I just don't know anymore

I just don't know anymore.
I don't know if I'm depressed, or eternally bored, or what. I don't have a particularly terrible life, I've definitely been much worse off, but it feels like nothing's changed. I still spend most of my time sitting alone doing nothing. I have hobbies, but they don't seem to make me happy like they used to. I feel like if I had more money I'd be able to do things I enjoy, but it's just a lie I tell myself so I can find some semblance of hope. Truth is I don't enjoy anything anymore, I'm just going through the motions. I would rather just not exist, but suicide isn't really an option for me, I'm just to chickenshit. I think about it constantly, but more of just on a hypothetical realm. As in what's the best way to do it, the funniest, how it would best serve my family, and what would people think after. It's more of a game I play than anything. There's no question in this, no real plan. Maybe strike up a conversation or something, I just needed something to do, so fuckit, a thread of some sort.

White people problems
>I eat 3 meals a day, have running water, and a roof over my head, but I'm so sad.

It's not just white people, it's first world problems.
But yes, that's it exactly. Well kinda, I don't even know if I'm sad.
Either way I suppose you could say sadness is relative.

this is why we shouldve stay wild
we shouldve be worried about food water and shelter ,not any of these

I've thought about this.
Just go off into the woods and survive.
Build a cabin or some shit from the surrounding trees.
But the question is would I be content to simply exist. At first I'm sure I'd have enough to do to keep my mind busy, but at certain point I'd be stuck in the same rut. Existing, but only in a different environment.

Find a girl op

the problem is our mind , im not trying to sound like an edgy rick and morty fan but if we were unable to speak or hell , even think, i'm pretty sure we wouldnt have these kinds of problems , sadness out of nowhere or sadness for reasons.

Did, hasn't helped.

I get that, we're most likely the only species on the planet that contemplates our existence. Life would be simpler if I could just be happy with living a life. Actually jealous of most of my family who does some menial job, like work in a factory 10hr/day 6 days a week. I tried doing that, I was going insane. I wanted to bash someones head in on pretty much a daily basis.

find something you can care and love about , doesnt have to be a girl,get a cat , a dog.something that will make you smile when you look at it.

>spend most of my time sitting alone doing nothing
I spend most of my time sitting on the toilet. I have an irritable bowel

Just be happier

Sadly I'm not allowed to have a pet.
I have my cars, but they take most of my money and still don't really make me happy. I get a little bit of a smile out of my truck sometimes, but only cause it's become a bit of joke.

Sounds pretty shitty user. Don't they have stuff for that.

why no pets?
perhaps experience is what you are looking for.
taking any kinds of actions is experience but in my opinion the worthy of experience can be calculated like this
how many times have you did it , how many times can you do it , how long will it take , how many times have you heard about it and how many people you know did it. thinking with these will help you calculate the worth of the experience.what you want to experience is your choice but never forget; there is no such thing a as bad experience.

Happiness is an inside job.

Not allowed in the building, military.
I try to do shit when I can. I've had a million and one hobbies, cause I like to see if anything catches my interest. Most of the stuff I think I'd want to do takes more money than I have.

First world countries have higher depression rates because when you dont have to worry about getting water and food everyday you can worry about the less important things and those less important things bother you more and more.

>Sounds pretty shitty user. Don't they have stuff for that.
lmao

start saving money
start having plans,different and unrelated plans
stop having hobbies and start searching about history of cultures of places and peoples you dont know shit about.find one that really gets your interest.perhaps go on a vacation to there?
if not possible ,i am pretty sure you can still experience a lot without going even outside the city.i usually think of the possibilities to keep myself entertained.to live is to experience and therefore to live can be to simulate.

I have saved before for things, like twice cause I'm bad at it. It's the in between that sucks, takes years to save for what I want.
And I do agree with culture and history, which history was always my best subject. Used to travel to different counties cause my dad was military. Lived in japan for a little while, which has a really interesting culture, my favourite so far.

Sounds to me like you're terminally bored OP. Happens to a lot of us man, nothing wrong or unnatural about it. You need to find something new and exciting to dig into.

Me, I've started studying history. Pick a nation and an era, and start researching it. I started with Japan in the late 19th century (Boshin War and the Meiji Restoration era) and haven't looked back. I have notebooks full of drawings, notes, diagrams, etc. I'm working my way through the Roman Republic, and am getting ready to start on the Empire and the Caesar's (Agustus and Julius) It satisfies me immensely to understand events of the past.

You just need to find what interests you. What can you do that would be satisfying? I can't answer that, but maybe we can come up with something. What are your interests right now?

The things that do hold my interest, for more than a few days, I don't have money for.
Like vehicles, I mean all kinds, cars, trucks, bike, anything with an engine and wheels. But they money involved there is quite a bit more than I can afford.
And I like just building shit. Used to do alot with working, even sold some stuff, but I no longer have the tools, or the space to store them.
Currently the only thing that's been even barely holding my attention is graphic design. There's a small group on /o/ that combines it with cars.

wood working*

What branch are you in? When I was in the Army we had a wood working shop that BOSS (single soldier orginization) would reserve for us on base. Maybe see if your appropriate org has some sort of group activity that would give you access to tools and a workspace. If they don't, suggest it, that's what they're there for. And I don't mean just drop it in the box, actually talk to whoever is in charge.

They have a budget to spend on stuff to keep dudes out of the barracks and out of trouble, and are generally very receptive of ideas from soldiers. I got a ping pong league started through ours, they bought us a table and everything.

The military knows you're going to get bored, and they know this leads to substance abuse, which leads to issues. They don't want issues. Single soldier (airman/sailor/marine) programs exist for this sole reason. Maybe take advantage of it.

You also said here
That you're interested in history, and Japan especially. I can recommend some really good books on that front if you'd like. What period interests you specifically?

Army, but I'm stuck on a small AF base. They have boss here sorta, it sucks. Maybe if they didn't some one wouldn't have been cooking meth in the barracks. Legit, some airman was cooking and selling meth from the barracks, blew my mind.
Interested ish in history, not so much anymore. I'm good on books, but I appreciate it.

>stuck on a small AF base
Been there man. Ever heard of White Sands Missle Range? They thought it'd be a great idea to stick a full Combat Engineer Battalion out there all by it's lonesome. Blew giant cocks, nearest town was Las Crucses which was about 30 minutes away.

That doesn't really surprise me much. We had a guy that was distributing CP out of his barracks room, and another guy who had about 7 full-retard rifles in his room, along with a bunch of homemade explosives. Health and Welfare inspections are fun.
>Spc user, what is this?
>Ah, that's a, uh, that's a ballgag Sgt Major
>A what?
>A ball gag Sgt. Major.
>hfw

Probably the one good thing about being army here, I actually don't deal with as much bullshit.
Being my first station I don't actually much to compare it to tho. But I know I've only ever had one inspection in the year I've been here. And it was just a small walk through thing, to check if I was being clean or something. I do have an onahole tho, so kinda hoping they never actually open my desk drawer.

They have to do one health and welfare every 6 months according to policy, but most don't. It's just to make sure you're not living in filth, like you said, cause some dudes are fucking nasty. Had this one kid who had a pile of clothes that was about 4 feet high, I picked a sock up off the top and it was completely stiff like it had been starched and ironed. Then we had to start having room inspections every morning, which meant I had to get up at fucking 5 to inspect my guy's rooms before the Squad Leader got there (I was acting team leader for the last 6 months of my enlistment) Privates are fucking gross.

Had another guy who had set a desk up next to his wall mounted AC unit, and would just cum all over it when he jerked off. His room no shit smelled like semen (you know how a jerk off sock will smell after a week?) until I saw what he was doing and made him move his desk and buy tissues. Nasty motherfucker.

Jesus.
I thought I could be a bit messy, but fuck thats some shit. My friends who live in the barracks are some the cleanest people I know. I'm probably the worst of them, but it's just a bit of trash or a plate lefter from dinner, nothing that doesn't take more than 5 min to clean.
My 1st sgt's too busy to check mostly, and my ncoic gives no fucks. Also, any AF aren't allowed in without mine, or my superiors permission.