You are transported back in time to the Rome during caesars reign...

You are transported back in time to the Rome during caesars reign. You only have what you have on you right now and are immediately detained by the roman guard and brought in front of Caesar and a massive crowd of wild romans. How fucked are you? We know that 99% of us are not going to be able to communicate with words

I'll show them my phone and give them all seizures by flashing the camera

telephone on me. i can show him that brutus betratyed him and translate and show him how to rule until his nautral death. I would live like a god and fuck many hot bitches. I would be fine.

I draw a 3 4 5 triangle and a 1 1 square root of 2 triangle, then show I know prime numbers. Then I'd draw some humans.

>Because that ancient Roman WiFi was tight.

Idiot

awe
glory to kaisar

Pack of cigarettes. I'd be fucked.

sell the phone for lots of hookers and slaves
maybe some money too

>Google translate faggots
>it's got latin
>all is cool
>sell out Brutus
>become Caesar's right hand man
>Fuck a shit ton of latin bitches

Didnt think of that. I could save it and download translater though.

No you would be cool,
>give them to Caesar
>get him hooked
>Send expedition party to America
>Bring back tobacco seeds
>Get exclusive rights to farm
>Become richest man in Roman empire
>FuckCrassus.NEET

my logitech gaming headset, a pillow, and sitting here in boxers. They will be wowed by my gear.

Smarter man than i.

Then even better after selling out Brutus, overthrow Caesar yourself and become emperor and send expeditions to sand nigger land and enslave them to grow weed and opium for you and get the redskin niggers in america hooked on heroin and swap it for all of their gold.

English has 60% words of Latin and French (which is basically vulgarized Latin) origin. I think Romans would be able to understand something of what we're saying. We on the other hand will be definitely had some major understanding problems.

fuck forgot the picture.

I look like a renaissance depiction of Venus and studied the Latin all of high school so I guess I'd be kind of okay

Would you actually understand it being spoken? High school education doesn't do shit for foreign languages.

shitty s5 phone and a spit cup full of sunflower seed hulls...im pretty fucked

It would take me a little bit but yeah. I'm studying it now too and can carry a semi fluent conversation so I'd just sound dumb but I'd be ok

>impressive collection of dragon dildos

naked with a laptop
i'll definitely be executed for witchcraft

Fucking genius.

i only hold a keyboard. I m sure it'll impress the caesar.

in my underwear with a can of dip
horseshoe that shit and prepare to get merc'd

>I look like a renaissance depiction of Venus

Prove it.

All of that for a pack of fags, imagine the life, no longer you would be a NEET, and you could introduce modern day technology, and use modern day propaganda and manipulation techniques to never be overthrown.

I would have my phone and likely would be burned alive in the pig for witchcraft.

romans were civilized people.

No. You don't. Plus there is the fact that the Renaissance is a fucking long way in the future, so you would probably look average at best

No Wifi fag

already got it downloaded fag

huzzah, you caught me at the perfect time, just got in from target shooting. That said, poison was the order of the day out there, even if I managed to blast and shake that first guard I have no idea how to speak latin and I'm pretty prone to ear infections at least once a year..I'd die pretty quick. Maybe the best bet would be trying to express the desire to make more guns or exchange future knowledge but they'd need to keep me alive until we understood each other. I still see some scared senator sending a slave to murder me in my sleep though.

I have a phone. Can wow Caesar with it. Ofcourse until my phone dies. I also have an image of chancellor palpatine saying "I am the senate" with Caesar face over palatines.

Honesty I think im gonna be okay to my rigjt is a bottle of shampoo. Romans were very clean people right? I think they will spare me

i would be fine.
>black
>speak 9 languages
>conceal carry
>holding a bag of groceries and beer right now

blacks were common in rome and throughout italy. many held office and were considered intellects. I would be fine except for the food and wine then was shit

fucking nigger you would be in a cage with a tiger.

>nigger
>has a gun and beer
Why am I not surprised

>a few blacks were considered important therefore I will
Nice logic

In a bath on my laptop.

So I'd be naked and soaking but I have some sweet things on here. I'd just say I know how to make more of them and take Rome to the next level. Those Latin classes would finally pay off to.

this, then after showing of my math skills gain some truth that i am not some peasant.
i will use my broken latin during the audience to explain to him that he should kill all the members of the judea tribe.
after which im gone drop some redpills on him regarding genetics and most of all genetic selection

well, the magical black guy wearing weird garb and killing people with his magical handheld penis would probably be considered a curiosity at least.

>Phone translator
>"hey there's this thing called the carribean, theres a ton of gold there and the people don't even know how to use it, make a couple boats and sail west"

I honestly didn't think about while reading this, true. You could still warn him though

>blacks were common in rome and throughout italy.
As slaves, many of which castrated.
>many held office and were considered intellects.
mkay, gone need some sauce on the whole "they were considered intellects"

I

lrn2history boy

>legal gun
>legal beer
>legal weed
problem boy?

it wouldnt be hard if you think about it. well maybe for you boy it would since youd have to go outside and all....

>boy
Cheeky monkey. That is what i'm supposed to call YOU.

Anyway, what 9 languages are these?

My Wax pen to get Caesar stoned as fuck
A Lighter and Cigarettes
Phone with music on it
Wallet with currency he's never seen before.

We might be considered gods or aliens. Till we hang

look it up. rome was inhabited with a lot of blacks that were not slaves. one was even a mayor or the equivalent of one at that time. i dont have to prove shit to you i already know it.

youre the dumbass.

If we would be able to learn by listening over time I think. English is latin based after all.

It is mostly Latin and German.

I would be the court magician or chemist in ten minutes. One of the most respected men of the century. I part Charcoal, 1 part Salt Peter, 1 part Sulfur. Later Nitro-Glycerin.

i never disputed that you dumb ass, l2read. see this is why i dont believe that they were considered intellectual a s you pick out the one point to chimpout about that i did not mentioned.

I would share my convieniently unopened Monster Energy drink with him or at least show him how the futuristic aluminum soda can worked, give him my phone and let him scroll around this thread, then I would attempt to scratch out a crude stick figure drawing and a Roman numeral timeline with the numbers representing the centuries between us.

If he didn't crucify me I'd learn what I needed to learn to get along in their society and make my career stumping against the use of lead as a construction material in an attempt to save the Roman empire. Apparently they knew it was toxic, but I doubt they had someone like me around force feeding it to elephants to show them Edison-style how much it was fucking them up.

niggers were nothing. your fucing niggerlover.

Proceed to draw from memory a map of the world starting with Italy. Once they are shown all the other worlds to conquer and a basic idea of the inhabitants of these lands, they will seek to expand. Roman empire will endure for another 2 millenniums and Rome will be even more glorious.

Wow. Some crazy looking ginger in skinny jeanshorts and a black tee with an iphone 7 gets to see Julius Caesar. Neat. Even though I doubt I'd be paraded before the most Julius. It could be that my phone might get me an audience.

So, Basically I'd show off my phone to save my skin. Then I'd get to trying to sell myself as a great inventor & I'd start by reinventing shit. I'd start small & easy like paperclips & stuff. I'd be remembered in history as that era's Archimedes. I'd speed up the world's progress by centuries pushing off an early industrial revolution. Imagine a Roman Empire powered by the internal combustion engine... I'd work toward a unified government in Rome that supported & represented the basic will & wellbeing of the people - trying to emphasize peaceful coexistence of cultures & religions. I'd warn against adopting foreign religions, hopefully avoiding the invasion of middle eastern religions like Judaism & it's worse offshoots Christianity & later ever worse offshoots Islam. If, of course, I survived the initial meet up with the guards.

>Phone
>Wallet
>Work radio
>Work phone
>Flask, half full of gin
>30lb can of R410a
>Manifold Gauges
>Tool belt
> -Channel Locks
> -Multi-bit screw driver
> -Adjustable Wrench
> -Camel hair brush
> -Vice Grips
> -Wire strippers
> -Dykes
> -Knife
> -Multimeter

I don't have a fucking a clue, try to baffle them with my bullshit ti the point of sparing my life, maybe give someone frostbite.

Depends on WHICH Cesar odds are Christianity would have already been present and Judaism predates Rome.

>59
>59
>59
There are parakeets tested higher than that. People with severe brain trauma can top 70. Are you telling me an entire country has incredibly severe brain trauma and are bordering on being a vegetable?

Get your pseudoscientific cuck shit out of our faces.

gone need some sauce on the parakeets.
vegetables but still able to have a function body is set at 40 not at 70.

it is not a pseudoscience

If he doesn't I will Lead poisoning is a bitch and you should read just how batshit crazy and stupid the likes of Caligula were Op did not specify which Cesar.

judeism wasnt big until after the fall of rome as they (jew merchants) took over the Mediterranean trade.
after pretty much causing the fall of rome

...

Nonsense - Sono un italiano americano..

AC engineer? What products you work on?

Show them my phone and make them believe am some kinda wizard

He didn't say Julius, but I think that's who he meant, but yeah, I'd still try & stave off the religious infestation. Who knows tho, maybe that'd be even worse for western development. I'd also make contact with China & develop trade & some idea exchanges if I got to the point where I was a respected intellectual I could probably unite the East & West in a hopefully peaceful allience, but who knows any change in history is a re-roll of events especially considering the introduction of future technologies.
True it does

Phone + No WiFi = FUCKED.

This
I own them and I'm not one for anecdotal evidence, so I'll pass. Crows, chimpanzees, and octopi can all manipulate, read facial expressions, plan escapes, open containers, and count. Koko the gorilla could lie in sogn language, and you're telling me an entire country of people are incapable of basic understanding of the world around them.

Check your sources. Not much better than my word of mouth, but at least I'm telling the truth. Their control groups could be garbage.

Disqualified

Venus did not have lots of zits on her head. Also we are to have to do a nipple comparison.

What about the Renaissance depiction of Venus' body?

I'm 99% sure those are freckles dude

Nice. You could be my Hypatia

=*

We'd make a good team.

I mean European languages are based on Latin, the large ones anyway. What would the Romans think if you spoke a Germanic language?

They are indeed freckles

I'm in, I'll go get the time machine

Wouldn't even make it past the guard. I'd just show them this bad boy. After he stopped worshiping my awesomeness, I'd give him the extra one I keep in my back pocket in exchange for my freedom.

Freckles are just spots where zits formed at one point. Also I dont see zits or FRECKLES on the painting.

Still Disqualified

Also nipple check.

You could just say you were from High Brazil & then later inform them of Two unknown continents outside the pillars of Hercules.

>white, daywalker drops into rome magically
>a phone full of porn and nothing else
>a tin of chew
>a 750 of rum
>exactly one can of monster
>and a .45

They'd probably be freaked out by my ink, but impressed by my fagginess. If they doubt me, I've got 19 rounds to convince them I am some demi-fiend. I'll get hella imperial dick and all the cute clothes I could want. I'll just be some magic trap priestess, or be castrated and fucked until they throw me in a pit to fight jews or something. Either way, it'd be interesting.

Girl that is not how freckles are formed

Perfect

Still considered a barbarian.

>A wild, bald and bearded german of almost 2 meters in jetblack clothes with a headset,
>a logitech mouse and a cola bottle stands before the almighty emperor.
"Ave, Caesar! Barbarus hic ergo sum, quia non intellegor ulli."
>sooooooo fucked.

>just show them this bad boy
Lol - fidget spinner saves the day! Those ball bearings are actually an amazing bit of tech, Sup Forumsro.

>Ave, Caesar! Barbarus hic ergo sum, quia non intellegor ulli.

Terrible syntax but eh.

Id have a .45 acp handgun, a bong, a bag of weed, my cell phone, my wallet, pack of smokes, and a weed grinder. I feel like i could just use the gun to gain power, at least til i run out of bullets

are you a cute trap already?

(dependent on if the romans have firm control of syria yet and not christianised yet) your best bet would be to seek out the Cult of Elagabal, who's most significant priest in Rome was a trap

right now... well i'm fucked, 4 or 5 days of E if im lucky in my patches, not got anything on me other than basic clothes

I doubt you could rely on any latin you've learned. Pronunciation would most likely be crazy different. Just dazzle them with your stuff & learn the language as fast as possible.

I love that I'm not the only one that thought that

Wearing nothing but undies, technical T-shirt and technical shorts. Not even socks.

I think it would be fairly obvious to the learned of that time that I would not be from their time.

Given enough time, I'm certain I could establish some kind of communication route via hand signals and drawings to the more learned philosophists and whatnot they had back then.

...

...

Meh Castellano understand Esperanza and Chicano. Latins would comprehend Italian.I am not worried as much about the language barrier.

I would impress them regardless.

oi! watch who you're calling homo fag, im a tranny not a gayboy

Considering that everyone was smarter in that time period then people today are I am sure they will learn English in a few months.

Get with the program dudes. Trans folks are part of real life & always have been. Bet you'd both be shocked at the prevalence & acceptance of LGBT peeps when you're transported back to that era. Get woke, bitches.

A dragon dildo

Create gun powder for them easy and simple would only take me a few hours or so.