Pls help

pls help

>living at parents house
>want to buy dildo from bad dragon
how do i do it without my parents getting to the package first?

pic related its the dildo i plan on getting

get it delivered to the post office instead of house
retard
also are you a guy or girl you fag

Amazon offers a locker service where you can get the package shipped there instead of your main mailbox. These lockers are everywhere in cities and yes, Amazon does sell Bad Dragon toys.

closest post office is about an hour away and parents dont trust me with car anymore

i'll check it out hopefully theres one thats close

Please don't tell me you crashed their car while jerking off to weird animal dicks...

Have it addressed to you. What, do your parents open your mail?

i crashed the car when i was rushing to get home when i was hanging out with a friend after "curfew"

they'll more than likely ask questions. "oh user what did you get? it was a big package"

Kill yourself

yes i didnt really know about it until my dad had opened a package that I had shipped home while I was on a trip

another reason why I cant have my parents even know I got a package. they'll bug me until i tell them or until they can open it themselves

already tried, my friend

If you are living at home, no car, no real privacy, i think you have more important priorities to sort out than sticking fake animal dicks in presumably your asshole.

I remember ordering an entire bumper for my truck off Amazon. My dad picked it up from the post office and the box was longer than his 8 foot truck bed. The postal workers knew me by name after that.

>buy dragon dong
>use it in front of them
>tell them you are a raging faggot who wants to fuck animals
>murder them in their sleep
You just won yourself a house

it's a hell that im dealing with. im looking at other places to stay currently

>in presumably your asshole
I'm going to derail this thread now. Replace one word in a movie title with "in presumably your asshole".

I'll go first.

Pulp in presumably your asshole

top kek

i'll keep that idea in mind

This game is old and stale. Think of a new one

Also OP: quit being a faggot - instead of spending that money on a BD toy, save for a place of your own or a car. You know it's the better decision

The shawshank in presumably your asshole

Bonus points if you murder them with the dragon dong

Track the package and be there before your parents, by simply knowing the average times of delivery for mail at your place and keeping an eye on the packages transit. Why are your parents opening packages not addressed to them? That's actually illegal assuming you're actually an adult. I bought numerous sex toys while I lived with my mom and I simply arranged it so I was always at the mailbox first on that day, and if she asked what it was I'd just lie about it.

already have money for an apt and have a bike for temp. transportation. i thank you for your concern but that's not the current topic here

I made the mistake of buying a bad dragon toy instead of moving out. I sort of regret it, since it doesn't feel like a real dog, and now my own house is slightly further away as a life goal.

But get your own place. Then you can get a dog. And you can take its dick in your holes whenever you want.

Star Trek: Into in presumably your asshole

Still unsure about genders here.

the problem is my mom has recently stopped going to work and staying home. her and my dad run a sorta "mom and pop' shop so it seems like theres no downside to not going to work.

Then why don't you just wait to order it?

Drag me to in presumably your asshole

>bad life choices

Also,
The Hobbit: An Unexpected in presumably your asshole

i havent found an apt yet I'm just saying that I have enough money saved for rent should the time arise

Breakin' 2: Electric in presumably your asshole

If you get it delivered UPS, you can have it sent to one of their Access Points, which can be like some rinky dink shipping business. You have to set up a UPS account, then have the dragon dildo seller ship it to your address. When UPS detects in their system that you have a package on the way to your address with your name on it, it'll pop up in your UPS account. Then you can select to have it delivered to an access point instead.

Men in in presumably your asshole

Schindler's in presumably your asshole

i'm looking at one thats close to where I live and im reading reviews of people getting their shit stolen so that idea is a maybe

i'm a guy. rather than buying a dog dick like OP, i bought a dog vagina.

it doesn't feel like a real dog vagina sadly. but it's still fun to play with

Because your name will be on the package and your parents should respect your privacy.

how do you know how a dog vagina is? (i know im going to regret asking this)

like I said before my dad doesnt seem to care. I've even told him what I bought and without telling me he goes through the package

move you fucking NEET

I love how clunky this is.

Ernest Scared in presumably your asshole

Living like that would explain why you want a dog dick in presumably your asshole.

>i bought a dog vagina

No one is going to steal a bad dragon dildo

You could get a job and move out you sick fuck

but i have a job, friend

This made my night

tru

If I were your parents I wouldn't want that shit in my house, and if I found out it was yours I'd whup your ass. Stop being such a degenerate faggot, our stop living with your parents. Spare them the disappointment of your perversion.

Get a pitbull, they're all the rage apparently.

Or stop treating children like property

I would

It's called "raising children" which is something sadly lacking these days. You are Exhibit A.

well...

Zarathustra, come down from your mountain and show us not how to get over-man, but how to become men again rather than simply male.

if you have a ups story you can get a mailbox for like 35 bucks a month, cops cant even check it without a warrant and they wont give out ur info without a warrant its in the contract

im not sure if I said it before but I don't have one near me

Raising children has nothing to do with denying them sexual pleasure, even if they have odd preferences. Raising them starrs with respecting them ass human beings, otherwise you push them away and they do fucked up shit unsupervised. It'll only escalate. OP here is exhibit A

is being exhibit A a good thing?

What can I say, I'm a raging faggot.

>Raising children has nothing to do with denying them sexual pleasure

you can also put a hold on it at the ups depot for like a week

assuming you have a nearby hub tho

retards

yet again, not one close to me

what, you'r not going to let you son masturbate?

the hub that's nearby is the one I was saying people got their shit stolen from

have it shipped usps and get a post office box

how would you buy it
living with your parents? I'm assuming you don't have your own credit card either
people can check their credit card history

Children are impressionable, and this generation is the worst to ever exist.

The media, and the Internet is a degenerate plague.

ups has an insurance policy for packages that arent received pay for signature verification

And yet here you are in the midst of this plague. Intredasting.

well there was this dog. she was giving me bedroom eyes. so i licked her pussy. she was pretty loose, so I stuck my penis inside her.

and that's how i know what dog vagina feels like.

wanna know something else?

it's softer and warmer than human. it's like fucking a marshmallow.

last christmas my grandparents got me one of those visa giftcards. i haven't used the card at all and should be loaded with roughly $200

Are you 10?
You cant drive the car
You cant have a parcel delivered with no questions.
>I think your underage and we shouldnt tell you

Ghost in in presumably your asshole shell

>it's like fucking a marshmallow
We don't really need to ask if you did that, do we?

Most reputable Adult shops have discrete packaging. Also, just wait until they won't be home one day and pay for express post. That's what I do.

Its something for my pc?
>Want to tear the tower to bits to see my new mlp theme wires...

I've explained myself enough. if you don't believe me then so be it.

...

Forrest in presumably your asshole

dumbass

Django unchained in presumably your asshole

that's probably the best option. my parents are planning on going on a short trip next Friday. I might be able to fake being sick so I guess that's my time to shine

thank you

Im really trying not to judge but ew

...

well you know how a marshmallow feels, presumably? have you eaten one before? imagine it's a really big soft, at a nice body temperature, and you stick your dick inside. except it's not sticky, just very slick.

humans are not nearly as soft. they still good tho

Hes angry i think

Lord of the rings: the two in presumably your ass hole

>make a bunch of letter bombs and address them to yourself
>place one in the mailbox
>either your did is kill and you can do as you please
>OR dad is not kill, continue with one letter bomb at a time until either dad is kill or learns his fucking lesson

Naw dog, the internet is the dankest of places to unmeme the retarded shit society loves. The real degenerates are those that don't socialize, internet or nointernet.

get it delivered to a different name and hope you find it first

War for the Planet of the Apes in presumably in your asshole

if that's all then I'm probably gonna get off soon. it's pretty late and i have shit to do tomorrow

Your disgusting.
I hope you do it again and the dog bites your dick off