Crime Thread

Crime Thread

Tell stories of times you committed crimes.

Other urls found in this thread:

cnsnews.com/news/article/oregon-man-sentenced-30-days-jail-collecting-rainwater-his-property
thecannabist.co/2017/07/26/kansas-swat-style-weed-raid-lawsuit/84594/
abcnews.go.com/US/vegetable-garden-brings-criminal-charges-oak-park-michigan/story?id=14047214
chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/midwest/ct-hydroponic-tomato-garden-police-raid-20170729-story.html
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

when i was a 16 i had a cigarette with one of my friend's at a bus stop.

go to jail you criminal degenerate.

>>be me 18
>>had to go to work
>>On my way there is a crosswalk that cars just ignore.
>>walks a little down from the crosswalk and jaywalks across the street
TLDR: I am a fuckin badass.

When I was in 4th grade, me and my brother stole this kid's Gameboy SP. He asked us and we just said we didn't have it. He knew we had it though but we just said we didn't and went off the bus with it.

I once went 15 in a 10 mile an hour speed limit trailer park, like 20 times. The po po never caught me.

Pimped out a girl I met on POF.

One time. I spilled a man's chocolate milk... On purpose!

This one time in college when I was 19, I had consensual sex with a 16 year old girl. Technically, though, I raped her.

You are a fucking monster

i stole a pack of starbursts at the supermarket when i was 6

Absolute mad man.

I hate myself.

>Tell stories of times you committed crimes.

Evening Officer

>Shopped magazine

>In a tube fed shotgun

i eat the grapes before i buy them

There's a chink shotty that is a mag-fed pump.

I sat down during the pledge at school and got in trouble for insubordination.

Robbed 2 gas stations at 17 and went to boot camp 5 years probation fuck you

My Uzi sometimes fires two rounds with a single trigger pull.
That's 15 years in Federal prison or something.

I bought a lottery ticket from one of those vending machines when I was 8

I jizzed in a little 10 year old's frosting for her cake. The furious years of fapping to those birthday pics was immense.

Stole pizza from my roommate tonight

Nice try F.B.I

>kroger brand pizza

Didn't pay after a cab ride. He drove me to a hotel, and I said I needed to get something and I'd be back down to him, I walked up the steps and went to the other side of the hotel so he couldn't see what room I went in and then I just didn't go back down. He sent me a bunch of angry messages.

I R Fagit

Hilarious commentary! Holy shit! For real! "Nice try F.B.I."? That's fucking amazing!! Did you come up with that? That's incredible! It's like... you took something that OP said and turned it on its head! Hahahaha hahahaha you are a fucking comedic genius! Hahahahahaha hahahaha

An hero dude! Fucking do it!

> be bougie faggot

> eat bagel bites

> pretend to be superior

> cry to parents for the next video game

Or just a slamfire because it's a kike piece of shit

You'll be lucky to afford Kroger brand pizza when you become an adult. Enjoy your crippling college debt. Haha

i go streaking in my neighborhood pretty often

Nice, try AT... fuck

U gel?

I downloaded a car

>FBI agent being salty as fuck

>be me some years ago 16
>Go with a friend to an abandoned factory complex about 150km from my home
>We start doing stupid shit with steel wool and lighter fluid
>The abandoned Warehouse we are in catches fire
>We get the fuck away from there
The morning after it was written on the newspaper that the warehouse had burned down

> totally original shitposter being self righteous

Was 26 and had a sexual relationship with a 12 year old

>be me
>8
>had a lot of candy bars to sell for faggot baseball team I was on
>basically slave labor
>ate one without paying the dollar for it
I need to be stopped

This seems like a true story.

Source: pixels and shoops

i shot a man in reno just to watch him die

Details pl0x

Man that's some purge-tier shit right there.

If the purge was real I would be afraid of you you fucking psycho.

Worst crime I ever committed was fighting illegally and fraudulently assigned tickets by police. Also growing food/weed/collecting rainwater. Equal crimes in the eyes of the state.

its illegal to grow food?

I can't help myself :[ I'll get him another one tomorrow. Hopefully he doesn't want it for breakfast...

I killed most of the pets in my neighborhood

OK. I'll come clean and admit it.
*takes a deep breath*
*starts to cry*
I Shot Abraham Lincoln in that theater... I then tossed the gun on one of the actors and ran out.

When i was 13yo my best friend let me rape his 10yo sister for 20.00. Went on for 2 years.

Dude I stole like 5 GBA sp's back in the day. Kids were stupid and they would just leave them around charging. I was like holy shit free Gameboys.

cnsnews.com/news/article/oregon-man-sentenced-30-days-jail-collecting-rainwater-his-property

thecannabist.co/2017/07/26/kansas-swat-style-weed-raid-lawsuit/84594/

abcnews.go.com/US/vegetable-garden-brings-criminal-charges-oak-park-michigan/story?id=14047214

chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/midwest/ct-hydroponic-tomato-garden-police-raid-20170729-story.html

I cashed a fake check one time using my employers checking info.

I lit the corner of a slide on a huge plastic playground and left. When I came back a couple hours later it was a huge pool of bubbling plastic and tanbark. whole playground melted.

Ok, the truth is, I am the hacker known as Russia who put Donald Trump in office.

Jesus really? You want us to confess to criminal activity here of all places???

Remember only a fool would take anything posted here as fact
> do burglaries semi regular
> hearts not in it but need the money
> case a house for a couple days
> confirm its empty
> enter 5am Sunday morning snoop around downstairs
> climb stairs
> in hallway look into first bedroom
> see a woman asleep on the bed
> lying on her back wearing lingerie
> nope the fuck out of there so fast
> scared the crap out of me, decided that was way too close time to go straight

one time i purchased a child's ticket on public transport

I also grow weed in my house. Pay off my neighbors with smoking session. Easily 15 years

I don't know where to start, even if I wanted to.

You FUCKING nigger. Black ass nigger

Should have fucked her

RP is a faggot

Confirmed

When I was 13......
* Inhales deeply *
I told an adult website I was at least 18...

Nice try

I stole money regularly from my abusive father

Did you work with anyone or just do it on your own? And what kind of stuff would you steal, TVs?

Despicable.

The US founding fathers were concerned about threads like this. So they passed the 5th amendment to the Constitution. God Bless the USA!

...

I used to go in the gas station, take some cheddar cheese crackers, walk in the back with it, put it in my pockets and walk out with it. I was like 4 years old at the time.

bump

On my own. Cash, jewelry was preferred. Never big items. Something's I would hold onto for up to a year and self interstate. Was careful AF.

Yeah don't want a 40 year sentence. I was an idiot back then but not that much.

> self interstate
sell interstate, never ebay , always tried to keep my shit clean

One time I forgot to call 811 before I dug.

Myself and a friend once sneaked into a mentally disabled mans house, took his car keys and drove his car around for 60 miles until accidentally getting it stuck on a beach and walking home.

I drove my car around without insurance for almost six months and stole some shit from Walmart.