So I kinda fucking hate life even though I have "excellent" credit, an OK job with benefits, many close friends, and family. Also I'm going to inherit very significant wealth from multiple people if I decide to live another decade or less. I sway between feeling more alive than ever and wanting to not exist. My ex dumped me through a text a few months ago and since then I've become more disciplined than ever by eating lean and exercising mean. I'm jacked and the army wants me for a decent position related to my education, but I know it's never as great as it sounds. Should I do the things I know I can do to make quick money? Aren't morals relative? Nothing related to moving drugs,I'm passed the point where that was a viable source of income. hold your man up bullshit. I've made a lot before with less ethics than my current occupation, but I don't feel rewarded for doing "good". It seems every time I do "good" things I'm sacrificing my own wealth, but it will all be irrelevant eventually.
Op here OK that was cute, but my situation isn't that simple. I don't rage at traffic or yell at my coworkers. I'm caught between deciding if I should get rid of the last part of me that people admire to make myself short-term gains.
Everything is not fine. I can't just be happy. I don't even know how to show that I care to people anymore. I'm warping into a monster.
Michael Diaz
>I don't even know how to show that I care to people anymore.
maybe you can by devoting your time to them?
>I'm caught between deciding if I should get rid of the last part of me that people admire to make myself short-term gains.
Surely you see the error in this on a practical level right?
Chase Mitchell
Time is running out. I am and have been wasting time doing the "right" things by caring for others and it has got me nothing.
I need help, but I will never get it..im fucked.
Adrian Davis
>muh gaining something
If that's what this is about then drop people who don't give back.
Don't worry about what's right or wrong, just do what's practical.
Charles Morris
I'm devoting my time to my job, working out, and training. I give some time to my friends and family, but ultimately they are the lowest priority because all that matters is my survival at this point.
Also on the practical level I think I can front to people that nothing has changed and I'm just becoming more quiet because of working. When in reality I will bottling up my horrifying thoughts about my actions and numbing my emotions with benzos.
Ultimately I don't see how ill ever be happy. I've made too many mistakes and done too much damage to ever accept myself.
Kayden Nguyen
Well personally I don't go for happiness. I think it's just a meme.
I go for satisfaction, not the short term put off a research paper and play video games satisfaction, I'm talking about productive satisfaction, like seeing that fucking A+ on a final exam.
Jose Murphy
Part 1: Starman >Be Me, 14 years old. > Filthy Jew faggot, parents wanted me to go on a birthright trip with some "friends" that I had known for a while in middle school. >For the rest of this trip, I will be referring to this as the Israel trip. >Attended this school from 1st Grade to 8th, in 8th we go to Israel. >School shilled the trip to make us stay there, was a pretty shitty education, for they didn't teach some essential shit properly, fucked me later in high school. >Arrive at Jerusalem airport, normal shit, faggots ignoring me like they had normally done throughout my time there. > A Day and a 1/2 in, tired, we are going to the underground western wall >Note about the trip: We were going with 2 other middle schools. >On way to the place, fall asleep due to jet lag. >FirstIncident.jpg >I fall asleep next to a guy on the bus, Dickhead doesn't even try to wake me up. >Nobody notices me, like usual. >Stuck with Israeli bus driver >Somewhat dazed and confused, go with bus driver to his parent's house. >Dude speaks no english, have no idea what he is saying. > At this point, I feel bad for him, due to the fact that this faggot just showed up (me). >Get back to the group, at the wall. >A group of 40 jewish children, including the ones i knew, all look at me, and start laughing at me. >This is when I realized that life was not going to work out well for me. >Worst part however, was not the fact that the kids were laughing at me, that was expected, save a few. >The worst part was the fact that the chaperones, teachers of mine, were also laughing, and did not try to help me in the slightest. >I trusted these people, and this act of negligence, in addition to 2nd incident (coming soon), almost sent me off the deep end, thought about an heroing.
Justin Sanchez
I'm not giving my friends money if that's what you mean. Well practical isn't as lucrative. I'm hungry for money and power. I used to have so much. Now I'm a cold shell who fakes smiles 99% of the time.
Adam Baker
Part 2: I Can Not Breathe >Back to the story >I then watch everyone i thought I knew, slowly cave to peer pressure. >AsExpected.jpg >Fast forward to a few days later. >Friend of many years up to that point invites me to talk in his room. >2ndIncident.exe has started running >Go into friend's room, lets call him Zach >Zach then, along with 2 other faggots >They then take me, place me under the sink, place towel tight on my face, and pour water. >Waterboarding.jpg >Too scared, brain gets sensation of drowning >Throw up a little, immediately goes back into mouth. >This, although it was only 2 minutes, felt like an eternity. >Especially because it was by someone I trust, in addition to the 2 guys who helped him (also trusted them) >Walk out stunned, lost faith in humanity. >...
Oliver Ross
Part 3: Jewfag becomes an even bigger cynical bastard, aka I need help >After Israel Trip >I attempt a form of communication with this man, after about 3 weeks of minimal communication with the outside world. >During this time, I attempted suicide. >Parents thought I was being overdramatic. >Probably was. >Back to the story >I skype this man, >I ask him "Zach, why did you waterboard me?" > He replies "Well user, I just wanted to. And you were the easiest to do it to because I knew you wouldn't resist." > I have not spoken to him since. That day has haunted my memory for years now, because it is a constant reminder of how I can never truly trust anyone, and how even those who you think understand, never will. Thank you for listening in on my faggotry. >Flash Back to week before end of school. >Depressed as shit, look around to see if anyone cares about what just happened. >As normal, nobody does >In fact, school attempts to cover up the issue, and pretends like it didn't happen (The bus incident that it, not the waterboarding) >Even if the waterboarding got out to beside the kids, Zach's parents have enough money to "make it all go away". >I confront the school about the bus issue, they say it was a problem and won't happen again. >I know its bullshit, but i let it go. >However, my parents (my mother) stopped supporting the school (My dad wanted to pretend like nothing happened) All in all, lesson is to never trust kids, or people in general. I learned that lesson the hard way.
Nathan Hill
I should go back to school, but it will require a loan and that will hurt my credit. Also I'd have to wait until spring and move back to the city I went to university in. It's all fucked. I fucked myself into a bad position.
Charles Jackson
Op here Ya don't trust people. My ex and I lived together over five years and she dumped me through a text after we fucked every night that week and her last spoken words to me were "I love you, I promise I'll see you tomorrow" she stole a couple hundred dollars cash she owed me and a couple hundred dollars of my possessions. I'm sure she would say that was an accident because she forgot they were in her car, but it doesn't change the fact that she was the person I trusted most then she lied, stole, destroyed my sweet nature. Humans are garbage. I used to care about the environment as one of my great passions, now I want to watch humanity suffer. The news makes me maniacally laugh.
Ryder Gomez
The word "should" is cancerous.
Switch the should to will,
I mean you "should" do it anyways right?
That fact that you even used that word just shows that somewhere in your brain, you know that's what you must do.
Lucas Butler
This gets posted so often in so many fucking feels threads that I'm pretty sure it isn't even the same person posting this anymore. I'm almost completely sure this has just become a copy pasta.
Easton Davis
Nope, sorry if its posted a lot. Its just me. I'll stop posting from now on
Caleb Fisher
I see where you're coming from and I appreciate you more than I can express. However, will instead of should is only if I want to be righteous and virtuous. My core values have shifted and I no longer feel burdened by wanting to help others. also I don't know how I will live in the other city while I go to school.. It hurts to go back there because I went everywhere with her. My identity has been shattered. Now that it's glued together it's sharp, edgey, and too dangerous for most people to handle. No one knows my full story, but those close know my ex situation, course finding, and "minor" violent experiences. I'm truly fucked.
Owen Howard
>Be me, 15 year old sophomore >Be shy quiet kid >Join band >Meet this 16 year old junior girl in percussion >We start talking and become friends >She's nice, funny, and pretty >Solid 7/10 but to me almost a 9/10 >Eventually fall head over heels for her >We bond over the shittier parts of our lives >Eventually get the courage to ask her out >She's the first girl I've asked out >Kind of expecting her to say no >She does >We laugh it off and continue talking >Fast forward a couple months after we have a few arguments and stop talking >We start talking again >She tries to get back together with her ex that manipulated her >In the past we had both said they probably shouldn't get back together >I say it's a bad idea to date him again >She say sone thing along the lines of "Don't tell me what to do!" >I apologise and say I wasn't trying to >Things go back to normal >One day see her crying while walking in halls >Message her a bit later and ask if she's okay and why she's crying >Blocks me >I get mad and she send her a message on other social media >Tell her she's toxic and a bitch >Tells me to never talk to her again or she'll call the cops >I don't care and cut her out of my life >Hate her for months >Heard that her boyfriend (same one) is abusive and might be why she acted the way she did >Feel bad then >Still feel bad as a senior >Still love her
Sorry if this is bad. It's my first greentext
Thomas Allen
Corpse finding*
Owen Lee
Op here Omg... you love a girl you never fucked. Gtfo. This is a man's thread, boy. also I still love my ex, but I don't want her back I just want her to be happy. I know why she wanted to leave me. I was very mean to her verbally and could be a bit scary when I was recovering from some traumas.
Jaxson Allen
Op again I'm a about to pass out. Thank you to the guy who tried to tell me I'm fine. Final words?
Evan Myers
Only that I hope you have brighter days in your future. Good Luck OP.
David Jenkins
I don't see it turning around as I have a void that can't be filled. Thanks though, hopefully I won't lose all my capacity for compassion regardless of what I do.
Jace Peterson
>but ultimately they are the lowest priority because all that matters is my survival at this point. The entire consideration of your post is whether or not to kill yourself, so based on that I feel like this statement isn't logical >I'm devoting my time to my job, working out, and training. So, you're devoting your time to work and physical fitness. Generally speaking this isn't healthy; you have to fit in social interaction because as humans we all need this. You have to decide what's important to you (e.g. what will make you happy) and dedicate time to that. This almost always involves interpersonal relationships. >Also on the practical level I think I can front to people that nothing has changed and I'm just becoming more quiet because of working. When in reality I will bottling up my horrifying thoughts about my actions and numbing my emotions with benzos. This isn't healthy and I think you know that. >I've made too many mistakes and done too much damage to ever accept myself. We all have baggage. We've all made mistakes. Many of us think we're terrible and irredeemable when in fact we're just the average human who fucked something up in our past. If you're going to be a healthy and happy person, you have to work past this, and there's nothing a person can't work past.
Ethan Martin
You should have killed them all
Evan White
everything in this thread is normal human nature. you're not special, just let it be. ride it out. you're fine.
