Alright Sup Forums please help me out

Alright Sup Forums please help me out
I'm on probation and now I have to blow in this fucking thing at various times to check alcohol content. The problem is, I really wanna get fucked up tonight. Anyone know how long alcohol stays in your breath? I have to test at 7:45 tonight and then at 6 am tomorrow, so I really need to plan this out. Also, General Alcohol Thread

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Why don't you butt chug vodka instead. It won't show up on a breathalyzer that way. You'll get wayyyy more fucked up too.

I do breath alcohol testing for a living. Alcohol fumes will stay in your lungs for about 8 hours. This varies depending on how much you drink. The more you drink, the longer it will stay in your system. 1 beer may last as long as 3 hours.

try this
morning-after.org.uk/?page_id=82

Two words

Desk fan

this. booze enema. but be really careful because it soaks up to your blood stream super super quick compared to drinking. so you can get alcohol poisoning much quicker.

Stop drinking you fucking alcoholic. Smoke a joint

can you blow but with some of filter in between?

Op here I'm actually considering this, how can I do it without dying?

Get someone else who hasnt drank to breathe in it, pay some random guy on the street.

It takes my picture as well

liver metabolizes roughly 1 drink per hour, that is, the alcohol contents of 2cl of a 40% spirit. now do the math

on the off chance you actually are OP and are this retarded, butt chugging alcohol will still show up on a fucking breathalyzer, it doesn't matter how you ingest it

This

OP, I dont know of any filters that would entirely mask the fumes while still allowing enough breath through to be read. Ive had people try to suck charcoal and it didnt work. Do you have to blow zeros, or just below a cerain limit?

20ml*0.4)/10
0.8 Units,

Like 40 minutes + 1 hour to get into bloodstream

putting alcohol in your butt is a good way to die and it ends up in your bloodstream and exhaled regardless.

what'd you do, anyway? I had one of those in my car after my DUI. I wouldn't fuck around with it, you will be royally screwed. do coke or something.

I am that retarded

I got my 6th underage drinking fine so now I'm on probation for it

And yes, butt chugging will show up on a breathalyser. The alcohol goes into your blood, and when your blood enters your lungs to oxygenate the alcohol fumes fill your lungs. This is what is detected.

what the hell did you do to deserve that cruel punishment?

Sooo, what happends if you get caught?
Prison rape?

Most likely, just jail rape though so it isn't that bad

>ingesting feminizing phytoestrogens for every meal

You were never meant to eat so much soy but it's in fucking everything, now we have sissy white men posting their shaved legs on /g

womp womp. well in that case I assume you have to blow 0.0 each time, so...yeah up to you but no way I'd risk that, fuck it

Buy acid instead of booze.

wat

This. The alcohol gets into your breath by entering the lungs through the blood stream. If you put booze in your ass, it will enter your blood stream and then your lungs and come out in your breath. The route of administration is irrelevant.

I don't think you can really risk more than two beers. Maybe three at most if they're 5%.

lol nice, in all seriousness i wouldn't risk it. if you had a .08 at midnight you'd just barely be .00 by 6 AM. if you're trying to get fucked up you'll def still have a balance by then

I'm thinking if I just drink a good amount right after 7:45 and coast from there, I should be in the clear

>7:46pm
>chug entire bottle of vodka

This is cruel and unusual punishment. What did you do to deserve this?

6th underage

haha you must be really dumb, there is no way around that thing, you cant drink, how long do you have to do that? Im sure they got you peeing in a cup too, sucks man...... do nitrous oxide whippets, or mushrooms

...this isn't you, is it

Are you retarded?

Kek no

OP you are a sucker, you are on probation for some misdemeanor shit when you dont have to be

get your PROBATION REVOKED, get a good deal worked out for its revocation with a lawyer. It will involve some prison time, but not much for your dumb crimes, maybe 2 weeks, 1 month worst case but they will probably offer you the ankle bracelet for a month VS probation for 2 years and all your drug tests and shit. If your an alcoholic might as well just do a bit of jail time and get OFF PAPER

i meant to say jail time, not prison*

oh shit i may be retarded

Don't butt chug! Your body releases the majority of it's alcohol out of your breath, doesn't matter how it gets in, comes out of your mouth.

Buy some phenibut and wait till it arrives and get as fucked up as you want. I recommend 1gram as starting dose.

I was thinking about doing that to be honest, but if I have to go to jail, which they said would be 15 days, then I'll lose my job, which is a good one that I really need

Fuck yeah New Glarus.

Exactly i thought that would be the logical thing to do but this fucker has to make it complicated.

No dude. If someone had figured out how to beat it,it would be sold. And then the breathalyzer companies would come up with a new model.

can you do it over weekends? I did weekend jail and it was chill.

Hell yea it's honestly my favorite beer out there

I don't know if this will work 100%, but just listen
>First, DO NOT DRINK YET. THIS ENTIRE PLAN DEPENDS ON NOT DRINKING YET.
>Get a balloon
>Blow it up all the way so that it's full of air
>Clip it or tie it or whatever and save it for later
>Get wasted
When you need to take the breathalyzer, use this balloon, and make more when you're sober. Let me know if it works.

This thread makes jail sound like detention lol

well you will be going to jail anyway for probation violations by drinking or smoking weed eventually, tell the job the situation and if it doesnt work out get another job, this probation could cost you big time down the road

Yea, do this op it totally works

That's fucking genius

maybe you fill up beachball with clean breathe.....
go drink....
use beachball air to blow into tester while drunk....
rinse, repeat when necessary

You do realize breathing balloon air is the same as regular air? There would be no difference.

would you rather be 100% sober for 2 years
or
do 15 days sleeping and reading books and then go back to getting fucked up, pretty easy choice

IT TAKES MY PICTURE NIGGER

What I'm saying is that the balloon will have the sober air in it. OP will take the balloon, put it on the breathalyzer nozzle, and blow the air in. The machine will think that he's sober and he can get fucked up

God damn it you are really convincing me to just drink my heart away tonight and just go to jail

2k17
>not knowing who t1 is

shiiiiiiiiiiit the second one.

Quick google says balloons don't have enough pressure.

Or that breathalyzers have measures against this such as asking to suck in air and shit.

The air will enter his body. All air is sober air until you breathe it in. I hope you're trolling

swallow the balloon and have it fill your throat, trachea, lung cavity, pull air in, push it out into the tester. Then quickly try to remove balloon before you suffocate

If you wake up hung over, eat a burger, then blow. You'll be fine.

no you fucktard, he's blowing the air straight from the balloon into the thing. he's not breathing balloon air and then breathing it out again

it's that simple all you other cunts are retarded

>Low pressure
Then he can squeeze the balloon and make it have the high pressure.
>Suck air in
Shit....hold on I'll come up with something
No no no you're not listening.
The BALLOON will blow the air in. Not OP.

LOL yeah OP do this one

Pour hard liquor into it

That doesn't work. You exhale alcohol from your bloodstream

This machine takes my picture, I have to look into the camera and it has facial recognition. It takes quite a. It of pressure blowing into it to. I think my best bet is timing out my drinking so I blow 0s in the am

Hold up, did I hear
> underage drinking fine
?

Faggot, Sup Forums is for adults! Leave now or enjoy ban!

Put a piece of copper in your mouth when you blow in to the machine and it won't show up

better to get the deal done first, PV time aint gonna count towards time served. Just take the device back to your PO, dont blow in it if you drink, just say you want to revoke and ask for a hearing, hopefully they dont PV you and make you wait in jail untill the revocation hearing.

TLDR: maybe wait until you get the revoke worked out, i dont know how fast the probation will pounce on your for drinking tonight

Drinking age is 21 I'm 19 you fucking faggot

You sure it takes a picture of the nozzle too? You could still blow and have the balloon over the nozzle.

Write fuck you cunts on your forehead before you blow into it again. Do it every time you need to use it. Call them nazis n shit.

Yeah. Drink heavy for an hour or so and then knock it on the head. Easy pass in the morning.

What the fuck? Which retarded piece of shit country do you live in, if I may ask?

does it take your picture while you are blowing or right before you blow?

could try and feed it a balloon of clean air if you can figure out a way to clamp some balloons shut.

It's a meme u dip

>I think my best bet is timing out my drinking so I blow 0s in the am

Or just don't fucking drink?

I don't know how I'm going to do this, but I will somehow manage to make them see my sweet lil peaches

enjoy tasting your own grundle later

Do heroin

>Store clean sample of breath in a bag
>get fucked up
>heat bag slightly
>squeeze bag into machine when test needed

You could shove the tube up your arse and push real hard

Obviously that isn't an option jackass.

If itvwas would he be making this thread dipshit?

Use your fucking head. He is asking how he can drink and still pass the breathalyzer.

What you just did is the equivalent of a little kid asking you to help him with a math problem and your response being, "just don't do it"

How fucking dense are you?

This

fake news

So if it takes your photo then you can't even get someone else to blow into it for you.

I don't think you have any realistic options op.

In case it tests for water vapor and temperature fill a balloon with your breath and heat it up to body temperature before usage.
To circumvent the picture either use a printed picture of you blowing in front of the balloon, or hide a tube from the balloon trough your arm until the nozzle and pretend to blow on it for the picture
Don't forget to tell the story later

>Obviously that isn't an option

It's always an option.

Thanks user, all these pretentious fucks telling me not to drink. I just want a break man

Probably a yank. If you haven't had your stomach pumped by age 16 you are doing something wrong

sounds like the good ol' US of A FUCKIN RIGHT AMERICA OORAH

Your welcome. Dumbasses like him think they're being "smart and witty" but in reality it just makes them unlikeable and annoying to be around.

I live in the US, more specifically, Wisconsin

Stick your anus on it and fart. If they cops say "that's not your mouth that's your anus" tell them you didn't sleep much the night before and offended they're making fun of your appearance

Or just say that you were too drunk to remember.