Im about to turn 21 and i never had a job, dropped out of highschool after finishing 9th grade because of depression

im about to turn 21 and i never had a job, dropped out of highschool after finishing 9th grade because of depression.
i dont know what to do from here i dont have the balls to kill myself, i spend weeks without talking to anyone, and i never leave my house.
I dont even know why im making this thread i guess i just want to talk to someone in a similar situation

Same except 10th grade here. Never saw the point and my social anxiety keeps me in the house.

exactly,the worst part is knowing it will only get worse if we dont change as soon as possible.
how old are you?

22, don't really care anymore, something in life will happen eventually to either kill me or change me. Until then I can't be bothered to care

do you live with your parents?

Yeah, can't really pay for anything myself. Therapy doesn't help me and I won't take meds.

same, tried all kinds of therapy for 6 years and the last meds i tried made me alucinate so never again

You can improve, but you choose not to?

funny

Why?

I know rite? such horrid things. Maybe one day something will change but for now I'll keep waking up to another pointless day and laugh at normies

i guess its a choice, but you cant really understand why i chose that if you never went trough something similar.
i just dont see the point in life, so obviously i have 0 motivation to do anything.

as much as i hate normies i envy them a lot

I used to but don't anymore. Living like they do would make me sick

it wouldnt make you sick because you would be a normie and you would be blind to the truth about life and live like a robot

Better off dead

0 motivation in everything but posting pictures of $crim;) just kidding mate, I hope everything gets better. Patience brings out the best things in life no matter how hard you have to remain cool about it. There is light at the end of the tunnel, trust me. Stay strong my dude

thanks man, i dont really see it that way though, i think things will probably only get worse since now i still have a roof and food.

a lot of people do the bare minimum of what they need to do to survive. your parents letting you live with them comfortably forever is enabling that.
you need to get out and figure out yourself, your interests and passions, and where you find it valuable enough to spend your energy.
you may know you have a lot of potential yourself, but dont want to waste it, so you stay stuck.
people change their majors, start college late, or whatever in life, and don't do shit till their 28-30. it's not too late.

what about the anxiety that keeps me inside my house? and the days i spend in my bed without moving or eating just wanting to die..

Fake your death, move to alaska, live in the wild

if its social anxiety, do something with no people like camping or road tripping. anxiety is pretty broad and I can't tell you how to deal with it in general, other than try to have good intentions, build yourself so you know you're worth more than what your anxieties are telling you, and don't give a shit about what anyone else thinks unless it's positive to you.
if your anxiety is from being worthless, make yourself worth something.
if you're staying in bed because you dont kow what else to do, find something. if you have a car, just drive somewhere at night

>something in life will happen eventually to either kill me or change me.

No, it will not. You'll just die in your house.

I often feel the same way OP. Somehow I keep going though, and I hope hope whatever youre going though gets better, m80

its just low self esteem from being in my room for almost 7 years, i dont know how to do anything or how to associate with others, i feel so inferior to others

How about growing a pair of balls and stop being so pathetic? If you have no self esteem start working towards something. Your life wont Just magically get better by itself. Start working out get a hobby and fake self confidence until you get it

Turned I8 a few months ago myself. I have never had a job either and all I really have is vidya and art to keep me going
I'm too anxious to drive a car, let alone get a job. I could do commissions, but I doubt my skill could carry that.

This. Worked out for me and I was in a similar situation, maybe even worse.

OP here when i was 18 all i did was play games but that doesnt last long, they will start getting really boring and pointless,
i got my driver license at 18 but never drove again, got too scared.

i want to start working out but theres no gym near me

The sooner you start to realize you are not special, that no one really cares and that how ever hard you try you won't amount to shit, the sooner you will grow the fuck up and do you job as just another working bee.

Kill yourself. Don't. The world will go on regardless. Drop the unreasonably high expectaions you have on life. Everyone are fucking miserable, every waking hour of their day, and if they say anything else, they are full of shit. Most of us don't let us be broken by the monotony of life the way all these "depressed" shit eating kids. Stop being so fucking entitled, the world isn't here to entertain you.

buy a dumbbell or two