Let me preface this post with saying that 100% serious. This is NOT a joke.
Alright, with that disclaimer out of the way, here's the deal: I need to steal an Ocelot from a local zoo. Security is tight, but there's only one guard during the night shift (sits in a camera room). How should I proceed?
More details will be added if needed.
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>100% serious. This is NOT a joke.
>I need to steal an Ocelot from a local zoo
Revolver Ocelot
story
That thing will bite your dick off.
It's really frikin cute and I want to pet it. I need advice on how to steal it.
-Pretend you're here for the delivery
-suck guardian's cock and give him 100$
-take ocelot, go out the front door
-pet the fuck out of it till it dies
-eat its remains to have it inside you forever
>pay ticket
>find janitor
>knock him out
>steal uniform
>hide the body in bush
>put on uniform
>walk into ocelot cage
>justgonnasweep.jpg
>take ocelot
>tell them he's being moved to other zoo
>take to car
>you now have ocelot
problem?
So just sweep the ocelot into the dust bin? Maybe I could bring some tined sardines to coax him in.
>black mask, hoodie, pants, shoes
>visit the zoo a few times, note camera locations
>make a map with cameras' line of sight (probably safe to assume 180deg or so)
>find a way through without being seen by cameras
>break into pen (not sure how it's set up, you're gonna have to figure that out)
>grab ocelot
>get the shit scratched and bitten out of you because it's a wild animal
>fuck you you're retarded
I was just going to wear my hockey equipment to protect my self.
You're gonna need some tranquilizers and a body bag
I have 4 g of Ketamine. How am I gonna get the ocelot to snort it?
What if it attacks you? You're better off just stealing one of the baby ocelots (ocelittles).
Ocelots love snorting coke mostly, you're simply going to have to trick it into thinking it's blow.
...
just give him his revolver
he will free himself
unless his hand comes off again
I will wear my hockey gear (less the skates). If the ocelot wants a Tilly I'll drop the mitts on that hoser.
He's not bald or has a barcode on the back if his head
God damn it Archer
OP, I believe you are looking at a 2 man operation, minimum.
Put the entrance and acquisition on the back burner for a sec; Lets say you have a successful-tranquilized ocelot, and are standing in the ocelot cage. How do you get out un-noticed? No way the security guard is going to believe that the night time janitor is migrating animals from zoo to zoo, you're going to need your partner to run an interception or a diversion.
Personally, I like the diversion option (while there is less room for reaction, there is a greater tacit chance of success; premeditation > reaction); Have your buddy start a fire somewhere on the opposite end of the park. That will allow you enough time to take your duffle bag full of ocelot and your hockey-equipment wearing ass out of the park. You're going to have to accept that without a mass hacking or EMP bomb, you're going to get caught on camera sooner or later, so covering your face and the license plate of the escape vehicle are paramount.
So now that you have a proper scope of the situation, lets talk about paralyzing the animal. Ketamine is a great option so long as you have researched the body-mass-index data of the drug and are sure you are not going to kill it. A tranquilizer dart would be the best method, as you don't have to physically connect to the animal yourself to deliver the drug. "But user, I don't have a tranq gun!"Most K comes from horse owners/trainers, who do have tranq guns. Talk to your drug dealer, track the source. without a tranq gun you're going to have to deliver a syringe to the animal manually, and that's where you're going to get the shit scratched out of you.
Good point about getting caught on camera. I'll pickup a Nashville predators Jersey to hide my identity.
So lets review:
1) Sneak in with your buddy
2) Synchronize watches and split up. You to the ocelot cage, buddy to opposite end of park
3) Get to the ocelot cage and start putting on hockey gear
4) Buddy starts fire at agreed upon time
5) Break into ocelot cage
6) Tranquilize animal
7) Stuff animal into duffle bag
9) Run
10) ????
11) Profit
#10 is pet my new ocelot