Its a nobody knows how to use the ice cream maker episode

>its a nobody knows how to use the ice cream maker episode

>It's a you could have used a little more seasoning episode

>it's a "she'll never have enough time to make risotto" episode

>It's a 'contestant who cooks the better dessert still loses' episode

Seriously hate it when that happens. One person literally prepared a dessert that one of the judges described as inedible, only to still win the competition.

>it's a black woman with a sob story wins even though the judges love the other contestants dishes way more each round episode

How to Win Chopped

1. Don't use the ice cream maker.
2. Don't make risotto.
3. If the challenge is to make pizza, don't make soup.
4. Use salt and pepper.

What else?

>it's a race to win the oppression lympics show

I watched this shit on my vacation this year. Weird, that the only time I watch an actual television during the whole year is while I'm on vacation, I know.
The fake drama and attempted emotional manipulation is disgusting

>it's a black woman with a sob story loses and the other contestant who only did this for fun wins episode

This happens more often

>One of them makes a dessert that might have one minor flaw.
>The other makes a generic bread pudding or "deconstructed" dessert.

Pisses me off.

This. Only time I remember this wasn't the case was when some white twink with a sob story about being a druggie won by making this vegetarian desert while this guy who just wanted the 10k for a new motorcycle lost because he used too much alcohol in his desert.

>deconstructed
I still have no idea what this means in a culinary sense.

>its a ted allen reminds the viewers he's flaming gay episode

>it's a basket with sea urchin episode

I haven't seen that yet.

I remember the child contestants had to cook frogs though.

>Its a woman is so obsessed with getting the money to donate to cancer research that she shaves her head and won't shut up about it.

The kicker was she didn't even have cancer, it was her friend. You could even tell the judges were fed up with her bullshit by the second round.

Basically means they were too lazy or unskilled or didn't have all the right ingredients to make a real dish. Like a deconstructed pie would just be filling and crust served separately on the same plate.

You know, he really doesn't act that gay on the show. I think you have feelings for him, but are too afraid to admit that. It's OK, we understand

>it's a judges are totally humorless, unfriendly, cold, and rigid episode
>it's a Mexican judge shills his own brand of cheese and/or bitches at a contestant for not making a Mexican dish episode

How can anyone enjoy reality TV?

It's the same fucking thing over and over.

>Needs more flavor
>Its burnt
>Its raw
>Its perfect, but you didn't conform to rule X so you lose

That, mixed with hard amd fast pseud-emotional orchestra music and jarring sound effects.

Fuck, I'll be the first to enjoy stupid TV, but this shit is stupid TV that's treating the audience like they're stupider.

The only good Food Network show is Good Eats, which happens to be the closest thing to a 10/10 I've ever seen.

Now even Alton Brown is just cashing in on people's insatiable fucking thirst for pseudo drama.


God damnit I hate people.

>it's a contestant cuts themselves but doesn't put on a band-aid or glove and gets chopped because of it

>Good Eats
that fucker made spaghetti sauce out of ketchup

>its a contestant is visibly sweating into their pans and does nothing about it episode

That happens all the time in real cooking mate. Its gross still.

>it's a "even though onions are a staple of cooking all over the world, i still hate them and will judge you accordingly" episode

>it's a plate presentation matters more than quality and flavor of the food episode

I remember one episode with this fat dyke chink who was using the show to prove to her mean old daddy (who disowned her for being a degenerate) that she could munch carpet and be a professional chef. Every cutaway and interview segment with her was literally her talking about her sexuality or her oppressive parents.

I forgot I was watching a show about cooking on a station called the Food Network for at least five minutes.