Be me

>be me
>35 yo
>have a job, live with gf
>have a past of heavy amphetamine abuse
>about 8 years of daily use, building up from 200mg a day to over 1000mg a day
>switched to meth
>500mg a day for 6 months
>always been working my job, did 18+ hours a day
>then one day it happened
>somethingfeelsbadman.tar.gz
>got hospitalized with acute kidney failure
>stayed there for several weeks until I got better
>was told if I keep this up I will die
>stopped completely
>slept for a month straight, maybe awake for 1-2 hours a day
>feelingbetter.sh
>returned to work. Felt totally inadequate and not up to the task
>did it anyway, but felt no joy in it whatsoever
>started noticing nothing would give me joy anymore
>used to really enjoy going on long motorbike tours, now they felt dull and pointless
>sex feels dull. no joy at all
>tried to please people, hurt people, hurt myself, please myself. None of those produced anything even resembling a feeling
>5 years have passed since
>still working my job. Never felt suicidal. Think it would accomplish nothing, no emotions whatsoever when thinking about it. Seems just meh

Is there any hope left for me Sup Forums? Will I ever be able to enjoy life again like I used to, hell even feel anything at all? I have no desire to die, if nothing happens I will just go on like this until my time comes. But I'd rather there was some way to get some of my humanity back, even if it's just a faded shadow of what it once was. Any ex motorheads here who found a way back?

Have you tried meth?

already said I did.

Your point being?

Damn, i recognized that compound right away.

OP. You may have done irreparable damage to your brain chemistry with all that drug you. SSRI might be able to help. See a doctor

I already am on SSRIs, they just take the edge off. Got a prescription for dexmethylphenidate too, otherwise I wouldn't even be able to function properly. Any other tips?

Ok, by the lack of response I gather I'm too fucked up even by Sup Forums standards. Wish I could put that on my CV.

Yea pretty much. A .5 g meth/1 g amphetamine habit over nearly a decade is end game. You've probably absolutely rekt your brain.

Lack of pleasure is to be expected. You've killed the vast majority of dopamine receptors I your brain, so it's like you're permanently on an anti-psychotic.

Even moderate can be recovered from, but really? Half a g a day? Did you not think you might have to pay for this eventually?

Try 750mg aniracetam BID, 250mg citicoline daily. Always take each with two caps of fish oil. It will replete the downregulated dopamine receptors in the nucleus accumbens and restore your motivation and drive system. Good luck faggot. Remember, there are no shortcuts in life.

Thanks for the honest answer, user. Yes I thought it will have long lasting effects. Can you elaborate on the anti-psychotic part please?

Unless you smoked the meth the effects should potentially be reversible. Don't listen to that poster.

I'm giving you gold advice here and you can't even focus enough to respond. Fuck you.

This sounds promising. Just did a quick research, seems legit as far as things go, but probably has no serious research to back it up. Will give it a try anyway, at this point I really don't get to be picky.

There's no money in addiction science to the point where there will ever be enough to fuel multi million dollar RCTs on chemicals whose patents have run out. Do your due diligence and give it a try. The compounds are as safe as it gets.

Which advice was yours? The one about SSRIs? I responded to that

drop acid
smoke weed
do drugs that don't harm your body

Try microdosing lsd.

You should also be doing exercise and yoga/ whole body stretching daily.

Did a shitload of lsd, never microdosed it though. Always went straight to 1000-1500 ug. How much is a microdose?

Racetams, semax, and tianeptine...you're welcome.

Find another job and move to a better house far away from where you are and maby have kids.

If that doesn't work then just kys, It's the next best choice.

>
Thanks, user. Will look into that.

...

Time to switch to the expensive powder.....switch to coke

Those are just distractions. Not gonna help. Also strict no kys policy here, as explained previously.

Did you even accidentally the whole thing? I'm off everything.

Seriously, consult your doctor, user

Did I accidentally the whole thing ?

see a psychiatrist (a psychologist who can prescribe medicine) so he can give you something that will make you feel things again.
if that works have children and live happy.
huge props for getting off drugs,you're cool in my list.

Have you tried injecting meth into your penis?

I DID. Went through 5 shrinks by now, none of them could even begin to grasp what my deal was . Any other clever ideas?

>1000-1500 ug

Dude, are you serious? If that's true, you should be thankful you haven't fucked your mind to the point of not comprehending the reality.

No I haven't, but I'm sure that will make everything good again.

smoke some weed

Overdose and die, it will help

Smoke weed

Quads

Unfortunately the shrinks aren't going to be able to provide you with good medical avenues to solve your problem. I'm sure you already know this. Their toolkit is too small and they're so afraid of getting sued that they would never provide you with off label advice unfortunately.

Pls

psychedelics man.

I went though almost exactly the same thing as you weed, shrooms and LSD helped me af.

It is true. And it actually did "fucked up" my mind to the point that I really comprehended reality. Perhaps that was a mistake, though.

elaborate

Been there, done that. I've seen enough beyond the barries to know none of that matters in the real world. It's just a glorified dream, you can't carry any of that over to the real deal.

You fried the serotonin out of your brain. Try 5-htp. If nothing happens there, see a psychiatrist. You would benefit from being on an antidepressant like Effexor.

Anhedonia sucks bro. I know that feel.

meth fucks up youre dopamine receptors in the brain, and esp. with repeated heavy use makes them so insensitive they're basically useless. basically, feeling "pleasure" or "happiness" (results of dopamine) because physically impossible for a LONG time. not sure how long/if ever they recover

Good god man. Those are heroic doses by anyone's standards. I wrecked myself partying in my 20's. It took 3 years to feel normal again AND get on the right combination of meds.

Well, it gave me the knowledge that there is a lot much beyond what everyone can see. But since nobody else can see it, it's worth shit. You can't explain it to people, it's just something between you and the beyond. It's not something you can capitalize on without coming across as a complete weirdo. Does that make sense enough?

You definitely accidentally the whole thing if you don't know whether you accidentally the whole thing or not.

It makes too much sense, I've had transcendental experiences on mushrooms that couldn't be explained in anything like language, but that could just be experienced. I find it hard to accept it as reality though, with me still having the strong need to want to explain everything rationally in order for me to actually believe it.

People who haven't had the experience will just call you a hippy. I've experienced it, so have you and many others. Isn't it just the effect a drug can have on our brains, that we can experience such a higher state of consciousness and discover reality? Does the fact that we experienced it actually make it real?

I hear you, Sup Forumsro. That's beyond the point though, I'm not looking to explain shit to people. I just want a somewhat normal life back.

A lot of people complain about not feeling their thrue emotions because of SSRI, that everything feel "off" while on them.

I'm not an doctor, but if I were U I would get off all medications and let the brain repair itself.

It will be hard, your doctors will most probably advise against quitting, but this is my honest opinion. Take or leave.

P.S. SSRI and psychedelics is not the greatest combination.

In a perfect world, everyone would be allowed to get a time off to get their shit together. In the actual world, you have to do that while continuing to function normally. It's a shit deal, but no way around it.

try fighting. not illegal fights, but organized

Totally agree. I'm from Sweden and we have that oppertunity.

AA 12 steps saved me from drug addiction, maybe OP can find a sponsor with similar experience as his situation.

Look dude, this probably isn't the answer you want to hear, but there's really nothing you can do to change it. Drugs fuck with your brain chemistry, and that will fuck with how you feel on a chronic basis. Iv'e had quite some falling outs with amphetamines myself, and although it's never been as bad as you described it I still recognize the same symptoms. All I can hope is that time will change things for the better.

I remember the childlike glee I had when I was younger. Always up to do stuff, having energy and such. That's probably not what life will ever be like. All we can do is make the best with what we have at the current moment. I've done enough drugs to fuck me up to the point where I'll probably never feel the same as I would feel without all of the shit, but I'll never know. I'm here like this after all.

Stop regretting your decisions and feeling sorry for yourself. Everything you've ever done, every choice you've ever made has brought you here and made you into the person you are right now. All anyone can ever do is just try the best they can with what they have. Just make beter choices in the future. Maybe everything won't be the perfect fairytale it could've been but it will be the best it can be. It's up to you.

Lol

Truth. Best in thread. I toasted my brain too, and thats about it.

Psyc meds wont help, just another addiction and chemical management.

Hey, you aren't dead.

you're still better off than me ya pussy

>so it's like you're permanently on an anti-psychotic.

It is not. Antipsychotics do not make Dopamine/Serotonin "magically go away"! they just lower the receptor response and amount being actually produced. If he was on a permanent anti-psychotic he would be dead by now.