Retards ITT only

Retards ITT only

>be me
>22 years old
>somehow make it to college and in library with friends studying
>typing up some gay paper
>was quoting some shit from a book
>friend whispers, as to not embarrass me in front of my other friends
>"you know, you're supposed to hold shift and then hit the quotation button, not tap it twice"
>quickly make up bullshit that my shift keys were acting up so i tapped ' twice to make a quotation
>he just says oh and laughs


I typed quotations by tapping the ' button twice for nearly all my school career.

>Get call center job
>Training starts yay!
>Things go smoothly
>Have crush with my trainer
>Find out she dates another trainer
>Disapoined but oh well
>Answer my first call
>Black bitch calls me retarded
>I get real nervous and start sttutering
>My partner laughs
>Tells everyone
>Everyone wants to hear call
>Trainer agrees
>I said no, does it anyhow.
>Everyone laughs their asses off
>Go home really dispoined of myself
>Get high
>Next day
>Get high before work
>Start feeling bad, smoke more and fap to porn
>Not show up ever again.

I have a good reason to hate NIGGERS now thanks to that bitch I lost my job

you should have not let the nig scare you

>Be me in 2nd grade keep writing 3 backwards
>Everyone tells me to correct it
>I have no idea what they mean
>10 mins pass
>Finally realized

>good reason

Well it was my first call, I didn´t really care but my partner made a big deal about it to the other coworkers.

I never returned my headset or wnet back for anything, you think I can get the trainer fired if I call COMCAST personally? This affected me so much that I havent gone to look for a job again.

hell yeah you could. it sounds pretty unethical

Of course, they embarrassed you by playing the recording without your consent

Yeah, I clearly said no. This haunted me for a few weeks, I was having a bad day to begin with and that just literally destroyed me.

at this point you're going to be a cuck if you don't report it

pussy

Call centers suck.

Yeah bitch turned me into an all sized fucking cuck
Some days you really can´t stand a lot of bullshit I was having the worst day of the month.
Yeah true, but its still a job there is no reason for that nigger to be speaking to someone like that

you're a pussy for letting this shake you so bad

>Be me, 21 years old
>Finally old enough to buy my first gun, yay
>Buy a used Glock 19
>Take it to shooting range to test it out
>Having a great time shooting up paper targets
>After a while, a shell casing doesn't fully eject after the shot
>I have no idea what to do
>Pull back the slide manually, shell casing ejects
>Release the slide, it goes forward like normal
>Hm, seemed like it worked, but better be sure
>Press button and eject magazine
>All the bullets still look like they're in place, I guess
>Put the gun down on the table of the shooting lane to take a break
>Wait a sec, I wonder if the trigger doohickey got messed up
>Pull trigger while the gun is still sitting on the shelf
>Gun goes off.
>Obviously I didn't realize that when I released the slide earlier I had just chambered another round
>Huge divot blasted in the wall about 10 feet down the range
>Gun goes skittering off the table and across the floor
>MFW I made my hasty exit like I was done for the day
>MFW nobody noticed and I never got in trouble

For what it's worth, I immediately signed up for an NRA gun safety course so I could learn what I was doing. That was 10 years ago, but I still remember it every time I see young adults at the range and worry a little for my own safety.

Dude I know but its been a bad year all together this was gona be my distraction from all the bullshit.

I have worked in call centres, it was chat tho... so I THINK people can be even more mean through chat since they cannot even hear my voice

At first I used to feel really bad when people would insult me without reason
>hi Netflix charged me twice fix it
>can you tell me your mail? (Dumbass was not signed in so no way to tell his Acc)
>I don't have time for this, can you give me my money or no? Are you retarded?

After a few months I just decided to not give a fuck, like literally, everytime someone would start insulting me or be an asshole I would just say to myself
>well I am still getting paid if he doesn't want help, his problem
I would still help them, of course... but like just the bare minimum and zero friendly, etc

Anyway you should of have reported it after it happened, she surely would have gotten fired or at least moved out from training

Being this much of a worthless pussy in life.

>Not having mandatory conscription and military grade weapons training when you're 18.

More of OP picture please, or more like it

...

I'm pretty sure the company he works for doesn't need his consent to listen to his recording at work lol

they're listening to his recording out in the open to make fun of him ya goofy nig

I read the story. I don't know why you would think they'd need his consent to listen to it. You've never been made fun of at work before?

im not the user that said the consent shit, but they're making fun of him at his work. everyone is sensitive nowadays so if he wanted to get them into some trouble, he could

Same fag

I didn´t really mind at all the way the customer traeted me what pissed me off is having to play the call for everyone to laugh.

Just wanted to tell a funny embarrassing story, user. Not looking for a dick measuring contest. But good for you I guess?

sorry loser

hopefully you let this event change you for the better instead of being even more of a bitch

>Not being forced to serve in the military
>feelsgoodman.jpg

He's joking you old fuck

How do you know it was a nigger?

not that user but most niggers have a way of speaking

Photoshop skills?

NIgger voice, nigger name, nigger accent. How complicated is it?

>.png

Really?
Is it that
Jo homie wat are ya up to?
Roaches have a very shitty special accent too so it doesn't sound unbelievable when I think about it
We have no niggers, only roaches

i used snipping tool? whats the big deal nerd

...

holy shit im sorry sir

24 m

I am autistic and can't talk to woman.

Only thing I do want is to find some sort of friend who'd be into doing cumtributes together with me etc and watching porn.

Only hav 3 friends and I dont wanna ask one of them in case they freak out

Otherwise there is such a depressive emptiness in me as I keep growing older

Go to bed microdick.

Would you pay for me to be your friend?

You can't even green-text right

holy fuck

You'll remember that and any other firearm related incident involving to you, a family member, or friend. Forever.

And if you see an unsafe act, don't hesitate to speak up!
You don't have to get all dickish about it, but a simple reminder on safety is all it takes to prevent a potentially fatal accident!
Seriously, user. There is nothing more scary than half-assed firearm safety.
We want those young shooters to grow into older shooters!

>cant green text
>incoherent rambling
>no point to story
never go full retard

Don't forget the reddit spacing
Cum tributes are the most retarded think
What do you even get out from it
You really sound autistic
Never ask your friends for this

>>I typed quotations by tapping the ' button twice for nearly all my school career.

Not really your fault. Education pretty much does not teach you basic computer skills in my country either.

Lucky for you. Call centers cripple you before you know it.

If you have watched US series/movies, you can tell very easily.

This.
Military career is cool and all, but fuck forced serve time.

I wasn't green texting. Didnt want to. just describing how I feel.

I am so depressed and feel so sad and in pain and empty so only thing that will help is doing cumtributes or getting in a threesome but again dont wanna ask a friend cos will prob freak him out.

masturbating doesnt help cos it is only a temporary solution and then i am back to feeling so depressed and even suicidal

Reddit

Spacing

Also

Talk

To

Girls

>dispoined
I can see why she called you retarded

le

reddit

spacing

get some anti-depressants? go to your doctor ad tell em' you want to see a shrink?
dont kys dude, such a waste

>reddit spacing
what the fuck does that even mean?

unless u want me to put everything into a big paragraph which I have learnt isnt so good and people are more likely to read things in spaces

wtf faggot

go lift

>be me
>22 years old (last year)
>armed security guard
>used to always fuck with people by emptying out my mag and chamber then aiming the barrell at my head or dick and pull the trigger
>great reaction everytime
>fast forward a few weeks
>work a 18 hour shift
>get home
>dog ass tired
>place gun in case
>fall asleep
>wake up
>ineedtocleanmygun.jpeg
>drop the mag
>forget to cycle
>point gun at head
>nobody to freak out so fuck it
>point gun at gun case
>pull trigger
>BOOM
>OMFG

Pic related 1/2

Pic related 2/2

if only you had aimed it at your head

What the fuck is your problem?
Just use one enter instead of two
It's really not that hard
Also reddit spacing is self explaining

Stop looking at porn and masturbating so much. Seriously. It's been linked to all sorts of detrimental shit including impotency and makes it to where you can only get it up when you watch 2D porn. The part of your brain will start craving more novelty and before you know it, you're watching midgets shit on each other just to get it up.
Use your imagination when you bate, mate.
Always bate responsibly.

Kek nice trips. Also fuck you

Work in IT, people call me retarded all the time. You get the most retarded people on the phone. Like so stupid you couldn't even made it up.

Worse thing yet some college degree student in IT had an internship in my company. I tested him by showing him an open computer case, and asked him to explain everything that was in the case. He couldn't. Then i asked to show me the power supply while the power cable was still attached... He couldn't. Then i showed him an USB cable and asked what is this cable. He responded with "that's a cable to charge my tablet".

The education system is broken. Like holy fuck

You're a fucking moron if what you said is true.
Mouth breathers like you are the reason guns are even considered to be a problem.
The first fucking rule to gun safety is to treat every gun as if it is loaded and chambered.

Trust me, there is no dick measuring in conscription.
Everyone would rather be somewhere else, but my point is that everyone gets a particular training and are introduced to an awareness mentality that they would probably never get otherwise, and everyone carries that for the rest of their lives.

That said, the retard stories from military service can be pretty funny.
Like the moron in my platoon in basic who couldn't hit the target at the firing range even once.
When after a few days he started getting hits on the target, but it was on the neighbor's target.
The instructor's face was bright red when he was standing over the guy screaming at him while the guy was lying on the ground in the shooting position, cowering like a dog.
The instructor went on a long rant which ended with "and if you ever see the enemy approach you, you will wait until the enemy is very close, and then you will THROW your weapon at him!"

It is a true story. Also yeah yeah I know. I obviously stopped doing that after that day.

>out of body experience while ears were ringing

Kek

In a USB cable are 8 small cables
What should be inside instead?

I get that gun training makes sense, basic tactical understanding makes too but I would not want to get drilled like some moron

Oh look, a manchild and his little friend.
Lick those cheetos crumbs off your fingers before you jerk off down there in mom's basement.

Your text editor doesn't draw attention to this stupidity?

>Too autistic to have social interactions
>Blames niggers
Ahhh Sup Forums never fails to amaze me

>a manchild
Soldiers in the modern age are the biggest man-children ever. They literally cut themselves out of the productive society. They enlist into the army where they circlejerk all day and get paid for masturbating all day long. Then once the training is done, they just play XBOX and wank it some more.

Finally, they get the pension after the age of 30-40.
HOW FUCKING GROWN UP THAT IS, WOW!

Office from 2008 or 2005 (cannot recall) simply replaces '' to " as far as I remember. So he may have had his shit auto-corrected. Some people may even type '' faster, like my girlfriend has always trouble reaching for shift/alt/whatever, don't know why or how. She is experienced around computers, can type real fast (even if she has to use capitals), but she always uses CAPS LOCK and like only numbers in MMOs. Shit's weird. Tried to train her but it seems almost impossible.

>be me growing up
>dirty feet from playing in yard
>grandpa jokes that we must be blackfoot and redneck
>native heritage day at school
>teacher asks if any of class have injun ancestry
>"I'm part black foot, and redneck"
>teacher cannot find appropriate answer, not familiar with redneck tribe

>hurr durr I've never handled a firearm
>guess I'll just buy one and wing it
>what's worst that could happen

The fear of blowing off mine, or another person's face made it fairly simple to me to make sure my first time at the range was at least with someone who shot before.
You are a liberal's wet dream.

I did that too, it increases the character count when you have to write a paper with a specific character minimum.

I also double space all sentences specifically for that reason. And it looks better IMO

You know that bit about "call may be recorded for monitoring or training purposes"? What the fuck do you think that means? It's required by law when parties are recorded, and it's more for the agent than the caller... by using him as an example of how to not go full aspie, they would have been "training" the other employees. Learn to fucking call center.

You sound like a liberal yourself, sweetie.

It's not that big a deal, it's not like in the movies.
And basic was just a month and a half, weekends off.
After that I had classified theoretical training and work in an intelligence service, which was an experience that I have brought with me into my professional career.

It's been a while so I've forgotten so much of the retarded things that went on there.

On that comes to mines was afer basic, I was deployed to a secret underground facility way out in the wilderness.
There was a mountain on top of the facility and radar array up there.
The head of the close defence platoon was an old captain who wasn't all there.
His platoon liked him because he defended them against harassment from the intel officers, and so his guys always tried to steer him away from any potential disasters.
On time they failed miserably.
The captain had gotten an idea that he was going to blast away a big boulder at the top of the mountain for some reason, so he signed out a huge load of explosives and drove up to the mountain top with two of his corporals, who begged him the whole way to not do this.
He wouldn't listen to them at all, and since he apparently didn't have any demolitions training, he placed the box of explosives on top of the boulder, applied a couple of minutes of fuse and lit it, all while the corporals watched in horror.
Then they hopped in the car and drove out of sight.
Well, he had used far too much explosives, and placing them on top of the boulder did nothing to the boulder of course, except making a sooty stain where the box had been.
The surroundings however looked like a WW2 bomb had been dropped there.
Trees were uprooted and fallen in every direction away from the blast.
There was a tool shed far away on the mountain, but it happened to be in line of sight from the blast.
The windows and door on the shed had blown in and the entire shed was displaced.
The next day the captain was suspended and no one saw him for a few months.

Wtf is this riddle? 4.

>not wanting to shoot myself in face
>liberal

If the shoe fits

But you're supposed to double space all sentences.

I still do

Holy shit OP

You are using the wrong USB

>be me ~14
>like two years ago
>inb4 newfag teenfag, yes, i'm 2 months old in this website
>have glasses
>was going to use cologne spray
>for some reason i was pointing it directly to my eyes
>mfw glasses saved me from going to the hospital

Reddit spacing is a meme.
It ain't a real thing.

When you double space by format it doesn't contribute at all to character count.

MODS

Yepp, that's retarded all right

Not me being retarded, but related to yours.
>mfw taking familiarization of firearms course
>spend half the class in a classroom practicing stances and drilling rules into our heads
>such as the laser rule
>day one on the range
>not even 10 minutes after we have pistols in our hands
>dumb bitch has a question before we fire
>swings gun hand past 3 or 4 people, plus their spotters as she raises her hand and turns to the instructor
>her spotter is her friend, who is just as clueless as her

>16 y/o

MODS!!!!!

>be me ~14
>have glasses
>was going to use cologne spray
>for some reason i was pointing it directly to my eyes
>mfw glasses saved me from going to the hospital

>be me
>ten seconds until i turn 18
>i'll be 18 when this post is up
>still get banned

MOAR

Why does it matter that you had glasses, user?

i would have put cologne all over my eyes, but glasses protected me

MODS

it's okay, i'm 18 now.