>buy house >have beautiful lawn >quiet, empty neighborhood >neighborhood starts populating >kids start playing outside >kids start walking/running on my lawn destroying my plants and annoying me when I'm doing lawn work >build fence >kids break fence, climb and throw trash over my fence >tell their parents about it >kids stop bothering me for a few days but continue after >grow tired of it and get a great idea >print out fake ''sexual predator'' notice and place it on my mail box >notice states how I'm not allowed to be around kids >rarely any kids outside now >peace for 1 whole month >police get called on me because they want me to move away so their shitty kids can play again >police talk to me and find out the notice is fake so I explain what happened >police tell the neighbors and now the neighbors have way more confidence in letting them play around my house since they know I'm the opposite of a pedophile >a number of kids double
If you have kids, fuck you. Don't have kids, you cunts.
A couple of large dogs would be nice pets for you.
Jeremiah Hill
I've been thinking about it but the way the justice system around here is, they'd have me put down my dog and I'll lose a lawsuit against the family if my dog attacks their shit.
Kevin Ward
Just put a sign on your fence saying "GET THE FUCK OFF MY PROPERTY YOU LITTLE SHITS"
Andrew Hernandez
>use your phone camera >film them damaging your property,or harassing you >show it to the cops as evidence >have all of this stop
Connor Peterson
SATAN? : D
Isaiah Williams
>get camera >mount camera >shoot trespassers on sight
>inb4 shoot them with the camera Gun. Use a gun.
Dominic Roberts
Sounds like a good idea, Satan
Gavin Wilson
Yeah that'll work.
Adrian Green
I know this might sound a little extreme, but have you tried becoming an actual sexual predator? Just touch one kid, you don't even have to like it.
Liam Cooper
Yeah, man. I've been meaning to buy cameras.
Samuel Cruz
I would definitely do this.
Since satan is recommending it op,theres no way you can say no to putting up that sign.
DO IT!
William Ross
Yes?
Jayden Parker
I'd go to jail around here.
James Anderson
But then he has to move away so the shitty kids can play again.
Hunter Reyes
Chill out on your lawn with a double barrel shot gun and shoot the fuckers when they get close. Make sure you got overall or it won't work
Carson Peterson
Then go for it my dude.
No harm setting one up,and patiently waiting for someone to be stupid enough and trespass onto your property.
Parker Garcia
Put a sign saying: "don't cross this fence or your mother will die in sleep"
Christopher Ortiz
tell em the kid came on to you, report a kid for trying to molest you.
Jose Wood
This works all the time it's fool proof
Jacob Bell
Overalls? Denim ones are necessary.
Hunter Wood
Thanks for always looking out for me!
Noah Ramirez
Yeah, I'ma do this and the sign. The sign won't work but it's funny anyway.
Luis Smith
As long it's got some patches and stains you is good
John Hall
Best of luck then mate.
Heres to hoping you get the peace and quiet you deserve.
Give us an update in a while to let us know how things went.
Grayson Nelson
Start hiding punji pits behind your fence. >don't forget to take some laxatives and dip the spikes in a bucket of your watery shit
Samuel Ward
They are basically molesting me.
I wish, man
Matthew Morgan
Scarecrow with proximity explosives
Evan Mitchell
Sounds good, man.
Thanks, man. I'll update you all just for you. :^) Cause I like you a lot.
Dominic Russell
Put up an electrified fence
Benjamin Morris
Trips of Truth.
Oliver Diaz
well that's why you have the fence right? if they cross that fence and that dog decides to fuck em up i don't think you would have much to worry about
James Davis
the solution's been under your nose this whole time >become an actual sexual predator >two birds with one stone
Parker Gonzalez
Are they expensive? I mean the watts usage.
Nolan Moore
The justice system here sucks, man. There have been many trespassers attacked by dogs and the dogs and owner pay the price. The other side only gets a small trespassing fee or some shit.
Justin Cooper
Kids are nasty. They're walking boogers.
Alexander Robinson
Post pics of lawn
Mason Barnes
Trips gets them sexy lawn pics ;^)
Justin Lewis
What state do you live in OP?
Gabriel Baker
California
Grayson Parker
Figures
Benjamin Sanders
Where do you live?
Connor Roberts
you can kill them legally if they enter your property
why haven't you done this yet?
Leo Roberts
get a dog
Evan Wood
Put a sign that says "Premises are under video surveillance"
Also "Trespassers will be sued for any property damage incurred"
Sue the next punk who wrecks your yard in small claims. Video evidence and ample warning signs will likely settle in your favor. Word will get around and other parents will get the hint real quick when they could be paying for whatever their little shits wreck.
Noah Brown
Not here you can't. You can't even shoot a criminal if they break into your house and they're fleeing. You have to let them go or hold them down.
Connor Foster
yeah op killing your neighbors child, legally, will have no ramifications whatsoever
Camden Cox
Do you live in Canada? Because that's not entirely true.
Adrian Price
That's true. Much cheaper than the electric fence. I've always been iffy on lawsuits but eh. I'll see about it.
Bentley Robinson
My recommendation would be to record them trespassing and damaging property and then going to the police. Could take an extra step and get restraining orders.
Oliver Moore
No. The US of 'merica
Jose James
If not this then this
Austin Scott
Put one of these in your yard
Thomas Murphy
The fuck kind of state do you live in?
Adam Richardson
I also didnt read OP's post, just came here to smack my keyboard cause I have an autism quota
Nathan Flores
Hire older kids to beat the shit out of them
Cooper Roberts
Find a farm that's giving away kittens, get the whole box, give your neighborhood kids kittens to take home.
Mason Wood
California.
Hah, doesn't sound too bad.
Dominic Wilson
You spaghetti'd in front of the police, You shouldn't have told them it's fake. Just question them as to why they are harassing you without cause on your own property.
Jordan Barnes
Then they'll play with the kittens on my yard.
Carson Taylor
They found out it's fake. The notice wasn't really well-crafted. Just enough to fool the common people.
Connor Phillips
>Be OP >Kids fuck up your shit >Must get revenge >"I know! I'll do something nice for them and get them pets!"
Tf dude?
Nolan Stewart
You think cops are going to arrest children for damaging some plants on your lawn?
Cops will say "It's a civil matter. Sue the kids' parents for damages, if you want."
Justin Morgan
Give them kittens with rabies
Xavier Ward
>obtain pit bull >obtain aids >fuse the two like goku and vegeta >let loose in neighborhood >everyone leaves due to loose pit bull with aids
Ian Brooks
Put a camera up somewhere. Every time the kids come around talk to them incessantly on the camera. Just be nice and friendly and ask them about school. Ask them if they want a glass of water. Get them to tell you what they are actually learning in school. Talk to them as much as you can about boring crap. Every time you see kids, go out in front of your camera and try to talk to them. Always do it in front of the camera and never say anything bad.
Eventually, they will avoid you for being an annoying weirdo. If anyone ever says anything to the police, you have it all on tape anyway.
Evan Barnes
>>kids start walking/running on my lawn destroying my plants and annoying me when I'm doing lawn work Waaah. I hear a tiny violin playing.
Jonathan Gonzalez
Shit on their lawns, key cards in the middle off the night, break toys in front of the kids and tell them they're either adopted or the result of late abortions
Ian Wilson
I just don't know why we're ignoring that great idea someone had to fuck the kids
Adrian Hall
Fuck you and you hell spawn, breeder
Jeremiah Peterson
Kids be nasty N sheeeeit - OP
Benjamin Smith
*Cars
Luis Richardson
grow poison ivy all over your fence
Brayden Green
Stupid breeder
Juan Flores
Think about it from the POV of the parents of the little shits. Their snot nose brings home an unsolicited kitten, and now they've got to pay to get it spayed/neutered, to get it shots, and deal with all the other pet ownership bullshit.
And if they don't, they have to break their kid's heart.
Thomas Bell
This
Also, in winter make sure to pour water over the sidewalk so kids slip
Jordan Walker
I didn't think of it this way. Don't sound bad because I hate kids but I also hate the cunt parents.
Luis Bell
Get a Speedo. Make it the skimpiest, most revealing one you can find (but make sure no genitals are exposed). When the kids come onto your lawn, go outside and walk around in it. Get close to them, engage them in conversation. Ask them if they like swimming and just generally be as creepy as fuck. Parents won't want their kids hanging near you after long.
Camden Rivera
For a Plan B, you could start selling weed to the kids. That'll jump start them into playing yugioh at the mall and eating Taco Bell at in the morning. They won't have time to fuck with your shit AND they wouldn't want to fuck up their supply.
Jason Ross
You guys are evil.
I like it.
Jordan Ramirez
That's true, but it still doesn't solve the OP's problem
Carter Martin
>Fuck you and you hell spawn, breeder HAHAH!! I have no kids! Not even married yet! So fuck you and fuck off and may you be fucked up the ass with a giant rubber cock!
WTF are you, a former police officer? We used to have an asshole like you in the neighborhood. Thought it was his business what everyone did and demanded to know who everyone's name was. I never told him. Asked me one day where I lived. I told him a house with a roof on top. He told me not to give him "any lip." I said if I did that, I'd be kissing your asshole, and I take no delight in that at all.
Are you the asshole who calls the police when neighbors are shooting off fireworks on the 4th of July? Yeah, you must be REALLY POPULAR. Why don't you move away? Buy 20 acres, put a fucking farm house in the middle. Set up a fucking trust so nobody ends up with it when you die.
Suck my dick, asswipe. You get no sympathy from me. I'll have a bunch of kids, have them become lawyers, and sue you back to the stone age.
This world isn't just you. It's everyone. Try to learn to get along and not care about your fucking lawn so much. Dig it up, pave it over. Park your cars on it. Less to fucking mow.
Mason Hill
I've thought of being creepy and shit but after this, they'll just catch up to my plan. They'd think it's weird I'm a creep one day then the next I'm just chilling on my lawn. They'd know my plan.
Also, I can't be creepy. Kids creep ME out. I find it difficult to talk to them. I can't for the life of me talk to them sweetly. I always come out as grumpy.
Asher Ross
>If you have kids, fuck you. Don't have kids, you cunts.
fucking goddamn right you are! a fairly large portion of parents and kids today are little shits! its like the beginning stages of idiocracy.
Nathaniel Cooper
The cop from your story and OP aren't inherently the same. In your story, the cop harassed YOU, while OP just doesn't want annoying little fucks all over the property that he worked to pay for. I don't see why that's too much to fucking ask for
Grayson Harris
You need to call the cops, usually multiple times, to create a recorded history of malfeasance. Then when it's time to sue the parents, (since they are legally responsible for the actions of their minor children,) they won't have any kind of defence and their legal counsel will just tell them to settle without a fight.
Jack Clark
next time you see the kids on your lawn, call the cops. the parents wont wanna deal with your shit so theyll tell the kids to stay away.
Ryder Scott
literally tell them to fuck off
Mason Wright
Oh, well... Buy a Dirtbike, rev it at all hours of the morning, ride across and rip up their lawn. "Funny how doing what the fuck i want without regard can be problematic for others isn't it, Your lawn? I know, I try to keep mine tidy but the damn neighbors keep ripping up mine as well" They'll call the cops again, say nothing. Nothing. (Other than identifying yourself) They'll stop responding quickly. Take photo's of the damage to your property, so if they try to take you to small claims (If you do rip the lawn) you'll have a counter suit. But the grass grows back, they'll be pressed to prove an out of pocket. Moral is, be a huge cunt - only way these people learn.
Ethan Walker
I don't know why people have them, man.
They cost money, take up all your time, they're loud, don't let you sleep, are retarded most of their childhood.
No benefit whatsoever.
Dominic Myers
Wear a sock over your cock when you go outside then. Anyone asks, just say you're getting rid of tan lines.
Jose Watson
Buy five dozen plastic forks
Stick them handle-down into your grass, in various places
Works for squirrels in a garden. Works for kids on a lawn.
Adam Sullivan
If he's there first and have been having a nice house/lawn then the shitty ass kids are at fault. He's not saying they can't have fun, just not on his lawn/property. What are you fucking autistic, no one cares about your rant, go back to your sjw meeting.
Dominic Bennett
>MFW have the same problem >Be me have an amazing lawn >Have my lawn gnomes and bird feeders my koi pond takes the cake >have statues of Greek goddesses and Roman Goddesses >Beaitiful roses and grape vine for my own personal wine >Tulips and Daisy are grown along with my sage and half of Home Depot flower department >almost like the garden of eden I'd like to think >only thing keeping me sane is my beautiful garden >until those little shits started playing in my yard and picking flowers and trying to catch my fish >they stole my garden gnomes and took one of my statues >tell parents they owe me for damages and property theft >most parents tell me to prove it and go to hell >start figuring out revenge plan >first I installed cameras >won my court battles and money >2ndly I started talking shits on their lawn >never caught >3rdly I domesticated a flock of crows >they're my ace in the hole they scare the ever living hell out the kids >they have a nest in my apple tree >finally I started dropping flyers in the middle of the night saying; "warning child sex predator spotted in the area."
Nobody fucks with my lawn or me ever now kids hardly outside anymore
Nathan Nelson
/genius
Josiah Ortiz
>not reading the thread this fucking hard
Dominic Brown
None of you are thinking evil enough. Buy this shit (pic related) and spray it around the edges of your property. If you wanna be real fancy, get a raspberry pi that senses motion for 20 bucks. [www].raspberrypi.[org]/learning/physical-computing-with-python/pir/ Set it up in your yard, and have it send an alarm to your phone. When those little shits go in your yard, you use a wrist rocket to shoot stink pellets at them. One those wretched gene pool polluters get the dry heaves from a thousand scent-scovilles of raw sewage in their nose, they won;t ever dare come back.
Nolan Cook
do this
pay in small bills (under 20s) so you have some deniability its pretty weird for a 12 year old to have a few 20 dollar bills but a bunch of ones and shit? No one will blink at that.
Just thinking if they get talked to by cops and try to rat on you you will be able to just say nop
Jordan Gutierrez
>shits on their lawn
Went to friends grandma's house Oh user, the guy next door keeps harassing her Mailman does his rounds Go outside, stare right through his window Open letterbox, piss all over his mail Guy does nothing but stare in shock, Comes out hours later uproots mailbox throws it away
Never bothered her again
Tl:dr Assert Dominance
Adam Price
>print out fake ''sexual predator'' notice and place it on my mail box Did you ever get white knighted? >kids start walking/running on my lawn destroying my plants and annoying me when I'm doing lawn work Couldn'y you just call the police since it's your property?