Does anyone have any funny walmart green text stories?...

does anyone have any funny walmart green text stories?? this can be from you doing stupid shit at walmart or a funny incident that happened while you were there (or while working there).

I once choked on a piece of ham in Walmart. Almost died

I accidentally shoplifted a $50 air filter because I got so goddamned pissed off at the self checkout that I forgot to scan it once.

>be me
>at Walmart
>they have good ass fried chicken
>get some
>bite into it
>bloody as fuck
Ain't gonna stop me though. Their chicken is usually fucking top-quality.

I used to take a package of lunch meat then go to the tupperware section, open it and seal it in a container and stash it in the back of a shelf.

also used to take small items that had a security device on it and put them in the pockets of clothes so that they would go off when people bought those clothes.

I was a real rebel

bumping for potential

>be me
>like 12 or so
>parents dragged me to Wal-Mart because shopping is a family affair
>we (kids) don't get shit though so why bring us
>about halfway through trip stomach starts to hurt
>probably hungry, I'll wait till we leave
>5 min later feels like I ate Hercules and he's cutting his way back out
>ask for some of them tasty ass potato wedges Wal-Mart has
>eat about 5 if them before sudden burst of crippling pain
>almost done shopping so try to tough it out
>walking near meat section towards checkout when it happens
>i start spewing vomit like a hose
>tried to keep my mouth closed while I ran to the nearest trash can but the force was too much
>I simply flattened out the stream so it fanned out of my mouth
>barely any puke left when I reach the trash
>turn around to tell parents in going to bathroom to wash face and see an unbroken trail about 20 feet long

I felt kinda bad when I came back and saw the janitor mopping it all up. Turns out I had the flu and didn't know because I hardly ever get sick

i saw the collectors edition for aliens colonial marines for $5.

>be me
>12 yrs old
>got separated from family in the store
>cry.png
>tries walking around the store in hopes to find them
>2 random people come calling out for me
>parents always told about stranger danger
>make a run to a door
continue?

the person below me is a spooky skeleton

Am not.

>buy ps4
>put bricks in box
>seal it like its new
>bring back ask for refund
>they ask if anything is wrong with it
>i say no its brand new got as gift
>i get free ps4

no

While the Titanfall 2 promo was happening, I pulled off the caps of the Mountain Dews so i could get the codes and not have to buy the damn things.

Also is their any stories/advice of stealing from walmart?

>be me in walmart with gf
>we get horny and go in dressing rooms
>fuck the shit outta her and cum all over her face
>she walks around the store with cum dripping from her face
>leave
>the end

>Be me
>Lube and tire tech
>Sitting at work
>Firetrucks and sirens appear from every direction
>Tell us all to go inside
>Store is locked down for over four hours
>Break out the food and chairs and everything
>Us and customers all locked in
>All chilling and eating like Kings while lounging on the furniture
>Kids playing games
>Finally told why
>Some asshat for chased into parking lot and said he had a bomb
>No bomb found
>Everyone goes home
>If you were scheduled to work you were told to go across the street to pizza place
>Walmart picks up tab
If you want to read about it Google
Kemah Walmart bomb threat

Huh. Thats actually interesting. Did you share food with customers for free or what.

>be me circa 2005
>be at walmart with nothing better to do
>they had these wall scanners for price checks
>they are just mounted near available outlets with a cord running down to the wall wart
>let's unplug them and plug them back in. they are running Windows CE and the desktop comes up for a few seconds before the scanner app
>after a couple tries manage to bring up the on screen keyboard before the scanner app launches
>use OSK to kill scanner and launch embedded IE. Possibly worst version of IE ever.
>mfw they are connected to wifi, I guess to access price DB
>go around putting various sites up on the scanners including Sup Forums
>Walmart employee is looking right at me and headed my way
>time to quickly kek my way out the garden department

Never caught any shit for it

>be me
>walmart smells nostalgic
>all i remember there was there being a sega claw machine and mcdonalds
>orgy in my head

Yeah everyone ate good. Had all the deli food and shit. Kids got cake . Everything was in the house. It was like a. 4 hour camping trip in Walmart. Some were reading some were in chairs talking . It was pretty cool

After you sign the receipt and they get you the next time you go back. Or they already have your address.

Haxxor lol

Used to know the intercom number so me and friends would go in and wreck havoc amongst the shoppers of walmart

>be me
>hear that Walmart has the best prices on everything
>enter a Walmart, look around
>food that I like costs more than local farmer's market
>sundries (paper towels, tp, soap, toothpaste, etc.) costs more than the Dollar Store.
>nigger families arguing and beating their niglets
>toothless hillbillies stumbling and mumbling
>angry clerk in sporting goods snarls at me when I ask for help
>fat old hag in self-propelled wheelchair cart drives around cursing everybody-- or nobody
>security guys try to restrain beaner meth head stealing stuff, turns into a wrestling match, then a fist fight... women screaming, children crying
>fags in the restroom jump away from each other when I enter, then smirk and stare until I leave
>tired, angry clerks run the registers, most are fat old ladies that hate you for no reason
>never go to Walmart ever again.

What kind of Walmart did you go to?

RIP

>poor enough to shop at wallmart

/thread

where do ya shop faggot?

target, like a good patriotic middle-class american

Bump

the good kind

bergdorf

convinced a customer the fish tanks are supposed to come with fish and water already in them

You wish

kys

No u

u first then i will

I don't trust you

i dont trust myself either

Late night snack breaks over the years while working; I would walk a half-mile to buy food at Walmart. Sometimes 12am to 3am.
Would fairly frequently see drunks, druggies, and shoplifters doing their thing. Screaming at each other, dodging security, running out.
Mentally ill and elderly people shitting their pants, kinda sickening how often I saw and smelled this.
One amusing site was a few days to Christmas around midnight, teenage boys were riding bikes in store, and teenage girls in the pet supply aisle one was wearing a leash, crawling, and barking... they had the shame to looked freaked out and embarrassed when I stopped to stare.
A few years ago they changed hours, now the nearest Walmart open after midnight is 30 miles away.

But target is shit tho

>teenage girls in the pet supply aisle one was wearing a leash, crawling, and barking...
Where is that heaven you walk into

>girlfriend calls me up
>angry and frusterated
>I ask whats wrong
>she says she quit her job at wal mart.
>I asked why
>she was working by the dressing rooms
>slipped in something
>fell in it, it was foul smelling
>looked at what was covering her legs and screamed
>it was a puddle of liquid shit
>she slipped in human feces
>no where near the bathrooms
>she told her boss "I have come into contact with human feces way more than anyone on minimum wage should..."
>I tell her "I'm sorry you had a shitty day"

The one next to Sam's Club

yea

>be me
>working at walmart
>new
>old-ass lady asks me a question i don't know
>run around the store
>wtf, no employees anywhere
>only employee I can find is a mid-transition male to female transgendered girl
>walk up to her
>look her dead in the eye
>ask her the exact question the old lady asks me
>get stared at blankly
>think she's genuinely scared
>about to cry
>realize what I just said

"Do you have a pickled weiner in a jar?"

>look down at the ground
>old lady finally catches up to me
>try not to choke on the spaghetti flying out of my pockets
>awkwardly rephrase the question to the floor
>work there a year
>never make eye contact again
>never found the pickled weiner

this reminds me of my favorite day ever

>unloiader in backroom
>big bitch tornado comes through
>knocks power out
>nobody allowed to leave
>too dark to work
>everyone huddles up in the front of the store
>gets super dark
>everyone has flashlights
>grabbed my coat on the way to the front
>use it as a pillow
>literally get paid to sleep for like 2 hours
>lights come back on
>customers in the store are moving around
>still asleep on the floor
>co-worker wakes me up and makes me go back to work

If youre going to fish for attention by baiting us with only 7 lines, you should just go fuck yourself

This never happened.

i mean, it did, but okay.

I added the part about the spaghetti but I don't know what else to say.

It's a pretty mundane story. She was working in the snack aisle near the beef jerky where I assumed they would be and after looking we determined it must be a seasonal item

>be me
>never been to Walmart cause I'm not trash

...

>Be me
>Went to Walmart to pick up a few groceries after work
>Walking down freezer section
>See white trash family straight ahead of me
>See butterball kid about 9 or 10 years old in a fucking stroller
>Wtf.jpg
>As I and the literal nuclear family get closer to each other, kid starts muttering something under his breath
>Mother would reply, "No" each time he said it
>The second we passed each other the kid screams at me at the top of his lungs in a retard rage, "FUCKING DICK."
>Parents sheepishly look down and cart off their little abomination
>mfw

fice neet

>>be me work there 2 weeks graveyard sift inventory management services IMS for short don't make enough money put up with old ass manager. Who old lady must not be putting out bitches me out because he made pick in cosmetics the hardest thing to fucking pick. Gives me my warnings or he'll lay me off well I finsh out the night quit next day go back on ssi fuck Walmart. And btw the way if you have Aldi store shop they way cheaper I just buy sodas and milk and ass wipe at Walmart anymore . Spend 128 on 6 big bags of food and stuff.

Costco is better

Drunk or high?

i watched an angry 6 year old child take a giant shit in the toy isle and pass out on top of the shit

Wish I was both I quit drinking 4 month ago I been up for 3 fucking days

my nibba

keked at this.

Fucking kek

Walmart in the south. I'm overnight maintenance. I'm riding the scrubber tonight.
Nothing weird tonight so far.
Had a guy rolling around in his underwear on the garden center floor one night. Cops were called. EMS took him.
A guy once took a piss on the floor right in front of the eggs.
One guy jerked off into the icecream freezer.
Walmart in a collge town can be weird sometimes.

What's wrong with shopping at Walmart? I really only shop there when the discounts are amazing, like c'mon, 88 cents for a 2L Pepsi? But other than food I don't usually shop there. Sucks to live in Canada, there's not really any department retail stores with all the stuff a company like Walmart sells into one store. We just have specialized stores.

So you only have grocery walmarts? I work in a supercenter, grocery and department store.

Probably just dumb

>work in electronics
>old guy comes in all pissed off
>says his phone doesnt have data
>throws phone at me telling me to fix it
>starts calling me every swear in the book
>accuses me of somehow stealing his data
>screams that if i dont fix it he wants a manager to fire me right in front of him
>turns out he turned his data off on his phone
>i fix it and hand it back to him
>still accuses of stealing
>walks off no apology

I have a few more if interested

Go for it.

No, we still have Supercenters, but they're the only kind of large department store that actually stays in business here. If you don't want to go to Walmart, you have to a billion different stores to get what you want. Last major department store closed down years ago (target), and the last good department store (Zellers) closed down 4 years ago. I guess the only thing comparable to Walmart is winners but it doesn't even come close to Walmart's level of convenience

Go for it. My buddys drank a handle of cheap vodka in front of a cashiers face before. then puked all over her because she wouldnt sell past 1 or some shit think they stole some more booze to from that same Wal-Mart later that night.

Winners or weinners

>old woman comes in looking for batteries for her landline
>grab them and go to register
>starts freaking out as im ringing them up
>refuses to buy them until she tries them first
>pulls out the landline and puts the batteries in
>she then tries to call using the landline
>doesnt work cause she is out of range of her house
>doesnt believe me
>starts freaking out
>calls me a liar
>takes out batteries and literally throws them at my face
>gets my manager and tells him that i dont know what im talking about
>she gets escorted out of store due to her throwing the batteries at me

i live in a crazy place