Be american

>be american
>visiting uk
>first thing I see on train into town is a group of stereotypical looking hooligans

How do I join whatever soccer firm they're in?

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Watch the film Eurotrip to know

First step: you HAVE to go doopin mental

How do I tell what's a good neighborhood and bad neighborhood? Every place looks the same. I'm in Manchester btw.

First thing you gotta do is call Fergie a faggot

That will definitely get you in good with them

>tfw bongs will finally take my ridiculous football takes seriously

If anyone tries squaring up to you or anything just tell them that you "don't give a crud"

it might seem harsh but it's the only way to gain their respect

Follow the biggest group of people dress in red and sing this:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Dib2rdQK374

>I'm in Manchester btw.
Visit Moss Side, that's an example of a good neighbourhood.

Stop giving a crud

Why Manchester? Is it because of Poonited?
Flights from the US usually land in London, long commute to Manchester

there are no good neighborhoods in manchester. it's a giant shithole

I've been to London. Too international, it's just NYC. This was a cheaper flight too and I'll just be here for a couple days before heading further into Europe.

OP you have to prove you know how to banter. All Hooligans these days love banter and betting shops so you have to banter with them about betting shops like the banterous betting shop paddy power. So to greet them you can't let them know you are a clueless American, you need to show them you are banterous like the banterous betting shop, Paddy Power, and that you understand betting banter. So walk over to them and say in your American accent 'A YANK JOINING IN THE BANTER, 2/1'. They'll understand that is betting shop banter and will let you into their circle. They'll introduce themselves and probably have banter, like the betting shop paddy power. They'll probably look at their phones on occassion and say stuff like 'Woah Baz, my accies come through'. Accies means 'Accumulator' and means a number of bets on different games, which is a commonly placed bet at banterous betting shops. If anyones accie comes through you have to laugh and say 'waaay I guess the booze is on you, odds of you buying a pint for me, 2/1'. That is betting shop banter. Also, if anyone tries to discuss tactics during a game at the pub beat the fucking shit out of them because that isn't discussion of which players need a good shagging, which is acceptable betting shop banter.

no memes im in manchester lad, where you heading? ill come grab a pint or 2

I met an English person a few months ago at work. He hadn't talked about the lower leagues or about cars with anybody for like ten years and instead of acting even remotely excited/engaged he shat on everything I said.
Wtf is wrong with your country

its just banter la

you wont understand it la

Americans are all about being happy go lucky taking on the day; they're miserable people who want everyone to fail and be miserable along with them
Must be the weather

Just banter my son.

Americans are all about bottling up their anger and pretending to be nice, then one day paying a visit to a school or library with a pistol.

>they're miserable people who want everyone to fail and be miserable along with them

to be fair this is pretty much the norm everywhere

Fair point, my experience has been nothing but great

i spent a week manchester also, Macdonald Manchester Hotel & Spa near Piccadilly. Had a great time walking around the city honestly. Lots of cool history/science museums free to public.

Was surprised to see that bong austism is a real thing. Throughout the whole week of meandering around, only 1 flamboyantly gay person ever said hello. Will definitely go back at some point.

Oh and when you ask for water, make sure you insist on TAP, not STILL, that cost money

>mcdonald's hotel
americans amirite

dress like them, then get drunk and fight anyone in this order:
i) muslims
ii) ultras from other teams
iii) anyone else who gets in your way

fucksake you don't say neighborhood you say area

What's it like being terminally autistic? Are you bitter?

do americans go about saying hello to random strangers all day?

...

>bong austism is a real thing
idk I spent a week in London and everyone was super friendly to me. Just go to a pub and talk with people. Youll be interesting to them automatically because you're foreign but speak english.

>interesting to them automatically because you're foreign
>london

lel, everyone is foreign in london lad.

>be american
>leave america
>don't get shot

COINCIDENCE?

true but not in manchester and sorry i made friends easier because im american

>wanting to be friends with mancs

suprised you didnt wake up the next day with your shoes missing.

Do you not say hello to people if you cross paths on a running or walking trail? Is that just an American thing?

is your sister married to one of their old captains?

Yes

'e was your san tommy

all europeans have autism, thats why their women all love big strong american cocks

eye contact and a nod to aknowledge their existence is sufficient mayte

*big obese american cocks

We used to do that too

walk up to them and headbutt the teeth out of the biggest one without a word

yeah if im walking on like a forest trail ill say hi just to not feel rapey but not when im walking around a town or city.

i wish i was european the culture and history is better. i haven't been in 10 years. but idk bout now with all the muslims and shit

>only 1 flamboyantly gay person ever said hello. Will definitely go back at some point.

wishful thinking

thank fuck for Zabs

>Travel where I please and when
>Surrounded by people who love me
Loving every second my bitter Mexican friend

Holy shit, I feel autistic when I talk to people here because it takes me a moment to process what they're saying through the accent.

why would anyone want visit the uk?

If it's bad you'll be mugged or stabbed to death

...

Piss off, cunt. I hate people like you. Shut the fuck up and mind your own business.

I've never been to the USA properly. Only to Hawaii and mainland airports. But in LAX I watched a baseball game with some guys in a bar and talked with some men. They went down well. Also in Chicago airport I heard some cops talking about basketball and listened but was too shy to talk with them.

One day I will go to the USA really and talk about sports with Americans! I hope they will be friendly.

Fuck off, Airman

sometimes i like to go down the hall to my neighbor, who's a massive loser, just to feel better about myself.