How do I kill my girlfriends dog so it looks like natural causes?
The stupid fucking thing shits all over the lawn and every time I mow the lawn there is this "mist" of dog shit.
Also it tries to get in the bed periodically throughout the night. It will whimper constantly if it isnt within 5 meters from her.
All it does it mope around and constantly want food. I fucking hate it.
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Would it ever eat something abnormal? Like a rubber kitchen glove? You could make that taste like food and make it eat it?
Or procure some kind of worm or something which will kill it, or a disease.
Or gas it or something and make it seem natural?
Drown it in a lake when taking it for a walk, say it fell in and you couldn't get it out?
Make something heavy fall on it in the wind?
Be imaginative. Of course, I don't know what kind of things you have to work with.
Thank you. Imagining all this stuff put a smile on my face.
the fuck is wrong with you?
Pick up the shit before mowing the lawn?
Feed it large quantities of milk chocolate while your gf isn't around.
some dogs should not be alive in the first place
they're a big fuck you to evolution
Quit being a lazy fuck and shovel the shit or water it down you fucking loser.
The dog loves your girlfriend, get over you pussy. Someone should run you over with the lawnmower. Faggot
you shouldnt be alive either you're a big fuck you to evolution also with your retarded inbred ass. i wish i knew a way you find because i would punch you square in the fucking face
you'd be a shitty parent, probably never had an ounce of responsibility in your life you fat autistic faggot, hope you gf gets nigger dicked.
Sometimes the shit has the viscosity of your mothers sloppy vagina juice. So cant really pick it up.
honestly leave the poor innocent little dog alone, i would fuck you up if i knew you in real life. wish i knew a way to find you right now i beat the living shit out of you. if the dog doesnt deserve life then neither do you you fat piece of fucking shit
I wouldnt let my kid shit on the lawn
you are no better than a cockroach, no one is special, live and let live, a dog isn't just a disposable item.
Feed it chocolate
>i would fuck you up if i knew you irl
>Implying you have any control where toddlers shit
ur just a kiddo do a 360 and walk into on coming traffic, your gf won't miss you what with her getting nigger dicked and all.
Milk chocolate wont do shit dumbass, it's not real chocolate.
Feed the pupper baking chocolate and grapes. Dead in 24 hours.
Feed it properly?
If you are dead set, just have some decency, and live out the murder in your head, and devise the alibi, but simply give it for adoption in somewhere far af, and bumfuck nowhere, preferrably a little cabin like place where they take in ex cop dogs and are almost untracable via internet
She goes looking for a new dog to adopt or just mistrusts u and finds fhat fucker online, I'd lol
Soak a bit of bread in antifreeze.
Put it in their bowl
What are nappies/diapers?
If I did a 360 I would be facing the same direction
i actually love dogs. so my first advice would be to stop being a faggot, and try making friends with the dog.
Bring it some meat, train it to do some less useless shit. so it's not so annoying to you.
that being said, if you HAVE to kill it.
Run it over with a car.
this is quick, so the dog isn't suffering long...
and you can say that the dog ran away, or got off leash, and some asshat ran it over.
(deep down inside though, you'll know that you're the asshat...)
thats the joke...
>being this new
...
>"mist" of dog shit
Kek
just take it with you on a drive when she isn't home and throw it off a bridge. go home and text her the dog got out and your looking for it but just go to Applebee's and have some happy hour apps instead.
"accidentally" drop some chocolate on the floor
Yeah what you said, in all honesty im probably just going to fantasise about it dying
Hmmm what about resting a car on the back-half of its body. That's fun to think about
You dun gone got me good!
be aware, that if you go this route, to use bakers DARK chocolate.
If you use milk chocolate, or anything else, it just makes them nauseous and you'll have liquid dog shit all over your lawn...
...not better.
This. A retarded cunt doesn't know how to take care of himself or an animal, so he resorts to some autistic solution like killing an innocent dog.
>Throw it off a bridge
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Antifreeze is sweet, so put a little bowl of antifreeze down and let it drink that. It's not a pleasant way to go, but if you can get it to drink an ounce or so...
Who made you the arbiter of evolution, you stupid, entitled shitface.
Get raped in a fire.
Thanks. "Pleasant" is not a requirement in its death so this is great.
Most dogs are like the NEETS of society. Dont contribute anything and are only alive because they mooch off their owners.
The easiest way to do it and get away with is to help it run away. If you have a fenced backyard where it takes it shits at, make a hole between the fences and the dirt for it to escape and venture off. Next act like a rabbit or some other creature in your region dug that hole. Make your girlfriend let the dog out to shit so you won't be blamed and it will probably escape through that hole. That's only if you have a backyard with fences though. If you don't follow the first thing I said.
Not true. It used to be but people were using it to kill dogs and cats and sometimes people so they now add a bittering agent to make it unpalatable. Go ahead and try some if you don't believe me
Nigga pick up the dog shit I have three fucking dogs and I still fucking do it before I mow or weedwack
jesus 2nd day on the internet or what?
Well aren't you just the man of the hour.
Why not just kill the dogs? Then you wouldn't have to pick up shit like a negroid.
1. You are a fucking coward
2. Your gf is cheating on you because she can sense how pathetic you are
3. You are such a loser that you feel like you accomplish something by killing a dog instead of manning up and facing a problem like a respectable person
so to answer your question:
SUICIDE - MURDER
kill yourself first then the dog
Why the fuck does it matter, kill it (stab it, stomp it, rip its legs apart, anything) take its body and dump it somewhere. Say it ran away.
if you want the body to show her just choke it, or drown it. You could also force it to drink some chems, ipa, cleaners, antifreeze just hold its mouth open and force them down.
sister's panty-sniffing, trap-wanna-be faggot detected
Im dealing with the problem of shit all over my lawn and being woken up throughout the night.
AND as an extra "fuck you" I have to pay for the food so it can do said faggot things
antifreeze, dogs lap that shit right up and it is guaranteed death, also chicken wings are a risky eat but not even nearly a guarantee.
you could just break it's neck and bury it or Chuck it in the woods for the wildlife to dispose of, it's not like a human body, no one will care if they see a dead dog.
Oh no user, you got me there. But these panties sure do smell good xx
this makes no sense.
oh..
I get it...
edge takes priority over coherence.
THEN DEAL WITH IT LIKE A MAN
Address the owner don't be a pathetic coward like some of these crybabies posting bullshit here
MAN
THE FUCK
UP
...
user makes perfect sense there
but he might not to a whimpering child like yourself
Ok guys I did it. Just straight up beat it to death with a shovel out the back. Im shaking and its not even cold.
if you have a fence you can put the collar over it and it will hang it, get pics tho.
welp didn't even scroll down but good shit
F
2nd this one or
Smear canned dog food on road by the yellow lines preferrably by a turn around dusk . Let the little fucker outside.. And just listen for the action to happen
Nice try, but no dice.
Thanks. I partially regretted posting that. Thought some people might have believed it.
>IPA
Ale? Fucking why?
You take a 12 gauge and shoot yourself with it.