Americans keep their roundabouts in the fridge

>americans keep their roundabouts in the fridge

>americans microwave their kettles to boil water

>American store they their foreskin in the microwaves

>americans are stupid and fat lol

...

>murcians store their murcans in the mrca

>mfw all of this is true

>be american
>get shot by microwaves
>refrigerated to preserve body

Everything said in this thread is fact

...

>Americans tip the doctor after having their tip removed

>americans eat dog food for breakfast

>be me, American
>European cousin coming to visit
>excited to show him what my country has to offer
>waiting for him at the train station
>he arrives, draped in a burned, feces-smeared American flag
>I greet him and ask about his clothing choice
>He replied
>”Murrifats. Culture.”
>”E-excuse me?”
>”Murrifats. White”
>I ask him what a Murrifat is.
>He begins obnoxiously clapping in my face, as if he’s referring to something I’m supposed to understand
>I shrug it off
>He asks where my mobility scooter is
>Inform him that I don’t use one
>A look of utter confusion comes across his face
>Take him on a tour of my hometown
>Entire time, he has a disgusted scowl on his face
>Asks me why there aren’t poor people dying in the streets and gunfights around every corner
>I tell him I don’t understand
>”Murrifats. In charge of speaking English”
>We get to war memorial at park
>He spits on it
>I tell him how rude that is
>He begins bleating on about American imperialism and how the Soviet Union were the true liberators of Europe and Asia
>He then starts clapping in my face obnoxiously again. I still don’t understand what he’s referring to, but he evidently thinks it’s hysterical


(to be continued…)

>Feeling uncomfortable, I decide to take him to get food
>Small sandwich shop everyone in town loves
>He orders first
>”Where are the burger?”
>Old lady behind counter looks confused
>I explain that he’s from Europe
>She asks which country and he reluctantly answers
>”Oh yes, that’s a beautiful country” she replies, “That’s where my family came from”
>I see blood vessels bulging on the back of his neck, beads of sweat forming at his hair line. He’s breathing heavily.
>He slowly leans into the old woman’s face and without warning screams “MUH HERITAGE!” at the top of his lungs
>Starts furiously clapping in her face
>I have to restrain and pull him back. I apologize to the old woman
>Visibly shaken, she meekly replies “H-have a nice d-day”
>This comment only seems to make him angrier
>Our food arrives and we initially eat in silence
>”Fatty” he says, ostensibly addressing me, despite my relatively low BMI, “where is Albania?”
>He has an incredibly smug look on his face
>”Albania? It’s a tiny country across the Adriatic sea from Italy, south of Serbia and Montenegro, north of Greece”
>The color drains from his face
>His expression is now one of extreme distress and paranoia
>”M-murrifats. Education” he replies, sheepishly
>I still don’t understand what a Murrifat is


(to be continued…)

>Decide to smooth things over, ask him if he’d like a beer afterwards
>”Murrifat beer. Pisswater. Pick both” he replies
>I continue
>”I know the stereotype about American pale lager, but things have changed a lot in the last 20 years. There’s an excellent ale I know of that’s produced by a local brewery just down the street”
>My cousin goes completely stoic
>I instantly realize that I must have crossed some sort of line
>He just sits there for a minute, occasionally twitching
>It’s almost as if his brain has been overloaded
>He drops to the floor and begins writhing
>I’m about to get help when suddenly he leaps back up to his feet and takes in the largest breath of air I’ve ever seen
>”MUUUUUUH MICROBREEEEEEEWS!”
>restaurant windows shatter
>my eardrums nearly rupture
>He is now ripping off his clothes and shrieking
>Old lady behind register is going for phone
>He promptly shits into his hand and chucks it at her, knocking her off of her feet
>He leaps out the window, still in the throes of defecation
>Police arrive
>Yell at him to surrender
>He lunges at them, grabbing one officer and mauling his face
>Grabs disabled officer’s gun and starts to raise it
>Other officer fires, hitting him in the chest
>My cousin falls to the ground
>I rush over
>He’s barely clinging to life
>I ask him why he did it
>He motions me closer
>”Be Murrifat…” he begins with his last dying breath, coughing up blood
>”…Get shot”
>Falls to the ground, lifeless

>BE AMERICAN
>SNIP THE TIP

>waiting for him at the train station
already there we know it's bullshit

>BE BLUE PERU
>GET SYPHILIS

ok irrelevant country and language

Thats what you get for not tipping the waitress.

No hospital bills for you!

majority by far of that is rail freight you massive faggot
my dinner table is older than your country btw

Famous rail journeys in America:
>the nation builder

Famous rail journeys in yurop
>the cuckhold (orient) express

Really fires up my synapses

>this is the major train station in the 2nd biggest american city