Lonley thread, self hate edition

lonley thread, self hate edition.

are you sad user? feeling suicidal? share your shit. depression loves company

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youtube.com/watch?v=PSIL044YwQ0&list=PLddSkUxmPEC8_1i5sC3m36UTFCx2LJadj&index=5
youtube.com/watch?v=l5vW0g_DQfY&list=PL_AA8JeDxiPa0kJYmUaBTzKzvWZLSnKNs
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>tfw no bf

Sometimes I still get sad over some girl who toyed with me only used me for emotional support. Found out she'd gone behind my back and told one of her friends about how much of a bitch I was just because I liked the same character as she did.

Now that I say it I guess it sounds sorta weird without a lot of context?

like real humans do

I was once - not no more

if youre a teenager its probably just you being an inexperienced bitch

I'll copy and paste something i posted here yesterday i think. I tried to be nice :

Basically for all my life, i have been building personas to fit the person im talking to. I always invented new "characters" to make the person im talking to kinda comfortable.

(I believe that this is because i was mentally and physically abused by my brother for my whole childhood and i just didnt want people to be angry at me.)
My personality depends on the people im around because i shape a certain character for them.

But as i keep on doing this, i'm less and less sure who the puppetmaster is.

I don't know who the person really responsible for these characters is. I cant even write down who i truly believe to be me.

Whenever i feel safe and calm, i instinctively have an inner voice tell me that, who i am acting as isnt actually the real me. It ruins basically every interaction i have with other people.

I feel lost because i cant enjoy conversations with others anymore and even when i am only thinking, i still remind myself that who i am thinking as, at that time is not actually me. So i cant even enjoy thinking anymore

I feel like im going insane

Should i consult a therapist?

still getting over someone i never dated but put on a pedestal for like 8 years. fun stuff

Ive been isolated for a year and just got internet today. I was so miserable but now im not. I managed to develop social problems that should go away talking to people. I know what loneliness can do to you if it consumes you. Im a survivor. Im just trying to heal now all is good.

i've done this for a long time too. i invented a couple of different characters and acted them out on the internet long enough that occasionally i'd forget who i really am. now in everyday life i "switch" into these different characters and the entire way my flow of thought works changes. i spend a lot of time drawing now, and never even considered before one of my alternate characters just decided it was something she wanted to do, and now if i want to be "myself" i feel like i'd have to give up my most important hobby.

Distancing myself from everyone cause I don't know how else to deal with
Feel like absolute shit cause I'll never be up to expectation
Can't see myself in the future

Could be worse user, could be worse.
I'm fine with most of those but everytime I try working towards fixing something I just remember that I don't exist in the near future so why even bother. Haven't loved anything or anyone in a couple of years, always to manage to fuck it up regardless of how much I love it. Currently using subtances for occasional escapism, spent countess nights telling myself how much I hate myself and just how much of a peice of shit person I am who can't express themselves
Bleh whatever

Grew up in an abusive family, my mom broke her fingers hitting my brother so hard, she divorced my dad when he cheated on her, she moved us up to the opposite side of the country, as soon as I turned 18 my step-dad started sexually harassing and stalking me, my mom won't divorce him because it's "my fault", try to kill myself but make the mistake of telling my boyfriend goodbye so he calls an ambulance, he's crazy too and tells me he's going to kill himself so I can see how much I need him, so I fuck off to another country where I live alone and work at a job I hate making shit money and I only have $200 until my next paycheck in 20 days.

But at least I'm not around my family anymore, I guess. I'd kill myself but I don't want to abandon my pet dog in a country that's known for killing dogs. And maybe I still hold onto a sliver of hope that I'll someday get the job and the life that I want.

On top of that I've been having serious concerns about how people see me, all that I can do to be "fun" around people is play the "lightly offensive and ironic person" role but at this point I've done so much that no one even takes me seriously anymore, I feel like if I break out of character I'll just be some lame loser all over again, silent and boring with nothing much interesting to say

Not so long ago I had too felt loneliness and self-hatred, but it faded because I stopped longing for any IRL interaction with fellow humans (through endless days of escapism). Sometimes when I feel like I want to talk with someone I just go to anonymous chats and imageboards such as this. Self-hatred comes from envy and envy can only exist in society that I'm avoiding at all costs.
For ones who can't be successful with others loneliness is actually a curse and a bliss at the same time.

i dont know how much longer i can sit here and try to forget or more of, i dont know if my liver can take it

I just want a sincere hug

I wake up every day and look in the mirror and I'm disgusted by who I am. I'm not a bad person. Many people like me, you could almost say I'm popular. But nothing changes the fact that I'm not happy. I hate myself. People expect me to be or act a certain way because that's who I've portrayed my entire life. But it isn't me... I can't stand to wake up in the morning and I can't wait to sleep at night because at least when I'm asleep I can't feel this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that reminds me constantly that I will never be able to change...

this is my life too, i feel you user

You sound like you have multiple personality disorder not depression

That's not true. Sad people are the worst cause they want everyone to feel sorry for them. Just quit being 16-28 and you'll be fine.

best guess from the therapist i saw was bipolar disorder, but he wasn't qualified to make an official diagnosis. i was depressed for a long time before this whole thing started.

DID (multiple personalities) differs in that people with that don't have any memories of "switching", they just lose time. i have memories of being different "people" and what i was doing at the time, just the way i process information changes.

I'm sad because i feel so alone, but no in a way that there's no company or people, i mean, in a way of deposit your feelings in one person. Sometimes you see that everything is falling down and there's people that loves you but in that moments there's no one and its kind of dissapointing. I hope that others anons can understand

i just want to hug someone sincerely :/

you may be developing dissociative identity disorder but dont quote me on this
go see a certified psychiatrist and get it fixed before it gets worse

im just pissed im alive if i was never born i wouldnt care about anything, im awake and i want to experience thing.. kinda. after i die its over . not sure what happens but i dont care either. i have family member and a very loving gf, but they all will die and maybe even leave me. this ends and that pisses me the fuck off. i drown myself in video games. i understand how to not think but i can only do that for so long. if there is a god i wished he say sometihng so id know wtf to do. i wanna be a good person. but im just not wanting to be here anymore but i dont wanna let everyone down by leaving them cuz i know how bad that sucks. whats worse is that these thoughts are from being of middle and upper class. broke people just survive dumb people just live. if i am infinite and really apart of something bigger please come take me but if not im just waiting til death .. i rambled

That truly sounds like me, except that i tell myself that it's not really me, so i go on to the next persona and so on

Dude, get help. You'll be ok. If you ask me, there is no god. But as buddhist, life is so special, and feelings are temporary. Talk, and live, and pass this down.

why is life so special

Is it the kind of hug that say "i'm glad you exist" through its warmth

I'm on 6 xans and been hitting the bong, gunna kill myself later tonight. Life is so pointless for me, girl I love cut it off with me because her parents don't like me (her family real religious and don't want her to get into a relationship while in college). Sad times Sup Forumsros, sad times

Hey guys, i'm feeling pretty fucked up right now, i've come to the realization that I only hold on to the relationship with my gf because i like being around people that need me, and that's why many of my friendships were with disfunctional persons, but now she is getting into college but I'm not, and I'm afraid i'll be left completly alone again, no one needing me, no one asking for my company or advice

yep. i was told i'm a good hugger a long time ago but i haven't had the opportunity in a very long time. idk how to meet anyone because the only time i want to spend around people is past 2am

how many do you have? i originally based all of mine off of jungian archetypes, over time most of them lost their names though

I know this is cliche, but stream it. Godspeed, user.

I dont give then names, but there are just different sides to me. I have read quite a lot about carl jung and it is interesting af

I'm considering just saying "fuck it" and withdrawing from everybody but my mom and my dog.

Was trying to find an online home, but honestly they're all pretty shit, and it all usually runs up to garbage administration.

I'd never kill myself, I don't have the balls and too many people would miss me. But honestly, at this point I wouldn't mind if I died. I'd want to listen to a few more songs one last time but I think I've already gotten to all the good parts that I'm going to get.

Rolling for an answer to this question

i originally gave them names because they needed online nicks in order for me to act them out properly. there were a few people who didn't buy it (it was really campy, some hardcore tropes taken to the extreme) and i used pictures of people i know that only i had to give it more credit.
at some point someone called me out and my emotion was less "this guy's onto my bullshit" and more "this asshole doesn't believe me!"

wild ride.

Dad keeps calling me out for not fucking with any females. Like father like son right? Feel a little shitty but I'll live through it.

...

thank.
am having a fairly rough day but will survive

My husband died last year.

How are you coping? Do you have support in family/friends?

I've come to realize I live on a planet populated by seven billion other humans, only a small portion I'll ever meet in my lifetime. If I was born in a state or town over I would be raised around a completely different group of people, meaning I would have much different experiences than what I already have. I would be a much different person today.

On top of that, all seven billion of us have a mind that produces thoughts as much as any of us do, seven billion stories we will never hear, a million or so people I could have met and have been best friends with..

So much cinema, art, and music is produced, some of which could become favorites of mine, I'll never be able to come across. And much more will be produced after my lifetime is up.

Yet I'm sitting in my room, 2:00a in the morning, looking at memes and hentai.

I tried to kill myself recently. Didn't work obviously, rope broke.

I found out that mates have been lying about parties to make me feel bad for not being there.

I don't think I have the will to try kill myself again.

I've convinced myself that my friends are just spending time with me so they can mock me and make me feel like garbage.

The problem is, my life is good, and I know it, but that makes me feel worse.

I've been diagnosed with depression, but the guy who did it chalked it up to playing games, which is my only real form of escapism, I can't get medicated.

Anyway, bitch bitch moan moan. I wish I were dead.

Those are art too. And i dare say some of those people are here too, sharing those thoughts, stories and ideas here, easier to reach than in any times before our. You truly are blessed for realizing that, user.

As I said... I'm addicted to lonely, broken people, reading this stories, this mere thoughts make me wanna cry, make me want to help you, but I dont want to be there when things are better, I just want to make them like that, and then drown in my own misery.

i think one of the main reasons i'm so lonely is because i spend all my time playing league of legends long after league of legends was good, or at least something the cool kids do.

What you need to do is switch gears, munch some shrooms (5 dried grams for full effect), realize that this depression shit is futile and actually laugh it off just like that, all that while looking like a complete sub-human entity in the mirror.

The mushroom is like a CCleaner for your mind.

What the fuck really? For having something in common she called you bitch?

I want to fucking die. One, I repeatedly fail math no matter how hard I try, and it's been like that since 4th grade, and I feel like I let my parents down every time. Two, there is nobody I can trust. Anyone who seems like I can trust ends up stabbing my ass somehow, or they just don't are and end up just doing it "because it's good for my image". And three, I feel like there's nothing that makes me happy anymore. Nothing ever makes me laugh, or makes me feel like I've accomplished something. And it seems like there's nothing I can do about it except cry myself asleep and hope life will change and I can begin again.

I've killed all my aliases. There's a lot of shadows I hid from others, but I only have one mask; me. Different people know different stuff about me, but they all know I'm the same guy to all else. I'm not depressed anymore, just still lonely. I want a hug. A nice one. ⊙︿⊙

It's impressive the form i help others to get out if their depression and succeed but I myself suffer from depression and no one wants to help me. It is not even that they cant, It is just that they dont want

I have been told im a good hugger. Do you want one?

Can't feel it physically but can virtually and the thought of it is nice. Thanks.

A diary shouldn't lie. Work on that

Personally I feel like I'd have nothing to write in there (other than the daily routine stuff)

Faggot I think suicide is a option. Do it

Feel you Sup Forumsrother.
Well for me it Was allways like I helped people and then the left and went on, so by now I dont even have the will anymore, because its in my mind that the eventually will leave. Often I destroy thing though that thought. Remember : Your mind is the most powerful thing you have. Dont imprison it, Set it free and you will be free... Something I still have to learn.

I See. Well, people are weird sometimes... Have the same shit right now. Last days I tried something Else, I opened myself to somebody and guess what : She left, even though I helped her.

I like to be alone most time. I can rethink things and be myself.
But sometimes I really like that somebody would be there, that wont leave. That just cuddles me and says "user, this world isnt okay. Youre not okay, but Im here for you."

Wont happen so far... But Well see what the future brings.

Btw I should get up... Its near 14.00 and I need to study

Its all I can offer. God, I would cut of my arm for a hug right now.

Nice Dubs btw.

Aww thanks user. I'd give you a hug too.

Nice Dubs btw.

I'm sad because holding a job is hard with mental issues and I'm angry that most people don't have to deal with it. Just been sitting at home for the last 4 years distracting myself from reality

>740431104
Rolling so he does not get an answer

bump

My best friend died today, he was barely 22. Why do the good people get the shortest lifespan?

i sympathize, user

Same happened to my best friends one of the homies went to the carnival

Roll

STOP HATING YOURSELF, BITCH - HATE EVERY1 ELSE FOR NOT LIKING U

Dude, find something to live for. I've run out recently, but find a goal. That's what carried me all these years. Graduate, work, find a partner (maybe ).

And whatever you do, don't make your happiness revolve around someone else, you'll only find disappointment.

One final piece of advice, read "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns.

I'm 25 now and I pretty much have nothing other than a shitty factory job.

All my other friends are working cake jobs making $50k+ a year and I feel like I'm falling so far behind in life which is a shitty feeling.

I want to get a different job or go back to school, but I have a DUI (was just sitting in my car, but I had the keys on me) and I assume that everyone looks at that and thinks I'm a piece of shit.

I just want a normal life or a fresh start and to make my parents proud of me.

I know that feel friend, try 10 years..
youtube.com/watch?v=PSIL044YwQ0&list=PLddSkUxmPEC8_1i5sC3m36UTFCx2LJadj&index=5

I want to hug you so bad. Have an ok day, anons!

Find and surround yourself with others whom of which think and act like minded to you, everyone in this world is apart of the disease, we all have an ideology of how we should live our lives and many have one for after there life, some see it as a false sense of reassurance to the world, I personally see it as a gateway to act a certain way for another, we as humans roam this earth seeking anything that will make us feel good and wont stop until were dead and the wavelenghts reach others, theres always an imbalance of power and control so were alays going to be in turmoil. Just be yourself and manage youtube.com/watch?v=l5vW0g_DQfY&list=PL_AA8JeDxiPa0kJYmUaBTzKzvWZLSnKNs

this pic looks like a sketch of my ex....
cant forget her... and since then i have been slowly dying...its almost 6 years ago now....and i cant find any more strenght....i hope its over soon i cant even find the pride to kill myself in some creative way....