ITT post crimes you have committed

>ITT post crimes you have committed

These dubs

Didn't call OP a faggot when he deserved it.

Groped a lady's tits, said it was an accident

Got yelled at but it was worth it

stole a Jew's harp

smoked weed everyday

I was born

Once lifted a pack of gum from a gas station 2 decades ago

Listing crimes I've been caught for:
>disturbing the peace for fighting in school
>felony 3rd degree assault for throwing a kid through a mirror on an escalade and then beating his head in so bad he had a concussion and was bleeding. He raped my sister so I went to his house and waited for him to get home.
>speeding ticket for going 27 over the limit while passing a nigger

Crimes I've done but was never charged for
>possession of marijuana
>DWI due to marijuana
>possession of a controlled substance (former opioid addict)
>street racing
>wreckless endagerment
>Assault with a deadly weapon 4th degree ( threatened a nigger with a knife but never stabbed him, so it goes as a 4th degree charge)
>distribution of a controlled substance (opioids)
>vandalism of a motor vehicle
>vandalism of other property
>running from the police

I'm a bad egg lel. Can't stop won't stop

Ran a red light on accident once

Attempted assassination of Curtis Hanson

And then Chris Hansen.

watched Sup Forums 10 years ago

>be me Christmas time
>I was 6
>wanted the chocolate coins
>go to the stocking stuffer aisle at walmart
>grab a bag of those creamy chocolate coins
>cart is full of presents and groceries
>stuff it in my pocket
>forget about it
>take off my coat in my room
>chocolate coins fall out
>o shit
>panic
>can't tell parents because stealing is bad
>instead enjoy the coins
>guilty_pleasure.jpg

Had a DUI. Only crime I've been caught for (aside from some speeding tickets).

Nigga i got you beat

Committed crimes:
Molested a dude
Molested a chick
Sold weed
Sold coke
Pulled a knife on multiple niggas
Pulled a gun on a nigga
Beat the fuck out of multiple niggas
Multiple speeding tickets
Drove under the influence multiple times
Did coke shrooms weed lsd heroin crack
Smuggled and sold black market cigarettes
Multiple counts of theft

U a good kid man. U aint that bad.

the absolute madman

Fuck i forgot over 200 sessions with prostitutes women and trannies

>illegal hunting
>vandalism (broke some windows from my school)
>racism
>terrorism (i tried to set fire to an old church, chickened when the fire began to spread, called the fire department and ran)
>possibly made my cousin kill himself after telling some truths in his face, it was worth it tbh, he was a 30yo useless faggot

never got charged for anything

I talked to a friend about a baseball game I saw without the express written consent of Major League Baseball

your post sounds like a typical rap song.

made poops outside once

Crimes I've committed or crimes I've been charged with?

Committed
>Speeding
>Reckless driving
>Driving under the influence
>Attempted manslaughter with a vehicle
>Breaking and entering
>Possession of marijuana
>Drinking underage
>Illegal gambling
>Not reporting all income to the government
>Illegally hunting/fishing
>Theft under a 1,000

I'm sure there's more. Crimes I've been charged with?
>Use of a control substance
Oddly enough, I never once in my life consumed one of the pills I had in my car. Due to a poor choice of words I ended up with a felony charge. Thankfully it was reduced to a misdemeanor.

Missionary sex only

and only for the purposes of procreation

>socks on

I went out naked on the middle of a sidewalk and started jacking off. Don't remember how I got there, but all I remember is getting a misdemeanor and my brother laughing his ass off when he came down to the police station.

I totally used whole milk when I should've used skim milk in this bitches order of coffee last week.

ok
>be me
>2004
>all alone
>chewing gum
>throws wrapper
>arrested for 5 years
aren't I a badass?

Is incest a crime ?

>molested a chick

that's rapping a minor

Aiding and abetting Human Trafficking, jaywalking and High treason

I've sailed the salty seas of the web. I've pillaged and plundered torrent movies at the good old bay of pirates. Who am I? I'm c4pt4!n j4ck sp4rr0w m'lady.

Sold pirated software to kids while I was in middle school., all thanks to my dad's CD burner and a stack of CD-R's. I think I made about $500 in profit.

I robbed a KFC once.

I once went 2 miles per hour over the speed limit.

Theft, wire fraud, all kinds of drugs, illegal weapons but not guns, assault, perjury, and attempted murder but I did time for that

Maximo autismo here, shot about 20 pigeons with an air gun from my balcony in a residential area. With 3 schools and a playground less than a half mile off.

>I shot a donkey

some asshole kid threatened me with a knife in a grocery store, so i took the knife. a few days later we found him shitting around a park so i took his shoes and threw them away in a breakfast joint

I smoke weed and pirate shit. Hardcore shit, right?

>Got mayonnaise AND mustard on a Whataburger.

I used excessive force in self defense. Basically killed a guy for giving me a cut on my lower lip I could've gotten while shaving.

Cought: tresspassing
Not cought: stole lots of stuff from convenient stores, possession of all kinds of substances, use of all kinds of substances, distribution, underage drinking, choked someone out in a (more like strangled)

I've never paid for any digital product my entire life. I pirate all my games, movies, etc.

I have never been formally charged with or even been caught committing a crime. However, some crimes I have committed are:

>Indecent exposure (went streaking in a parking lot, major streets, and around my university's math and hospitality business buildings)
>driving without a license or permit
>speeding
>underage drinking
>pirating music
>pirating movies
>jaywalking
>trespassing on county land
>trespassing on private property
>smuggling
>possession of pizza (deleted it the next day, still disgusted with myself)
>illegal u-turn
>littering
>illegal use of the carpool lane

That's why you do it at 2:17 in the morning when no one is driving around. I dropped trow in the middle of an intersection and didn't get caught that way.

>High treason
Wha...?

Oh yeah, and illegal trash burning.

This reply was a crime in itself.

Used to go ding dong ditching.

That's not criminal. That's delicious.

In some states.

I jay walked yesterday to catch the bus. I would've missed it waiting on the crosswalk sign to let me cross

tried to assist destabilizing my government years ago in favor of a more pro-west/america one had to run away when they found out but they got toppled for pro western one eventually. New government cleared all the charges of those involved

kek

Entered a porn site, when i was a minor.

>terrorism
>set fire to a church
Pretty sure that's just felony arson, user. No Gitmo for you.

Drinken and driven multiple times as well as possessing alcohol at a young age

>graffiti
>buying, and possessing marijuana
>underage drinking
>lit a fucking chair on fire

I've never stolen from a store in my life, but I've considered stealing lighters and what not.

Are you from Rwanda or something?

Haven't been caught for anything -yet-

>Imported illegal goods into my country
>forged a dozen or so documents to avoid certain tax situations
>lied about various things to multiple federal agents
>counterfeit certain items (wont go into details as to what they are) and sold to various people as the real thing
>stole from 2 chain stores that I worked at, only stole merchandise but atleast $30,000 worth over a period of 2 years

Last ones are kind of beta and hardly a real crime

>hit an exgirlfriend
>drank and drive countless times
>drove without insurance for a year or so
>made death threats over the phone to someone in highschool (cops involved but no charges pressed - so guess I kinda got caught)

Not on here. Please share.

Agree 100%. Texas fags really look down on it though. It's my guilty pleasure.

I've jaywalked before

Shouldve stabbed that nigger
Then there wouldve been nobody to rat you out

Oh yeah and I almost forgot
>possession and detonation of illegal fireworks
>legit made a bomb once
4'th of July is my favorite holiday.

>attempted murder

Story?

>counterfeit various items
You sold oregano to middle schoolers, didn't you.

I downloaded music from limewire, does that count?

i bought a mac

Yes, copyright law is still law.

Nothing to do with drugs
Faked material items
I did it for a year while I had neet status
Got really good at it and still do it to some extent

I turned $1.50 into $475 successfully last month

I've downloaded some videogames and movies and TV shows. I've run red lights a couple times. I murdered my mom's boyfriend and they called it a suicide.

How;s Scheveningen prison treating you?

Might as well
>be 22 at the time
>biloxi
>hispanic
>tough times due to dropping out of college to help out sick mom
>dad died 3 years prior left us in heavy debt.
>min wage job and mom is bedridden
>blacksheep all throughout highschool
>good grades just hung out with shit crowd(racist bunch)
>dont have a problem with blacks juat niggers
>get in touch with them
>ayo boy we can help
>basically sell cheap crack to rednecks or start robbing
>decide to start robbing
>first time i ever did anything like that
>they set up a date and where to meet. During the whole meeting im wtfing
>only weapon i have is my dads old .22
>bring 22 get yelled at for being a noob
>get handed glock (feel like a nigger)
>hit up some mom and pop chicken stop
>whole thing lasts about 8 mins
>point my gun at several people. Never finger on trigger
>get away and innna woods
> split up about 800 dollars between three people.
>i get about 175 because im new
>fuck this
>me and moms move to Jacksonville Florida with parents
>work at tourist hotel now making adequate cash
>made local news
>never got caught

I take it your mom's boyfriend had dirt on Hillary Clinton then? If so, you're doing God's work, user.

>buying/using drugs
>underage drinking
>speeding
>driving with passengers before being 18
That's about it desufampai

Jaywalking for days.

>Speeding
>Illegal downloading
>Possession and taking of dugs
>Dealing dugs
>Driving under dugs
>Shop lifting
>Driving without cover + tax
>Drink driving

Basically everything that involves dugs and driving, only ever been charged speeding though.

Also been tailed by police driving with and on shit that would have you in prison fairly quickly.
>know your streets nigga

No he was just a horrible person, beat my mom and molested my sister. He abused drugs so it was easy to make him overdose.

>wreckless
Oh no. It's retarded.

Man that ain't shit I got you both beat.
I did this once

Disposing of a body
Felony arson
Vehicular assault
Dui

Did you hit a dog user?

>he was a useless faggot
Coming from the pussy who started a fire and called the cops on himself. Faggot

Assault on a police officer November 2015 and again in January 2016 but x2

>trespass abandoned building 9000x
>ran a few red lights
>street racing
>use fireworks in a ban state
>dude weed bro
>streaking/public nudity
>running from police when I was 15
>walking along train tracks
>petty theft
>plagiarism
>pirating
>underage drinking
>identity theft

>Dui
you irresponsible piece of shit

You'all fucked!!

The fuck is wrong with you

No, got drunk and smashed into a bunch of cars.

I meant the disposing of a body

>possession/use of weed
>possession/use of shrooms
>possession/use amphetamine
>trespassing
>pirating games
>running from the cops

that's about it tbh

Nice try FBI

No, helping out a friend who got into some shit.

please FBI do something!!!

One time I intentionally the jug of chocolate milk...

>racism
kek

you mean like this?

I once put Ketchup on my well done steak.

In 1992-93 I made 2C-B, TMA-2, Mescaline, Amphetamine Sulfate, and the Propylamine analog of PCP. Could have made MDMA but couldn't get the precursor aldehyde.

That's the one

yeah no one crime I did is a felony charge so fuck off no one was hurt or ever knew but still