How many Anons are depressed or suicidal? Not here to judge and not even understand. I just am

How many Anons are depressed or suicidal? Not here to judge and not even understand. I just am.

Been in the shit for about two years now, in and out. Pretty much undiagnosed, probably more bipolar than anything but no real idea of my fuckedness. I hate myself more and more everyday but that hatred only stems from my will to live. I love my family but fuck, I wish I was dead.

What do you hate about yourself?

I hate my inability to cope with the real world. It took me 21 years to tell people my sexuality but i'm still not happy about it. I'm bitter and stupid and afraid, I know it's ridiculous but I can't escape it. I will never be the person i pretended to be ever again and he was better than i will ever feel. Ever feel robbed?

My buddy just got arrested for fleeing the scene of an accident in my dads friends car who I'm housitting for. I normally always avoid socializing and people for reasons like this now I have to face him when he comes home to tell him what happened. My whole life I have thrown away every good opportunity every good person.... everything in general I was just depressed for a long time and now I want to delete myself. I just feel like a waste of oxygen. I had so many good people supporting me and trying to tell me to make something of myself and today here I am facing retribution for my misdeeds.

Cont... I know I'm a complete faking idot for letting someone else drive, he was someone I trusted, a coworker from a while back when I worked as a bouncer. I literally let him drive a block cause I had to take a phone call. He swiped some dude and gets out of the car and runs away with the driver of the other car chasing after him. Then 50 minutes or so later the guy and my friend are nowhere to be found I'm sitting next to his running car in south beach so I decide to leave and look for them. Then some idiot valet hits my car. I still can't wrap my head around how retarded this is. Should I just off myself.

i am currently not depressed or suicidal. these things will always be a part of my life however. my current non-depressed state is temporary. i will slip eventually and feel shitty about my life sooner or later.

I'm pretty depressed. I'm starting 75mg of Wellbutrin tomorrow and after a month going to 150-200mg. Hopefully it helps. Wish me luck

I take 140mg of Sertraline a day

That's fucked man. My fucks ups are internal, your fuck ups our external. They are beyond your control. There will be hard times and there will be good. Retribution comes and goes. We all face the music in the end, we still have the power to go out on the not we choose.

>he thinks zoloft is a real drug

Best of luck man, may good times come your way. There is a light . We'll make it. That's the bullshit out of the way, get through to the otherside man, best of luck.

If it wasn't for the endorphins I pump into myself from exercise and the fact that it would absolutely destroy my dear mother, I'd have offed myself years ago.

the wellbutrin is not going to help alone, but if you smoke/are a fat fuck it will make it easier to quit the cigs/food

get Lamictal as a mood stabilizer, but be warned that it will make you go manic for about a week when you start

just tell the doc that you have an uncle who (x drug) worked for and theyll give it to you

Better question, what meds are ya'll taking? I just got off lexapro and started effexor.

I'm waiting on the good times right now. They'll come someday right?
Different meds work for different people. I hate my psychiatrist so I'm probably not gonna tell her anything.

Never had any medication, what would you request? I'm entering a whole new place with depression what would you recommend?

I guess i'm chatting shit. I need to get better before I give advice.Fuck.

>Thinks his opinion is relevant

Meds work differently for everyone. Ideally you want to avoid benzos because that shit is super addictive. Lexapro was pretty baller for a while, but then I started feeling suicidal. Effexor at my current dosage is pretty ineffective, but I hear good things.

I help people even though I go through the same shit as they do. The depressed can help the depressed

I just want to get better, I know how I feel is wrong. Thanks for the advice man, I'll check it out. Hope you bring it back.

We are al in this together after all.

With that attitude yeah. Just because you're prone to that shit doesn't mean you're doomed to suffer from it.

Quit feeling sorry for yourself. You can control your outlook and learn to deal with your emotions rather than automatically giving up and succumbing to them any time you get triggered (I don't mean that in a sarcastic way).

I've suffered from chronic anxiety my whole life and it turned me into a paranoid mess. It wasn't until I started getting constant panic attacks (thought they were heart episodes at first) that I realized how much my emotions were controlling me. But that was a good thing, because you can control emotions to an extent, and cope with them when you can't.

Drugs are not the answer. You get addicted, they stop being effective, and the side effects often make things worse. The only long term solution to most mental health issues is learning to control them. No you'll never be normal, you'll have to try harder, but what the hell else are you gonna do?

Both here. Mostly depression though. These were both diagnosed by a real doctor through my PCP. Had to take like 3 different pills but stopped because they made me feel awful. So now I smoke weed to fill the empty void, it's working but can't say for how much longer.

Welp my life's been pretty much shit for something like 5 years now. Im under medication rn, sertraline and olanzapine. Spent 10 months in some sort of hospital in 2013/2014. Ive given up suicide now tho.

good advice for other people. thanks for putting in the effort user.

This is the mindset I crave man. One day I will get there, no doubt. Thank you for the focus, when being drunk and silly suicidal.

In my experience weed enhances your psychological state or whatever, meaning whatever you feel most deep down becomes all consuming. I think people like it because it alters reality, makes you feel like a different person. That stops after a while though, and it just destroys your self control and ability to function in the end. It's best for mentally sound people or people who just need a perspective change. If you have an actual mental illness I think it does less good, and maybe some bad.

However that all goes flying out the window if you take the placebo effect into account. You have to be convinced religiously that whatever you're doing is helping for the placebo effect to work though.

Drugs are a poor solution.

Absolutely my dude

Yea idk, life for me anyways is just a giant fuck fest. I don't blame any of my problems on anyone else and im aware im a product of my own self hatred but fuck i constantly think about offing myself in many different situations, ill be chilling with my friend of 9+ years and ill randomly think "mannn fuck all this" and think of a way to off myself without even realize im doing it. I don't even believe that real life is real life??? in a way. Constantly having nightmares that you can remember messes with you feel for reality. Since i was 17 i told myself i wouldnt be alive for my 18th, and again, my 19th. 20th. so on, im 21 rn and there isnt a day that goes by without me wanting to just off myself and never see anyone again. It just doesnt happen. I wouldn't call myself lazy, just brain dead in the way that i feel nothing is worth it, at all. But hey, shitty memes, youtube, and the internet make it all better huehuehue

That's a good mindset to have my man
I'm trying to control it as well
Can you share tips that have worked for you in "taming" your anxiety

post shut-in, not doing well, probably bi-polar but can't get proper help because I do too good then roll into void and go back on feet for past years, life's strange

Hey shit man, last preachy post of the night. And even though I'm still wishing for death (as I imagine you are) there is still peace to be found. We can't escape who we are but shieeeet there is still worth something worth hanging on to , even that might not last too long, but it comes and goes. Best of luck man.

Yeah, that only works if you're problems are internal. Anyone can develop a mental illness if they have to deal with constant adversity. A good attitude still helps. It's harder to change your attitude with depression than anxiety but it can still be done.

The best way to make it happen is to quit doing what you know you shouldn't and focus on how things can get better.

Drugs turn into a crutch. The only way they're useful is if they make you mentally sound long enough to start fighting towards better health, but they probably won't fix you on their own. They should be viewed as an aide, not a solution. Unfortunately that requires more intensive treatment and time than most people can get away with and they just learn to rely on the drug.

It comes it goes, never quite figured out whether I was too happy or too sad. Might be depressed or might be bipolar. Get well if you have certainty of illness be as content as you can in doubt.

thats the thing, is my attitude is a lot better than it once was, and im trying to eat better and im trying to be a bit more physically active, and currently my previously depressed/suicidal friends are both stable and possibly even content with their lives. but that doesn't really change my lot in life, and it doesn't change the fact that any happiness or satisfaction i may experience in this lifetime will be fleeting.

Had le depression and anxiety meme since I was 10, been on medication since I was 19. What a life.

I was heavily suicidal before I got the meds, now at worst I'll feel too anxious to go to sleep, when before I used to have outright panic attacks over the smallest shit. So yeah, meds are good. Also I've been in a foreign country for 5 months, which caused a bit of a relapse. Hence, I'm currently struggling to force myself to go to sleep despite anxiety screaming that for some unknown reason I shouldn't sleep. Every night with this shit now, after years of being able to sleep peacefully. Ah well.

Purest thread all night, bless you gentlemen, may you all find peace. For the heartbreak and the disease and the faggotry. We are all in this together. Life is a joke and so is pain all we can do is rehearse the punchline until it doesn't hurt.

depressed about 8 years. suicidal about 3. hope is gay

gayness is ok

Where are you user?

yes it is. sorry
hope is bogus

I'm British, and I'm currently stuck in Germany. Only two weeks left though. But then I have to deal with my narcissist parents trying to force me to move in with them, and three term papers that I haven't even started yet that I need to finish in a month, so about one term paper a week, then a week of summer holiday, then back to my third year of uni. Brilliant.

About to start my second year of Brit uni, I can't imagine it gets any easier. I'm sure you can make it though, we all will.

I guess.
I'm getting serious with this one fine soul and it really kicked me a bit to get the shit in shape.
Will see how next few phase swaps work then decide what to do, ty anyways.

T-thanks man. I like to hope in my home country I'll feel better like I did before I went to Germany. I can only hope.

Good luck to you too man. Now I'm going to try to go to sleep. Gute Nacht as the Deutsch fuckheads say.

Best of luck to you too man.

There's no place like home. It'd be fine if that was true but goodnight and if you believe in god,than godbless man. On the other side yeah?

Understanding it was important, knowing why I felt the way I did. I used to smoke weed, and did shrooms a couple times, and though it was always unpleasant it allowed me to shift my perspective and see my life and my actions objectively, and that helped me realize what steps I needed to take. I never do them any more, weed gives me anxiety attacks.

I realized my mental illness was constantly influencing me and having an insidious effect on my thought processes and decision making. I avoided everything I was afraid of, put issues on the back burner forever. Anxiety means life constantly gets too real and scary for me, so that effects me differently than other illnesses like depression. I started facing those things, at least the worst ones. I still haven't faced all of them.

Things really changed for me when I started getting panic attacks. I thought I was developing a heart condition, but after several of them I realized they had specific situations that triggered them. I learned to control the panic attacks first, basically taught myself mindfullness. It's difficult to explain, but I learned to shut down my mind and calm myself to the point where I wasn't worried about dying. I would still be having the attack, but I could weather it out at that point. Being in control was important, weed gives me panic attacks because I lose control. Getting healthy, fixing relationships and issues in my life gave me more control. I also learned to not be afraid.

What worked for me won't work for everyone. My issue was constant uncertainty and worry triggering my anxiety. The anxiety is chronic, it's always in the back of my mind, but learning to control the fear allows me to ignore it.

Cont'd:

I don't know what might work for chronic depression, but what I basically did for anxiety was figure out what areas of my life it was affecting the most, and started ignoring it and doing what I knew I should be doing in those situations instead of succumbing to my emotions and allowing my problems to get worse.

Good advice man. I know where I need to go. I can't control but I can maintain. My anxiety will fade eventually, yours will too (probably before mine) but we will both get there.

I'm now facing eviction because my roommate (my twin brother, fraternal) Spends most of his time in mental hospitals for some crazy shit he believes in. (That's a hell of a story on its own). When he is out, he spends the majority of his money on fast food and drugs, which left nothing for rent and I just couldn't do it alone.

Before all of this, there was a third roommate, My now ex-girlfriend, who I kicked out after she cheated on me while I was at work. The whole "you dont pay attention to me" bullshit. I wasn't having it, so she was out. She retaliated by stealing my GTX 1080 right out of my pc. The option was to take them to court, but I didn't, because I do not want to see that bitch again, I would rather buy a new one.

Now my brother is talking suicide, which keeps me from doing so, because if he does, after I do, then there is nobody to carry on the family name, and that would devastate my father.

I keep all these thoughts away from my family, and I deal with everything by myself, Its getting to be a lot to handle.

Good point. That unfortunately is reality. You can go 2 ways about that; give in to inevitability and give up, or fight it and try to have a good time in spite of it. You aren't lucky enough to be blissfully ignorant anymore, take some pride in that and deal with it.

I'm sorry guys, but i'm out. I sincerely hope you all find a good end to your troubles, no bullshit. Good luck, hold on as long as you can. You kept me going tonight.

Anything that keeps you alive is good enough.
For years my only will to live was need to get revenge on people whom I've blamed for my bad luck and life situation. But it all changed because there always were some friend or pal even if at the time I considered them as not loyal or even enemies.
Depression and fucked brain states get people question everything but if there's at least one drive like said continuity of the family name, there's at least one solid example why you should live.

Thanks. Thinking something will work and making an effort is often all it takes. Positive feedback loop. Goodnight.

I have a great job, a great family, a beautiful house and two cars, I am an international recognized scholar in my field... And every day I want to die. Objectively, my life is amazing. I'm an upper class white guy from Connecticut. A billion people would literally kill to have my life... objectively it is amazing... But every day I want it to end.