Hey Sup Forums. I'm feeling exceptionally down right now. Financial issues, probably going to be homeless soon. On top of this, might lose job.
Been surrounded by suicide lately.
Guess it's my turn. Have a good one anons. I hope you guys live up to your potential.
Fuck, I guess posting this was pointless. It's just going to die.
I need alcohol.
It's not time yet.
I am random chance, fate, chaos, whatever you may call me. And I am telling you it's not time.
Guess we'll see if I survive then.
It's not time meaning I am the universe telling you it's not time.
I am your sign.
I appreciate what you're trying to do user, but I've already decided. It's too late for me to recover from this. I'm just a waste of human space anyway. I'm an overweight loser who still lives in his parents' house at 20 years old. I work a shitty part time job and go to college.
We're almost broke. There's no coming back from this. Thanks for trying, though.
Meaning don't do it yet, and a random possibility will unfold.
This much I promise, I will contact you again after a few months and will remind you of this conversation.
Hear my story first, then decide?
I was a paramedic, I had seen a lot of things, and gone through a lot of things in life.
I was a heavy smoker, I had an unfixable bad sleep pattern that I had gone through for 5 years.
My girlfriend was a pathological liar who wanted me only for material things and stability, she cheated and I became!e alone
Her cheating causes erectile dysfunction in me, that and smoking. I quit my job driving the ambulance and basically became a couch potato.
Soon I became broke, and in debt to every single friend I had, 200 here, 800 there.
I reached the end of the barrel, I almost pulled the trigger when suddenly a commercial on TV said "don't do it no" it had nothing to do with me but I smiled and stopped
if you've already decided, you wouldnt post a cry for help on Sup Forums. you would have just done it.
it's not time user.
Honestly, I just wanted to leave a message of encouragement to you all before I throw myself off the bridge.
If I could do just one thing worth a shit in life, maybe that would be it. It probably isn't but it'll help me go out a little more comfortable.
I decided to give shit another try, I bought dice. Gaming dice and I designated 1-3 as yes and 4-6 as no, and started playing with chaos. I threw the dice to questions like "should I go to the gym?" Yes "should I fix my life?" Yes
Should I kill my self? Yes, I didn't do it though, because this new game gave me some motivation in life, to surrender to chance.
So I rolled the dice to everything but suicide,
Let me tell you about my life now
I am in Europe, I have a 2800 euro per month job, I built a nice body, erectile dysfunction disappeared three months into gym. I have a fiancee, and I have part ownership to s house.
I send my family 700 Euroes a month
So again, I am your random encounter in life, stop, take a mirror and start fixing shit.
I don't want a random possibility to unfold at this point. It's easiest if I just let go. Easiest for everyone. One less mouth to feed.
One less person to worry about.
I'm glad you have the motivation to keep moving forward, user. Go out and do great things.
Thanks for making sure I wasn't alone in my last few hours, guys. I appreciate it.
It gets better, no matter how hard life gets it gets better.
Take it from someone that has been homless and living in a house with no electrcity or running water. Went to the gym to bathe and when I got evicted I lived in my car.
Life is hard, keep pushing. There are people that are worth it and people you haven't even met yet.
Think of it this way. What would Mister rogers say?
Nope. All my friends and heroes keep killing themselves to brother.
See you soon i guess.
See those posts, life is speaking to you.
Get out of your current mood, her out of your own "story" and realise that nothing is impossible.
I love you, whoever you are, but at this point there isn't much I can do other than send you these posts.
Snap out of it, life gets better I promise you.
question for you user. I have a fast rule about lending money to friends. Would you agree with that rule? Do you wish your friends cut you off financially?
Like emergency is different, but i would never enable a real friend like that by just giving him 800 bucks or so...
A friend once gave me 3,000 dollars and i gave it back a year later.
It depends on your friends and their financial security.
I was a mess, some trusted me, some didn't, I paid it all back though. Every cent.
I'm probably gonna get sued for saying this but live stream it.
or not, could get a better job
Get help if possible as well.
I half wish I could give you guys my life story so I could be told whether or not I did anything at all worth a shit in life. But honestly you guys don't have the time to read that shit anyways.
Thanks for the support anons.
cmon op, you can tell us
fucking post it man. Insomnia's keeping me up, you've got a listening ear hear.
I've got a file on google drive of the whole thing typed up. Had to recently explain everything to a group of friends. I'll try to find it hold on.
hmm alright, maybe im too strict with my policy, it's just bitten me before in highschool when money got involved. It helps im not really in a financially.... optimal situation so no one really asks me
You can always kill yourself later. If you're at a point where killing yourself seems achievable, why not try something else? Get out of the state, work out, whatever. You can always kill yourself tomorrow.
Anyone who is curious about my past leave a throwaway email or some shit and I'll send it to you. Not sure how else I'd show you. It's a pdf.
Or I could just give you all the shortened version on here. It'd leave out a lot of details you probably don't give a shit about anyway.
put some screencaps on here, man.
Genuinely interested.
Fuck it. OP here.
Growing up, my dad used to beat the shit out of me. Any time my mom wasn't around he'd take his anger out on me. She still doesn't know.
Around the time I turned 10, he took me into the bathroom one day and molested me. Yelled at me when I protested and reliving the memory is a fucking awful experience but hey shit happens right?
Eventually my parents divorce and I live with my mom. We're extremely poor and barely make it by. Mom becomes suicidal and nearly attempts suicide every day for months.
Fucked up. That's dark stuff.
Shit goes on like this for a while. I'm about 12 by now. I start sinking deep into depression. I spend most of my time in an online game called Maplestory just trying to escape reality. Haven't heard anything from my dad. We're relying on borrowed money to live. Live in a southern school and I'm this emo faggot so I get the shit beat out of me by kids there daily. Manage to hide all this shit from my mom for her own sake. Eventually attempt suicide a few times growing up, but I was a teenager and I was stupid and a failure so the shit didn't ever work. Slit my wrists, blah blah blah. I turn 13, and my dad is finally kind of back in our lives. I'm not happy about this obviously. But I come to realize that I'm stressing my mom out a lot more lately, and that we're extremely poor so I'm an extra mouth to feed. I make the decision to move in with my father for her sake. It was the last thing I wanted to do, but that's just the kind of shit you do for people you care about.
Spend ages 13-16 living with my father. Genuinely the worst times of my life. He's got a batshit crazy girlfriend and he physically and emotionally abuses me. I spend most of my time locked up in my room when I can, and the rest of it out of the house to avoid him as much as possible. He's really fucked in the head. I remember one of my worst experiences there was when my little sister was visiting and she saw him slam me up against a wall. I've never seen her so scared. I brushed it off and told her it was nothing, and he's just in a bad mood. Luckily she listened, because nothing ever came of it.
Reading your stuff still, go on.
Dad regularly calls me names and shit, degrades me in front of my friends, anything he can to make life a little harder on me. No idea why. Not sure what's wrong with him. He's just a dick I guess. I'm extremely depressed during the years living with him, and it got to a point where I would start staying in the nearby park overnight. I didn't want to go home ever. He made life hell. Finally I hear that my mom is doing better financially, and I'm to the point where I've failed suicide a couple more times. I'm ready to go back home and escape this hell hole, right?
My father tells me I can't leave and that I'll have to take it to court if I want to get out. He takes my phone and basically isolates me from society except for school. As I'm still a teenager, I'm scared to reveal this shit to anyone else. Scared of what he'd do to me, scared I might think it's worse than it is. So I told nobody.
that's a fucking heavy burden for a teenage kid.
Months go by, and suddenly my dad tells me he can't afford to feed me anymore and that he's moving so I have to go live with my mom. I remember this being one of the most relieving bits of news I'd ever gotten. I packed my clothes into a tote and went to move in with my mom. Life wasn't great, but we got by. I slept on the couch in the living room, used the computer for entertainment, and all of my belongings were in my tote in the corner. I went to school and made a friend. She was nice at first, but as time passed she started getting really demanding of me. She would constantly put me in these extremely uncomfortable situations, put me on the spot at school, yada yada. She made the rest of my high school years a hell. Pretty sure I developed anxiety thanks to her and my dad's shit. I graduate, move out for two months with a decent job, and then I get laid off suddenly one day. Forced to move back in with my mom and have been living here ever since, work at a grocery store part time and go to college. I'm lucky as fuck she's willing to support me while I study cybersecurity. She's an incredible person, honestly.
every econ non-self-reliant here should anhero ftmfw
...
That's essentially the gist of it. During my teenaged years I would frequently make friends and then they would abandon me as I started really feeling comfortable around them, so it got hard to emotionally invest myself in people at all. I feel like I've wasted my life away being useless. I practically freeload off my mom, barely pay for anything, and I feel like a piece of shit. I can't find a job around here because it's the south and there just aren't job openings, and honestly I feel like I should just die. I'm useless to everyone around me.
Cheers for writing that shit out. What's next up?
Hey fuck face. Stop being such a twat. Just off yourself. Now! Do it faggot.
I either die or continue on and try to fix my financial situation, and hopefully major with cybersecurity and find a decent paying job so I can pay my mom back for all the shit she's done for me and make my life decent.
Fucking hell.
your duty is to live and cling to life as hard as you can until you can't no more no matter how painful
face it and fulfill it, you can't just quit
If you decide to off yourself you'd leave your mom in an even worse position, you're likely one of the only reasons she bothers living.
You're probably right. My mom and I practically act like best friends now. She seems so happy when I introduce her to other friends of mine.
Maybe I should stop being such a pussy and do something that'll make her proud.
Die motherfucker. Be a man. kill yourself right now pussy.
Let's be honest here. You're 20, you're supposed to be useless. And that will be the reality for several more years to come in all likelihood. Financial stability and independence will come in time. Eventually, you'll land a job and shit won't be so bleak anymore. Think about the reasons why your mother is still pulling through and think about the impact your killing yourself would have on her. You're not just a financial burden, you're her fucking son. Spending too much time in your own head is killing you, man.
What you drinking, OP?
That's the Sup Forums I know. And don't forget doing a flip faggot.
Jokes besides if what OP said is true and he isn't just shitposting here, let's look from a more scientific side. After you die there will most likely be nothing forever. This is what is going to happen anyway, sooner or later. Suicide is useless, why not try to live as much as possible since it's the only thing you do while existing? It seems like you have some serious depression, I know that feel.
It's not even about the relatives, since after your death they won't matter anyway, but just for yourself keeping living is kinda enjoyable. Of course you are a piece of shit and useless but what's the problem? The world doesn't care about you and they won't care about your death so better keep living for yourself. If you think you are a freeload for your mom just tell it to her, perhaps she will make you understand that you dead would be worse for her than you like now (if you care about your mom at least).
Now go ahead and think about this since I doubt you will really commit suicide after writing thinks like this. But you still decide, don't forget about the flip.
Yeah...I guess so. I've been isolating myself a lot lately trying to deal with all this shit.
Thanks user. I'll make myself worth a shit.
Putting aside the fact that I can't afford alcohol, my mom also can't so I don't really have anything to drink. Sorry user. Have a cold one for me, eh?
His fucking bath water. Die you unworthy cunt.
Stay strong user
I'd say keep it that way then. No need to drink with all this shit going on. Cheers.
Been in a similar situation to you OP. Single mom, abusive father, same old. Offing myself's been on my mind every day for the past few years. But that is just putting a pathetic end to what you deem to be a pathetic life. No point in it. Might as well pull through.
Ah fuck. Fiance is freaking out now.
She's talking about suicide.
Shit, I gotta go anons. Thank you all for being so goddamn badass today. You guys are amazing.
Thank you all for everything.
Gotta go deal with this now.
an hero and join chester bodington in the sixth circle of hell
Feeling the same user, I'm a living example that physical attractiveness means shit if you are depressed asf
the struggle is real bro.
Are you really ready for what is on the other side?
Pain and death may seem like the best and easiest option but in all likelihood, being alive is far better. I struggle with this in the same way you do. But maybe things get better in the future Sup Forumsro?
You can only still around and find out
Don't forget the impact you're having on those you care about wallowing in this self-pity and self-hatred, people around you change. The shit sticks to others too, don't be the asshole who ruined someone else's life because he couldn't figure his own out.
fuck off dont guilt the man into being controlled by how everyone else feels
if he wants to go, then give him that honor of freedom.
I'm 25 and live with mother
Normal these days. Still a student
Do you guys want to make a Sup Forums feels Kik group?
Wasn't intended as a guilt trip, more of an underlining of interpersonal responsibility. If I continuously wallow in my depression the lives of those around me are going to diminish in quality. If I off myself and mentally fuck up my mother in doing so, that's on me.
Do you have a family?
Atleast wait till you see rick and morty season 3 man