lightyear
>Notice I only have one freckle on my entire body, dead center on my right wrist, just like Buzz's wrist laser
>Start to think I'm Buzz Lightyear
>Tell all my friends and family to call me Buzz
>Start saying "to infinity, and beyond" instead of good bye
>Wear Buzz Lightyear costume everywhere, even at school
>Teachers make me stop, parents take away my costume
>Write shitty comic where Buzz is actually a half-retard 7 year old
>They can never keep me from my destiny
>They can never take away my laser freckle

If you were Buzz Lightyear, did you cum in pies?

Oh dude, all the time. Nary a moment went by that I wasn't cuming in pies.

>be me and my best friend 7 y/o
>we both loved submarines especially the ww2 german ones
>at school we would play submarine
>stood in front of some fence acting like submarine captains
>Giving out commands and spotting ships
>HOLY SHIT DEPTH CHARGES
>with both start shaking around like the do in the movies yelling ALARM
>we would do that as often as possible
>nobody else shared such love for submarines hence nobody played with us

>be me
>yeah 10 (britfag)
>waiting in line for lunch
>pretty big line, I was there for like 10 minutes
>some dick ass year 8 bunks the line in front of me
> ask him to move
>he mockingly says "make me"
>I walk out the line about 5-6 metres away from him
>I barge into him at full speed
>maximumoverdrive.gif
>I send the kid flying into a wall at mach speed
>he fractures 2 ribs and dislocates his shoulder
>I get suspended for 3 weeks
>mfw I severely harmed a 13 year old for bunking the line

>Be me, 8 y/o
>Pokemon is the shit
>Get into special "camp" that I have to take to skip third grade during the summer
>Camp is actually hardcore testing practice
>Last day of camp we get to bring sleeping bags and hang out
>My one asthma bro and I bring our gameboys and link cable
>He won't trade me a Weedle (I have red version)
>REEEEEEE
>Pull his cartridge out of his gameboy
>Run out of the room with my gameboy (trade cable still connected) and his cartridge
>Use craft table safety scissors to cut his trade cable in half
>Hear him crying for help from teacher
>Run to bathroom
>Throw his blue version in the toilet
>Pull down my shorts
>Sit
>Shit all over his weedle
>Won't flush
And that's why I didn't get to skip 3rd grade.

As a teacher, I love these stories. So many times I just want to haul off and hit a kid.

alpha

that's actually quite alpha

Holy shit dude

I think you've got your story a bit backward.

Weedle is more common is Red, Caterpie is more common in Blue. Both, however, can be found in both versions.

Then again, you were both eight, so you were both autistic little shits.

it's not alpha when it's just sperg rage. not to mention he clearly knee how weak he was, thus needing 5 metres to charge the cuck. beta at best.

>clearly knee

I was 15 dude

dude where can i buy those

>beta at best

Just like your spelling.

nordstrom lul

>being this autistic
poor babby

>Be 5 y/o
>have crush on pink ranger
>carry around pink ranger in my underwear

>The super common pokemon was in his version all along
>Implying this doesn't make the story even better

>Be me, 5 years old.
>Have rabbit-like ball shits.
>Poop me pants.
>Plant poop beneath passenger seat while mommy and stepdaddy are out of the car.
>They find poop soon later.
>lole

>Be 11 or so
>GBA fairly new, I just found out it existed
>Want one horribly, but know parents will never buy me
>Take Gamecrazy/Target video game ads that come in the mail to look at all the awesome GBA titles
>Tear reviews out of the GamePro/Nintendo Power issues at the library
>Spend hours reading about GBA, looking at pics of GBA
>Cut the GBA out of a full page add and pretend it's real and I'm playing it
>Hide all the contraband behind my bed because I stole from the library
>One day wake up at like one in the AM because dreaming about GBA
>Look behind bed, see GBA
>Legit believe I have wished for a GBA so hard that I willed it into existance
>It's the paper cutout that I made
>Roll over to go back to sleep, notice leg is wet
>First ever wet dream was about GBA

doesn't matter how he won the fight as long as he laid the kid out

FortyKeks.jpg

>Be me
>12
>Not allowed to play more than 30 min of vidya per day except fridays when mom and dad go out together
>Not allowed to use the internet while their gone (EV1 dot net dialup, at the time "catch a new wave, it's everyone's internet!") because dad super paranoid about viruses
>Learn from a sticky note near the computer that the password is my parent's wedding anniversary and the mormon temple they got married in
>Next friday, Askjeeves search for "boob"
>Eventually end up on Ebaum/Newgrounds/ABS masterbating to hentai trivia games
>cum all over keyboard without thinking
>Sister comes in after I put my dick away but before I clean keyboard
>says she's gonna tell mom and dad I used the computer unless I let her play Jumpstart
>Let her play jumpstart on the cum covered keys
>Tell her it's icing from the cinnamon rolls we had for dessert the night before
>She licks the icing off the keyboard and keeps playing
>Ask her what it tasted like
>Icing user, duh
>Now I have incest fetish

My word.

>Be me
>femanon
>Like 9 or something i really don't remember
>Start reading pokemon bdsm fanfictions or some shit online
>ohboi.jpeg
>Grab my old barbies that have been gathering dust for a few years
>undress them, tie their hands and feet together with hair ties
>beat them up before getting bored
>My grandma finds them later on the floor
>"user? Why are your barbies naked and tied?"
>Ohfuck
>"They're naked cause they're on the beach. The hair ties are just bracelets!"
>Grandma is suspicious but she buys it
>Phew.jpg

hot

...

This little bitch is mad that a 10yo was more alpha that he ever will be.

I believed i was a train during my first year of school (4, 5, 6 y. o.?) Trains eat and poop, but trains don't talk (never with kids, thats for sure!) or touch his own penis while peeing. So teachers think im retarded (i don't talk and cant even go to the bathroom) and write my parents about this. They don't understand It, because im a train in school, but at home I'm some Pancho Villa cartoon i don't remember very well today. Etc...

>be 4
>want baby sibling to play with
>go to park with mum one day
>see baby in pram
>steal baby
>take baby to mum
>mum freaks and yells at me
>had to give baby back

???????????????????????

It was only a matter of time before it got sexual

>Trains eat and poop

Scuse me?

I wrote a Harry Potter copy, titled: "Harold Saw". Some 80 pages or some shit. Was 9? 10? Also believed I was a wizard and would get a hogwarts letter in mail on 11th bday.

Not me, but
>Babysitting GF's much younger cousin
>We are 17, cousin is 9
>My mom has substituted for cousin's class, warned me to watch out for him cuz he's fucking nuts
>Don't beleive her, seems pretty chill
>He's kicking and screaming because he doesn't want his parents to leave
>They act like this is totally normal
>He takes a meat tenderizing hammer thing out of the sink and throws it at the sliding glass back door
>Shatters
>Parents chuckle, say "the broom is in the pantry, by sweetie" and leave
>He starts jumping up and down on the shards of glass (had shoes on)
>On shard goes through his shoe and cuts him
>Angry screaming turns to crying screaming
>He runs away to his parents' room (where the big TV is)
>Little drops of blood on the carpet
>Clean up the glass best as I can
>Go to check on cousin, he's naked in his parents bed watching the Heavy Metal movie, tiny dick is rock hard
>Call his parents, tell him what's going on
>They're mad that I let him get blood on the carpet and ask me to just close the door and give the kid his privacy
>Don't pay me because carpet
Jokes on them though, I took every virginity that GF had.

No more autistic than standard bdsm lovers. Just a kid who also had/liked kid stuff. Smooth cover that abused that fact too.

>tiny dick is rock hard
You should have helped him

How could white people not beat their children after that?

Child*

Year 10 is like 14-15.

>believed I was a wizard and would get a hogwarts letter in mail on 11th birthday

If you didn't think this, then you're autistic. Or too old to have enjoyed Harry Potter at the right time. Normies of all stripes hoped they'd get that letter.

I remember tying a naked barbie to a chair when I was like 5. And I liked it. I also thought about my brother tying me and my friend up naked and torturing us. I also googled boobs and stuff. This was all before I even knew what porn or sex was. Also femanon

You must be a complete freak in bed now.

Nice trips. First thing popped in my head. What? You want to hear about the time I put the head of my penis in my brothers ass? Cuz' that never happened.

I was young and pretty retarded. Now i'm just retarded.

>Be me, 5.
>Learn about april fools day.
>You are allowed to play pranks on people
>Not quite sure qualifies as a prank but I'm on board.
>Mom bends over to pick something up.
>This is my chance!
>Pick up bat.
>Homerun right across her ass.
>MFW she did not think this was a good prank.

Marry me?

>be me
>5 y/o
>hanging out at day care during hot day in summer
>in small inflatable pool with two girls
>one is my age, 5, other is 3
>decide I'm the lifeguard
>lifeguards get to tell people to do whatever they want as long as they're in the pool
>decide everyone has to bear their naked genitals every time I blow my whistle
>have no whistle
>can't actually whistle
>literally just say, in sing-song voice, "Whistle!" every couple of minutes
>girls quit what they're doing to come up to me and show me puss while I pull down trunks to show peen
>we touch each other and talk about differences
>every time they start to get disinterested I just roll with it and pull trunks back up, swim around
>but I'm just biding my time to say whistle again
>at some point showing them what a boner is like because I'm excited by everything
>pulling my foreskin back to show them that too
>day care lady happens to look outside at that moment
>"user, don't do that!"
>fuck you, you're no lifeguard, you didn't blow a whistle
>we all keep showing off secretly at the sound of my whistle until she comes outside to bring us back in

To this day, lifeguard fetish. Baywatch was a godsend as a kid.

>be me at 4
>hears that old nursery rhyme "Old lady who Swollowed a Fly"
>now super afraid of swollowing a fly and dying
>every time the thought of a fly passes I hack and spit into my shirt because I got in trouble if I spat on the floor
>this continues
>for the next three years my shirts were constantly damp from spit
>not once did a fly ever go near my face

Wut

I think the noise you're actually looking for is "woo-wooooooo!"

I had to read this 3 times to understand
Just green text ffs

dafuq?

You made me giggle
Why was I so sexual as a kid? Is this shit normal

Yeah I believe it's normal. I just decided to post my 9 year old barbie bdsm fiasco on this thread because i was too lazy to cover up my tracks and my grandma most likely knew what i did.

>be me
>11
>have biggest crush on this girl I've never spoken to before
>she's the most beautiful girl in the world
>decide I'll admit my love in the form of a gift I earned, on valentine's day
>read books and take quizzes over them to save up Accelerated Reader points, because these can be used in small store for small prizes
>actually just a utility closet with boxes of some cheap toys and shit
>look around, find a pen
>a glorious pen, in the shape of an alligator
>it's covered in glitter
>girls love alligators and glitter
>buy the pen
>stare at the girl all through class, putting way too much energy into keeping pen secret
>recess comes
>spend 15 minutes almost going up and talking to her
>heart is pounding, so nervous
>finally muster up the courage
>give her alligator
>"Ha-ha-happy Valentine's Day!"
>run away
>phew, glad that's over
>I wonder when we'll get married and have kids of our own
>another girl comes up to me, friend of crush, and laughs at me for having a crush on her friend
>she has pen
>gives it back to me and says "she doesn't want it"
>spend the rest of recess trying not to cry
>throw pen away
>vow she'll still be mine one day

Never spoke to her again.

One time a kid I didn't want to sit by me on the bus sat by me and i pinched his ass as he sat down and he bit my hand hard and now he's gay.

No, it is definitely not normal. That's why you are on Sup Forums with the rest of us. That being said I was equally sexual at that age. The funny thing was even though I knew about sex it took me a lot longer to discover that's how babies were made. I figured growing a baby was just something that happened to women and they had to be surgically removed.

This reminds me of when I had a crush on this guy, which was really just an obsession and I asked for his number even though I barely knew him.

He said no and i cried later

One time I hung out with a friend at his house because he could draw a sick ass Charizard by hand. We got into his pool and stripped naked when his mom left to go to the store. Put our peenors up against the jets of water because they felt nice and touched each other a lot. Now he's gay.

I remember thinking babies came out of the ass like poop because I thought the vagina was too small.

not autism
you're all retarded faggots as usual

should've given him an alligator pen

kek

>not autism
>retardation

Now you're just splitting hairs.

...

AuTiSm

Nigga you came for a game boy

fucking bitch had it coming

>recessflashbacks.jpg
>fucking triggered

That shit cost me over 100 AR points too. Like 3 Goosebumps books.

Tits or gtfo you lying wizard and that's the same for the previous "femanon"

Wtf there are teachers on Sup Forums

>Be me, 6.
>Find out aunt is pregnant with first cousin.
>"Pregnant?"
>"Its means a baby is growing inside of her user."
>Holy shit WTF.
>Does that really happen? Can human beings just grow inside of other human beings?
>We go over to look at her prego belly. My curiosity is peaked.
>Try to find some way to express all the questions that are in my head. How is it eating? Does it pee? Can they feel the same things? Can they her eachother's thoughts?
>The question I end up asking instead: "What would happen if it died inside of you.?"
>HFW

I know. When people asked my name, i would answer Pancho or nothing at all (train) My parents were allways ashamed of me lol

...

I often think that if I no longer care enough to try to live, I'll take out an asshole driver who cuts in front of me in a similar way. Just keep going the same speed instead of slamming on my brakes, make him forever regret being a prick.

It's so tempting every time it happens.

That has never worked Desu unless they start the thread. Hoping this will happen has the same chance as you do to stop being a faggot

Well you were half right, it is too small. That shit rips.

>lole
>still autistic

those are called suicidal thoughts user

instead of stealing from the library you should have just stolen a fucking GBA, dimwit

Yeah there are a few
Some are oldfags who stuck with this sight through highschool, uni, and still,

>mormon temple
>incest fetish
yup

>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
>Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
>caring this much about "confirming" whether or not a story is true on Sup Forums

There's the real autism.

tits or gtfo

*sigh* You have caught me. I am actually a dog in disguise.

>teachers think im retarded
because you were and probably still are

Underrated post

Kek

>Be me
>Get first nerd gun
>Carry it constantly
>Shoot brother when he does not expect
>Eventually it wears out and the gun no longer works
>(It was an older Nerf gun because this would be in 2004ish so this was a problem with them)
>Decided to give it a burial
>was sad AF
>weeks go by
>Find brothers airsoft pistol
>Shoot him once before i get it stolen and shot in the back several times

Underrated post. Where the fuck do you find that and why do you know?
This is when this user is autist

huehuehuehuehuue

please tell me you went to school dressed as a nazi one day

...

and so are you

Keep telling yourself that.

>be me
>go to kindergarten
>never play with other kids
>read books about space instead
Also
>be six year old me
>go to library with mom
>borrow a book about trains

>it was all over utub for like a month
what