I will be arrested and jailed for 5+ years in 1-2 weeks. Planning my final days

I will be arrested and jailed for 5+ years in 1-2 weeks. Planning my final days.

Inb4 "you're a piece of shit comments." I'm a worthless and horrible human being. I know

Here is the deal guys. I committed a white collar crime. I have been placed on admin leave while my employer investigates the issue. Law enforcement likely won't get involved for 1-2 weeks tops. There is no doubt in my mind I will be arrested. I am in no way prepared for a prison-like environment. This all happened 1 hour ago. I need to start prepping for escape or surrender.

I have packed all of my belongings, and cashed my bank accounts. I only have $2k so my options for escape are very limited I suppose.

I'm thinking I can leave the country now while my passport is valid and try to make things work that way. I don't have much time to plan. I don't speak a foreign language and I'm a very stupid individual. So my chances of survival are slim. But they are much higher than in jail.

I can also kill myself very easily. I've spent every day this year pulling the trigger of an empty pistol against my head to prepare for an imminent suicide. It is muscle memory now. From childhood I always knew that suicide was a possibility because I'm a functioning psychopath and committing a horrendous crime was unavoidable. The prospect of death doesn't scare me and never did. Despite all of this, my heart rate right now is 39 bpm. Death sounds much superior to jail time.

What do you think all my options are?

man, running away to another country and starting new while you can sounds like the plan to go with honestly.

If yoy really are a psychopath you wouldnt an hero.

I call bullshit.

Ever heard of a non extradition country? Jail sucks dude.

Any music festivals near you?

The fuck you do

Even Pakistan or Niggerville beats jail... Unless you like BBC up the ass

australia

SHIT

You should sell yourself as a yunich and join the yunich parade of all the other yunichs that pity their life like its some sort of portent display of what makes yunichs who they are, by the way you would fit in with all the other yunichs because no one would be able to see which yunich you are because of all the other yunichs everywhere.

>white collar crime
>only has 2k cash available

Wasn't worth it then. I used to make that much over a weekend selling chinatown tiffany and co. knockoffs to college students in Poughkeepsie, NY using Craigslist. Ed Hardy and Von Dutch knockoffs before that, man...those were the days. Don't drop the soap nigger.

Haha good one

China. Non extradition country and relatively close to your current "first world" standard of life.

Depending on the crime you can probably get some sorta plea deal to serve your time at a minimum security prison, which really isn't anything like the prisons you see on TV & in the movies. Think of the shit they have in Norway and that's more or less what it's like. My father served 5 months in one and yeah it sucks but not nearly as much as you'd think.

what crime did you done

You best pray that you're not a pedophile, and aren't hiding CP. Because if you are... God help your anus, throat, balls, face and bones. Because you're totally fucked.

Just go NOW you can make it happen

If this is for real, get a lawyer now. Doesn't matter if you have to go into debt, it'll be worth ten times what you paid for it.

It's your best chance to minimize the consequences of your actions, and regardless of how guilty you feel it's the right thing to do for yourself and any family you may have.

jails not so bad people wont bug you if your just a normal guy youll learn the rules and adapt just do your time

Yea what did you do?

Psychopath? I call bullshit. You'd have to be a sociopath to commit shit crimes like this. And a sociopath would not admit their problems or their wrongs. You're a class act faggot OP.

Op here I looked up those countries. I can only identify a few on a world map. I'm fucked. Russia it is I guess.

^This! You may not be able to beat it, but for a first time, non-violent offender you won't go to pound-me-in-da-butt-bob prison.

Also, white collar crime and you only have $2k available? You better have had some serious debt you used to pay it off.

go somewhere in the south pacific user.
i'm pretty sure most of those countries are extradition, or at least a number of them are.

also 2k could probably carry you for awhile down there if you use it wisely, and it wouldn't be too hard to find under the table work. illegal immigration is probably the least of those countries problems.

honestly, i'm never planning on going to any south pacific nation other than australia or new zealand, because white people, and they sound absolutely malarial, but then again, i'm not a criminal.

just lawyer up and you'll be fine. stop being such a little pussy

Who cares if you cant find it on a map? Just buy a ticket and let the pilot get you there. Godspeed.

i would like to know exactly what you did

People who do white collar crime are usually sent to minimum security prisons, from what I gather they're basically really shitty summer camps where you can't leave and you work for garbage pay. The kind of prison you're thinking about is for gang-bangers, drug dealers, rapists, molestors, and murderers. You're hopefully none of those and it's likely that the police won't charge you with a crime that will warrant a maximum security prison sentence. Just turn yourself in and ride out your sentence.

TELL ME WHAT YOU DONE

Hey OP. Here's some srs advice.

First of all, been there and done that. Escaping, that is. I was going to receive a 5+ year sentence and managed to leave the country before sentencing. (It was a plea bargain and I was out on bail.) I was over 40 years old and I had less than you do now. It wasn't that long ago, and I'd still be in jail if I hadn't left. I too considered suicide but I'm glad I decided to take the risk. You can always kill yourself in another country. 1/2

Should I tell the lawyer the truth or lie to them?

Don't flee the country with your passport they will run checks through the airports and see you left. Don't be an idiot.

Go to North Korea, it'll basically be the same as killing yourself

What kind of gun do you have?

Can you elaborate on the crime, and how close to a border do you live?

Naa, white collar is non violent crimes wing of county. If they and IF they prosecute, you will have a trial. This is an era of judge rules for the people so as long as it is small time crime = small time jail. Fleeing will make you a fugitive from justice. More time, bigger crime. Just come clean to cops and judge and could even just get house arrest. Man up and take the punishment. You will be out in no time.

use all that money for gas and drive your ass down to Mexico or Canada, depending on which is closer.

>> White Collar Crime
>> Only has 2 grand
>> Ok phaggot

this

Unless you already have a Russian visa you can't go there. You can't even check into a hotel without a visa. Try Someplace like the south of Poland. Find yourself a hot Polish chick, treat her like gold and you're set. Stay off the grid once you get there and you can live happily for decades. Fly to Berlin then no one will know that you crossed the border into Poland.

What was the crime?

If your going to kill yourself make sure it makes national news OP.

the truth you dumbass. lawyer is paid to protect you so they wont snitch, and they can do their job better with all the info.

2k will give you a good few months in thailand, drugs, booze and hookers are readily available. at least go out like a champ.

Relax. You'll be in a low security prison that has tennis courts and shit. You'll get in the best shape of your life too. Taco night will be your favorite.

Op here. Shit man. Where should I go? I have everything packed now and can leave tonight I'm just waiting for a green light

white collar crime, 5 years...prison will be a daycare for you. as long as didn't do anything pertaining to children or sexually/physically abuse a woman or elderly. just go in and adapt to what will be your life for the next few years. the real punishment doesn't begin until you get out and all the judgmental, 'i'm perfect why aren't you' turds of society begin their nonsense. go to prison, don't be an idiot, stray out of other convicts' business, and you and your butt will make it through just fine. also, you only think you will get arrested and stay arrested. my first time, i was looking at 40 years, got 5, out in three. third time in, though i was going away forever, instead sentenced to a year and a day, out in less than 8 months. i've never been on supervison. i'm unemployable, but i have a wife who loves me and lets me be a stay at home dad. county time is the worst though b/c way more restrictions and waiting to see what they will do to you. also, in my 8 total years in prison, i was minimum to supermax custody, so i've seen more than most, and less than some. if you do go to prison, remember to ask yourself before you do anything -- will this get me into trouble? if 'no' isn't you immediate answer, might be best to avoid. and watch who you hang out with, association is beyond major in there.

Don't kill yourself. Don't run away. You're a white collar criminal, you'll be sent to a minimum security prison which is way WAY less scarier than the prison they send all the nigger/spic gangbangers/rapists at. Do your time and start clean again. If you do attempt to escape, you'll be a fugitive. THAT will send you to nigger prison.

Take your 2k and retain a lawyer

>This.
Suicide in jail is always an option too.

My first thought. Why did no one else see this.

Also, psychopath who can't survive in jail?

not likely

Go to somewhere that is nice to live in and is not neutral terms with the US

If you go to a country like UK where the officials like the US, they will most likely turn you in.

My guess is cuba or russia

Okay, now here's my advice.

Go to Thailand. You can get there on a 1-way ticket for maybe $600 if you buy it on Google flights. Buy an onward ticket to Cambodia for $50 - you need to show an onward or return ticket when you land.

The 1000 you have left will last you for 1 month living large, 2 months living poor. Use that time to search for English language schools. Print off a fake TESOL certificate. Put together a resume showing a college degree (real or not) and TA positions or language tutoring, plus enough office work to account for your age.

When you go to the schools tell them you're interested in teaching in Thailand and you decided to come and interview in person instead of applying overseas. Thai schools, even the best of them, are run by Thais, which mean they break every rule they can get away with. Some school will tell you "don't worry, start Monday, we'll pull some strings to make you legal". Pretend you believe them. That school won't do shit to make you legal, nor will they do a background or criminal record check.

You'll make just over 1000/month doing this. It's enough to get by (better than the average Thai) and enough to save some money. You can double that by doing private tutoring on the side, especially for business specialties. (Again, make a fake resume, pretend you have a MBA or law degree, and you can charge corps and lawyers lots of money to help them pronounce words like acquisition and latin terms.)
2/3

how much money do u have

I can u hide in my home. But you have to work as my sex slave.

You should stay, for reasons other anons have mentioned. But Jesus unpack your bags. If they think you're a flight risk you won't get bail and they won't be as soft.

If you think you'll get 5, you'll most likely get 3 and be out in 1 with good behavior.

Cooperate, fess up, and it'll all be ok

Go to costa rica. You can get there on like 300$ if you're ok w buses. Stay in hostels. Make friends and buy cocaine to sell white tourists on the beach. I suggest manuel antonio or Jaco. Limon is also good but there are some gangs there. It will only take a few months to learn spanish. Once you get your money up a little find a little tica gf who likes the gringo dick. Spend days surfing and chilling on the beach. I would do all of this if i didnt have kids/responsibilities. Dont tell ANYONE where you are and don't fly there. Buses. Good luck and if you can call and find out if the cops are looking for you and what they want to charge you with. If you get caught selling coke just bribe the cops like 50$.

This

Can confirm. Almost no countries actually look up your degree.

Start a new life in the wilderness of a second-world country. Your $2k could get you to Mexico. Make your way to the Highlands of Peru and love amongst the indigenous tribes. Plenty of people an hero. You could do something special. Maybe write a book about your travels.

Stay in Thailand for a while. You can extend your 3 month upon arrival visa once, then do a border run for another arrival visa, then extend it again. You can basically stay there a year without overstaying. After that you are supposed to leave by plane and spend a week somewhere before returning - and their customs might give you a hassle if they think you're working illegally (ie deny you).

There are other options - go to Cambodia or Vietnam for stretches at a time (cheaper than Thailand) and teach English online. (Google for companies.) That's more than enough to get by. Even enough to buy condos down there. If you meet a decent girl (not a bar girl) you can even get married and get legal.

But yeah, stay out of the US for a year. After a year, hire a lawyer over the phone to check to see if there are any warrants out for your arrest. Depending on the answer, decide what you want to do from there.

Head to Syria. Lots of vacant houses that can be had for little or nothing.

just consider if you fuck it up and don't an hero you will literally be fucked

mistakenly reimbursed them for. Turns out they had already been reinbursed for their purchase by a different department. I kept the money. Approximately $125. That is a punishable crime of embezzlement for 5+ years where I live.

I am 2 hours away from Canada.

I have 2, 9mm pistols with hollow tips that fire every time.

Not one for advice but godspeed user, godspeed.

Turbo kek. I did something x100 worse I have gangsta's after me and I have court in a week. I've literally had people try to attack me on the streets leading up to my trail. French foreign legion or go to Thai land.

I'm trying to figure out what I can do to buy more time to learn mma and hop on steroids properly. I should have done my steroid cycle waay earlier but I was fucked in the head for a solid 7 months.

Buy some id's and certifications off the deep Web to get by. You're probably tripping about 5 years in prison unless you're from the US. Why don't you tell me what you actually did. White collar my ass. I'll give u real advice.

Get the fuck to vanuatu. Wifi, no extradition treaty, pretty good.

mistakenly reimbursed them for. Turns out they had already been reinbursed for their purchase by a different department. I kept the money. Approximately $125. That is a punishable crime of embezzlement for 5+ years where I live.

I am 2 hours away from Canada.

I have 2, 9mm pistols with hollow points that fire every time.

Buy a ticket to Zambia on credit and take cash advances on all you can. Max that shit out.
A couple thousand cash will go a long way there and no one will look too hard for you. Go drive trucks in Africa for money. I

Go north, join the nights watch, defend the wall

This is the most pathetic thing I've read all day

5 years of jail for $125 bucks? are you serious?

why in the world did you think it was worth it. and i have a hard time believing they'll send you to jail over that amount, just get fired.

>getting this screwed for $125
The fuck is wrong with you

Bro if it's your first offense you'll likely end up with probation. What state do you live in? What type of business

So were not going to question why he knows exact Heartbeats per minute? We're just gonna ignore that?

>fess up
This is basically the worst thing you can do. The cops are not your friends. If you want any sort of plea bargain, withhold information. The word leverage is key here.
Get a lawyer because they know their shit way better than anons on Sup Forums

You are only going to get fired. Play dumb, say you had totally meant to pay it back but forgot because your gf/bf broke up with you, or you saw a dog get hit by a car on the way home.

You won't go to jail over $125. Every state has the option to deal with that as a misdemeanor. It's not like you forged a check.

If you're really worried, before killing yourself, mail a letter of resignation and apology to your work, and fly to Bangkok. Spend a month partying and banging American-hungry girls. You can buy viagra in their drug stores over the counter for about $2. When you are almost out of money, call up your old boss and ask him if he forgives you. He won't be able to answer without somehow saying whether or not he called the cops. Decide what to do from there.

Kek

>$125
Lol you'll get house arrest at worst

>$125
>5 years jail time

That sounds about right, actually.
I've been hearing on crime blogs that businesses arent tolerating this anymore.
He will get more than just fired.

You wont get 5 years you'll get fired. Stop tripping.

youre a fucking idiot. you arent going to jail over $125. at worst you get fired.

now get the fuck out of here

What the fuck you literally just stole $125? Just confess everything, cooperate with the law completely and you'll likely get away with barely anything.

i say calm down and act dumb like the other user said. you made a honest mistake over some money. fess up and your life wont be ruined

user, I understand why you're panicking but stop and take a deep breath. My closest friend in the world was in your same situation a while ago. He was ready to either bolt for Canada or an hero.

I convinced him to do nothing until he talked to a lawyer. It was also a white collar crime. Lawyer says "sure, the max sentence is 8 years but you'll get no more than 1, maybe even less.

Long story short, he gets 1 year in a low-key prison, has no trouble there at all, and goes home after 8 months ("early out for good behavior"). He now runs his own business and is doing great.

It's not as bad as you are imagining. Talk to a criminal defense lawyer before you do anything rash.

Lmao op YOU ARE TRIPPING btw Canada will send you back. It's hard to get by with no legal docs or papers. You can buy sins / profiles on the dankweb someone told me they used a health care from them and was told it was for a 3 year old lmao.

Op bring me one of them American goodies if u come thru I'll give u sumthing very nice for the trouble. Link ur kik

I would second this advice too, except instead of finding a hot polish chick, find a fat chick. Then she will treat you like gold and she and her family will protect you with their lives.

That goes for any country when you're on the run. Don't go out of your league. Play it safe.

You can drive to Mexico asap and start a new life. Many cities in Mexico have a large foreign population... As many Americans and even MORE Americans than Mexicans in some cities.

Also 2000 is enough to buy a one way plane ticket to anywhere in the world. You can also get a visa same day for some countries, and other countries a few days.

You have plenty of time.

Go to another country and live there until the statue of limitisitons (usually 4 years?) is up.

Hey lets rehabilitate this person for 25$/yr in prison because he stole 125$ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Fuck dude, chill. If this is time you’ve gotten pinched you probably won’t do much time past the time you’ll spend in county waiting for your arraignment hearing. Best thing to do is take that 2k and retain a lawyer, bring anyone who cares about you into the loop regarding your situation and try to raise the money you’re going to need to pay your bail bond.

When they charge you, turn yourself in and cooperate fully with investigators, don’t make them have to pay a forensic accountant more than they have to figure out how bad you fucked up. Your cooperation will go a long way to reducing your sentence.

The police aren't even going to look at you. You won't be arrested. You aren't going to jail. It's a civil matter, not criminal.

Yeah plus the jail time can be used as a time for self reflection and stuff.

When I served my year in prison, I used my time wisely. I went in as a 250lbs lard ass and came out as a muscular 160lb hot shot. I also learned to play guitar in prison, and studied for the LSAT my whole time there.

Prison is actually a good thing because it gives you lots of free time for self growth.

125?

It's not worth the legal follow up. At my old job I stole about 600 dollar of shit from the store and I stole another 700 I found layed around that customers dropped. All in 2-3 weeks. I was so smart about it they never even knew the shit was gone. I also distributed about 2 grand in money randomly around within company system to confuse the shit out of the management and owner and mask my activity of generating gift cards in the background to the tune of another 500. It has been almost a year since I quit. Never caught. God you're a faggot OP.

Also, I'm in medical school now.

Op must be a troll or an idiot. Only stupid people get caught stealing.

>confess everything
>corporate with law enforcement

Jesus fucking christ are you a fucking retard. You're probably the same type of retard to talk to cops without a lawyer

join the Trump administration

White collar crime? You're looking at a few months tops. Also likely to be minimum security. And typically there are private resort-prisons that you have the option to go to for white collar nonviolent crime, though the downside it's it's usually like a hundred bucks per day for your stay, but basically hotel-like conditions.

They don't punish hard for white collar crime unless if it's national news and a huge amount of money like fucking Bernie Madoff.

Also, minimum security prison is not like fucking Oz.... even the harder prisons for dangerous offenders aren't that bad. Rape is still very rare and usually only happens to sex offenders. Even then, the sex offenders are much more likely to just get beat up and robbed of their commisery than raped.

It won't be that bad... you'll likely have to find a different line of work when you get out though.

I'd just get your head on straight.

Also, what did you do? I very highly doubt you're looking at 5 years, particularly if you can afford a good lawyer (note the good lawyers typically are friends and play golf with the prosecutors and judges so they can negotiate hugely reduced sentences and plea bargains).

kek

>kek
suicide yourself

Alright, bye Sup Forumsros.

Dude, you are so trolling, 125 dollar theft embezzlement isn't even grand larceny. I guarantee if it goes to court, you'll likely just have to take theft/embezzlement diversionary courses, do some community service, and if you've never even been in trouble before probably NO jailtime. Also note this is not a prison level offense. Likely do a couple weeks in jail at absolute most, and that's if they throw the book at you, which they won't as a first offender.

Also there's huge differences between jail, minimum and maximum security. Also note that rape is extremely rare and reserved for sex offenders generally... and even then they're just more likely to get beaten up and robbed than raped.

And if it literally happened from an accident, the worst that will happen is you lose your job. That's it. You're being a lunatic and overreacting.

Or you're trolling.

if you committed a white collar crime and only have $2K to show for it something has done horribly wrong for you.