It's real nigga hours

it's real nigga hours.
where the fuck is the feels thread?
this is now a feels thread.

...

welp i think its safe to say my life is a waste.
I cant recall the last time i was truly happy.
>shit seems like a distant memory

So i just think its time to hang it up soon.

I've lost.
everything was rigged from the start.

...

I hear you man, I have only been happy one month in my entire life. Lost everything that motivated me recently.

everything has been shit since you left me.
I've done better since then.
But I feel like you took a big part of my soul.
And its something I'll never get back.
Especially after what you put me through before you up and left me.
And you dont even fucking care im the last person on your mind.
And I know this.
I fucking hope HOPE.
That when i die and go to hell(oh yes i am going there, we both are).
>We get to share the same room.......
And u get to share the rest of eternity with me

.told this story in a few threads over the past couple of days but ehh. If i can help someone else feel a bit better
>be me
>be 36
>birthday be aug 20 (as in ended 2 hours ago)
>not one..not one single call, text, facebook message
>work from home in tech support
>car died a few months ago
>wont get too detailed, but had a run of bad luck
>few months in between jobs so currently playing catchup with bills
>no money to fix car
>leave the house once a month to get groceries and household items
>haven't spoken to another human being in 3 weeks
>was a selfish degenerate addict in my young adult years
>trying to both fix the damage in my own life and others
>base my self worth on the amount of people I can help, who count on me,
>zero people care if I'm alive at the moment
>could die today, and it would be 3 months before anyone knew
>that anyone would just be landlord cause thats how long she would let me slide on rent before visiting
>for someone who seeks validation from others, not so much as speaking to a single person for weeks at a time makes me unhappy
>kind of beside the point but, been single since childhood sweetheart left me 2 years ago.
>5ft5, 230 lbs, fat, average looks even if I wasnt

>lie to myself constantly about why I am the pathetic shitbag I am.

fucking mark my words.
I will never forget you.
Back then I cringed at laying a hand on you.
Now I want your head on my wall.
>complete with that stupid fake smile slapped all over it that u use to deceive everyone.

I want your life god dammit.
No one should be able to live after they've done what you done

well fuck, user.
>happy birthday

nigga post story

interested in story

okayyyy
gimme a moment

Well i ended up dating my best friend and someone who i secretly crushed on for years.
Alot of my gf's accused me of cheating on them with her.
But I didn't we actually acted really beta around each other.
and were both in active relationships when wed hang out.
Eventually both became single because of shitty relationships.
>start hanging out more
eventually it comes up "I really like you user, well i realy like you too"
>maybe we should be together?
>OKAY!
cont???

kys

yes yes yes cont.

...

I just came in to say...fuck niggers

Lol what a pussy

okay so yea we decide maybe we should be together and everything is fucking gravy in the beginning.
Also she had a daughter who adored me.
I was 25 at the time
Tbh i had my own place but then got fucked over by my job. I was also selling weed on the side and she knew that and I was doing that.
So she was like hey just move in with me idc if you dont work but you cant sell weed.
And i was like okay but im going to find a job I dont like not working.
And i found one.
>happy family right?
>and then shit just started becoming unhinged
cont

I legit woke up like an hour ago.

My sleep schedule is so fucked I'm waking up at real nigga hours.

>be me
>24
>studying psychology
>fat
>somehow seduce a fellow student
>charisma skill is maxed
>she has a retarded brother
>get into a huge fight when I call someone a tard
>almost relationship is over
>she moves 8 hours away but we stay in contact
>she has no friends but me
>decide to get fit, eat healthy and exercise
>admits she likes me
>we hang out when she comes to visit family
>calls every night
>a year passes
>comes and visits me
>wants to fuck
>mfw she wants me to choke her
>is this what happiness is?
>she goes home after dropping hints of wanting me to ask her out
>feel unwell
>go to the toilet and shit blood
>wtf doctor
>doctor tells me I have crohns
>it's not going to get better
>how the fuck can I explain this
>stop answering phone
>my life has changed
>she is wondering what happened and messaging me asking if it's something she done

I have multiple personality disorder, with a touch of anger issues and hoo boy lots of bipolar issues due to ongoing mpd. I can't keep a relationship for more than a month at a time, and i thought i found the one, i dated them for 3 years, and they ditched me once one of my personalities tried to kill her. Almost choked her to death during sex. I have crippling depression, social anxiety, introversion, but I'm also extroverted due to another personality. I can't keep a steady job due to personality disorder. Welfare offices don't take MPD as a real psychological disorder and therefore I can't get any sort of disability insurance or funds. I've thought about suicide but I can't due to them in my head. I wonder if I'm going to stay like this all my life, I really hope not. I don't know what really to say anymore, I guess ama multiple personality disorder? I also know you guys are probably gonna rip on me and say "go back to tumblr/reddit", i don't care anymore lol.

...

i'm not crying i promise

Felt the same way the first time i read it

Don't kill yourself(selves) user

Go on a super violent rampage and kill as many people as possible then die in a hail of gunfire

Write note explaining your shitty life and how mental illness has fucked you up

You will become a martyr and possibly force people to acknowledge your illness in the hope that change will occur in response to your actions

Or just mope about it until something else comes along..

Can't buy guns because when it comes to mpd /then/ it's a real illness lol. I can't do it illegal because I'm a giant vagina, and i really can't go on a rampage with just a couple knives. kill like what, two people? that won't even be in the news. Although I do very much like burning things. (or one of us does at least.) But what/who do i burn.

For the last three years I've lived in complete destitution because I've invested all my money, every penny, in creating a community centre. I've always wanted to create a place where people can come to hang out, drink coffee, have a snack, get online, play some vidya, read a book, or just socialize where they don't have to pay anything.

So I moved to a city where rent is cheap, rented an old building which had been abandoned for more than a decade, and started renovating it. To afford to do this I have to live in the basement with no fridge, no stove, and no shower. This is important to me, so I've been sacrificing everything to be able to do this.

Last month I got burglarized. I have almost nothing, but they took what little I have. They stole my laptop, an old guitar, the digital camera I was using to keep a record of the renovations, a bunch of power tools, and my smoking pipes. The pipes really hurt; they're worth fuck-all at a pawn shop, but I've had them for many years and they're one of the few ways I can afford to enjoy myself these days. They even stole my fucking umbrella and a gift card for food, which meant I had to skip meals and eat ramen for a solid month.

What's worse is I no longer feel safe. I wake up all the time with panic attacks, gasping and my heart pounding, because I don't even have a safe place to sleep any more.

All I wanted to do was make a place for other people to enjoy, and I got kicked in the balls for it.

>mfw this is when I get up for work
kill me.

Go to a gun show you can usually buy a gun on the spot since it's a "private sale"

Or if like me you live in Florida you can go on floridaguntrader dot com and buy

Try to beat the high score. I believe in you user

Continue go go

Damn buddy.... have you ever considered honestly taking that story to gofundme or something? Some good people out there would surely want to fund your dream..

I did. I got a single $20 donation.

I'm not saying you deserve this, but take this as a sign to not help other people and start helping yourself. you can't do anything until you do it from a position of strength. Also start taking martial arts classes cause they'll help with the panic atracks.

Not a floridafag, and the closest gun show is about 50 miles from me, i have 0 transportation methods. i don't even have a bicycle. I don't know how to drive for shit. I live out in bfe, the closest house is 4 miles away.

Shit dude, that fucking sucks

crohns has to be one of the worst fucking diseases on the planet.
My friend says it's like your insides are eating you. I felt so very very bad for him when he got inflamation attacks and such.

try waking up like this every day..

I take it as a test. Nothing worth doing comes easily, and I guess I just have to prove that I can tighten my belt a little more and keep going. Instead a circular saw, I'll have to use a handsaw, which means work which used to take ten seconds will take ten minutes, but it will still get done in the end.

The real problem for me is that I'm slowly going blind from pigment dispersion syndrome, so there's a time limit. I have to be able to finish my work before I go completely blind, and this makes it a lot more difficult.

In that case I wish you luck,

Thing is that I tried to stay up until 10 P.M. but I could only make it to 3.

I'll try to stay up until at leas 10 today.

I had one late night and now I'm acclimated to being a vampire.

Jesus man,
so it does get worse.
>you do remind me of this character

Except that character was faking it to make hella cash.

Thanks.

"He who has a why to live can bear almost any how." -- Friedrich Nieztsche

...

Just uninstall windows. What the fuck do they know.