Niggers take these off my front porch in Chicago in ~5 minutes if they are left out

Niggers take these off my front porch in Chicago in ~5 minutes if they are left out.

What should I fill it with so they get a surprise?

So far I've done cat shit and rotten food.

Thinking packing peanuts and razor blades next.

Any ideas?

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Maybe just move south west? Like oak lawn area?

A bloody knife.

heres what you do
get a nice pair of the latest nigger fashion sneakers
insert a nail in the toes so when they put them on their feet etc etc

Maybe stop living near niggers.

try puppets and put used hypodermic needles inside them

A gps or tracking coin

job applications

ahhhh

iPhone 8

>put printed cheese pizza in box
>nigger takes it
>call in anonymous tip detailing said nigg's appearance and clothing
let the keks flow

Light sensitive bomb

Moving out fucking ASAP. Don't worry bout that. Nearing down payment on a house out of state.

Love both of em. This is the shit I want. Although the knife may attract police attention.

You are just a fat nigger.

fill a ziploc with some liquid ass or your own farts if you think you can muster up enough to fill a freezer bag make sure something that looks valuable like a cheap ring or necklace

Seems like the Chicago PD would have sting ops to police this. Like that show Trap Car... but like Trap Package. Have them catch them and hear their splainin\.

are they going to call the police on you, because they stole and opened your mail, which i believe is a felony?

Move a bit further out and commute as I assume you're capable of since you're ordering regularly from amazon.

oh, this user makes me think you should put a gps tracking device hidden on something inside that box and see where it keeps going

Mix up some hydrogen peroxide and acetone, leave for a few days then (carefully) collect any crystals that form and leave them that.

I'm sure that's what OP is going for bud

This would be a great idea, if the CPD could dodge the gunfire long enough to plant it.

venomous snakes

pipe bomb

An IED.

>So far I've done cat shit and rotten food.
You're going to get murdered.

a severed pigs head would surely be a surprise

Box of wasps.

/thread

This. Remember, they know where you sleep at night.

This nigga gonna get vanned at about 5AM next wednesday for this comment.

Try voting for Hillary, the niggers wouldn't be angry at you if you weren't a racist.

Snakes. Niggers hate snakes.

seriously, you can buy them in the maily mexican grocery stores with a bigger deli.


shit would be so cash.

Get a electric fence kit from local farm supply store.
Get metal tape for duct work. Tape box top and down both sides, put multiple rows so you always have a metal contact points.
Attach metal taped box to electric fence leads. Install camera so you can record the hilarity.

spring loaded shit

Kek this. Put a live wasp nest in it. just make sure to subdue the wasps beforehand so you dont get yourself raped

Snakes or something that will explode. Exploding snakes!

OP gets stung to death trying to obtain live wasp next.. lol

Snakes. Or something that explodes. Exploding snakes!!!

A box of bed bugs.

That would be equally as funny as niggers getting assaulted by wasps doing nigger things.

Weed laced with something that will kill you when you smoke it

Make a mouse trap package bomb. Look it up.

pipe bomb

A bike
With a taser in the seat.

A live snake, preferably poisonous. Or a rat with rabies... Basically something alive, easily pissed off, and deadly

Good one.

Remember that person that electrified their Trump yard sign so that when someone tried to steal it they got a big shock? Do that with a package or two.

This.

A Galaxy Note 7

Put a GPS tracker in the box. Follow said box, confront thief on camera over package theft.

Exploding dye packs
Or
Find a way to rig a can of mace to go off when it's opened.
Or
Get a glass vial, fill it with some sort of powdered cleaning product and label it anthrax
Or
A water ballon filled with housepaint

>special instructions
>ask for signature

This is a damn good idea

Your own shit and broken glass carefully put in a large envelope and taped. so they have to rip it open getting cut by the glass shards with poop getting into their wounds.

Make a cyanide bomb. That or nerve gas trap.

I don't know where you'd find these in Chicago.

spiders.

glitter bomb

And get murdered

Job applications for QSR's - quick service restaurants.

a cinder block
maybe some shit if you feel like being proactive

the block makes it heavy, so fucktards assume it's valuable. retarded roommates always want to know what I've ordered online that's so heavy every month, which is literally just a jug of protein isolate.

This

box of ants. they'll never get rid of all of them

Keep putting smaller boxes inside the bigger boxes... all the way down to a jewelery box. Lol, then put a piece of cat shit, or small dog shit in the jewelry box with a note that says he won the shit head of the week award.

How has no one said maggots yet?

i really like this op and you should do it
imagine the anticipation as the nignog opens layer after layer

Put a mattress in there. Takes a crane to get it out.

Make a paint bomb with a mouse trap switch. Tie a piece of dry ice to the inside of a quart sized paint can that is half full. Tie the other end to mouse trap arm.

When the package opens which holds the mouse trap open, the mouse trap arm will pull the string dropping the dry ice into the paint. A minute or so later the pressure will cause the can to blow open.

Pack the box full of lice, fleas, ants, bedbugs, and roaches. Any pest that multiplies like crazy and is hard to get rid of.

Where would one acquire exploding snakes?

this, hornets specifically

A shorted dime bag with a note that says "This is all you will ever amount to."

All y'all telling him to do anything that would harm or kill someone that shit is 100% illegal and his address is on the package.
You need to do regular prank stuff like stink bombs or shit or whatever.

from the exploding snake ranch, duh

Spotted the nigger.

Use a p.o. box

Get:
Nitric Acid
Glycerin

Make it so the two will only mix with some sort of jarring motion, like those cold packs that you have to crack in order to work. Clearly label it "Shake Well" on the packaging. Once these dumb niggers do this and try shaking it, it will most likely explode with temperatures exceeding the surface of the sun. Nigger hand gone, no one knows who dunnit and he won't confess unless he wants to get arrested himself for stealing you package like a dumbass.

Underrated post.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dye_pack

fill it with fake hundreds so when they try to use it they get arrested

The explosive ones wouldn't leave an address label or anything else within range.

I only steal packages from the rich white neighborhoods nigga

>from the exploding snake ranch, duh
You need to get exploding mice and then feed them to the snakes. What are you an idiot?

You get caught
Night they'll know where you live

a dildo, with an active GPS tracker in the box as well

give GPS information to cops

>his address is on the package
You do realize he is not actually going to order the stuff from amazon but rather he is going to fill an empty amazon box with the stuff, don't you? So, why would his name be on it unless he's retarded?

That'll just lead them to some black tranny who had nothing to do with it

i vote for liquid ass, that shit is impossible to get the smell out

If he is retarded enough to leave a bomb on his porch he's retarded enough to leave evidence.

you don't go to the end destination, you go to where it sat in between, I am assuming they aren't being opened in the vehicle

Glass bottle with "valuables" written in pen on a piece of masking tape on the outside. Add another piece of tape with the words "Handle with Care" Seal a fart inside the bottle.

A blank that fires when it gets triggered.

A vial of corrosive chemicals that will dissolve a barrier between explosive ingredients, killing the thief or harming them.

I get my name off the packages, and they know I live in a 9 unit building. And I carry a gun 24/7.

A plastic cup filled with bleach, so when they drag it around it'll fuck up their shoes and pants.

just continuously shit in it for like a week. leave it out front

>Thinking anyone believes you live anywhere near a rich white neighbor
Nigga they have gates to keep chimps like you out

A can of spring snakes. Make the can look like there are valuables inside. Also soak then snakes in diarrhea.