My girlfriend's birthday is coming up in a couple of months and I have the perfect gift in mind: We're going to rob a...

My girlfriend's birthday is coming up in a couple of months and I have the perfect gift in mind: We're going to rob a bank. Apparently, first time bank robbers have a 80% chance of getting away with it and this would be a one time deal just for us to get some cash to buy some nice shoes and fancy dinners and shit. Over the next couple of months I'm going to refine our plan. This is what I have so far.

Location: We live in a large metropolitan area in the US. We're going to rob a bank in the ghetto where most violent crime is never solved.

Hardware: one each, 9mm pistols. And disguises for us both. False beards, weight suits and sunglasses

Time: we'll hit the bank early, shortly after opening or whenever Google says the least amount of people are present

Phase 1: we take an uber near the bank. Babe puts a gun to the driver's head, takes his keys and phone.

Phase 2: I enter the bank, play it cool. Walk up to the counter with a note, keep my pistol underwraps and request the money. Only single bills.

Phase 3: uber driver takes us nearby the nearest train station. We adjust our disguises on the elevator to get around the cameras and take the train deeper into the hood where there is very little infrastructure

Phase 4: finding somewhere invisible to remove our final disguises should be easy. From there we'll uber into the next state over (which is relatively close to where I'd want to end up in the hood)

Lay low for a day or two and then return home

Definitely not a perfect plan, that's why I'm posting. Help me out Sup Forums

...

>Posting this presumably with uncovered IP.
>Putting details, birthday will be at or around a robbery
>Weapon details
>Google the bank multiple times again as quote 1.
>Using a fucking phone app for escaping.
Mate you got to learn something about internet privacy...
Other than that I can't help

stick with dinner and a movie bud

>get out of uber
>Driver calls police instantly
>Take off fat suits in elevator
>Cameras in elevator
>Cameras on platform seeing you get in elevator
>Police stop train and find you dickheads with fat suits, pistols and money

Complete fucking ameteurs.
Please don't do this stupid shit

uber?

srsly?

Do you seriously think state lines will save you
I'm assuming the cops in your area won't fuck around looking for an armed felon across a state line
Fuckin morons.
Please.

>Location: We live in a large metropolitan area in the US. We're going to rob a bank in the ghetto where most violent crime is never solved.
robbing a mobster bank? real fucking smart kiddo.

ya mate dont use the uber that's asking to get tracked

Protip:

Robbing banks isn't worth it anymore. The risk is way too high for the reward. 99.9999999999% of the time you're gonna get caught. If by some miracle you don't (you will, according to your plan) you'll realize the money you get isn't worth it.

Don't rob anything IMO... and never carry a gun unless you're ready to kill someone, which you obviously aren't.

I said we would adjust our disguises in the elevator. Train elevators don't have cameras, mostly homeless people use them to piss

>Driver calls police instantly
With what phone?

>Cameras on platform seeing you get in elevator

That's the point. The police, just like you, would assume we completely removed our disguises in the elevator. They would be working off of that footage which would buy us some time

Purposefully misleading, plus I expect the plan to change

Tracked how? How wold they even intially know we were using uber as our getaway?

Nah I probably would kill without hesitation if it came to that, Babe definitely would.

As far as the money not being worth it, eh. We're not living for that much anyway. Going to work to go to school to go to work. Fuck it

Have you ever shot a gun before let alone pointed it at a living human being before? Ever had someone shoot at you for that matter?

It's a lot different in real life.

>Ever had someone shoot at you for that matter?
I grew up in the neighborhood I'm thinking of robbing so yes, I've seen and done some shit. I'm not a criminal but I'm no stranger to guns and I really fucking hate people so taking one or two out if I absolutely have to won't be a problem

this isn't the 1930s op, you can't just hop state lines and be safe from the cops. you'll be tracked by federal marshals. and your only gonna end up with like 4 grand tops from a bank, probably less. honestly you're better off hitting a successful restraunt like a pizza place. banks are prepared to be robbed, but restraunts aren't. make sure to hit it at closing on a Friday or Saturday night after they've been busy. also figure out a different mode of transportation uber can OBVIOUSLY be traced back to you. anyways good luck with your poorly thought out Bonnie and Clyde fantasy, just don't kill anyone over this stupid shit

uber... you're a genius

wear panty hose underneath a sky mask... wear heels if your girl is taller than you or vice versa... bring a hammer for hitting people with, dont aim the gun until after you hit them with the hammer...

since youre gona be in the hood hire some crack heads to fire bomb a gas station a couple block away for a diversion

this isn't batman. the mafia is dead. you know nothing about orginized crime. stop applying Hollywood to real life.

>hire crackheads
>crackheads
sure hire some crack heads, they won't take your money and run

now is a great time to bring up the point that OP is official a faggot

There's no going back, might as well dump your girl and start sucking dick

Phase 5: Get caught and spend 10 years in prison for a $2500 take

if ur gona do this ur gay

Phase -1: download and install Uber on your phone and sign up for an account using your credit card.

You understand why you're a fucking idiot?

goodluck.jpg

this isnt batman :(

TL;DR: You get away with the "perfect" crime, and then get fucked by serial numbers.

I have yet to see anything about laundering money either.

We've thought of that, too! We'll just do it in our machine in our apartment.

This
IMHO i see no reason to make the uber driver drive for you, you are risking a lot by doing that
>You enter the bank
>You left the uber driver inside the car
>He goes out of his car
>Calls the police before the robbery even starts
>Less time to do shit

You're better off just placing him in the trunk, that's probably the best alternative and his insurance should cover all damages done to the car because he will have proof you did whatever you decide to do

...

What an idiot, that will leave the serial numbers inside your washing machine... You need someone who has a spare washing machine that is already filled with so many serial numbers that they can't be read.

OR you could just go to the mall, shoplift some shoes, then go to a nice restaurant and dine and dash. Much less chance of getting caught, if you do, it's a much less serious charge, less chance of getting shot, and you're getting the same shit you wanted.

But yeah, your dumbass way's good too, I guess.

>money laundering machine

Aha! But I thought of that too! I bought a box of alpha-bits, we'll throw that shit in there, then the serial numbers will get Moses up with the serial letters and the cops won't be able to figure out which are which!

pulp fiction??????

Why would I launder anything? At most we're getting like $5000 if we just take singles. Just use it for little shit like nice clothes and fancy dinners until it's gone

I'm pretty fucken stupid with uber I must admit. I was thinking more like a cab

i know the perfect racket OP.

sign up with one of those live sex web cam agencies

ask your mom to drop you off

I imagine this going down exactly like the scene in Heat. Go for it OP. Don't forget your 9mm pistols.