Stupidest shit youve done while horny

Stupidest shit youve done while horny

Masturbated in maths class..

Got a girlfriend

i let a guy continue to suck my dick after he spit out blood. idk whos blood it was but i dick feels fine.

Took pictures of my younger sisters vagoo while she was asleep.

post em

Let a dude sit on my dick raw in a public toilet while I sucked off a security guard

>incoming fifty "POST IT, FAGGOT" posts

Fuck off freak

Had sex with this 13 y/o who was really into me. I was getting serious with another girl at the time so kind of feel like I cheated. I'm still dating the girl to this day. She knows it happened though

do it as long as she isnt underage

He said little sister, agewqs not indicated, could be 30yo

Shes cool with you fucking a child? Weird.

>fuck off freak
implying that taking picture of your younger sister's vag doesn't make you a freak

I'm 18 the girl is I fucked is still friends with both of us.

Used pic related as lube while fapping when I was an intern at a car dealer. I masturbated in the tire warehouse.

Did this for straight 2 weeks every day until everyone wondered where the engine oil went. I believe I was the main suspect because everyone knew I was watching porn on my mobile phone, devices get mobitored using their wifi.

I think it's because she was cheating on me at the time. But I have no proof

Wouldnt the oil hurt?

>takes pictures of sisters vagina while she's asleep
>fuck off freak

You're a fucking retarded bag of shit.

No, only uncomfortable thing was that the warehouse wasn't heated. It was winter and it was fucking -10°C. Try to get a boner with icecold engine oil

I masturbated. Glad it's out...

>try to get a boner with icecold engine oil
>icecold engine oil
>engine oil

...

Jesus Christ dude, how do you even get it up in those conditions? Why not just wait until you get home?

...

bought thigh highs like a faggot and tried cancelling my order after fapping but was too late for some dumb reason

Fucked your mom and had you... check em

Use my girlfriends dildo when she's not home

Tried to do a facial, but I had fapped the night before do I hardly had any cum so instead of shooting into her face it sadly fell into her shirt staining it.

Underpromise and over deliver:
Not the other way.

>15
>virgin
>three 10/10 secretaries with tight mini skirts

Everytime I was these asses my balls started boiling.

Nearly raped a girl.

Feel like shit

lmfao something similar happened to me, too.

after fuck she wants it in her face, she gets on knees, i jerk it. somehow I don't shoot, i just drip it on her vag. she was mad as fuck

Fucked a subwoofer

Howd it feel pham

You were one horny motherfucker, weren't you? One glimpse away from being a public masturbator

>Try to get a boner with icecold engine oil

I turned on some hardbass and it was the fastest nut i ever had, my balls were vibrating

engine oil fag here.
In fact I "fapped" in puclic regulary when I was 13 or 14. On the ride back home from school on te subway I out my bad on my lap and started twitching my dick. I managed to cum that was. If you wonder how I was able to cum:
>13
>male puberty
>just seeing a female specimen gives you a boner

dude cmon dont be a pussy just post them

convinced myself I'm not gay and a total alpha imposing my will on the class faggot while I fucked him raw at a party

Everything listed was age 13 and below, so I was on those hormones real hard.

>Masturbated with mustard as lube
>Fucked stuffed animals with hole cut in crotch
>Used moms dildo anally, was too big to fit
>Dressed up in girls clothes and pretended I was a chick while I jerked it, was horny virgin at this point and really wanted to see a girl naked, so it was the next best thing
>Took videos of myself cumming, regrats afterward
>Learned how to suck myself off, immediate regret cumming into my mouth
>printed out pictures of naked women off porn sites (early days of internet, dial up). I cut them out like paper dolls to fit into a shoe box. My mom found them and thought I was some kind of serial killer in the making

more?

retarded auto correct, minimum autism version

engine oil fag here.
In fact I "fapped" in puclic regulary when I was 13 or 14. On the ride back home from school on the subway I put my bag on my lap and started twitching my dick. I managed to cum that way. If you wonder how I was able to cum:
>13
>male puberty
>just seeing a female specimen gives you a boner

i sucked myself off and didnt regret cumming into my own mouth

lost my sides there

I can't do it as an adult anymore, but I remember feeling a lot of regret and disgust immediately when I orgasmed and cum into my mouth.

It didn't stop me from doing it though, I did it for years until I got a gf to suck me off regularly. Then I kinda just lost the talent.

I always wondered what would happen if you gave a 12/13/14 year old boy in his puberty getting a boner on slightly round objects one or two months in a hotel with sex slaves doing everything he wants. Would he fuck himself to death?

Go to the doctor and ask him to finger your prostate. You'll get an answer about your blood and a free orgasm to go with it.

Checked

we got a potential rapist here.

Well, I lost my virginity at 14 to my gf, and we fucked pretty frequently but not enough to cause any damage.

But sex slaves? maybe. If you had put 13 year old me in a room with a bunch of hot asian chicks I could boss around I probably would have died.

>Masturbated with mustard as lube
But why? Why fucking mustard? Just use butter the way 13 year old me did.

he probably would

Same here. Fuck.

I remember two reasons:

We didn't have other condiments in the house (needed to go shopping)

and

I thought the mustard might be spicy and therefore kinda warm on my dick. It was not.

Invited a drunk, homeless woman to my apartment and fucked her.

greentext pls

Stuck dick in end of 2lt come bottle and had to go to emergency room to have it removed. the worst part i had a condom on and i had cummed so there was this dangling droop of cum at the end of the condom. they basically cut the bottle and greased my dick up and pushed it out

bareback skank with kid because she got off on getting cummed in and her hallway was #rekt

>feels bad man

I could literally have an 16 year old kid. one of you fucking cunts could be my kid. FUCK

had sex with a girl on her period, with a tampon in her vagina. my dick hurt for like a month afterwards.

called it nice and smoothly

define frequently.

When I was 17 my first gf was 16. After I popped dat cherry we fucked every single day at least 3 times. What would I give to be young again.

Videotaped my gf, while she was "sleeping" tapeed her cleavage, when I finished she opened her eyes and confronted me about it, we broke up a few days after, she didn't tell anyone though :)
> she was a bitch, no touching, no anything
> i was horny af

not having a foreskin
>this is what happens

>be 13 years old
>horny and retarded
>put peanut butter on dick and approach pet dog
>dog licks dick nicely
>everythingisgoingbetterthanexpected.png
>dad catches me
>still have PTSD from all the shit him and my mom did to me after that

I didn't even get to cum, man.

Put toothpaste on my dick, microwaved a grape fruit and cut a hole in it then fucked it. Probably worse combination, my balls and dick were stinging and burning for about 5 days. After it the skin on my balls was all rigged and peeled.

me too, worst mistake ever, i fucking hate my life and i'm depressed everyday

>6 years old
>watching a commercial for Barbie on Teletoon.
>all of those blonde, thin plastic girls got me frisky.
>Later that night, sister falls asleep
>take all of the barbie dolls around her room
>no barbie left behind
>I thought Ken was a muscular girl so I brought him too
>undressed each of them and licked the little bumps where their boobs should be
>confused as to why Ken's boobs were flat and square
>oh well, boobs are boobs
>Mom walks in
>she sees a naked barbie on every extremity of my also naked body
>Ken's cock right in my face
>They put a lock on my sister's door
>I was never allowed to go in
>my sister threw away all of her barbies

well..almost all of them

lol dump a bitch and go post in feels thread you faggot

damn dude

>be 13
>haven't fapped for 3 days
>that's an eternity when in puberty
>decide to jack off
>first time using lube, some nivea creme or something like that
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>wowholyshitthatgood.gif
>cum in less than a minute
>end up masturbating probably 10 times that day, lost count due to orgasm extase
>dick hurt for straight one week, couldn't tell anyone because pure shame

>dad catches me

ohhh shit mayte

>dumping her because i'm depressed as fuck because of her
fuck off, i'm gonna slam her pussy for a few more years

Haram

I think i remember you. Didnt you write greentext about twitching your dick under a bag a while ago in one of these threads?

you're trying too hard to fake a story

yeah I finished up, sense returns and I start freaking out a little
she is like what's wrong
I'm like that was my first bareback and you know I'm a little worried
she's like don't worry I'm on the pill, see?
>pulls out pill wheel and pops one in her mouth like it's a tictac

that's when I really started to sweat because THAT ISN'T HOW THE FUCKING PILL WORKS

pic unrelated

that'll work out foshur

waste your wonder years while you fuck the same girl who starts to get so comfortable with you she doesn't even shower every day anymore

I want more info

I got caught once and my reaction was worthy of the golden autism award
>fapping in my room when I was like 16
>didn't even hear mom walk up the stairs, usually the floor boards creek a little
>this time they didn't, she waltzes right into my room
>luckily under covers, but it's was obvious I was rubbing one off
>make an orgasm noise and say "oh fuck this eczema is itchy"
>she looks my dead in the eye
>"you don't even have eczema"
>walks out
>mfw
>mfw I have no face
We did not speak of it. Pretty sure she forgot, I haven't tho.

On what?

This made me kek hard. Is that actually one of the barbies you had so much fun with?

sorry senpie

I've done this.

Jerked off and jizzed on my own face with a vibrating Batman toothbrush up my ass. Yeah.

FUCKING CHECKD

Need more info of this incident

We're the gods pleased?

> be 15
> playing rotmg in my room (mmorpg)
> "that huntress looks sexy af"
> searches for rotmg porn
> get into a random website
> itstime.jpg
> start to furiously masturbate
> fuck yeah
> dad walks in the room without knocking
> i fall off the fucking chair while screaming like a fucking banshee
> he sees my weird porn window
> closes the door without saying anything
> i don't go out of my room for the rest of the day
> next day after school i had a parental control app installed in my pc
> no more rotm porn for me

ate a fat hookers ass and pussy

was it yours?
were teeth brushed with it after?

@744422321

That's so gay.

>foam mattress
>cut hole in it
>every night id take the half of the wood slates off my bed so my mattress would be on an angle where i cut the whole so it will feel like I'm fucking a girl doggy style
>grab freezer bag and put shampoo in it
>stick it in the hole
>stick dick into freezer bag of shampoo in hole in foam mattress
>fuck it almost every night
>we end up moving homes
>mum is moving my bed
>"whats this hole user"
>i hide my pocket money in it
>she sticks her finger in it
>cringe
>new house and i still fuck it
>dad comes in one day while my dicks in it
>"what are you doing to your bed user get up now and put the other wood slates back in"
>panic
>slide down bed and pull blanket over hole and tell him ill do it after

remembering back my bed always squeaked i wonder if they heard it

Yes I did.

...

Put peanut butter on my balls but forgot my dog died of cancer and got really sad and cried myself to sleep.

Preach

Fucked a nasty whore off Craigslist. Like 300 pounds and no good features. I'm 9/10 fit fag. Also laid pipe to this girl with ms in a wheel chair. My least proudest moments

>be 17 years old
>be big amphetamine/meth user
>have a couple girls hitting on me
>be very impulsive because thats what amp's do
>girls are not very hot but i say its free pussy
>one is fat blond land whale
>brown skinned fat-ish nerd
>anemic ass weird bitch
>none are ideal
> meth makes me horny as fuck
>one day while tweeking go for the bone on blondie
>success
>pants are off
>kek...
>meth=no erection
>tell her situation
>she doesnt like hard drugs
>gossip spreads
>now everyone thinks i have a tiny ass dick (when i say no boner i mean your penis is shriveled up like if you where naked in a snow storm)
>everyone knows my drug use
>teachers find out
>get my shit searched at school
>RIP that 1 gram of weed
>RIP reputation
>RIP my family
>RIP all 3 girls and everyone else avoided me like the plague
>only friends where my druggy friends


thank god that was near the end of senior year

>Stuck something up my ass and it got stuck.
>Had to go to the hospital.

Wtf