I need stories. Real or fake I don't give a shit

I need stories. Real or fake I don't give a shit.

Other urls found in this thread:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2011_Southwest_blackout
twitter.com/SFWRedditImages

i'm a crossdresser absent mindedly going through a 1/3rd life crisis.

Have a solid one in the making, though the narration is pretty monotonous and dry despite the vivid subject matter, has to do with social degeneration and failed, selfish redemption
Honestly not that interesting despite literal psychic vampirism catalyzed by virtual reality, and even thinking about it causes the substance to rot before me

I find dudes on craigslist and blow them right after work. My wife doesn't know.

What type of story's ?

Oh, also 100% factual

One time I got so high I thought I was an octagon.

thats pretty gay my dude

i'll post a couple greentext stories i guess

...

...

>Saw guy outside house
>Kicks dog
>Goes out and hits him in the head
>OH SHIT
>he ded
>Witness comes around corner
>Pulls out phone
>I run
>Cops come after me
>Says STOP
>I keep running and turn around corner
>Hits one on head and kills him
>Gets caught
>Typing while being analraped

>at school
>half-tard kid hits me in back of head with a metal band stand
>kick his ass
>get away with it because awesome teacher and it was self defense.

pic unrelated

...

...

Give me name/pic gonna ruin his life and get him fired

About five years ago I was in the Navy stationed on Coronado Island. It was Saturday and I got off the ship early because it wasn't my duty day and there was a bar within walking distance of the base called the Little Club that opened at 8am. So I go in there and get a Crown Royal and Ginger Ale, and hang out because the bartender is an old man that likes to practice magic tricks and gives me free drinks. Since it's so early in the morning no one is there aside from me and the bartender's friends that he does magic shit with, card tricks usually. I decide to play a little pool by myself and enjoy my drink.
Well in walks this chick from my ship that I recognize, but don't really know because she's from a different department. She gets a rum and coke and asks if she can play pool with me. I've seen her at the bar playing pool a few times and know that she's really fucking good and she's going to kick the shit out of me, but whatever. We play a few rounds, have a few more drinks, when she asks if I would do her a favor. She wants me to help move a couch or something into her new apartment, and she'll buy us a case of beer so we can chill. Uh...sure, whatever. So we get into her car and she instead drives us to another bar. She tells me she lied about moving stuff, she just wanted to see if I would come along. Apparently she hired a bunch of Mexicans to do it or something. We end up going barhopping all day and all night until 2am. Now mind you, I've been drinking from like 8am to now 2am, so I am completely fucked up, and she invites me back to her place. Her boyfriend is on restriction (in trouble, can't leave the ship). So we stop at 7-11 and get some Bud Lights and hit her place. Couch is there, so we sit on it drinking even more. She puts her feet in my lap and starts rubbing my cock through my pants. I'm so fucked up I lean over and we start fooling around. Well I end up eating her pussy for some reason, something I never do

One time I went to McDonald's and ordered a delicious Big Mac meal. Although I ordered a media size combo, the guy behind the register gave me a large combo at no additional cost.

I was like "ba da ba ba ba! I'm loving it!"

ever sucked dick

i hate niggers

i dont have a picture of him and he's unemployed
(I dont think anyone without crayons up their nose would hire him)
I'm not going to give you his name though, I respect keeping things anonymous, like this site

Sounds good

but we end up in her bedroom after I go down on her for a little bit. We fuck (poorly since I'm so blasted) for about ten minutes before I pass the fuck out.
Well I wake up on her couch somehow, with the most sore throat wearing nothing but a pair of jeans and her panties being used as a pillow. She brings me my boxers out and wants to go lunch. We go to Hillcrest at some deli where I saw a woman just randomly get hit by a car while we were waiting at a stop light.
While I'm eating I'm desperately trying to text my friend to come get me because I want out of this weird situation, bad. Female civilian friend comes and scoops me up when we get back to her place, entire time I'm reeking of pussy and whiskey. Throat still sore as fuck. I end up going to medical on the ship and realize I have a nasty infection in my throat. Probably from eating dirty pussy.

The end.

Fuck

I have more Naval stories about weird situations, some of them in Asian countries if anyone wants to hear.

Smoked weed with a buddy and he morphed into a pterodactyl then proceeded to stick his dick in my brain
Kinda sadistically coo'd "See, dicks are funny" even though I was writhing in terror
Fucking hate weed man, how the fuck does anybody enjoy that shit

Have you ever seen Atlantis? Or mermaids?

The weed you got probably wasn't weed. Did you test it to make sure there wasn't other shit in it?

Mermaids yes. Atlantis, no.

Nah it was definitely weed, but every experience I have with it has always been uncomfortable as fuck

You should smoke it in a comfortable and familiar environment.

Story?

One time I smoked synthetic weed and spend 2 hours looking for hidden images in wall paper.

Now I just smoke the real thing. Fuck scary dangerous shit.

There is something wrong with your brain. Schizophrenia?

Wallpaper as in desktop background?

Nah, even when I smoke it alone it just brings all my autistic insecurities to light, kinda bs, love the heightened state of awareness, just hate the feebleness attached, much prefer L or shrooms

Severe karmic debt so yes

Well I was on a carrier, so it's a massive ship with tons of people. If you want to smoke a cigarette you have to go out on the fantail which is on the back of the ship. Now, I don't know if you've ever been outside at nighttime on the ocean, but the shit is dark. I mean fucking dark. When the sunsets, they usually switch all the lights on the ship to redlight because it's harder to see from further away, and they put up these little partitions at the doors that go outside so when you open them light doesn't pour out. By the time you actually make it to the outside, no light from the interior is seeping out and it's like stepping into fucking space. You can't see anything, not the deck, not your own hand in front of your face. It's kind of intimidating.
Anyway, after I got off watch sometime after midnight I wanted to smoke a cigarette before I got a shower and hit my rack. All my buddies decided they were going to get some midrats (midnight rations, basically they serve food for late night watch standers) so I smoked alone. When I stepped out it was a full moon so it was actually really fucking bright out, almost like a minisun. I'm standing there leaning over the guardrail smoking my Newport when I noticed glowing shit in the water being churned up by the propellers of the ship. We're doing about 5 knots, not fast at all. Photoplanktin or some shit. But that's not it, there was something moving around in the shit making it even more weird. I looked over at the person standing watch (they wear that headset and call for man overboard) and noticed she saw it too. We both observed the shape for a while swimming in the glowing shit and realized it was a fucking human looking thing, just doing it's thing.
>WHAT IN THE FUCK
she gets on the horn and calls away a manoverboard and they sound the alarm and everyone musters. They think someone fell overboard or something. Turns out no one was missing and everyone was accounted for in about 12 minutes.

They explained it away as one of the airdales throwing a glowstick in the water, but her and I both saw a person

Where is the mermaid story?

Sorry, had to type it out.

For some reason I don't think you're bullshitting. Any other crazy stories? Why would you lead with a drunk sex story and not a mermaid story anyway?

there once was a neckbeard who preferred xbox over pc or ps4. he was lonely, depressed, and destined for failure. he went to walmart to buy a gun. he went home and shot his dick off.

First one that popped into my head. I have lots of bizarre Navy stories but no one ever believes them.

There was once a man from Nantucket who's dick was so long he could suck it he wiped off his chin and said with a grin if my ear was a pussy I'd fuck itit

>unbelievable thing happened
>haha ebic

Is the mermaid story the weirdest? You should sketch what/who you saw in the water that night.

I can't draw for shit, it was very fucking dark, and no it wasn't the weirdest. I was one of the first responders to the Fukashima incident because of the location of my ship when it happened. That's a whole weird saga.

...

There once was a D-Class from Matlock,
whose dick was too big for his sock,
so he rolled up his sheet,
all nice and neat,
and proceeded to play with his cock.

...

If you want to hear the Fukashima story, I can type that one out.

Yeah. When was the mermaid incident? As specific as possible please. Ever seen aliens?

Well, as you may know the Fukashima incident was that Japanese nuclear powerplant that had a meltdown in 2011 after the tsunami.

But before that. I was stationed on the USS Ronald Reagan and we were off the coast of South Korea somewhere. I was on watch down in the plant. Everyone was super excited because we were supposed to pull in to SK the next day and get some shore leave. Kim Jong Il was still alive and in power and he threatened to turn Seoul into a "sea of fire" if our ship pulled in. Whatever faggot, they're always threatening shit and no one cares. Literally no one was worried. So while on watch my supervisor comes down and informs us that a tsunami just hit Japan, and we're not going to be pulling into SK because we're going to go help the Japanese. FUCK. Alright, fine. Finish up my watch and head to berthing and there's a TV in there where we can watch the news. Tsunami fucked Japan up, watch all the videos you can see on Youtube now of them just getting wrecked.

continued...

well, the ship started heading towards Japan to provide relief efforts which is usually sending in helos to give them water and food since we have plenty, rescue operations and maybe bringing people onboard. A little time passes and I go back on watch. Since we're a nuclear ship we have alarms if there's any sign of radiation, and they started to go off. Uh...that's not fucking good, is something wrong with our reactor? Well, we saw on the news that their nuclear plant was burning, so maybe that's it. Navy gets ahold of the Japanese government to find out what the fuck is going on. They say everything is fine, our equipment is probably fucked up, nothing is unusual. We still continue with our relief efforts but now radiation is getting bad, and the Japs are saying it's not them. They use those little Geiger counters and start swiping people and realize their boots are hot so they start taking people's boots away on the ship. It's really fucked up, gas masks are passed out even though the CO tells us it won't make a difference.
So as we get even closer to Japan, to the point where you can actually see the mainland, it's bad. You can see chunks of houses just floating in the water. I also remember it was very cold, for some reason that sticks out in my mind. Usually on the ship it's hot as fuck since we're in the gulf AND working in a steam plant, but it's so cold you can see your breath.
Well finally the Japs admit that it's their plant, after our CO sails us through a radiation cloud...TWICE. Entire ship is contaminated like crazy, people are getting shit taken from them because it's contaminated. It's just bad all around. We end up staying off the coast for about 80 days providing relief to them before we end up pulling in.
But what's weird is, some people think there was a device on board that caused the entire thing. See after our deployment we pulled back into our home port of San Diego at the time.
continued...

Your a crossdresser, your entire life is a crisis faggot.

As soon as we pulled in, all the power on the west coast went out. From Mexico up to Northern California if I remember correctly. It was called the 2011 Southwest blackout. The very same day our ship pulled back in this happened. Weird. I also noticed when the USS Stennis would pull into port it would rain very hard. Every single time. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2011_Southwest_blackout

My first year at uni, I got falsely accused of raping a girl I was sleeping with. Despite being found innocent, that sent me into a deep enough depression that I attempted suicide and nearly failed out of school.

But anyway, I just found that to be odd, and especially everything that happened afterwards. You see all the stories of people getting sick to the point where they are shitting blood.

Here's a pic showing the dates and how they line up.