Buy house

>buy house
>have beautiful lawn
>quiet, empty neighborhood
>neighborhood starts populating
>kids start playing outside
>kids start walking/running on my lawn destroying my plants and annoying me when I'm doing lawn work
>build fence
>kids break fence, climb and throw trash over my fence
>tell their parents about it
>kids stop bothering me for a few days but continue after
>grow tired of it and get a great idea
>print out fake ''sexual predator'' notice and place it on my mail box
>notice states how I'm not allowed to be around kids
>rarely any kids outside now
>peace for 1 whole month
>police get called on me because they want me to move away so their shitty kids can play again
>police talk to me and find out the notice is fake so I explain what happened
>police tell the neighbors and now the neighbors have way more confidence in letting them play around my house since they know I'm the opposite of a pedophile
>a number of kids double

If you have kids, fuck you. Don't have kids, you cunts.

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A couple of large dogs would be nice pets for you.

I've been thinking about it but the way the justice system around here is, they'd have me put down my dog and I'll lose a lawsuit against the family if my dog attacks their shit.

Just put a sign on your fence saying "GET THE FUCK OFF MY PROPERTY YOU LITTLE SHITS"

>use your phone camera
>film them damaging your property,or harassing you
>show it to the cops as evidence
>have all of this stop

SATAN? : D

>get camera
>mount camera
>shoot trespassers on sight

>inb4 shoot them with the camera
Gun.
Use a gun.

Sounds like a good idea, Satan

Yeah that'll work.

I know this might sound a little extreme, but have you tried becoming an actual sexual predator? Just touch one kid, you don't even have to like it.

Yeah, man. I've been meaning to buy cameras.

I would definitely do this.

Since satan is recommending it op,theres no way you can say no to putting up that sign.

DO IT!

Yes?

I'd go to jail around here.

But then he has to move away so the shitty kids can play again.

Chill out on your lawn with a double barrel shot gun and shoot the fuckers when they get close. Make sure you got overall or it won't work

Then go for it my dude.

No harm setting one up,and patiently waiting for someone to be stupid enough and trespass onto your property.

Put a sign saying: "don't cross this fence or your mother will die in sleep"

tell em the kid came on to you, report a kid for trying to molest you.

This works all the time it's fool proof

Overalls?
Denim ones are necessary.

Thanks for always looking out for me!

Yeah, I'ma do this and the sign. The sign won't work but it's funny anyway.

As long it's got some patches and stains you is good

Best of luck then mate.

Heres to hoping you get the peace and quiet you deserve.

Give us an update in a while to let us know how things went.

Start hiding punji pits behind your fence.
>don't forget to take some laxatives and dip the spikes in a bucket of your watery shit

They are basically molesting me.

I wish, man

Scarecrow with proximity explosives

Sounds good, man.

Thanks, man. I'll update you all just for you. :^) Cause I like you a lot.

Put up an electrified fence

Trips of Truth.

well that's why you have the fence right? if they cross that fence and that dog decides to fuck em up i don't think you would have much to worry about

the solution's been under your nose this whole time
>become an actual sexual predator
>two birds with one stone

Are they expensive? I mean the watts usage.

The justice system here sucks, man. There have been many trespassers attacked by dogs and the dogs and owner pay the price. The other side only gets a small trespassing fee or some shit.

Kids are nasty. They're walking boogers.

Post pics of lawn

Trips gets them sexy lawn pics ;^)

What state do you live in OP?

California

Figures

Where do you live?

you can kill them legally if they enter your property

why haven't you done this yet?

get a dog

Put a sign that says "Premises are under video surveillance"

Also "Trespassers will be sued for any property damage incurred"

Sue the next punk who wrecks your yard in small claims. Video evidence and ample warning signs will likely settle in your favor. Word will get around and other parents will get the hint real quick when they could be paying for whatever their little shits wreck.

Not here you can't. You can't even shoot a criminal if they break into your house and they're fleeing. You have to let them go or hold them down.

yeah op killing your neighbors child, legally, will have no ramifications whatsoever

Do you live in Canada? Because that's not entirely true.

That's true. Much cheaper than the electric fence. I've always been iffy on lawsuits but eh. I'll see about it.

My recommendation would be to record them trespassing and damaging property and then going to the police. Could take an extra step and get restraining orders.

No. The US of 'merica

If not this then this

Put one of these in your yard

The fuck kind of state do you live in?

I also didnt read OP's post, just came here to smack my keyboard cause I have an autism quota

Hire older kids to beat the shit out of them

Find a farm that's giving away kittens, get the whole box, give your neighborhood kids kittens to take home.

California.

Hah, doesn't sound too bad.

You spaghetti'd in front of the police, You shouldn't have told them it's fake.
Just question them as to why they are harassing you without cause on your own property.

Then they'll play with the kittens on my yard.

They found out it's fake. The notice wasn't really well-crafted. Just enough to fool the common people.

>Be OP
>Kids fuck up your shit
>Must get revenge
>"I know! I'll do something nice for them and get them pets!"

Tf dude?

You think cops are going to arrest children for damaging some plants on your lawn?

Cops will say "It's a civil matter. Sue the kids' parents for damages, if you want."

Give them kittens with rabies

>obtain pit bull
>obtain aids
>fuse the two like goku and vegeta
>let loose in neighborhood
>everyone leaves due to loose pit bull with aids

Put a camera up somewhere. Every time the kids come around talk to them incessantly on the camera. Just be nice and friendly and ask them about school. Ask them if they want a glass of water. Get them to tell you what they are actually learning in school. Talk to them as much as you can about boring crap. Every time you see kids, go out in front of your camera and try to talk to them. Always do it in front of the camera and never say anything bad.

Eventually, they will avoid you for being an annoying weirdo. If anyone ever says anything to the police, you have it all on tape anyway.

>>kids start walking/running on my lawn destroying my plants and annoying me when I'm doing lawn work
Waaah. I hear a tiny violin playing.

Shit on their lawns, key cards in the middle off the night, break toys in front of the kids and tell them they're either adopted or the result of late abortions

I just don't know why we're ignoring that great idea someone had to fuck the kids

Fuck you and you hell spawn, breeder

Kids be nasty N sheeeeit - OP

*Cars

grow poison ivy all over your fence

Stupid breeder

Think about it from the POV of the parents of the little shits. Their snot nose brings home an unsolicited kitten, and now they've got to pay to get it spayed/neutered, to get it shots, and deal with all the other pet ownership bullshit.

And if they don't, they have to break their kid's heart.

This

Also, in winter make sure to pour water over the sidewalk so kids slip

I didn't think of it this way. Don't sound bad because I hate kids but I also hate the cunt parents.

Get a Speedo. Make it the skimpiest, most revealing one you can find (but make sure no genitals are exposed). When the kids come onto your lawn, go outside and walk around in it. Get close to them, engage them in conversation. Ask them if they like swimming and just generally be as creepy as fuck. Parents won't want their kids hanging near you after long.

For a Plan B, you could start selling weed to the kids. That'll jump start them into playing yugioh at the mall and eating Taco Bell at in the morning. They won't have time to fuck with your shit AND they wouldn't want to fuck up their supply.

You guys are evil.

I like it.

That's true, but it still doesn't solve the OP's problem

>Fuck you and you hell spawn, breeder
HAHAH!! I have no kids! Not even married yet!
So fuck you and fuck off and may you be fucked up the ass with a giant rubber cock!

WTF are you, a former police officer? We used to have an asshole like you in the neighborhood. Thought it was his business what everyone did and demanded to know who everyone's name was. I never told him. Asked me one day where I lived. I told him a house with a roof on top. He told me not to give him "any lip." I said if I did that, I'd be kissing your asshole, and I take no delight in that at all.

Are you the asshole who calls the police when neighbors are shooting off fireworks on the 4th of July? Yeah, you must be REALLY POPULAR. Why don't you move away? Buy 20 acres, put a fucking farm house in the middle. Set up a fucking trust so nobody ends up with it when you die.

Suck my dick, asswipe. You get no sympathy from me. I'll have a bunch of kids, have them become lawyers, and sue you back to the stone age.

This world isn't just you. It's everyone. Try to learn to get along and not care about your fucking lawn so much. Dig it up, pave it over. Park your cars on it. Less to fucking mow.

I've thought of being creepy and shit but after this, they'll just catch up to my plan. They'd think it's weird I'm a creep one day then the next I'm just chilling on my lawn. They'd know my plan.

Also, I can't be creepy. Kids creep ME out. I find it difficult to talk to them. I can't for the life of me talk to them sweetly. I always come out as grumpy.

>If you have kids, fuck you. Don't have kids, you cunts.

fucking goddamn right you are! a fairly large portion of parents and kids today are little shits! its like the beginning stages of idiocracy.

The cop from your story and OP aren't inherently the same. In your story, the cop harassed YOU, while OP just doesn't want annoying little fucks all over the property that he worked to pay for. I don't see why that's too much to fucking ask for

You need to call the cops, usually multiple times, to create a recorded history of malfeasance. Then when it's time to sue the parents, (since they are legally responsible for the actions of their minor children,) they won't have any kind of defence and their legal counsel will just tell them to settle without a fight.

next time you see the kids on your lawn, call the cops. the parents wont wanna deal with your shit so theyll tell the kids to stay away.

literally tell them to fuck off

Oh, well...
Buy a Dirtbike, rev it at all hours of the morning, ride across and rip up their lawn.
"Funny how doing what the fuck i want without regard can be problematic for others isn't it, Your lawn? I know, I try to keep mine tidy but the damn neighbors keep ripping up mine as well"
They'll call the cops again, say nothing. Nothing. (Other than identifying yourself) They'll stop responding quickly.
Take photo's of the damage to your property, so if they try to take you to small claims (If you do rip the lawn) you'll have a counter suit. But the grass grows back, they'll be pressed to prove an out of pocket. Moral is, be a huge cunt - only way these people learn.

I don't know why people have them, man.

They cost money, take up all your time, they're loud, don't let you sleep, are retarded most of their childhood.

No benefit whatsoever.

Wear a sock over your cock when you go outside then. Anyone asks, just say you're getting rid of tan lines.

Buy five dozen plastic forks

Stick them handle-down into your grass, in various places

Works for squirrels in a garden. Works for kids on a lawn.

If he's there first and have been having a nice house/lawn then the shitty ass kids are at fault. He's not saying they can't have fun, just not on his lawn/property. What are you fucking autistic, no one cares about your rant, go back to your sjw meeting.

>MFW have the same problem
>Be me have an amazing lawn
>Have my lawn gnomes and bird feeders my koi pond takes the cake
>have statues of Greek goddesses and Roman Goddesses
>Beaitiful roses and grape vine for my own personal wine
>Tulips and Daisy are grown along with my sage and half of Home Depot flower department
>almost like the garden of eden I'd like to think
>only thing keeping me sane is my beautiful garden
>until those little shits started playing in my yard and picking flowers and trying to catch my fish
>they stole my garden gnomes and took one of my statues
>tell parents they owe me for damages and property theft
>most parents tell me to prove it and go to hell
>start figuring out revenge plan
>first I installed cameras
>won my court battles and money
>2ndly I started talking shits on their lawn
>never caught
>3rdly I domesticated a flock of crows
>they're my ace in the hole they scare the ever living hell out the kids
>they have a nest in my apple tree
>finally I started dropping flyers in the middle of the night saying; "warning child sex predator spotted in the area."

Nobody fucks with my lawn or me ever now kids hardly outside anymore

/genius

>not reading the thread this fucking hard

None of you are thinking evil enough. Buy this shit (pic related) and spray it around the edges of your property. If you wanna be real fancy, get a raspberry pi that senses motion for 20 bucks. [www].raspberrypi.[org]/learning/physical-computing-with-python/pir/ Set it up in your yard, and have it send an alarm to your phone. When those little shits go in your yard, you use a wrist rocket to shoot stink pellets at them. One those wretched gene pool polluters get the dry heaves from a thousand scent-scovilles of raw sewage in their nose, they won;t ever dare come back.

do this

pay in small bills (under 20s) so you have some deniability its pretty weird for a 12 year old to have a few 20 dollar bills but a bunch of ones and shit? No one will blink at that.

Just thinking if they get talked to by cops and try to rat on you you will be able to just say nop

>shits on their lawn

Went to friends grandma's house
Oh user, the guy next door keeps harassing her
Mailman does his rounds
Go outside, stare right through his window
Open letterbox, piss all over his mail
Guy does nothing but stare in shock, Comes out hours later uproots mailbox throws it away

Never bothered her again

Tl:dr Assert Dominance

>print out fake ''sexual predator'' notice and place it on my mail box
Did you ever get white knighted?
>kids start walking/running on my lawn destroying my plants and annoying me when I'm doing lawn work
Couldn'y you just call the police since it's your property?