Green text your best stoner stories

>green text your best stoner stories

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>Got stoned
>Had more weed to roll another one

>be me
>smoked 2 joints with my friend
>want snacks
>buy drink while friend buys chips
>pay
>walk outta store
>Asian lady at counter: Uhhhhhhh....
>friends staring at me like a dumbass
>FUCK.jpg
>grab drink walk outta store
>can't go to that store now without feeling shame
>now every time I go the lady watches me and If even look at the bongs on display she yells at me

Dude I'm like so high right now.

I Should be tonight aswell.

>kid at my school
>won't stop bothering me about how good his stuff is
>I give in
>tell him to bring a pot cookie cause he said he sells them
>he says he will
>tells me over text that it's 15 dollars
>niggawut.jpg
>ask him next day if he's ripping me off
>gives me the generic: "OHHH did I say 15? I meant ten...
>next day
>tells me it's ten bucks
>in change room before class, I leave my personal belongings in my locker
>offers a cookie ten bucks
>tell him money's in locker so I'll buy after class
>after class in change room the little cunt eats it and says he's picking up another one in like ten minutes and I can buy it then
>wait in bathroom for him
>he doesn't show up
>go to his locker
>he isn't here today
>fuck this kid
>that's why you shouldn't buy weed off kids you barely know in school

Weed makes you a boring person, TBH, talking from experience. Do something productive

>Weed smokers don't entertain me
>Dance monkey dance

>be me
>smoke weed
>fall asleep

>Got stoned
>Gave 5€ to Wikipedia

This. Just quit smoking after 6+ years smoking everyday and my life is so much better already

get out while you can!

>Be me
>Buy 2 bags of illegal marijuana
>Ask someone to help me
>Friends a nurse
>prepare needles
>Inject 2 full marijuanas
>Now I'm addicted to Heroin

>smoked with a friend last year
>saw a cloud that looked like a face
>while chainging its shape it looked like changing facial expressions
>thought that cloud was devil or god
>taked about the present mood of that face
>saw the same shit
>suddenly a cloud appeared that looked like a kind of cow
>sudden inspiration: that face is bob marley and the cow is the "buffalo soldier"
>started to listen to bob marley's buffalo soldier
>when the song ended, the clouds suddenly disappeared
>pic related, buffalo soldier (left) and bob (right)

underage b8

>smoke weed
>eat EVERYTHING in the fridge
>have a massive shit the next morning

kek

>smoked a joint
>dude what i just talking about

>don't remember any

what made you think this shit was worth writing?

youtu.be/_6KDPzXTXO4

weed

I work in a hash oil lab in Northern California.

I recently washed some dishes without gloves that I didn't know were coated in nearly pure THC. I used vegetable oil and soap to clean them and it turns out the oil makes it go right into your skin. I do NOT smoke weed anymore and have no tolerance at all... So a few minutes later I started to feel intensely stoned. A couple hours later I was just laying on the ground under a tree cycling and hallucinating. It was a lot like mushrooms. Whatever dose I did, it was massive. I was high for about 30 hrs.

picked up my buddy who was absolutely stoned, he asked me to stop for snacks and got some chips, I didnt see the bag clearly. The next day he calls me asking what he ate bc "it was the best damn snack i ever had." the faggot has not found those chips to this day.

Dude, I've worked on tills for like 2 years now that shit happens at least once a week with sober people forgetting something, don't worry about it

Almost as good aswhen you realise a friend brought snacks.

>be me
>have black best friend
>smoke all the time
>one summer day we buy a quad
>grind it into keef with coffee grinder
>decide to go to the river to smoke
>blasting Bob Marley
>imma soul rebel
>roll 2 fatass blunts, while simultaneously hitting a bowl
>having a good time
>smoke blunts, crack jokes eat chips
>see kayaker in the river
>many kayakers come through, no problem
>this kayaker is different
>high quality kayak, navy blue uniform shirt, and a utility life jacket
>mfw when I realised cops have kayaks
>kayaker lands very near, and begins to move in
>whisper to black friend "we gotta bounce"
>riverside is a 45 degree slant wooded area, a fence blocking the way opposite to the river
>only way out is through the wooded side
>me and black friend bolt
>running and jumping through brush
>stop
>black friend says "why you stop"
>look down
>complete landslide, no good angles to step on
>spot a shrub a few feet away from the landslide
>slide on my ass narrowly falling into the river, grasping the shrub for dear life
>black friend slides too fast
>grab him by the backpack to sace him from the dankness that is the chicago river
>escape to smoke another day

best in tread so far

>First time I smoke a joint
>Starting to feel the effect, really hard to focus on things
>Friend of mine says "What do you think about doing this on monday?"
>I stare at him, confused as hell
>WTFisMonday.jpg
>I litterally asked him what's monday, then he begins laughing, then I remember what monday is and we both proceed in crying of laughter

>Another time, smoked quite a lot (for my skeleton body mass that is)
>Ask a friend if he's ok
>He's sitting on the carpet, in foetal position, gazing into the abyss
>Slowly turns head
>Says "ouh la la" and then stares into the abyss again
>ayyy lmao

Lmfao the picture tho

>over at friend's house
>decide to buy half o at his buddy's house down the road
>by road I mean mud path deep in a forest
>only house on the path, probably 5km in
>we bike there and on the way my friend tells me this buddy has cameras everywhere and asked for me to stay back a few hundred meters
>wtf that's not sketchy at all but okay, I wanted weed really badly
>I wait down the path a little ways while he continues on to the house in the middle of nowhere
>taking a while and getting anxious
>hear dogs barking
>shit is he alright
>see him biking back towards me with a huge grin on his face
>thank fuck I thought he was dog food
>gives me the bag to hold onto while we bike back to his house
>get back and very excited to smoke this half o
>reach for it in my pocket
>it's not there
>fuck fuck fuck
>friend and I freak out, he suggests to go look for it on the path, maybe it fell out
>nope fuck that place I'm not going back there
>I stay at his house while he bikes back to look for it on the path
>40 minutes later he returns
>another huge grin on his face
>pulls out the bag of weed I dropped in a fast motion and lays it on my lap
>tells me how it was in the most perfect spot on the path, right in the middle of a beam of golden sunlight shining through tree branches and leaves
>made it sound like god had shown him where it was
>felt blessed as fuck
>proceed to bong in his bathroom and hotbox the fuck out of it
>got really high

>go to halloween oarty
>host has space brownies
>never tried edibles
>host tells me at the door to get in you have to eat a whole one
>grab one off the plate and gulp it down. Sweet taste lingered in my mouth
>holy shit user i was kidding!
>FF 30 mins
>my legs have become concrete blocks
>lower half of my body has ceased to exist
>spend the whole party on my ass on the couch waiting to be airlifted home
>shit was so cash

>got raised in church by religious family
>never got into drugs or drinking or even videogames
>when i was 15 one of my friends offered me some weed
>smoked it
>felt high as fuck and eating food felt 3x as good
>the sunlight looked golden and the trees were greener
>everything felt emotional like a piece of art and watching movies was like conversing with the cast about what they were trying to portray
>cool shit
>weeks later
>at church again
>learned enough about the bible and proved my worth being nice so they bring me up front to anoint me or some shit
>pastor brings out this weird oil
>drips it on my scalp
>SAME FUCKING FEELING

Another tale
>be me
>bored af
>hit up 3 close friends to go for a bike ride
>11pm, throw homemade bong and blunts in army satchel
>feel like indiana jones
>bike, pass blunts, and goof around
>pour strawberry lemonade im shit bong
>bongs walls are crusty, looks like an empty septic tank
>strawberry water makes smoke taste nice
>munchies hit
>bike to 7-11 faster than the speed of sound
>guy at 7-11 immediatly notices our impairment
>he is cool with it, looks like and sounds like bald guy from key and peele
>old crotchety black man walks in
>yells "What stinks up in here"
>key and peele says "just the old hotdogs man"
>bald mexican gangmember walks in, takes notice to our stench
>we walk out and loiter a bit
>mexican gang dude goes to his car
>car is one of those unmarked ford explorers cops use in most cities
>suspect as fuck
>calls me specifically over
>pretend i dont hear him
>calls again "ay whatchu smoking"
>friends confused, i turn around
>"ayo come here"
>i yell back "whats up?" Voice cracking from smoking
>gang dude calls back "what are you shy? Come here"
>police station is a block away i recall, in a fit of stoned paranoia i consult with my baked brothers
>lets just go man
>hop on our specialized hard rocks and speed away
>reflect on our expierence with an undercover cop, and key and peele

>Stoned as shit at my friend's house
>About 4 or 5 of us laying on the couch listening to the sound of rain whilst zoning out
>I'm sitting on top of my best friend's lap nohomo.rar
>Suddenly I get the urge to shit
>Fart loudly
>Everyone goes silent for a moment
>Friend asks ''Dude did your asshole just flirted with my dick'' ?
>Our collective sides went into high orbit

That's it lol

>be me
>5 years ago
>summer break
>15 year old with 22 year old brother in his college dorm
>brother and his roommates are huge stoners
>he and his buddies get high off their asses
>I sit outside until they're done so I don't get contact high or some shit
>door opens
>I go in
>hot girl casually rubbing her tits through her shirt
>brother's pasty Irish bro is trying to draw an octopus
>brother is pressing the A button on his Wii remote
>"dude what the fuck"
>he asks me to hit the power button on the Wii
>I do
>he hands me a Wiimote
>"We're playing Wii Tennis bitch"
>I always win at Wii Sports
>it'sOn.png
>I whip his ass for 20 straight minutes
>he gets one match in on me
>he gets up and high-fives Irelandbro harder than I've ever seen before
>hot girl is scared out of her trance
>"I'm hungry I'm ordering pizza"
>end up hanging out with a group of high college students for a full 2 days
>only eating pizza and drinking soda
>shit was cash