Joke thread

Joke thread

ITT: Your favorite jokes.

I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like. -Emo Philips

>then he started shaking me and i went "oh, now i remember her".

why was the 3yr old african child crying
>because he was having a mid life crisis

my wife walked in on me fucking our daughter last night, and boy was she horrified. not sure if it was because I was fucking our daughter, or because the abortion clinic let me keep her

Classic

Shameless self bump.

I wanna laugh Sup Forumsros

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear

When crossing the street always C# otherwise you'll Bb

>What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile
>What do Africans get their kids for their second birthday?
A Tombstone

A nigger and a white jump off a building, who hits the ground first?

The white because the nigger stopped to spray paint "mutha fucker" on the way down

What's the difference between a dead baby and a bathtub?

You can't fuck a bath tub

Q: There's 3 tampons which one says hi?
A: None cause they're all stuck up cunts

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

Pick him up and sick his dick

What's the most confusing day in Harlem?
>father's day.

Who cares?

Emo Phillips is an unfunny faggot

What did Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?

Both left little kids' houses with their sacks empty.

Then, show us you're superior sense of humor, user

I was fucking this girl and I said "there should be a law against pussy this good." She said "I think there is daddy."

What's the deal with airline food?!

What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
>Nothing you ain't already told her twice.

Why did Hitler get hit by the car when he was crossing the street?

because he nazi it coming.

A nigger walks into a bank and says "I be looking fo a job"
the bank manager says "well you are in luck, we have an opening that pays 50k a year, full benefits, and you get a car!"
The nigg says "Damn! You're jokin"
The manager says "well yeah, but you started it"

what do you do with an elephant with 3 balls?

walk him and pitch to the rhino.

Did you see the documentary about Stevie Wonder?
> Neither did he.

...

hillary clinton

Shut it Billy boy.

why can't stevie wonder read?
>because he's a nigger

Ever hear about Evil Kenevils brother, Klu Klux Kenevil? Tried to jump over a thousand niggers with a steam roller.

Why is stevie wonder always smiling?
>He doesn't know hes black.

What do you call a gay paraplegic?

A tomato. Because you don't know whether to call it a fruit or a vegetable.

Two fags are fucking on the beach. A right wing hillbilly sees them and kills them both with his squirrel gun. Which fag got to heaven first? One on top or bottom?

The bottom. His shit was already packed.

What's better then a 14 year old ?

>two 7 year olds


What's 20cm long, pink and makes women scream at night ?

>crib death

What did the counsellor say to the hologram?

>You're projecting

Whats black on top and white on bottom ? Rape.

whats the hardest part of walking on a bridge made of dead babies?

>my cock