Dumb things you did while drunk

Dumb things you did while drunk

I once snorted half a g of nutmeg

puke and sleep on the sidewalk, in the middle of it, yes.

Got arrested for white slavery

your mum

Dont drink if you can't control it. I wrote a program, got hungover few times. I dislike when other people drink. I also lost few friends but they don't matter.

kissed friend's girlfriend while he wasn't looking

many separate instances

wrecked my car
broke my jaw in a fight
got married in las vegas

There are so many of them I don't even know where to start. So here are a few:

-Fell asleep in train, wake up in maintenance hall
-Slept on benches several times. Even once when I was in Malta.
-Had a threesome with hookers, including Cocaine. Paid ~5k Euro or so.
-Got jailed a few times because of public indecency
-Unprotected sex

and the list goes on.

fingered and made out with a 18 year old

>I'm 43

>dumb?

Developed a crush on an edgelord namefag

>Be drunk with friends
>Buy coconut cuz y Not
>Drill hole in it, drink coconut Water with straw
>Tastes shit
>Crack coconut on sidewalk to eat the white stuff
>Delicious af, but dont wanna eat more
>sharp_cracks.jpg
>Take a piece and throw it full power towards friends back because i dont know why
>t-shirt_ripped.jpg
>Friends_shoulder_blood.jpg
>Loling hard af, He doesnt lol at all
>Couldve poked his eye Out
>No ragretz
Pic related, its the coconut

got black out drunk, pissed in a bacardi bottle, piss was clear. Tried drinking the bacardi the next day thinking I had a lot left over.

>confess to her
>she gave a disgusted smile and walked away

Was at a club called the church, former Catholic Church turned into a Mexican hotspot club, took a piss on the roof and was kicked out because of that. Snuck back in a traded shirts with a friend and danced with some Latina mamis.

There's way too much shit. I'm sober now.

>be at friends 16 birthday party
>his parents gone for the weekend
>ausfag so everyone has been drinking since 13-14
>he has pool because most people do
>take entire glass/ metal expensive looking outdoor dining set and set it up in the pool while he is not looking
>everyone at the party is in on it so people distracting him with shit to make sure hes inside
> ~10 16 year old dudes including myself take large brick pizza oven off its foundation
>drop in pool on top of dining set
>smashes the glass table in the water
>shards of glass floating in pool
>he kicks everyone out
>someone stole his sister's guinea pig
>people still call him soggy pizza

Woke up in the woods covered with a tarp no idea how I got there. Also brought a bag of chips that I ended up spreading everywhere. Local wildlife was enjoying my mess. Woke up very confused and hung over. Ended up being only 200 feet away from my friends cabin. Made my way back to the cabin where my friend was cooking cheeseburgers and eggs for breakfast and my other friend was tapping keg number 2. Had a burger and a beer for breakfast and felt a bit better. That was my last time blacking out

>be me
>about 16 at the time
>friends want to go camping
>fuck why not
>bring some vodka for fun
>split the bottle with 3 of friends others to pussy
>morning comes
>shitneedmore.jpg
>call friend who can buy us more and bring it to the campsite dont think it would happen
>the man pulls through
>legend in friend group forever
>bring 2 bottles of smirnoff
>hell yes
>same people get drunk this time we have 2/3s each
>friend has to pee to drunk to walk so am i
>sober girl says she can walk us into the bathroom
>we walk to the bathrooms she waits outside
>friend walks to urinal
>dont need to pee just came for the adventure
>see man in bathroom
>shit son
>I dont want him to think i was drunk
>spring my master plan into action
>decide to lie down on the bathroom floor
>the fucking foor of a bathroom
>we leave and go back
>forget most of night
>mfw my friend tells me the story

>in chattanooga with ex gf and her soccer friends
>drinking heavily until the "spins" are achieved
>my drunk self has a nag for leaving quietly and finding a nice a nice place to rest
>I wake up at 7:00 am behind a vacant building in downtown chattanooga in some bushes.
>phone is dead
>thank god for charger case
>phone charging
>walk down steet covered in mulch
>take vape hit to ease my sorrows
>vape full of mulch
>mouth full of mulch now
>phone powers on
>phone is blown up with ex's messages and voicemails
>she had spent the rest of the night calling jails and me
>mfw she pics me up in downtown

are you still married?

>drunk af
>Throw up
>Why does my throat hurt?
>Oh yeah I threw up
>Nice
>Nigger

>don't need pee just came for the adventure

XD KEK

Worst.Story.Ever

KYS

Becoming drunk in the first place

Damn, I'll stick to my weed and the occasional molly or tab. Fuck all that other bullshit.

Lost my virginity to my best friend
He's a dude
I'm straight
I'm want to kill myself

wheres yours fag

You're not straight. Yer a fag.

its the peek of his life, he couldnt come up with a better story than that

its the peak of his life, he couldnt come up with a better story than that

Glass, even shards of it float?
Mmmmkay

Grabbed a friend on her tits because i bet that she would slap me if i do so and i would get a pizza for this. But she knew it so she only pushed so hard that i broke my nose. So i had to buy my friend a pizza and she was pissed on me for like 5 months.

drove

Maybe I am. He apologized to me and confessed to me but I'm still not really sure how to reciprocate??

>be drunk
>needs to take a piss
>goes to the sink
>throws up
>piss in the sink after throwing up

vodka drink faceplant concrete ko

WOW! Awesome dude!
You, Sir, are really a legend...

thats not dumb, thats genius. The pee cleans up the puke

Not that funny but 100% true
>be me start drinking at 10 am for some reason
>finish entire bottle of wine all by myself
>dad decided he wants a drink too
>makes 2 jack and cokes and i drink one
>i think im drunk
>go to sleep it off
>ohshitimgoingtobesick
>projectile red vomit
Oh fuck. Im really going to be sick
>diarrhea squirts from my ass while still vomiting
>whyhaveyouforesakenmelord

Last time i ever drank.

>drink all night with couple of friends
>playing with an air rifle
>it's early morning, decide it's a good idea to take it around neighborhood to shoot mailboxes and stuff
>had scope and stuff. Looked realistic
> wake up next day, check news
>turns out i lost a police helicopter and two police cars just around the corner from my house
>I didn't even know

Probably the 1st time too

Fucked a hoe I knew from hs and got genital warts

Cont
>finally get up
>bed is full with side of red vomit
>one side watery shit
>get up to go shower
>Fuck the upstairs shower is broken
>fuck all my clean laundry is downstairs
I honestly dont even remember how i got to the bathtub
>take shower
>flip mattress
>go back to sleep

Actually was. I hate alcohol. I was like 16 or 17 at the time

>last day of trip to aunts house in england
>both aunt and uncle are slight alcoholics, so they're stocked to the brim with anything you want
>spending time with my 9 year old cousin from another aunt
>he has a troubled home so he spends a lot of time here
>other cousin is my age
>wait for 9 year old cousin to fall asleep
>ask other cousin if he wants to get drunk
>"nah, user. I'm not really feeling it tonight"
>fuck it.jpg
>make a half-vodka, half-juice concentrate concoction
>down 4 in the space of 2 hours
keep in mind I was still in high school at the time, and I didn't get many opportunities to drink
>suddenly it's 2am
>holy fuck I'm hungry
>dig through the fridge and find boiled bacon
>scarf that shit down
>throw it back in the fridge and go back into the living room where everyone else is sleeping
>blackout
>wake up throwing up
>check clock, 5:30am
>run to bathroom covering my mouth, puking all over their Grey carpet
>puke is dark brown
>whatthefuck.gif
>throw up everywhere
>see my uncle about to leave for work
>still absolutely shitfaced
>"good morning"
>no response
>walk back into living room and sleep it off

apparently I skyped a sloot I knew at the time, don't remember a thing though

Are you one really gross girl? Or a childish man?

Best one so far!!!

Ended in the opposite side of my city, without a single clue where I was. I tried google map and the shit app drains my battery trying to update and others stuffs, GPS pointing I was on Mars or something equal retarded. 4 am and I found the only taxi in almost 10 kilometers of walk in a ghetto, literally telling the guy "Pliz carry me to my home". I arrive almost 6 am and a hour later my dad asked my to go to our store to help him. Worked to 2 pm with a hangover and wishing to die. First thing I did after that was block google maps and install Here app. Never got lost again :)

Well i did shit myself so gonna go with childish man?

Show me childish man!

...

>Me age 15
>at friend's house chilling
>drinking rum with 2 friends, both about a year younger than me
>we each take 8-9 shots
>kid's parents are still home and both of them are beyond shitfaced, I'm pretty buzzed.
>They decide it'd be fun to climb out the window, I didn't fuck with that shit and waited in the room
>They're dumb enough to come in the front door of the house, while parents are sitting in the living room
>Parents immediately notice that they're acting funny and walk into room where I am.
>One of them says they smell booze, demand to know where it is
>At this point, it was evident that I wasn't getting away with it so I show them the bottle in the kid's backpack
>Aunt, who was also present, flips absolute shit
>Kid is screaming at aunt, flinging his arms out at her
>She threatens to call the cops
>Kid's mom talks her down, but not after 5-10 minutes of drama
>I am just sitting in the living room in front of his parents, I tell them I only had a little and that I'm just buzzed
>Other kid's parents drive up and dad throws him on the ground and drags him to car.
>this wasn't until he told them that I didn't do shit, which I pretty obviously did.
>first kid's parents say it's alright if I sleep on their couch, because they thought I was innocent and didn't want my parents finding out
>Shitstorm is over at that point, I go home the next day and my parents are none the wiser.

>retard friends steal jaegermeister bottle from bar
>im supposed to down it before he catches us
>got about half of it down cant take more
>he catches us
>but just takes bottle
>retard friends follow him and now actually buy it
>i keep drinking from it
>try to go pissing
>too drunk for it fall over black out
>wake up in hospital covered in dirt and god knows what else
>doctor calls me retard

>Be 16
>Friend's 15th birthday party
>Ez to buy beer 'cause Germany
>Get drunk to death with them friends
>Go to the pool outside
>Drink moar while chilling in the pool
>Massive orgy in pool (3 doodz 3 chicks)
>No idea wtf I'm fucking
>One grill from that night got prego
>No idea who the father is

Classy!
Proper white trailer trash!
Well done Krauts!

>winefestival in germany
>not as gay as it sounds
>be shitfaced in public
>late at night
>indian guy trying to sell roses
>yell at him "nigger come here"
>buy rose for 5 euros cuz drunk
felt bad about it for awhile after my friends told me what i had done but i guess he was happy ripping me off so all is good

>Wine festival
>Germany
> I r8 b8 8/8

>soccer

Faggot

South germany is ripe with winefields. They make some really good wine. It isn't all beer.

Told the girl I loved that I love her.

Got drunk, gram of blow, texted my aunt a pic of my cock and said come over and suck it.

She didn't reply or anything, it was like 2am. Next morning she's knocking at my door, she walks in and says "you want me to suck you huh?" I was like, omfg, wtf is happening right now. She grabbed my crotch super hard and squeezed it, then said don't ever do that to her again. She never told anyone about it and we left it at that.

true story, I still cum buckets thinking about it.

>be drunk
>get hungry
>decide to microwave peanutbutter
>must have been the only thing I could find
>why I microwaved it, I have no clue
>wind up playing with it
>like hot playdough
>wake up next day
>burns on my hands
>apparently I microwaved it for like 10 minutes and shoved my hands in
>lady at work asks why I'm all burned
>"Peanut butter, bro. Dangerous shit."

dude nice

Gut gelaufen. Well done sir.

I'm from south lower-saxony and we have some winefest too.

Had some great hangovers from wine

Had a 3 some with my buddy nick to suicideboys mixtape with pouya called $$$ but it wasn't that stupid. Blacked out one time and woke up with buddy knuckles. Got mad cos I found out that my x was in an abusive relationship. Apparently I cried a lot that night and was punching shit left n right. Love mixing alcohol with painers and kpins. But most of the time I black out lmao I use to be wildyn and would black out multiple times a week. Last time I did tho I lost Friday Saturday Sunday and most of Monday. I was eating methadone xans and kpins and drinking vodka and ever clear like crazy. This was almost 3 months ago. Moved back to my home state and cleaned up my act.

>Faggot

soccer

its Fußball btw

Nigger detected

You guys sound like the kind of childish cunts who no one wants to drink with cos you drink way to fast and then proceed to do stupid childish shit cos you think you're cool cos you're drinking. Fuck outta here boyo.

White jew. You lose. Gg tho.

Fell in love.

shill gtfo