Ok guys I need your help, because of my current living conditions (living at home with my family...

Ok guys I need your help, because of my current living conditions (living at home with my family, of 7 of us) I cannot buy a vibrator or dildo. Just using my hands doesn't get me off, I need something in me.
For the past year or so I've been using my brothers toy lightsaber (same one as pic) but it's rather thin and I need something bigger.
What household objects can I use preferably stuff that won't be noticed if it's missing.
Your all filthy degenerates what do you suggest?

Other urls found in this thread:

amazon.com/findalocker
youtu.be/wZ8cdL0ELRg
twitter.com/NSFWRedditImage

Hot dogs I put them up my as all the time bratwurst Vienna it's a variety just use lube and put a condom on the sausage then go to town hope it helps .

tits and timestamp bitch

...

Technically she's not using her status as a girl to demand attention, but to just ask for practical advice, so we don't have to be all mean about it

Use a your arm you loose whale.

Go out and buy a large mortar and pestle for making guacamole, that shit is literally a kitchen dildo
Also can make guac after fucking yourself for a nice snack

Send post of it in your pussy

Use your brothers cock?

Drink draino retard.

You're*

Timestamp

Btw the pic was related just shove the handle thing in and don't lose it

Celibacy, and stop loosening yourself so future lover get a floppy lame lay like fucking a bucket of lukewarm watèr or throwing a hotdog down a worthless mineshaft.

Tits or gtfo.

Also dick or gtfo

Don't forget the timestamp

This looks really promising. Thanks.
No

pic

the fuck is wrong with you? I hope your brother kills you.

Or go back to the source and fuck your dad and/or step-dad (post pics)

I'd bury my face in that hairy snatch so fucking quick. Close up shots of pussy and asshole?

I don't know how to get a timestamp on this. Here's a screen shot time in corner

Rules are rules user.

I remain anonymous faggot. I don't identify like some attention seeking faggot. Now that op has followed the rules why don't you tits or gtfo you feminist fucking trash.

Use an electric toothbrush on your clit.

Why aren't you able to hide it around your room/the house?

Sharpie in popper.

tool handles, bottles (spice rack/cabinet is a good place to start. lotion bottles often come in nice enough shapes and sizes too), the water flowing out of the bathtub faucet is forceful enough to pound your clit pretty well if you lay on your back and scoot up to it. feels awesome.

i'd let you use my cock

Fuck both, because we all know you're from a broken home.

Also hygiene, consider it, we realize it is likely a new concept to you but you're gross and I just know the smell must be unreasonably bad.

Use the other end.

write date & time on paper, cardboard, whatever, and take a pic of yourself with it.

Would probably be too small

Get a vibrator app for you cell phone.

This. Just buy a dildo op. It's the safest
Thing to use and there are some cheap ones.

Man you are one ugly bitch,

And an otter box case to make it moisture proof. Great idea. +1 internet for the phone idea.

Why can't you buy a dildo? You know it doesn't have to come to your house directly, there are shops specifically for them...

why can't you buy a dildo? no credit card? use cash to buy a gift card. parents open up all packages and can't risk shipping to your house? amazon can ship to a public locker.
whatever you use, make sure it has a flared base. it's so it doesn't get stuck up your ass, but your so fat you may loose it in your cunt.

I don't have a way to buy one, any package I get would be opened by somebody else.
actually I was the Lightsaber after every use. I shower daily.
I know
Sorry I don't know how to flip it so it's backwards

Show me your wet pussy so i can jerk off.

Be less pathetic, get some dignity, and earn yourself a little self-respect. We realize you were likely molested but for fuck sake there is no reason for self abuse and replaying the trauma that has scarred you sexually.

off topic but open up paint and select flip horizontal. or you could've written backwards, taken pic in mirror, lots of fixes.

Take some cash to a sex shop, buy a dildo/vibrator, and hide it.

how big an object do you need? how many fingers can you stuff in your pussy? care to show us?

amazon.com/findalocker

Start smoking cigarettes and don't drink any beers or eat any food. You drop that weight in no time.

Maybe a flashlight?

I like this idea thank you.

Oh, well then get someone to love you so they want to pleasure you, I mean if hygiene isn't the problem. Also move out with said person who loves you after the wedding... receiving oral > masturbation, if done correctly and if you wait until after marriage to let him out his dick in then he won't know you're loose as hula hoop until it's too late. Pretend you're virtuous and he's special, or something dumb like that. Also give oral back, it's just considerate.

...

Get one of those miniature baseball bats.

Turn lightsaber around and tada

Also be careful, don't be one of those lame losers on 1001 ways to Die, especially the one lady who died masturbating with a peeled carrot. ( look it up, it is a real thing)

Made my day

Too many faggots don't know how to actually apply "there are no girls on the internet" rule. OP was just some anonymous faggot like the rest of us untill
Fucked it up and drew attention to it. God damn kids not knowing how to internet these days.

Retard, it's
1000 Ways to Die.

youtu.be/wZ8cdL0ELRg

And that's the clip

Well i mean using the saber could kill you if the wrong kyber crystal is in. Every jedi knows to use thw handle look at obi wans handel its a spiked dick

I have no interest in other people I'm into Schediaphilia, I can't even masturbate to live action porn only hentai.

Since this thread is turning into petty insults, (I know I'm ugly, and I know I'm overweight) and I've already got the suggestions I need. (Thank you mortar and pestle user and flashlight user) I'm going back to my regular boards.

Use your brother's dick

Use playdough to make a dick / fill condom with playdough

Use this as a dildo:

All dicks have barbed spikes, that's normal and everyone knows it, that's why they're called Pricks.

Electric toothbrush.

That's not how vaginas work virgin

I bet that pussy is like throwing a hot dog down a hallway,no tread left on those tires.

Hair brush? Or just go to a sex shop and buy one. They dont care

Jeez, holy shit. OP is a pathetic fucking loser. Haha. I thought my life was shitty. Fuckin a

You're not ugly, you have low self esteem which means it difficult to have you hear and accept compliments.

You are not ugly, and while this is the asshole of the internet and a hate-machine, I genuinely hope you find a flesh and blood person whom makes you happy, but more importantly helps make your life more meaningful.

Meaningful > Happy, any day of the week.

>your all filthy degenerates
I am but youre coming here and telling me youre using your little bothers toy as a dildo? Very classy

Damn dude that's so clever

Lmfao that last sentence top kek.

t. guy who has gf with loooooose pussy

Lol.

>Weight/looking pretty
Smokes help, but the not eating anything like the user above says, is typical Sup Forums bullshit. Cut out all unnatural sugar. Get used to drinking water. One liter a day most days. Keep yourself fucking hydrated. You'll drop weight pretty quick. Also, avoid "low fat" and "diet" packaged foods. Anything processed, tbh. Ofc everything in moderation. Slowly reduce your serving size at the dinner table.

All the adipose fat will melt off you pretty quick, but that kind of eating gets old pretty quick, leaving you craving like mad. Give yourself a cheat day, with the condition that you "earn it." Exercise, acing an exam, whatever it takes to feel like you actually earned it.

You'll feel a lot better, and start looking pretty good. Results will be noticeable by years end.

4/10, would still fuck if the personality is right.

1/2 dildo is next

Bet her pussy smells like moldy eggs Twinkies and death.

>Dildo

Go to home depot. Get yourself some Plasti-Dip, a thick wooden dowel and some sandpaper. Get yourself some tools as well, but make sure they dont have any rubber grips. File the edge of tje dowel down until it's rounded and in a shape you like. Cut to the length you need (personal preference) and give it a good coat of wax, or petroleum jelly. Next, coat the dowel with the plasti dip. Once dried, add some little beads and shit and give it another coat. Three to four coats later, pull the dowel out and fill the hole with more Plasti-Dip. Give that a few days to dry.

Take the tools I mentioned and dip them each in the Plasti-Dip. Giving them a rubber grip. They're solely to disguise your project, because Plasti-Dip stinks. Say you're getting the tools ready for beading or something creative you enjoy, but keep the DIY dildo out of sight until it's core is fully dried.

If you think it will be too stiff with a solid core, get some insulation foam (not the fluffy fiberglass for walls, but the solid, usually round foam used under thresholds.) and stuff it in the hole. Fill the rest with Plasti-Dip and dry.

Best part, you can pick your own colors.

Always wear a condom when using this dildo. It's not hypoallergenic.

Wtf

Is that way faggot. Fuck your basic humanity and manners.

Femanon here. I might sound crazy, but
WHITE PLAIN SCULPEY
it is made for kids so it doesn't have harmful chemicals, and it won't fall apart inside you.
a bonus is that you can shape it into any dick you want, and just turn it back into a ball.
i've been doing it for over a year and have had no ill effects.
plus you can hide it in plain sight!

might as well shove playdough up there

Nigga is white knighting a whale smdh

You know the drill bitch

Normally I would agree with you, I mean, I cannot tell you how many times I've tried to enlighten our newfriends by explaining that rule, but... this is different. She's fat. I don't like that. We should harass her.

Is that way. Great answer though, just wrong board.

Nice sarcasm bro.

most hair brushes these days have handles with sexual stimulation in mind

/diy/ is blue. This isn't a blue answer.

+ 1 internet for you for advice. -9002 internet for admitting you are female without fits and a timestamp.

Holy fuck you're disgusting, ugly and fat

...

Respect the quad 6's

no tits, but you do get the timestamp and a quickly sculpted dick.

see above

Fuck you

:) bitch

Holy fuck, are you guys fucking retarded? She posts tits, she posts pussy, all exactly as requested, and we still have anons asking for tits? READ THE THREAD FAGGOT NEWFAGS!

no, tits or G T F O

>another person so fat you can't see the bones in their wrist
why am I not surprised?

can you cure that in the oven?

we're asking a different bitch, not op

i apologize user, if that's the case than proceed.

>Doesn't post tits
GTFO

dude i'm not fat at all. I got a little bit of pooch, but I'm 4'11 and 110 pounds. I can fit my whole hand around my own wrist.

and yes, it can be cured, but it won't be as malleable or soft. no fun.
also more breakable.

I have no tits to show you, idk what to say.
seriously, I've been ashamed of it my whole life I'm petite and all I got are bee stings pretty much.