Which was the last crime you committed?

Which was the last crime you committed?

CONFESSION THREAD

i downloaded a car

I murdered a policeman, then stole his helmet, than shat in his helmet, then delivered the helmet to his grieving widow, then stole it again.

Did some blow like 6 years ago

...

Weed
Bc I'm a normalfag

Public intoxication and disturbing the peace.
I used to vandalize shit and sexually assault women while steal and binging smack...Ive calmed down.

Not exactly a crime, so you can already tell I'm a faggot. I spent a full year being a NEET, and because of this my brothers have less gibs money. I never told them.

speeding

I broke into my school, got arrested and then dropped out of school. Then I lost my girlfriend, and my job. Now I sit in my room all day and jerk off to hentai. Rip me right? kek

I crossed the US-Mexico border.

I haven't killed myself yet but now the days are ticking.

Stole a red bull on the way to work this morning because i was broke and tired

I stole a Rolex watch from the Men's restroom at a steak house my parents took me to for my graduation.
>It was in the soap dish - had been left there by some big scary looking black dude.
>I saw him go back in to the washroom soon after I left and then was talking to the manager.
>I kept it.
It has red and blue dial that sez GMT-Master

Never watched The Young Ones, huh? Iirc that's where it's from.

WOULD YOU?!

I'm from FBI and I ask people to confess a crime so I can track their IP and arrest them.


Oh, wait, thats you!!

ABANDON THREAD OP IS FBI

Exposed.

i put pineapple on my pizza

Allah akbar

HOW DARE YOU, YOU PIECE OF ROTTEN SAUSIJ

I broke the law on his watch. Instant regret.

smoking weed

Concealed carry into places that don't allow it because they serve alcohol
Only do this if I know I'm not doing any heavy drinking.

Ransomwared my own company :)

Bestiality with a dog and my ex gf

I bought medium size lingery for my wife but put them in a large size box to get her fat ass to stop puting on so much fucking weight... Cut of the tags so she wont know.

I carry my handgun when I go to the movie theater.

I ain't getting darknight'd, fuck that.


I download roms to games i never owned and I've also had sex in public. plz FBI no shoot.

nice one man

Constant posession of CP....

better call 0118999881999119725... 3

Got kik?

Fucking one of my mares last night.

I hacked the fbi website, it was a small job but a easy one as well for a hacker like me, when im not hacking the goverment im surfing the chans because im that type of guy. you can laugh with me and we can be friends but i can also make your life a living hell.

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go on

At least you got the best doubles in the world. 88.
Pic related

Fucked a massage parlor girl.

Yum. it wasn't the first time, though, was it?

Use a condom?

heil hitler right? haha fuck those libtards lol hitler was the best lmao xd

I robed gas stations 3 times with a gun

Had a dream I went to taco bell and ordered a lot of food then found a dumb reason to get really upset at them so i could walk out without paying

No creampies, user. Pump it out on her tits or face.

Well give her money to buy it? Or buy it and make her stash it in her nightstand or smg?

Drove 220 km/h (140 MPH) on a B-road. Does that count?

how retardet are you you fucking amerifats still think you cant get pregnant if you pull out idiots idiots idiots

drive-by. not lying either.

i jaywalked and injected marijuanas

went through the walmart "20 items or less" express checkout with 21 items.

>be me, ubering downtown for drunk tourists
>drop passengers off at a club, a guy rams my car going like 15-20 MPH (i am perfectly fucking stationary when this happens)
>guy drives off like a fucker
> im shocked, never been in an accident before so i dont think to look for his plates. assume he would stop
>my passengers chase this car and get the license plate number for me
> go home and sleep, planning to report it the next day

>wake up next day
>dont file insurance report. instead have a friend run the plate for me. hoping on a home address.
>turns out he lives in a home, not an apartment
>sit outside for maybe 4-6 hours just watching from across the street (same car they hit me in , lmao, i am stupid just now thinking about it)

>at this point i have identified everyone living there, im sure. its a man, wife and two daughters. its still the weeknd so im not gonna break in yet
>go there the next day (its a monday) and watch them all leave/girls get picked up by bus.

>walk up to the house in broad daylight, brick in a towel and smash the glass. walk right the fuck in
>trash this guys house. (wearing gloves cuz in the system) grabbed a ps3, smashed it. pulled all the food out the fridge, stomped on it, flip every table, every chair.
>start the shower, point the showerhead directly onto the bathroom floor

>walk out

fuck that guy

Sorry, Satan.

Graffiti'd a lot of walls

be my friend

nice trips, I also get triggered by "I just pull out so she can't"

>one of my friends always told this
>he and her new gf (1 week) had sex for the fist time
>when he was about to cum the gf clutched him >he came inside
>preggo
>now he tells us he always wanted to be a young dad
>they're still together some 15 months later
>always kek when I see him now
>mfw
>also precum

BE MY FRIEND shiit respect my friend

I use a fake army id, to ride the bus for free

How'd you hack it?

I threw a cherry into someone soup

i am amazed at how lucky i am/how impotent my precum is at this point

Doing graffiti, and smoking weed

Had sex with a 9 year old.

...

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I clicked "Ive read the user license agreement" when installing software, even though I had not

you guys are my friends now, and i will honor this friendship as long as no one crosses my path.

i went to the darkweb and i traded some information there with some other hackers, then i just picked up my laptop and started hacking their website using programs that i made, you wouldn't understand because its not quite up your alley.

I DON'T BREAK THE LAW, I AM THE LAW!

Possession of schedule 1 substance right now.
Stole a couple boxes of condoms from sheetz last night

Stole some hash from a guy who's house I was cleaning. I feel bad cuz he's a nice guy but it was like a gram at most.

eh showed my penis to some passing granny
it's my fetish been doing this for a while but stopped not long ago

whoa holy fuck

fake and gay

stole icecream from the freezer.
it was niece's fav one (she's 5)
and it was the last remaining one.

HAR HAR HAR HO HO HO HAR HAR HAR !!!

Kill yourself immediately

no you didn't.

hello fellow greek

drug related
never going to rat myself out
at least it wasn't a violent one
if my past caught up to me id be in federal prison
smart criminals don't get caught :^)

Tyrone, didn't you get lifetime prison?

do you feel relieved now?

afaik redbull does not have the effect of a good sleep time

>black dude.

ewww gross

One more year and you can't be charged, boo

Couldn't remember everything I've done or how many times ive been arrested if I tried. Too many times to count, I used to be retarded.

v& is on its way.

also, MODS!!!

Pics or it never happened

Didn't feel like paying for condoms so I just opened the box and stole em, badass I know

hey, fella hacka bro!! I use incognito mode as well!!

drove a Volvo 244 at 110 km/h on the Torrevecchia in Rome

nice trips

>smart criminals don't get caught
T H I S
Anyone who snitches on themself for something they've got away with is a 'tard. Nice b8 thread detective, too bad you'll never be able to coerce me into admitting to shit.

fug

pics or it never happened

Not even close.
I do it all the time.

MODS

It's more fun to drive a slow car fast than a fast car slow

Public Urination

Nice. Did you wear a mask or gloves once you got in?
>justice = served
lmao

How did you start?

In my horny head, I'd love to try a mare, but I wonder if the smells would ruin the experience. Input?

I don't have access to any, however.

Speeding.
I was well over the century mark.
Was racing my wife home.

Not caught.
Won race.

I drove 33mph in a 30 limit zone.