I just have to say or write this somewhere or its gonna eat me alive...

I just have to say or write this somewhere or its gonna eat me alive. I guess my hope is someone will read it and maybe it will influence his life in a positive way
or I'm just a selfish prick and want that someone somewhere feel sorry for me or something I dont know.
It's not a proper green text. Bite me.

>> About a year ago I met a girl on a train station which I barely knew from school. Let's call her I dont know.. Suzy (not her real name).
>> Me and Suzy we start talking cuz we have to wait for a train and we kinda know each other but not really
>> We click instantly and we have a lot of fun just talking and there are sparks in eyes. It was SO great.
>> Just to clarify. After 1 hour conversation I felt I knew her all my life and that I can almost read her mind, because we function the same way. I felt she felt that too. It was euphoric. We like the same stuff too, and we feel the same about everything. Now reflecting on that it's just amaizing how rarely someone can have a privilege of meeting someone like that.
>> Turns out we live in the same building. She invites me to her room for a joint.
>> I don't make a move cuz I was with another girl, we were breaking up though, but still didnt make a move. Had a good time though. She looks dissapointed when I leave, but keeps her spirit positive like she always does.
>> The next day she moves out, because someone reported her over marijuana or something. I was kinda sad.
>> Next week I break up with my girl completely.
>> Casually talking to some friend who knew the Suzy I met. He says that she has a boyfriend (A year later it turns out my "friend" was lying and is a complete psychopat when its about women cuz he's a sex addict and will do anything in his power to turn other men from women even if there is just a slight chanche that in a future he could potentially fuck her.)
>> Live my life normally for about half a year, forgot about Suzy.

continued..

>> They throw me out of my dorm too. I move not far into another private college dorm (or whatever americans call them)
>> The first person I saw while moving there was Suzy. Turns out we live in the same building again. She invites me to coffee.
>> Turns out she really has a boyfriend now for like a month. (I thought that was the boyfriend "my friend" was talking about and that she is by this point in a long serious relationship with him.)
>> We start hanging out, because we like each other. To this day she is the best person to be around I have.
>> She orchesters social interactions with me so that I barely see her boyfriend. She probably felt the sexual tension too.
>> It starts driving me insane, because more I hang out with her more I fall in love with her, but can't stop hanging out, cuz she's the greatest person I know.
>> Another 6 months later I fall into a big arguement with my roommate. I change room. They give me some random room.
>> By this point I'm MADLY in love with her on an obssesive level, even though I try not to be. Everything she does and says is beautiful.
>> The room is right about the girl I love.
>> For the past I don't know a year... everyday I have to listen to them having wild sex.
>> They are having sex almost all day all days.
>> They probably don't even know its so loud, but I never mention it to her, because I'm a sucker and I'm to nice to disturb their love making.
>> Met another girl who was a lot older than me, but I really liked her. Thought I can move on from suzy because it was becoming unhealthy.

continued..

Your Friend is an ass op

>> After a month I break up with her, cuz I just cant. we were both batshit insane anyways. Her from her shit in life me from mine. There were some fucking insane dramas that still haunt me. I still miss her sometimes though.. and I guess she's allright.
>> She left a boyfriend she was 10 years with to be with me and we broke up after 1 month. Felt a lot of guilt for that. It hurts so much. I tried getting back with her, but she is not the type to forgive. Yesterday she wrote that she wants her book back and I cried all evening. I'm so broken by now.
>> Lately I'm slowly falling into madness, because of suzy and sex sounds.
>> Moodswings are more and more obvious, depression is harder to hide. I have even cut myself a few times. Acted like its nothing other people that saw the cuts acted like its nothing or that they didn't notice I guess. However I do notice when people notice things.
>> When talking to Suzy she sometimes mentions how her friend is depressed because of something and about mental illnesess in general. (we often have deep conversations about stuff, but I know she must have noticed something is wrong with me)
>> By this point I'm just a good friend who has trouble in life. No more sparks or blushes from her. Nowdays I feel like she is just hanging with me, because she feels she needs to help me or something. I don't know its just a feeling.
>> She doesn't even realizes it's all about her.
>> I feel like I'm slowly dying. I'm wasting my best years of my life over some girl. How pathetic is that, but I can't help myself.
>> They are having sex right now..

>> That's it no happy ending.
>> I'm just biding my time trying to survive.
>> To weak to move on. To weak to change things. Depression is fucking terrible. I would give at least my left arm to never feel depressed again.
>> Oh I also dropped out of college and I'm broke now. At least I'm losing weight since I don't have nothing to eat.
>> They are having sex right now. Fucking yay. woo.


Things to concider if someone is reading:

- Don't be a pussy. Own your life. Noone is above you. But don't let ego influence your decisions. Ego is just a weapon that you use when you have to. You can't go about your day pointing guns into people.
- If something bothers you say it, but not in a rude way.
- Never say something that you don't really mean. That way your words are more meaningful.
- Try looking from perspective of other people as much as you can.
- If you feel some way about someone express it or you'll maybe be sorry afterwards.
- When you look back in your life you most often regret things that you didn't do over things that you did.
- People who live in the past are depressed. People who live in the future are anxious. Try living in the present.
- Don't smoke weed when you are depressed. You will feel 10x worse the next day.
- Writing something down can be therapeutic?? I hope so..
- Don't listen to anyone. Think with your own head. (this kinda devalidates everything above..)

Yes, yes he is. Only when it comes to women though.
I knew he fucked a lot of different girls, but I didn't know he's so fucked up.
I guess I know now.

You're not depressed, OP, you're a nigger.

Op, thank you for this, I really needed this.

Nah

I'm glad

OP, just like you said... Be strong. One day at a time. Never look back regretting what you have done or could have been done. The past is the past and worrying about the future is futile as we cannot control it. (Would be pretty cool if we could tho :p).

Never be harder with yourself than you would be with someone else. You are a human being and have the right to be happy too.

Also, don't do drugs or anything that can alter your judgment or drag you in a dark place in your head (Booze is the same, bad for depression).

Try finding something you love to do, and go deep in it. Sport, art, music, freaking games. Do it. Right now your world seems to be centered around Suzy but there is such a world out there waiting to be discovered (and girls too!). Go and explore it. I know its hard as fuck to get to be sociable when you are not (I wasn't, it took time but was worth it). But it will be worth it.

In the end OP, I am not gonna lie. Life is a long fucking roller coaster. There will be plenty ups. Plenty downs. All you gotta remember is this: Always look up for the next up, instead of anticipating next down. And enjoy the time you spent with that person next to you on the ride whatever happens (friends, family, loved ones).

Hope it helped!! I rarely post here, but I have been where you are. Hang in there, you can do it! ;)

Bump so OP sees

Yeah I know all that and I can be very sociable and liked on the up swing and then hide on the down swing.
If I can rise from bed when I wake up I know my day will be ok so that's motivating me a little.
Anyways thanks, even though I know everything you wrote It's good to hear it from someone else than myself. It's motivating me. Thanks man.

Hi OP. Nothing to add, but that story really blows. Hope you can figure it out soon.

Why you do this,OP? Apart from therapy. It's not amusing, funny or worth sharing. Not even original, those life lessons are cringy as fuck. Just a beta whining over him being a beta. Go on tumblr or thought catalog.

I don't know I guess I'm seeking attention or seeking kind words.
I don't think I'm beta. Maybe when I was 15. I'm just obsessing over stupid stuff I guess.
I didn't write my secrets that I have never shared with anyone to entertain you.

And yet you replied to the OP, as others are. If you aren't into what's written here , you could always post in a different thread.

Op, move.the.fuck.on or do something. A girl will never go for a gigantic pussy so you already fucked it up. Be honest, is she out of your league? Srsly, if she was that great then why did you ruin your chances by not doing anything? If you can't man up & tell her how you feel and that you let too much time pass bc you were too much of a whiteknight wizard you don't deserve her. She sounds like a sexual beast and that's what she needs. It doesn't sound like you could handle a girl like that. Do yourself a favor & go for someone you have an actual shot with. Just bc she was conversing with you while waiting for a train doesn't mean anything. It's being polite. Ffs op, you are college age, learn about life, move on & find happiness elsewhere. You fucked up.

>MADLY in love with her on an obsessive level, even though I try not to be. Everything she does and says is beautiful.
I know that feel. It's something you can't control and It hurts like a son of a bitch when she doesn't care about you. It makes you wonder why you even like her and then when you think about her you get that dizzy feeling and tingle in your gut

Utter bullshit, mate

>I'm seeking attention
You don't say

Nah you are dead wrong. She's not some stupid fashion model. There are sexier girls than her.
I ruined my chances by not cheating on my girl and later didn't want to risk it. she was in a happy relationship. we would see each other all the time cuz we live so close
and it would be really weird. Besides she's a really good friend and I need a good friend. I know she likes me very much from different social situations that occurred, but she
really committed to her man. I can feel the sexual tension and love she has with me all the time. Its so obvious. She would never hurt her boyfriend to cheat with me so its tricky.
The sex wouldn't be a problem haha. It's to late now anyways, its not the same anymore. I think she let me go, but I cant let her go.

I'm a landlord and unless you live in fuckin Iraq there is no way she was forced to move out that quickly. You're lying.

>> They are having sex right now. Fucking yay. woo
The loud sex is deliberate, and for your benefit. Suzy gave you all those chances, and you never took them. Now she's determined to take revenge by driving you insane with jealousy. Hell hath no fury, and all that ...

You fucked up, but it's too late now. Get her out of your life, and you'll start to feel better.

Y'know it's quite easy to tell if someone is lying through their written language.

You're clearly lying

Sucks to hear. Hope you can feel better Sup Forumsro. The girl i have a crush on has friendzoned me hard, says she doesnt want to make things awkward between us by getting sexual and what not. Meanwhile she's out fucking random dudes anyway. Can be hard to get your mind off these things..

The country offers very cheap rooms for students, so there aren't any landlords just some
employees which deliver you a letter that you have to leave. I think she left in 2 days.
I don't really know the details, cuz I asked her once about that, because I wanted to know
why did she got thrown out, if it was because the room smelled like weed in the morning or if we were to loud
and she said no, that it was about weed but not about the weed that we smoked. I always suspected she was
just being nice and they moved her out because of me. She had some annoying neighbours who were constantly bitching about everything
and they probably reported her. She did smoke huge amounts of weed, though.

To evict someone requires mininum 1 week, and that's a very short evivtion notice. Students have even more rules against ecivtion.

What country do you live in? I can give you specifics on your local law if you like?

meh I'm overreacting about "wild sex". there aren't any moans and whatnot,
but if I don't have the music on I can hear the bed bumbing slightly.
I only heard moans a few times over a long period of time

No. I'm just being dramatic.

You would have to have the rules from the exact student camp I was in. Why does it matter anyway?
Even if you have 1 week to leave you can still leave sooner.

Student camp doesn't matter. I'm not talking about policy I'm talking about law.
4And I care because if you're going to tell a contrived story straight off Tumblr you should get your facts straight.

Why would she leave of her own volition? Student must be allowed to find a suitable replacement to their accomodation, so unless she already had a place she could move straight into before she got her eviction notice then you're looking something closer to 4-6 weeks.

Hmm I think you should have taken your chances before but everything can be broken. You could indirectly talk about her about feelings towards each other to see what she thinks, or you could directly tell her that you are madly in love in her and get beaten up by her boyfriend, but well, you could always try the hard to get technique; showing about no interest in her and being very shallow. This could turn out 2 ways: your friendship is ruined, or she desires you. But this is very risky. Nonetheless, goodluck OP, know how it is to be there, fucking sucks, but remember that there will be a day that you are over her in the future, and that all this misery is something dream-like, almost unimaginable and far away.

I looked it up.

-If you move out until 15. in month you pay only half the month, later its full month
-If you move out on your own you can do it whenever it pleases you.
-If you are thrown out you have 8 days.

Surely the best thing to do is to move away? Go to a different city. I know you said that you are skint but you are also not doing anything important right now. Get any job. The job itself could be a good distraction but you should move away and start anew. You met this girl on the fucking bus, move somewhere else and you have plenty of chances. You don't seem like an antisocial beta but also not an alpha, just in-between. There are way better uses of your time and life that you can do.

I was in a similarly shitty romantic situation a few years back. Fucked me up pretty good for six years, and I haven't dated since. I'd feel like a pretentious git to give you advice that I've been too much of a literal autist to take myself, so all I can really give is my empathy. I'm mostly a lurker here, but I wanted to at least reinforce that you're not alone.

I think I'll greentext my story later today. Its cringeworthy as fuck in places, but I'm sure people would probably appreciate it.