How do you get over a relationship ?

How do you get over a relationship ?

Its like you want to jump right back into it.

Fuck. Help me here.

Broke up with gf of 3 years a few months ago.
Cut all contact and get over her.
It hurts like fuck, but if you stay around, It'll only hurt more.
Feel better, user.

Get totally drunk, say its over.
Vomit all over her Clothes and walk out.

Cut my losses and move on ??

She apparently wants to be 'friends'

the pain never goes away
you just learn to live with it

My fiance who I've been with with 4 1/2 years broke up with me a month ago, you'll get over them with time even now I still hope she comes back to me I know she won't. Spend time on yourself lose weight, quit a bad habit or just start working out. Improve yourself so when you want to go back out there you can get the person you want to be with

If I'm correct this is what they call being "friendzoned"

They all want to be "friends" it's a stupid idea. Would you want this person you made plans with to be fucking chad thundercock? No one wants to see that my advice, treat it like a death, she doesn't exist anymore, at least to you

Well then, lets try this.

Its funny, we had a good friendship for well over a year, and then things got heated up in a month and it was pretty class.

But in the end it was like - well I just want to be friends, I dont feel like i love you - even though she earlier said she did. Lets be friends.

And I, like a fucking idiot fell in love with her. I mean I fucking love her. Even now, even after she said she does not - lets be friends.

So I dont fucking know anymore what I should do. I actually love her, she doesnt. LIKE FUCK, what is going on.

I am just getting out of a seven year relationship, had to end it. It's not the person I miss,it's the ideal that this part of my life,having someone, was complete and I didn't have to be single anymore.its the ideal of the relationship and the fear of not being alone and will I ever find someone, hate those feelings. I guess what I am trying to say is it's not the person I miss but the ideal. Do you miss the person or the ideal of being in a relationship, these are two different things

Can I say both ?

>Its like you want to jump right back into it

Go do shit you couldnt do with her around. For me I wasnt "allowed" to go to bars (I am the drunk friend who ends up getting carried home) strip clubs (obvious reasons) and she hated when me and my buddies would shoot our rifles out back.

I basically had a 3 week long party of guns, whores, and beer. By the end of it I realized Id rather be happy than have live in pussy

Being "friends" never works out. I have to see my ex because we have a kid together. Sure, you can try to be friends, but the first sign of stress and instead of it being "friendly" she starts screaming about your "side whore" and you start throwing shit... its never good. You arent dating for a reason. Remember that

It's entirely reasonable to tell her that since the dynamic of your relationship changed into a romantic one for you, you can't go back to being friends, at least not for a while.
You need distance and mourning essentially, and if she can't respect that, she's unable to be a true friend anyway.

Do you even know what love is? Or are you comfortable with her, dont want things to change, and you dont want to find another girl?

You would be amazed at how many people have no idea what the difference between love and comfort are

No, they are mutually exclusive

I have no idea what love really is. Really "what is love "? Pun aside dude, I dont know.

If I say I like the person more - that is friendship, if I say I like the idea more - that is the relationship.

So I dont know man, I kinda want a relationship with the said person.

>she's unable to be a true friend anyway.

Women dont have male friends. They have dicks in glass cases... break in case of emergency. What "I want to be friends" means in woman is "Im done with you, but just in case I hit a dry spell Id like to be able to fuck you at 2am on a random night and then go back to not talking for weeks/months again"

You can, but I guess what I was trying to say is be clear what you really miss. For me, knowing it's not the person I miss, because the relationship is done, made walking away easier and now it's about me being social and working on self improvement and not being sad around losing the person. When those feelings of being lonely come they are temporary and this is a good time to go to the gym or something

If that is what you've experienced, I feel sorry for you.
I've got female friend who I've never been attracted to, who were never attracted to me, who I've been close friends with for years.

friends*

>I have no idea what love really is. Really "what is love "? Pun aside dude, I dont know.

Love is caring about a person and their future. It is that sick feeling of dread when they say "I dont feel good" instead of the feeling "well great, we were going to go out tomorrow"

Its wishing and praying they get that job 900 miles away because it is better for them, even though you will have to uproot your entire life and move with them.

Its caring about their happiness even when what makes them happy may very well make you unhappy at times.

It is the desire for their pain to be yours, their illness to be yours, etc. Great example, my wife broke her finger when our son slammed the trunk on it. Sure it hurt, but I almost cried for her. Not so much that she was in pain, but more because I never wanted her to experience that kind of pain to begin with. If slamming my hand in a door 30 times would have taken that experience away from her, I would have done it without a single second thought

... I could keep going all day like this. Love is very hard to describe, but when you finally feel it, you will never believe all the other people you told you "love them"

just dont be such a faggot who cries for a girl

This is how I feel man, thats how I feel for her and she knows this. But even then she is like - lets be friends.

Fuck brother, whats up with this.

trips of truth btw

...

Why are you buying drinks for people in the first place?
I mean if you're in a good mood and have the cash go ahead, but buying people drinks isn't an transaction unless you've agreed upon it being so at the start. Do you really wanna fuck someone who hands over sex to people who buy them alcohol?

>Fuck brother, whats up with this.

Chances are she was just using the word love and not thinking about it. So many people do this. "omg I LOVE THOSE SHOES" "I love this place" "omg my bff from high school I love you"...and never really think about it. Then in a situation where the word actually has meaning, it just rolls off the tongue without a thought.

Ill also say that relationships for years and years arent going to produce true love. Sure high school sweethearts do exist. For most people though they wont find a real loving relationship until they mid to late 20s or even early 30s. You have to turn and burn through women until you find a keeper.

And this is all before Sup Forums chimes in with "she has been cheating on you for awhile. She just told you this know because she is certain her new found cock will stick around awhile"

>Do you really wanna fuck someone who hands over sex to people who buy them alcohol?

Ahhh yea... thats kind of the point of bars and liquor. I get you slopping drunk for free, and you fuck me before doing the walk of shame at 5am

Your mom hugged you way to much as a kid

Might as well find a prostitute in that case user.
I think your mom didn't hug you enough.

Hella real. Fuck love.

Cut the cord user, don't be friends just move on, it won't work out and the being friends just makes things worse

Bar flies are much much cheaper than an escort and its not illegal. With 30 bucks and some conversation I can get laid 4 out of 5 times at a bar. Last escort I was with cost $400 an hour. Large difference, besides, the chase is much more fun than the catch anyway.

I dont need hugs. Im not a nu male named Aiden

...

Neither am I.
I am a serial monogamist though, so that might color my opinion.

I would say to kinda cry and it's okay to feel sorry for yourself it's good to let all your feelings out and maybe try to get back out there and find someone new I promise you it'll get better I wish all the best for you

Thats the best thing ever brother, wish you all the best in life too

I feel ya user, me and my girl have broken up and got back together like 4 times now and we've been together for about 10 months.. sometimes I feel like it an endless stupid cycle.. I'm not mentally strong enough to break it

Young faggot wait until it happens 3 more times and your deader than drift wood inside

tell you the truth guys, I cant even cum without thinking about her.

Run its borderline personality disorder.
She breaks up over something trivial, refuses to discuss, cuts you off, silence, arguing and just when youre on the edge of giving up....tada she wants to fix things up just like before coz its not her fault really. You made her do it.

I had that and let me tell you we people with that are not to be dated. Loved yes dated no.

Oh user, never start fapping to a girl you like. You don fucked up.

Damn. Yup, that sounds about right. I tried ended it the most recent time cause I had enough but she's unfortunately the one to pull up the suicide card and I get so fuckin worried and scared

I've learnt the hard way. Only just understanding the cause. Made perfect sense when I read up on it. Like was written to describe my relationship and everything fit. Last break up, never looked back. 5 months and I'm still getting calls every few weeks. Loves me/Hates me. How its always been, only I stopped caring this time and am taking time to recover myself. What a headtrip

This is the worst this you can do, it just re-enforces your feelings for you and you are in a vicious cycle

Its emotional blackmail. To pull you in make you care, like you mean and are everything to her. Few weeks she be cutting you off again and telling you its your fault. Read up on bpd and being in a relationship and I guarantee the alarm bells ring...like all woman are crazy we know that but these women are a lot extra

If you guys are in therapy and on medicine if needed, you make great friends though.
I've already dated two of you though, so when I notice the signs, that person goes into the do not date folder in my mind.

I'm currently trying to fix shit with her. Hopefully that can happen. It's just I love how I took her virginity and it will be so hard and shitty to see her and up with another guy.. nit only that, not trying to sound like a good digger but she has money

End*
Not*
Gold*

Your mental health is worth more than all of the gold in the world user.
If you stay with this chick and she keeps acting like that, you will end up depressed, suicidal and if you're unlucky enough, emotionally scarred to the point of mental illness.

Here's how to get over a breakup

>femon
Instantly jump into another relationship and use the new guy as an emotional crutch to help forget about your ex BF. Chances are you already had him lined up before the breakup while flirting around behind your BFs back IRL or on social media.

>guy
Initially you won't feel too bad but eventually the pain will hit you like a brick. This often happens 1 or 2 months after the breakup. You can try having a one night stand or fucking around in general, but for many guys this won't help as you'll know deep down you're only doing to forget about "her" - which you'll see as a personal weakness if you have pride/self-respect.

It takes guys longer than girls in general to forget about an ex, that's just a fact of life. Try filling your life with everything that doesn't involve a significant other, and with time, wounds will heal. Might take 3 months or 3 years, everyone is different.

>be ugly
>have ugly friends
OH YOUR LIFE IS JUST SOOOO EASY ISN'T IT MR KNOW IT AL

People can be pretty without you wanting to fuck them user.
There are personalities underneath their skin, that may or may not be sexually attractive to you.

Your right user.. anyways I do have thoughts of other women, I need to be free again

From my experience, you just find a new girl. People say rebounding is unhealthy, but it genuinely helps me a lot.

The last 3 girls I've dated have broken up with me, and all of them have begged me to take them back almost immediately after realising I've moved on. It was at that moment that all my affection for them just turned to resentment.

Surprisingly good advice in this thread
>cut all contact
>recognize that you will now be entwring a high-risk, volatile period of drinking and loosing your mind
>take a piss on some of her belongings if possible. Or burn/ destroy them
>treat it as though she is dead. Its weirdly easier to process that way
> the pain will never go away but you will become better equipped to deal with it over the years, which is good because the fucked up shit like this breakup (and good shit) is only gonna keep coming
>resist the urge to an hero, it's your job to take it like a man
>try not to womanize too hard. I was angry at women in general and treated some half decent girls like shit and now i just feel bad
>remember this hard lesson and go forward knowing you can never fully trust a woman, so you don't get crushed again

>entwring
Kek I just realized a posted a downs meme and then talked like i had severe downs

I'm with you until the last point.
Don't trust indiscriminately, but do trust until you get a reason not to.

Broke up with my gf of 4 years about 3 weeks ago. I can't stop thinking about her. She's the first thing I think of when I wake up, the last before I pass out at night. She even haunts me in my dreams every night. You're not alone OP. Heart break is the absolute worst, but the only thing that helps is keeping distracted and the passage of time. This isn't my first heart break, so I know I'll be fine eventually. You will too. You just have to suffer through until then. It's like a disease you have to cure.

I don't know man, I just lost my GF after I found out she had been stealing money from me to buy heroin and she was a total fucking junkie. Absolutely pristine about hiding it for a few months. Then she ran off to god only knows where and is stiffing me on rent. I feel fine most of the time now, but sometimes I'll just get overwhelmed with emotion randomly and it's awful. Then I have a few drinks and I feel better. As cliche as it is, it takes time. It helps to put yourself back out there though.

It helps to think of it as withdrawal.
Your source of happy hormones is gone, so your body is telling you that that awesome drug you've been on for 4 years is missing.

Kys virgin

Yea that will pass but i experienced that too for like a year or so its beyond fucked up. Its like all of your recent sexual memories are tied up with them so you need to think about them to blow a wad but thinking about them makes you miserable

There's actually a lot of truth to this. Love produces all sorts of chemicals in our body, and once it ends so do the production of all those chemicals.

...

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I went through it, I still am. I haven't had any contact with her since April. She found out the hard way that the fag she was chasing wasn't right for her and now she has nothing, forced to live with family again. Part of me is sad for her because I know how much it sucks when the person you love doesn't share your feelings but another part says "serves your ass right". I got a lot of love for her but she doesn't listen to reason. It didn't help matters any that I had made clear that I wanted to try being with her again, I put the moves on her when they were on the outs. Made out with her on separate holidays, thanksgiving and christmas with no complaint from her but flipped shit later on. idk...

Be mindful about your alcohol intake, if it becomes a crutch it won't help you anymore.
All you'll be doing is pushing down emotions and letting them fester.

Had a love ting with a bird at work. After it fucked up - me to start off with, then her in the totality - I'd have given anything in the world to be able to ditch her from my life entirely.

A year on, it doesn't hurt as much, but you know what? I'd give anything in the world to be able to ditch her from my life entirely.

But I can't. If you can get rid, please do.

...

boyo just start painting, exercising, take up an instrument or dance classes (anything u didn't have time till now)
a) you will get better at something real and regain self-esteem
b) takes your mind off it
c) increases likelihood of meeting a reputable, intelligent female

Idk I want to, not trying to sound like an edgelord faggot here that just hates women but I experienced an especially fucked up breakup (she left without even saying why after more than 5 years of dating and started fucking some black guy) and that was more than 4 years ago and I still don't think I could ever, ever trust a woman as more than a slut to try to manipulate into being faithful for some period of time

>be me
>22 kissless, gfless virgin
>meet a girl on tinder
>lives far, so ldr
>we hit it off really well
>she seems interested
>go on a date
>great time, want to see each other again
>talk for some time, going great
>nearing 2nd date she starts losing interest
>over the course of the 'relationship' she kept being on and off about being with me or any guy for that matter
>she's very shy and introverted and awkward + the distance, so I thought these are the reasons
>she wants to see each other still
>I told her my intentions were to find a gf on tinder, she says its possible if I like her enough
>I did
>at the end suggested I may develop feelings for her, didn't say anything autistic like "I love you" while still dating, but implied interest
>she says she doesn't want to do it anymore, she was nice about it but still, fuck
>she led me to believe she wanted to continue dating
>broke up on the day of the date
>I feel embarrassed and miserable
>cut off all contact
been over a month now that she's gone, but I feel a little better, still, sometimes she comes to mind and the connection we had and I miss it. Letting go seems wrong but I know I have to, its over.
I did surprisingly well for a first time and so late, but she was so indecisive it was misleading and now I'm alone again. Fuck my life.
I'm on the same boat OP

Sounds like she hurt you bad, but if you don't try to give people the benefit of the doubt, you'll be stuck in a mostly unhappy state.
I've been through plenty of really shit relationships, but I acknowledge that everyone is an individual and that you can't paint people with a wide brush like that.

You just have to give it time, that's what worked for me.
Give it time, let the wounds heal, don't rush yourself.
Take a year off dating, no rebounds and stupid shit like that.

However, after that one year mark, try and force yourself to move on.
Think of yourself - that you do not want to waste any more time of your life on that person who's gone already.

At least you jumped into it and communicated about what you wanted.
If you keep doing that, you'll end up in a loving relationship.

Thanks. Yeah, I tried to play it right but with no experience you know fuck all about what you're doing, making it clear seemed like a good idea at the start and it was, she was ok with it and she really seemed to like me. In the end it didn't work out and I can't figure out whether it was me or the distance that influenced her decision

This

Probably a little bit of both user, mixed with a part of her.
Just keep being honest and open, perhaps look for someone who lives nearby, so you avoid the strain of ldr and you'll be golden user.
LDR are hard on people with solid long lived relationships, when it is the beginning of a relationship there is a high risk of failure.

Nice trips and also nice advice. Thanks for replying. I have to ask though, as much as I want to beleive what you say, and I do think there is some truth to needing to give individuals each a fair chance, I kind of still feel like any sort of trust is simply out of reach. Don't want to sound dramatic, people have had it far worse, but trusting or unconditionally loving another woman is not a concept i can take seriously any more, at least as of now. It's literally like a dark joke

Trust is earned and unconditional love is something you get from pets and a feeling you have for your kids.
A romantic relationship in my opinion has to be conditional, so your partner knows what you will and will not put up with and vice versa.
Giving people a fair chance is more about you than about them in a sense. Do you want to be the guy who gets paranoid at the slightest thing or do you want to be a mature adult who reserves his judgement until there is a valid reason to trust or not to trust someone?