Got a new job they want to drug test me by getting my piss monday. I smoke pot . any idea to pass this shit?

got a new job they want to drug test me by getting my piss monday. I smoke pot . any idea to pass this shit?

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don't smoke pot

drink 1L of vinegar before going to the test

water and salt

That's pretty risky, because what if he does? I remember when B used to help people

that's deception and fraud. same as lying about graduating college. they don't want to hire a fucking loser pothead so just walk away when you fail it.

"I will not pass such a test, so do you want my skills for your company or not?!"

Get a prescription immediately, claim PTSD from your dad touching you or something

When I was at the police academy one guy in the group said that he smoked recently and he passed so I lost my hope about those tests.
Usually 24 hours is enough to pass those regular tests

Fake piss
Piss of a m8

This. Laws against pot are fucking stupid. Fake that shit, they can literally never tell. Get a friend's piss (pay him a bit for it) or if you have time but fake piss.

Either fake piss (works every time) or fail the weed portion and see what happens. I've had employers hire me anyway. After a couple months I end up asking and they usually say they're just looking for meth or hard shit.

It depends on a lot of things. Such as how often you smoke, how much you weigh, if you're physically active etc.

24 hours might be enough if you're relatively fit and skinny and don't smoke more than once a week.

thanks guys i will try fake piss.

and fuck that im not quiting pot for some stupid shit . go quit your non organic tobacco

Nah, we had hardcore stoners and they passed because they didn't smoke for like two days.

48 hours is more than enough to pass the commercial wipe and urine test.

I weight 150 lbs
6 ft height
and i smoke ounces a week.

Hey genius, you do realize that the test has two stripes?
One is for test validation and the second one is the actual test.

They'll notice if you cheat

That's impressive.

I went to a buddy's house with a balloon and some gauze. He pissed in the balloon, I secured it between my nuts and my leg to keep it warm.
As long as they're not watching you piss it should be fine, just be sure the piss is close to body temp, because the cups measure that.
some tests measure for fake piss and/or hormones, but the code for the order will be on the sheet the company gives you to take to the testing center, so you can google it. If it's just a run of the mill, non government job it probably won't.

i bought some of those at home kits where you dip the stick in the cup of pee, took me 42 days after quitting completely.

I was smoking maybe an ounce and a half a month

Claim false positive because of poppy seeds

fucktonnes of cranberry juice

I know a lot of people who have passed tests with fake piss. It has urea, creatinine, proper pH, etc. And it comes with a heating pad and an LCD thermometer. As long as it's in the correct temperature range and it's a standard panel piss test it should be fine. If they get into the gas chromatography, I don't think it will hold up but I'm not sure.

/thread

Smoke some more pot.

Any recommended brand of fake pee? I've heard whizzinator is good but I'd rather not drop $30 on enough for one test if there's cheaper out there that works just as good

They can't give you such little notice on a kiss test. You're either lying or they notified you months ago and you're too much of a stoner to take any action until 0 hour.

Can you claim you smoked some in a state that was legal? Would that make a difference upon failing the THC part of the test?

Not smoke weed?

Duct tape metap flask of piss to your inner thigh. Uncomfortable af. Maybe u can ditch it after

Perhaps not. It is possible he may be a lazy bum, but I've had jobs where the Same day as the interview they asked me to go take a piss test. Paperwork and paid for it and everything. Jokes on them I bailed

Eat a fucking sandwich you beanpole, before a slight breeze pushes your skinny ass down the stairs.

I never thought of this viewpoint, actually.

READ THIS FAGGOT: Go to your local headshot and ask for synthetic urine. I did this Everytime and zero issues. It's still pee just made in a lab and it comes with a heat pouch cuz you gotta keep it body temp. Noone is gonna watch you piss so your good. Don't listen to these plebs keep smoking fuck go high to the drug test but use the synthetic urine only.

Have a friend thats clean pee for you.

Make sure its at least 30 ml and warm it up slightly on the day of the test. Use a hand warmer and rubber band it around the container to keep it warm. Wear some tight underwear and tuck the container somewhere around your sack.

Every test ive ever taken for work they let you go in a room and close the door so you're left alone.

A friend of mine used one called monkey piss I think, another used a different kind but I forget the name of it. Both worked. Neither were cheap.
Honestly don't skimp on it unless you do some research into the brand and see that it works.

Also, when you're buying it don't say anything dumb like "I need it for a drug test" or they'll probably refuse to sell it to you.

He already works there tho. Condition of new hire they can 'ask' for whateve they want
But if he's a normalised worker that is past the probationary period federal employment laws will help him in a case where on Friday they demand piss on Monday.

Stop smoking pot

>kiss test
I'd pass

I don't know what makes you think that. Every job I've gotten has required a piss test the day of or the day after the interview. It actually surprises me he's getting an entire weekend.

You shouldn't bother. Find yourself a job that doesn't require a drug test.

Just did my test last week. Get someone's piss that's clean. Get a small bottle and hid it in your briefs. Get a hand warmers to keep it warm. Has to be around 96. You might want a thermometer.

Your only hope at this point is to get someone clean to piss in a cup for you, tape it in between your legs next to your dick to keep it body temperature, and then put it in the cup in the bathroom. You're only watched when you pee when you're on probation and piss in the probie cup, so you should be good. Some people also tape a heating pad to the bag to assure it stays warm because it'll show up on the test if it went too cold.

Please don't believe in any of those cleanser drinks, or drinking cranberry juice. They don't work and it's too late for that anyway.

What fun would that be

Don't do this. They test for synthetics now and it's pretty accurate

Are you seriously such a shitbag that your friends would charge you money for their PISS?

Tape is to difficult. Tight boxers work better

Itt drug users not understanding why employers dont want brain dead pot heads running their shit lol. I dont wanna quit for something stupid like a job man toke up 420!!! Let's come up with all kinds of ways to cheat the test. Fuckin losers.

I've had luck mixing Jello and drinking it as a liquid. I smoke mass weed everyday and this has worked for me on three occasions.

> b used to help people

Just get clean urine from a friend

Trips confirm

This

I work at a pretty nice place. they drug test you every 3 months. pretty gud since i dont smoke pot.

pretty good since it weeds out liberals

Pour certa into a 32 oz gatorade. Then drink one gallon of water you need to piss twice before the test then you will be clear. Next drink 2 red bulls right before the test.

I smoked weed the up until the day of a piss text once, drank water all day, some pickle juice for sodium, took a few vitamin b12 to keep my piss yellow, and drank a few redbull.
Worked like a charm.

hurr durr something thats not affecting you while you're at work will effect you at work!

quads of truth

quickfixurine.com/

i bet your local smoke shop sells something like this. it's worked for me twice

Go to large town. Look up drug pass urine on "offer up." Buy it. Use it. Profit.

they still do. just don't act like a dick.

someone that runs drug tests in a hospital here-

drink two gallons of water a day, starting with one gallon today

that's your safest bet

Meh, people who want to look at your piss probably deserve to be lied to anyway.

This is Sup Forums
What fucking skills

Synthetic urine. It's worked for me three times.

Read the instructions.

Are you retarded, black or just in denial? Everyone I know that smokes weed is obviously mentally slower than my other friends even when they are not smoking. Also only one of them has a good job, out of the 20 or so in my inner circle of friends.

Yeah I kinda forgot about all the normies. The skilled autists are a minority nowadays.

I make $215k in Silicon Valley and I smoke every day. Your argument suffers from an inadequate sample size.

I bet drug losers making decent money like that are more rare than professional basket ball players. LOOK AT THIS 1 EXAMPLE IN THE WORLD, ARGUMENT WON!! Your drug use is showing foolio.

Everyone smokes weed, get your head out of your ass. Why do you think all paraphernalia is black leather business-smart look nowadays? People are toking up on their breaks in the office, same as businessmen are microdosing acid at work to improve efficiency. Go to any city and you'll see people on the street in front of their office smoking up on their breaks

Software engineer, smoke weed almost daily.
Know a bunch of people in my line of work who are the same.
Just because you hang around the failures doesn't mean the drug is the cause of it all.

It's like an arms race between the testers and the piss manufacturers. I know several people who recently used synthetics with no problem. A few years ago testing companies started checking for certain chemicals in the sample so the fake piss manufacturers stepped up their game. A full test of the chemical makeup of the sample is possible, but expensive and most companies won't bother. They do a simple 5 panel test, and check the temperature. If you pass that, you're fine.
If it's inconclusive, they'll probably ask for a retest or just not offer the job. No one wants to pay for gas chromatography.

oldfag btw haHAA

Please explain that image.

Get someone who's clean to piss in a bottle and take it to work

A buddy of mine used that synthetic piss that he bought from a head shop.

He when in, swapped the piss out and turned it in.
Later they came back and said that he passed, but then explained to him he was preggers.

He didnt get the job, but he did threaten to sue them for transgender discrimination....they paid him off.

wentbetterthanexpected.jpg

7 days. trust me.

get someone who is clean to give you their sample

...

>don't say anything dumb like "I need it for a drug test
For what else someone would buy it?

Like it says on the box, for research and novelty use

Fake piss works. I used it last week and today I got a call saying I got the job. Quickfix Plus!

I've passed hundreds of drug tests. Used to get tested weekly. I've also failed some. Vinegar and jello and all that shit is BULLSHIT. You will fail. There are a few ways. Fake piss, buy one with a temperature strip. Works 100% every time. The other one that works is a thing called xxxtra cleanse. It's a disgusting drink. Follow the instructions. You piss out that shit instead of thc infested urine. Basically you drink a shit ton of water to dilute your piss and then this drink is tonssss of vitamins that will make the diluted piss seem not diluted to a test because it's not straight up water, its water and vitamins. The third and final way to pass is an oil change.

What you take us for? Cmon dog like anyone's finna believe you? Just a twist on an old lie people have been yelling for longer than you've been alive

>I smoke pot

didnt know menial jobs hired losers, oh wait