How do I murder a cat and make it look like natural causes?

How do I murder a cat and make it look like natural causes?
>Dating amazing girl and soon moving in with her
>She has a piece of shit cat and is OBSESSED with it.
>She'd 100% choose cat over me
>I'm somewhat allergic to cats so cant breathe at her place
>An insane amount of fur from just 1 cat EVERYWHERE
>It meows and begs for food constantly loud as fuck
>Jumps on me at night wakes me up several times a night
>GF won't let me close door cause she'd just meow all night and she wants to cuddle with it.
>Fucking cat has allergies so only can eat gourmet expensive shit and needs expensive meds every summer
>We're moving from NA to Aus next year and she wants to spend literally thousands to bring this 10yr old cunt with us

Can't be too slow or she'll go further in debt on vet bills
If I'm caught I'm fucked
Vet has to be convinced it's just an old cat or something.

Normally I love animals, I have a degree in fucking biology. Used to have plenty of cats growing up. This one is just a cunt.

you get the fuck over it and just tell her

How about kill yourself, then you won't have to worry about the cat bothering you.

She knows I don't like it, doesn't matter.
Liek I said cat >> me

Rat poison.

How about you just kill yourself?

rat poison that was left for rats but cat ate it, or make a bomb and force the cat to try and defuse it, if he fails you kill cat but if he succeeds he'll be a hero cat and on the press so you can make money

Ditch the bitch. Also, chocolate.

she's known the cat for 10 years and you for only a couple months, yet you still wonder why she chooses it over you? you dont have the intelligence to have a degree in bio. kill yourself

asphyxiation and then leave the body posed gently somewhere, let her find it, be prepared for a ton of emotional shit for the next month then suggest a dog that can be trained to not be a cunt

I hope you die from an allergic reaction....

I didn't say I didn't understand it.
She loves cat
She loves me less
Cat is cunt
All simple stuff.

get over it. what a fucking faggot

Leave, either 2 things will happen, you'll get caught even if she doesn't have proof and will tell all your friends your animal kill. Or she'll get another cat, will guilt you into buying it and will probably be a shelter cat that already has medical and behavior issues. Cat people are the weakest race and should not procreate

> getting cucked by cat
i dont even need to tell you how shitty your relationship must be and why you should kys, right?

>bioLOGy

eat it than tell everyone you are chinese

come with a dog

Op, if you kill it and leave the body, chances are once she gets over the emotional trauma she'll want a new cat, if she's as crazy about cats as you say. You have to kidnap it, drive it very, very far away and leave it or murder it, up to you. Then she'll go on a cat hunt, and won't want another one in hopes that the first will come back.

open door. cat leaves house. cat gets hit by a car. dig hole. insert cat. repeat when she buys a new one.

no need to kill it. make it look like the cat ran away and take it to a wooded area. got rid of my cat problem

You don't think she'll know something's up? If you're willing to murder a cat (for possibly good reasons, tl;dr) you're probably a shifty guy. You've probably complained enough to make her suspicious. That's all a female's brain needs to make her certain.

Ditch her. She will buy a new cat if you kill it. She will also be emotional baggage. Also good job being cat cucked.

-New fag

But some freon and mix it up in the cat food then eat it yourself you fucking faggot. People who make there partners choose between themselves or their pets need to euthanized

This. You're acting like killing this one cat will solve all your problems you supreme fucktard

Cucked by a cat, the OP story

See, the cat isn't the problem in your relationship. The cat instead is a metaphor of what is wrong in your relationship. You have a problem, don't talk to your partner about it. Instead, you decide to KILL the fucking cat. No dude, killing the cat won't solve this issue.

I wish you get hit by a car and all your fucking limbs removed. You fucking piece of shit.

If the OP is actually serious he is garbage not worthy of her admiration. My brother in law is highly allergic to cats and still married my sister despite her cats. It is called allergy medicine and tolerance. Jumping to murder of an innocent cat, while cats can be cunts, is unacceptable.

the tried and true method of sack + river, OP

Rat poison. Happens ALL the time. People leave rat poison around thier property to get rid of rodents but sometimes cats or dogs eat it.

Actually freon might be better, if she doesn't already have rat poison she may get suspicious and the cat will be more drawn to the freon

Drink a glass of rat poison. Then take a shit and mix it in with the cat food. Cat will be dead in hours. Trust me it works I've done it.

If you think you need to a murder her cat to get a girl to like you, you really need to stop and rethink how you look at relationships

You have to drink a whole bottle of Everclear. You'll get really drunk and piss into the cat's bowl. The cat will drink it and start dying. Idk why but Everclear has an effect on urine. You may have to do it a few times before you see results.

>be me first grade
>crazy home life ya know
>abusive drunk dad, mother was just...on pills
>find ways to entertain myself
>write a long list of over 101 ways to kill cats
>take it to first grade best pal, josie
>hey josie, check this out
>tfwyoure6anddisgustedatyourownfriend.gif
>josie shows teacher
>teacher is like...the fuck
>call mom, dad, parents come to school
>show list
>tfwyouknowsocialservicesiscommingsoon.fml
>get beat

wish i still had list

kill yourself

you stop being a faggot.

mega kek

rat poison 100%

you need to make it look like it was poisoned by a neighbor. sometimes bird freaks like to kill cats because it saves birds.

find a way to run it over
kek i hate cats but have a few myself
passive aggressive with them

just remembered

use a big rat trap, fucker will break either a leg or it's neck, eitherway it will render it useless. blame it on the rat. tom and Jerry stlye

Don't be fucking stupid. Cats are great, you're just an idiot.

put poison (powder) all over dead rat
give to cat
cat eat
cat die

Ill fuck you up if i find you killed a animal!

>please notice me

If you kill a cat I'll find you, I am an ex special forces soldier.

In an effort to help you, Although I don't think you need to fit her dilute the human gene pool with your retardation. This is what you need to do, feed the cat, pet the cat clean his liter box befriend the cat. Then When The Cat Favors You Over Her She WiLL Be jealous.

this, its really not that hard