ITT: The most useless super powers

ITT: The most useless super powers

I'll start:

The ability to be have pleasure-free orgasms.

The ability to step out of your skin, but not back in.

The ability to replace your eyes with tongues that have yeast infections.

The ability to pee acid.

The ability to die lmao

The ability to make quality posts on Sup Forums

Deadman...nananananananana..Feadman

The ability to shrink your arms

ability to eat beans through the nose

Could be quite nice actually, assuming you can make em big again

the ability to make pancakes

The ability to speak fluent mandarin
But you can never leave Argentina

the fuck is wrong with those tits?

-ability to shoot fire
- but comes out of a random orifice

The ability to fart out of your mouth

Ability to control any Sony Blu-ray player remote control with your mind, but only when you're in physical contact with it.

unlimited money - in zimbabwe dollars

The ability to have something wrong with tits

The ability to shapeshift into any registered sex offender.

you realize that unlimited in Zimbabwe still means unlimited in USD, as it is unlimited, you can get as much USD as you want if you have unlimited Zimbabwe dollar

Ability to breath fire, but you burn your mouth everytime

>Shapeshift into sex offender
>Offend someone with sex
>Shapeshift back
>???

The ability to fuck any woman - that weighs over 300 lbs

You are just saying shit

The ability to be good at any video game but you have to drink cat piss

the power to be a sand mermaid

How good? Drink cat piss to be world class at cs:go might not be so useless.

The ability to breathe underwater - when you're being raped

You are the only one that got this game right

>The ability to pee acid.
I dunno user, I think that's quite useful at times

The ability to bend French fries with telekinesis.

You say that like that's something people don't do, what kind of normie are you?

ability to shit through your mouth

The ability to get STDs without having sex

are you 9 years old?

jesus christ...

Being able to see through walls but only when a gay orgy is taking place within a mile radius.

There are a lot of chinese cunts here in Argentina so you could live like that

they are not really eating they are just snorting it, I mean literally eating like it would be done in mouth with teeth, but instead in nose

A stipulation: Once you shapeshift, you have a 3 hour cool down before you can change back or into someone else.

The ability to detect and smell any farts within 10 miles of yourself

The thing would be if you could not come back to your form unless you are a sex offender

Ability to speak (not read/write) any language
You are mute

Super strength but no appendages

If you are mute, you can't speak. That's not a superpower, that's a paradox.

>The ability to pee acid.
You know that pee can be acidic, right?

So just don't get caught for three hours? Not that hard unless you act retarded.

Not to mention that there would still be various ways out of the situation even if you were caught.

75% levitation

The ability to become allergic to everything you touch

The ability to become the prime suspect in any crime

Are you dumb?
>the ability to have pleasure-free orgasms
Can stealthy fuck someone without accidentaly make noise
>the ability to step out of your skin
When it's burning you can step out and get a quick skin transplant
>yeast tongue eyes
Lick 3 things at the same time
>pee accid
Free sex change operation

>Can stealthy fuck someone without accidentaly make noise
What?

>can stealthy fuck someone
>there is no reason to do it because is pleasure-free

being op and having the ability to not be a faggot

Wasn't it?

>user if you can't please me right now, i will let that black dude shove his fudge-stick in me

The ability to jump backwards

The ability to levitate 0.000001cm

Hey OP, peeing acid would be very useful actually. Hell if I could do it I would pee all over your already disgusting face and disfigure you for life. You feel me dog?

The ability to shrink your penis but only shrink it

Are you fucking autistic?

Not true at all. This would apply only to another currency that is backed/used by a country with an actual GDP

Underage b&

Maybe ;-;

the ability to have these nipples

The ability to know the winning lotto numbers for any future date but not being able to play or tell anyone the winning numbers by any shape or form

The ability to transport 5 meters, but the entire process takes 20 minutes

If it is paper money, you can sell the raw material for recycling.

the ability to talk ONLY in lines from Oz episodes

Still extremely useful to get in or out of restricted areas (bank safes, prisons, secret research facilities, the girl's next door bedroom) that are not being heavily monitored.

The ability to grow hair on demand

My nigga i wish