Tell us your most shameful masturbation story

Tell us your most shameful masturbation story.

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=XRWsclGzrLo
youtube.com/watch?v=m0n0Et8aI3s
twitter.com/SFWRedditImages

I met on a social network a retarded girl with mobility issues, fapped to her on skype, she liked it tough.

Masturbating to you.

Fapped to some pizza once.

>be like 12
>really horny but no access to porn
>watching family guy
>gets to this part specifically youtube.com/watch?v=XRWsclGzrLo
>use my DVD player's loop setting to loop the sound of him moaning
>close my eyes and pretend I'm fucking some girl while Adam West chews taffy and moans
>can no longer watch this episode without thinking of that fap

I murder my benis when I "choke the nigger", as they say. Then, I do a big cum (much larger thin you can) and wipe on my ball hole. I can and will fuck your mouth. Prove me wrong.
>protip: you ain't

>be me
>be 14
>in the car with parents heading to the mall
>start feeling horny for some fucking reason
>get an idea
>car seat at the back can open that leads to the trunk
>go in and close it
>start furiously masturbating
>didnt realize we were near the mall already
>still masturbating
>trunk opens
>blinded by light
>it was a security guard that checks the car for guns or explosives
>mfw

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my fucking sides

...

Kekekekekekek

No way this is real. A mall security guard can't perform an unauthorized search of a vehicle without owner consent, and I'm pretty sure they don't just go around checking the trunks of every single person who pulls into the parking lot.

Not to mention that I'm pretty sure your parents would have been concerned as to where the fuck you were when they arrived, since you obviously weren't in the back seat, and if they saw you go in the trunk they would have stopped you as it's incredibly unsafe to be inside a vehicle without a seatbelt while it's moving, even moreso for a fucking trunk.

There are malls in places where security guards don't ask permission and parents aren't hugely concerned about seatbelts. Like Kenya, for example.
>Also every now and then Al-Shabaab Somali terrorists shoot them up

Nano thread
The greatest threat, or our only hope? As I laid in bed staring at electron micrographs of virus the thought occupied my mind, that perhaps virus are the only thing preserving carbon life in the universe.
It is possible that this universe is a simulation by a higher form of life that is attempting to exterminate carbon life from it's own universe.
>We need immortality
>We need to colonize mars
>We need to terraform earth
>We need to mitigate seismic instability
>We need better nuclear facilities
>We need better grand designers
>We need better air quality control
>We need better understanding of our drugs

...

>on b
>have boner, really horny
>some dude posts webm of dude ass fucking a dead deer that he shot
>fap and cum to said webm

>be me
>age 7
>share a room with my little sister
>she has like 5 barbie dolls
>always undressed them to bother her
>she leaves room for a while
>undress one
>littlekidboner.mp4
>rub the flat part of the doll where its pussy would be against the back of my dick head
>saying dumb shit in my head because i didnt know how sex worked
>shit like "wow great sex feeling barbie"
>stopped right when i came
>nothing came out
>put the doll back right where i left it
i did this on and off for a year, dick was always sore for a day afterwards.

Masturbating to my friend after his gf put makeup on him... Still don't like messaging him on kik since he hasn't changed his pic..

His kik is literally Emo.Fucking.Trash

That weird feeling I get whenever I go to the westgate mall by my house (US) and I see a muzzie or Somali

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wat part of america is kenya in?

This ma nigga

Probably near Atlanta

He does have one fine utility belt

>be out on bike ride on acid Inna woods
>find dirty pair of little girls panties hanging from a tree
>take the panties
>later get back close to home
>stop at park close to my house house to smoke a bowl
>remember dirty tree panties
>pull them out
>smells good
>mysterious brown spots that I can't tell if blood or poo
>put them on
>hard as diamonds
>take the rest of my cloths of and fap furiously on top of the picnic table in just these dirty little girl panties
>cum buckets on the table
>go lay out in the grass and smoke another bowl wearing just the panties
>numerous cars drove by while all this happened and I didn't give a single fuck
>TFW I'm actually wearing them right now

...

...

When I was 16 I went camping with my gf and when our pants went to sleep we snuck out to the woods to fuck, she ended up falling asleep after the second round and I came in her mouth twice before bringing her back to our tent

I rubbed shit all over my cock because I thought it would feel like anal. It didn't. It just sucked and I got shit everywhere and had to clean in all up before my parents wondered what was taking me so long in the bathroom.

I was fapping to some porn (can't remember what it was) and my little sister walked in.
>my little sis was 8.

>be me
>be 16
>on a road trip with family to my grandmother's house
>whole family including dog is in the car
>finally stop at a 2 star motel
>half our room is literally falling apart but my family doesn't mind to sleep in it
>I decide I don't want to sleep in our dirty beds
>stay up till 11:00 P.M
>remember that laptop is in my bags
>turn on laptop with headphones connected
>start watching porn in bathroom
>the bathroom has no doors
>start masturbating anyways
>10 minutes pass
>dog wakes up
>OHSHIT.jpg
>dog thinks there's someone outside
>dog starts barking while jumping on the beds
>SHIT SHIT SHIT
>I haven't finished yet
>try to speed up the process by fapping as fast as possible
>dad wakes up and looks out the window
>and turns around slowly
>sees me pants down on the floor in the bathroom fapping to hentai with cum on the floor
>he looks at me for a solid minute severely disappointed
>he goes back to bed
>MFW this wasn't the first time I've seen him this disappointed before

When I was like 12 we only had one computer in the house, that one belonging to my older sister. Anyway when no one was home I'd use it to look up porn, one day I found a file on the desktop with a bunch of porn in it, I looked for the one I liked most and masturbated to it, but after I finished up I recognized the background of the pic it was the same bed and desk my sister had, mfw I just jacked off to my sister without realizing. I've never been the same around her, and always found it awkward to talk to her ever since.

I missed a few details but I'm on my phone and it's a pain to write

can somebody post said webm?

There was really cute girl i liked in my history class and i would get boners from talking to her every time i did (every day) so one day i had the worst diamond dick ever because her and i were discussing an assignment we were doing and i couldnt take it anymore so when we got done talking, she looked down at her paper to start working and i stick my hand in my pants and proceed to grab my dick. Without her noticing i stared at her and started pulling my diamond really quick and i came in a few seconds and i had to walk home with cum all over me

...

has anyone here ever masturbated to something pepe related?

youtube.com/watch?v=m0n0Et8aI3s

>dumb fuck 12 or 13 year old
>playing gta or some shit i don't remember on console
>notice how controller vibrates
>get an idea
>get to a bumpy road in game to drive on
>attach tape to joystick where the accelerate button is
>put controller on my dick
>load up porn on the computer across the room
>this is barely working
>every time the bumpy road ended i had to, pause the porn, drive back to the start of the road in game, resume the porn, re-tape the accelerate button, then put the controller on my dick very quickly in order not to lose momentum

I masturbated to a live suicide video.

...

I had an incredibly hot 7th grade teacher, and at points id have to whack it. Id go to the bathroom with my dick in my waistband, go into the stall, and (since I hated jacking off sitting down) would lay on the floor and get my jerk off on

When I think about this shit I cringe and thank every diety imagined that no one came in. Any guy would've seen me right away if they walked in the bathroom and looked down at the stall

I fucked my toilet.

newfag LEAVE

welcome to oldfaggotry sir

You earned it

B

Oops accidentally clicked send.

I was gonna say that I've done that b4 too m8. Ur not alone

I did something similiar in GTA: SA
I would go the gym and, use the vibration on my cock
feltgoodman

>2 months ago
>bought Shantae for ps4 because Sup Forums jizzes over it
>disposableincome.fku
>play to first real map with enemies
>standard scarecrow ripoff baddies
>they throw pumpkins
>that explode
>every explosion makes controller rumble
>alot
>can't turn the rumble off
>fuckingannoying.fml
>come to a screen full of the fuckers
>like, 6 of them
>my controller transforms into a vibrator
>edge Shantae to this exact spot where all 6 mobs can toss bombs that won't hot me
>it's unpredictable their explosion pattern
>makes it interesting
>have yet to actually play this game
>i just whack off with pumpkin bombs

infinitely better that Mr.massagy

>be me
>night time security guard for local mall
>have to check both women and mens restrooms about 10 minutes after closing to make sure no one is hiding out in them
>as this goes on for months, I start getting boners whenever I go into to check the lady restroom
>eventually get so turned on when going in to the girls restroom I jerk off whenever I go check them
>only ever takes me about 5 minutes
>as this progresses, I start getting more twisted ideas
>go into the stalls and jerk off over the seats knowing that pussies where at one point where my cock now was
>it gets even sicker
>start rubbing my cock on the inside of the toilet bowls
>then start rubbing it on the actual toilet seats
>this goes on for about a month at least 4 times a week
>start to notice it hurts to cum
>think it's from to much jerking off
>take a break
>pain is now there when I pee
>gets worse and worse
>now I have discharge coming from the tip of my penis
>turns out I have gonorrhea
>stopped jerking off in the ladies restroom after that

Holy fucking shit I haven't laughed that hard in years

u dun goofed Sup Forumsro

Here's mine guise

>be me, 24 years old at the time
>best friend just divorced his hot wife who I was friends with
>hang out with her all the time, we flirt (I ended up fucking her a year later)
>I would always try to get onto her phone to look for nudes, phone was passcoded
>got passcode from my friend, found some great nudes
>texted them all to my phone and put them on my computer where I made a photo collage of her nudes
>would put a porno on in the background so I could hear some bitch moaning getting fucked while I beat it to her nudes
>one day I told her I left some stuff at her house, her and her brother were at work, got her key and I went over there with my laptop to do my fap ritual while I found some dirty panties of hers
>while this is going on, her brother must have come in while I was beating off, he comes in and sees me doing this
>he literally runs away, didn't talk to him for a long time after that until when I started fucking her and he had to see me.

He never told her, I guarantee you he beats off to it.

Bonus picture, her sucking my cock

That's an interesting theory. I think we should use viruses as vectors for beneficial mutations, e.g. replacing defective genes or adding new ones.

Interesting how we both ended up in this thread.

...

>oldfag here
>back when Sup Forums was full of advise dog spinoffs
>one of them saying "man putting penis in peanut butter is fucking nuts"
>for some reason it stays in my mind
>one day, see a jar of peanut butter
>"would it feel good to fuck it?"
>Try to fuck it for a good 5 min"
>it's awkward as fuck and not that great, plus dick is greasy
>regret
>put the jar away and take a shower
>later this week, give the peanut butter to the chink next door
>watch him eat it and Kek inside

...

>>oldfag here
>>Kek inside

newfag

Yeah, I'm adapting my language to new retardation

>be me
>13yo retard
>sister is with mom and dad in another town about 2 hours away
>only walmart around
>idk what for
>get idea to fap
>sister is 8/10
>2 years older
>lay down on bed and start milking the one eyed snake
>think about sister
>dick gets so hard it hurts
>go into her room
>find all her used panties
>put a pair on
>feelsgoodman.wav
>start sniffing like 3 pairs at once
>smell soo good
>yesss.png
>orgasm
>orgasm so hard panties are just sopping wet with cum
>cum for like 15 seconds straight

finally, after about a half an hour later

>done cleaning up
>just about to throw cum soaked panties in laundry
>sister walks in
>she sees panties
>our eyes lock
>mfw
>she screams
>quickly hide panties
>run into room
>fucking polevault onto bed
>pretend to be asleep
>parents buy it
>fuckingwat.flac
>sister hates me
>kek
>worth it.

Reee he says give me a chicken nuggy he says

>be 13
>masturbate in toilet
>I nut
>door busts open
>big bro 16 sees me
>takes me to my room
>punches me till my arm becomes sore and I get full of bruisers
>threatens to reveal that i masturbated everytime i disobey him
>he moved out so im lucky
>retard took all my fucking meatballs when we ate
Kms

cp

reported your ip

when you can't take the big joke

>be me
>at the house of a female friend
>go to the bathroom
>jerk off into her bottle of bodywash
>now every time she takes a shower she's rubbing my cum into her skin
>repeat this multiple times over a few months

I had some amazing faps thinking about her in the shower, rubbing my cum all over her.

>be me 14
>best Freinds sister is older blonde 10/10
>want to taste her pussy and ass
>thongs and pants too dry
>sniff and fap
>need more
>place in a pan of water just a inch or so
Squeeze the nectar out reduce water and drink.
Tastes like pussy.
Four years later I tell her while drunk she let's me eat her pussy.
Still fap today thinking about that pussy