/brit/

virgin edition

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=qI9u9FH3YLs
strawpoll.me/12833174
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

anime

hope none of those communist qts saw the last thread when we were talking about our virginity. would be very embarrassing.

why are we so fucking poor?

need a tall gf to torture my spuds

round of drinks please

ulster

the ugly gf

babestation

she's peng tbqh, same height as me hehe

>lost my virginity when I was 19
>was in a relationship for three (3) months
>once she dumped me never had sex again
>turned 30 eight months ago
>will never be a wizard

Kill me.

...

>tfw no low-self-esteem gf

FONT

is that lip sticky?

bit cold out

yes i know i live in australia where the entire country is always hotter than the devil's sauna hardy fucking ha

reckon there's a lot of lads in /brit/ around 30 but very few admit it haha

why did he do it

getting stronger every day at the gym but my body somehow looks worse

I'm 36 and mention it constantly.

John Wilkes Booth was an American actor who murdered President Abraham Lincoln in 1865.

Booth's parents were noted British Shakespearean actor Junius Brutus Booth and his mistress Mary Ann Holmes, who moved to the United States from England in June 1821.

Some critics called Booth "the handsomest man in America" and a "natural genius".

On April 12, 1865, She told Louis J. Weichmann, a friend of John Surratt and a boarder at Mary Surratt's house, that he was done with the stage and that the only play he wanted to present henceforth was Venice Preserv'd. Weichmann did not understand the reference; Venice Preserv'd is about an assassination plot.

John Wilkes Booth slipped into Lincoln's box that evening at around 10 p.m. as the play progressed and shot the President in the head. Booth then jumped from the President's box to the stage, where he raised his knife and shouted "Sic semper tyrannis" (Latin for "Thus always to tyrants," attributed to Brutus at Caesar's assassination)

The fleeing assassin galloped into southern Maryland. Before dawn on April 26, the soldiers caught up with the fugitives, who were hiding in a tobacco barn.

50] Asking that his hands be raised to his face so that he could see them, Booth uttered his last words, "Useless, useless," and died as dawn was breaking.

i'm unironically 40

need a curvy italian american milf wife NOW

youtube.com/watch?v=qI9u9FH3YLs

I'm 31

we could half the number of virgins in this thread by just removing the yanks

we old farts are the best posters

Fuck
Off
Normie
T?

wat

middle class ulster accent is the most alpha accent in the world

'ckin 'ell gramps

sort your head out you old cunt

titchmarsh

twit

twat

I have a theory

There are 2 Gens of /brit/ lads

>Young 18-22 at uni or 6th form

GAP

>late 20s-early 30s failed normies

>16 - lost virginity to girl my age, date for about a year, neither of us knew what we were doing and as i'd never masturbated before i didn't last that long, was objectively bad sex but very fond memories looking back
>17 - second gf, again for about a year, she was more experienced than me, taught me a lot, basically went from not knowing what the fuck i was doing to trying pretty much anything, was always respectful of me being clumsy and glad i met her
>18 - start dating virgin girl, went to my head and i end up being a bit controlling, lasts a few years but cheat on her a lot, still feel bad about it, basically gave her massive trust issues and she was always good to me
sex is all about power should lose it as early as possible as relationships are built on it

thanks everyone for your help with gramar question earlier

looks slightly mental

MOVING IN on this girl; asked her if she's free Saturday.

Think I'm in here lads.

*gets in your way*

I'm 56. I came to Sup Forums 6 months ago from the donald

>16-27 never had a gf or kissed a girl
That's it haha

Isn't she going to be suspicious that you're not going to the football?

*kills you*

>tfw girl was sat on my bed and I leant over kissing her and feeling her tits whilst she wanked me off

felt good lads

>6th form
loads of lads on here are in sixth form I think
some in GCSE too but they hide it

Joke's on you, I'm 25

if it helps i could still pass for someone in their mid to late 20s both physically and mentally

i'm at uni and a failed normie
how did you have sex?

>virgin posting in 2017

preferred the gf giving me naked massages around the nether regions to actual sex lads

her fingers could send shivers throughout my whole body

Important poll

strawpoll.me/12833174
strawpoll.me/12833174
strawpoll.me/12833174
strawpoll.me/12833174

why would there be a gap

am 23 started posting on here aged 19 as a student to argue with antifeminists decided it was pretty comfy and stayed

>if it helps
it doesn't

literally no excuse to be /brit/posting past 25

didnt this anime girl get blacked?

went to fart
but it was a shart
went to the mart
to do my part

Don't like all these fucking newfags telling me I shouldn't be on Sup Forums desu.

The hero we need, but not just right now.

I've been here for a long time and can acknowledge anyone over 24 and on here are out of place and should grow up.

>how did you have sex?
Awkwardly.

>struggled to get it in
>kept falling out
>couldn't get it back in again
>apologize for not knowing what to do
>she said "it's ok, it's your first time"

you'll be eating those words in a few years time you little runt

I think we can all acknowledge scum who fiddle their nieces shouldn't be on /brit/ right lads?

the absolute UNITED STATES of this la

s.mh

>used to think i couldn't fit it into first gfs vag as it was too tight
>in retrospect it turns out i just didnt know what i was doing
>made a big deal out of it for some reason
really hope she doesnt tell people that story we have quite a lot of mutual friends

23 here too

tempted to screenshot this so I can show you it in 5 years

Nice girl

Any other virgins feel that sex isn't something real?

Just seems impossible to me. Mind boggling that 99% of people have done it and it's so natural to them. Just can't comprehend sex being real

at 28 i'm probably the oldest who isn't memeing desu

Assuming it's not consensual, yes I agree.

...

you're 3 years younger than me

best and worst drugs you've had sex on?

if being a virgin unironically consumes your life this much why not just shag a prozzie?

hehe you dummy

I made sure to do everything with my first "gf" at her place and never introduced her to my friends. when I'd gotten enough practice I binned her and cut all contact so she couldn't tell anyone anything even if she wanted to. I'm literally the only one who knows it happened on my side of things.

>tfw have phimosis so even if a woman wanted to have sex with me it would be awkward and shit

You're overthinking it mate. You're just rubbing your bodies together cause it feels good

Shut up kid.

biggest animal you could knock out lads?

reckon i could do a horse with ease, the only strength they have is kicking so if you go round the front and just clock it in the face then it should drop to the floor

It's so easy to get laid once you know a girl likes you. Let me help you virgins out with one of my favourite techniques:

You come up with a game to play against her. Card game, Sporcle quiz, anything. You play a few times and then you say: 'Let's make this more interesting by making a bet on the outcome. Winner gets a back massage from the loser.'

You obviously (though not to her) let her win. You get her to pull up her shirt at the back (later ask her to unclip her bra so you can massage properly) and you give her any form of shitty massage, as long as it's long-lasting and not painful for her. Stick some gay relaxing or mood music on the background and dim the lights. Nothing turns girls on more than this. In 15 minutes she'll be so up for a shag all you have to do is not be a spaz and she'll do all the initiating. I've used this at least 6 times and it's worked every time.

Am I a failed normie?

>short (5'4")
>have a job and have had other jobs
>volunteer in a primary school
>training to be a primary school teacher from september
>lots of friends, never been friendless and always have a very close friend
>never been in a relationship
>never kissed anyone
>virgin
>hugged before
>held hands before
>been to university and graduated (also had a scholarship)
>22 years old

Get it cut
t. circumcision fag due to phismosis

a camel

Accidently lied on a paracetamol when the gf was on top, it left an imprint on my bumcheek haha

Everyone laugh at this spanner.

tell her about your phimosis

perhaps she'll feel sorry for you or consider it a challenge

Richard Lawrence was born in Lancashire, England, most likely around 1800 or 1801. His family immigrated to the United States when he was 12 years old and settled in Virginia.

Lawrence later found work as a house painter. He announced to his family that he was returning to England and left shortly thereafter. He returned a month later and told his family he decided not to travel abroad as it was too cold. He later told his family that unnamed "persons" had prevented him from traveling abroad.

Around this time, Lawrence abruptly quit his job, claiming that he did not need to work because the United States government owed him a large sum of money.

Lawrence believed he was owed money because he was King Richard III of England and owned two English estates. Lawrence also took to standing in the doorway of his home for hours gazing out into the street, and changing clothes 3 or 4 times a day. Several people testified that Lawrence would engage in nonsensical conversations with himself while others stated that he would have laughing and cursing fits.

Lawrence was seen sitting in his paint shop with a book in his hand while laughing. Lawrence suddenly got up and left the shop with a smile stating, "I'll be damned if I don't do it."

As Andrew Jackson walked, Lawrence stepped out and fired his first pistol at Jackson's back; it misfired.

Lawrence's unsuccessful attempts were noticed by Jackson, who proceeded to brutally beat him with his iron cane.

Went and got a shower and thought the old thread was still active. Silly me.

twonk

sex being good is a meme

i have done all of my fetishes and when i was mid act i couldnt help but think it was actually that exciting whilst it was happening

remember fucking my gf missionary, we were both kissing each other as i pumped her tummy full of my bare willy.

and you know i just felt a bit bored by it, all i was doing was humping her. its boring repetitive

anime

>virgin
>Am I a failed normie?
no, you're a sperg

you're not even a failed normie, you're worse than that.

Myself

the North, North East, and far West are the safe zones in British North America

we already had lots of mutual friends when we started dating, just got worse over time as we are on fairly good terms and most of my network knows her to some extent due to being involved in the same music scenes

reddit spacing

>Went and got a shower

from the old 24 hour B&Q?

came to Sup Forums when i was 12
posted my age when i was 13
got a 5 year ban
lurked for 5 years
only started posting again last summer

No, she'd think, 'Why hasn't this spastic had his faulty foreskin chopped off?'