How do you house break your pet American

How do you house break your pet American

Reflecting: The post

Does anyone know how to train my pet American to use the bidet?

I take mine to the mart at least twice a day but I don't think they would understand a bidet

Tell them that toilet paper is a communist trick to conserve water.

Are vegetables bad for Americans??? I get bad reactions whenever I put one in front of mine. Help??? I noticed he doesn't clap like he usually does in movie theaters or when our plane lands. I'm concerned

Take him to get his shots. 9mm should do

Hi

Americans are highly allergic to vegetables, their body lacks the enzymes to process anything that isn't loaded with HFCS and you risk severely poisoning them. The lack of clapping is their way to show their discomfort, some shots of bacon grease should get it back into shape in a matter of days. If you really want to feed them vegetables, try with pizza, it's not harmful for them as long as enough HFCS is mixed with the dough and there is enough cheese on top

Thank you so much! Thought I was gonna have to take him into the clinics for immediate foreskin re-attachment surgery

My American apparently went after my neighbours kids foreskin. Might have to put him down lads.

Why would you do that, you sick bastard? That would limit their freedom.

Thought getting him snipped might be the crux of the problem. Thankfully the Italian told me a steady diet of processed cheese and high fructose corn syrup will fix him right up to regain his enthusiastic clapping and shiny lard coat.

This meme makes my wee wee feel funny.

DOWN BOY

All of you fucking foreign faggots are posting American memes, on an American image board, while speaking American.

>American memes
Nope
>on an American image board
It's Japanese, both in concept and ownership
>while speaking American
It's English.

Now, get back to your cage, or no deep-fried bacon dipped in HFCS caramel for you at launch

Behave or I'll bring out the collar

Throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball

Did you leave this American out in the open to shit everywhere? Shame on you, get it under control.

delet

...

Yes, I'm deeply sorry. To teach him a lesson, I'll confiscate all his dick water until tomorrow

Reee

Your mom confiscated muh dik water last night irish boi

Then I'll take away your mobility scooter, so you'll stop getting outside the house without asking first

Honestly I don't blame you, finding it harder and harder to go unbothered while taking my American for a walk in the mart. Apparently their presence really bothers people when we let them indoors.

What is best food for an American? I wanted to increase its Big Mac diet, but ive heard KFC is better for some?

It all depends on how much you want them to feel comfortable in the winter. Big macs make their coats very shiny and robust. Sometimes I cave and will treat them to a bucket of chicken though.

Silence beast

that depends on the colour of their hide, black americans need more grease while lighter americans need more HFCS

It got a hard time tackling winter anyway, not even a cm of snow and it starts clapping and dancing, even got the nerve to think it could laze around all day

Makes sense, its a pretty mixed breed, with several "heritages"

I've been telling people, once you own an American it's imperative you give them their only exercise. Fapping to interracial porn is key to an Americans happiness and upper body strength. They get lazy without it.

>more HFCS
This. This is basically all they consume in their natural habitat.

Stop American abuse

Without this fapping to interracial porn I notice they lose their clapping strength.

Does it really matter what brand of cola I get him? I've heard some will just buy the cheap stuff in bulk because they essentially have no taste and can't actually tell the difference if it's unlabled

Keep the stereotypes true at least fag

It doesn't matter, their preferred brands tend to be the cheapest already however

As you can see here gentlemen, the American feels ashamed and has his tail between his legs so to speak. He knows he's done something wrong but can't quite figure it out on his own. We have to be supportive and compassionate to our pet Americans.

I forgot my phone wasn't using a proxy...

>being this much of a cuck

Howling

Howling

...

Are you talking about pets as in animals or "pets"?

I found the thread funny, besides America is literally on the way to becoming Brazil 2.0

At least you know your place and have been housebroken. Good boy.

I beat mine

Mine keeps shouting "MAGA" at random times, why does he do this and how can I break him of the habit?

maybe try feeding him less Mexican food?

I don't, he hates Mexican food for some reason, doesn't touch the stuff.

it's their way of asking for a bigger cage
you should buy him one, don't be cruel

placing that cage next to a southern-facing wall might also be a good idea

Most Americans have at least 32 heritages
You can identify the most prominent by taking it with more Americans, they segregate themselves

Lost hard

this thread is pure gold

kek

Can you help me identify my breed of American? He's obsessed with shamrocks and the colour green?

Mine does that too, it's a majestic white male (over 150 kg and still growing!!), yet for some reason it's always angry.

I know i should have left him at the shop. I have a lot of experience keeping pet Belgians, but the American is really a different breed altogether.

>it's a majestic white male
ooohh I hear that breed is dying out.

150kgs is a healthy weight for a pet American, but because there are no Purebreeds, you're able to grow them bigger than normal. Mine is on an all protein diet to bulk up and keep the house safe while I'm away.

It has the most horrible sounding bark though. Whenever I leave it alone, it complains about not having dangerous weapons. According to my Vet, Americans need a lot of love to wean them off their dangerous behaviour. If they aren't cared for psychologically, they might end up shooting you.

>it's a majestic white male
One in a thousand. How much do you think it would go for in the market?

>they might end up shooting you

They only do this if you don't get them shot at least once every five years. There are some great places disguised as human schools which provide this favor for you.

i hope one day i get adopted by an israelite

Awww, he thinks he's free

can you get israel to post in this thread?

Isreal is busy running an American shelter

>when your Italian master tries to feed you vegetables

*shits on the floor*

Eat the fucking salad

For fuck sakes, can't even wait till we take you to the mart?

If your nearest shart mart is too far away, consider going to a plop shop. They're not as fancy, but at least they're more numerous.

We are still a majority

Maybe in interracial porn consumption statistics

They are, by far

Hey, I'm moving to a new house near to a school and I'm worried about my american having a violent reaction to it. Has anyone got any tips?

Welp, I keep mine busy by turning on CNN, History Channel and such. Keeps him still for hours.

Hmmm, I don't want to mentally stress him out too much by forcing him to think though

That's why you only show him American television, it's explicitly made to lull them into a state of apathetic calmness

Can I give my american something other than burgers? Burgers are too expensive these days.

Hi

A tip I learned is to stop using actual beef in your burgers and substitute any dead birds or roadkill you find on the street. As long as it looks like a burger your American will wolf it down happily!