ITT: Describe video games as poorly as possible

ITT: Describe video games as poorly as possible

>Be me
>Late for work
>Annihiliate microwave casserole
>End the world with aliens
>Fifteen years later
>Co-worker still salty about the casserole

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Half Life 2

>wake up at night
>gun and walkman in pockets
>leave room
>nobody in the entire apartment complex
>PTSD every time I hear "BEEP" because fuckers be shooting at me

>plane crash
>hippies took my son
>build tree house and forget about son

The Forest?

It's definitely The Forest.

>just shaved
>shit gets blown up
>cold as fuck
>wake up and punch bugs to death
>get on an elevator
>go for a walk
>doggo is friendly
>go on murder spree

Name the game

save the empress disdishonor yourself

>blue friend died in last game
>somehow she's back in this game
>now she's the bad guy

Fallout 3 or 4

Mass Effect 2

Fallout 4

I'm now realizing that this fits two games

He's a world renouned athlete. His one and only plumbing career held him back. Now he's out traveling the world.

Warhammer?

>no im not
>yes you are
>no im not
>you are though
>im really not
>are so
>fuck, i am

>be a dude who's like 200 year old
>have to find adopted daughter before the freeze people do

>aliens invade earth
>we lose
>oh im in videogame with superpowers

Saints Row IV

Has Marutei Tsurunen been mentioned already?

>Tsurunen was representing the democrats in the upper house of the Japanese parliament during they years 2002-2013 as its first Western-born member.


A fucking major achievement considering how doubtful the Japanese are against foreigners. Of course Finland is an exception of some sort, the older folk knows and appreciates Mannerheim and Finns.


Apparently a very conservative politician and that's exactly what japskies like.

Fallout 4?

Civilization V

are you retarded?

most of the pervs I lash are already dead and it's not even sexy

Yup. Fallout 4. Shoulda explained it worse

Hear zombies.
Shoot them.
Some thing starts to throw hot orange shit at me.
Shoot it too.
More shit starts to run around the base yelling, spitting, and trying to kill me..
Shoot them.
Go home.....rabbit dead...call friend so we can at least shoot nazis together for a bit.
Get called into work again and shoot tons more shit.

Damn mod community.....

Fast forward a decade ... everything looks great and more shit to shoot.... or tear...

Witcher 3

nice job

Mario?

Totes

>the numbers

Holy shit, you actually got it.

>Farm animal
>Charge into everything and cause general chaos
>Farm animal is also indestructible and the physics tend to not work

>plumbing
>video game
dead giveaway.

>plumber
Gee... I wonder how.

Black ops 1

>Be me
>Fucking around in an island with gf and some friends
>Shit happens
>Kill a guy or two
>Fuck a black psycho bitch
>Kill a couple of drug dealers
>Free some of my friends
>Fuck this, I'm getting the fuck outta here

Goat simulator

>you are bread

Goat Sim?

*claps*

far cry 3

Doom. Basically all of them.

Farcry 3

yep

Yeap. Good job fellas.

You forgot to mention

>Has the worst, most SJW bullshit ending of all time

Donkey Konga

>be me
>cranky
>wife is a cunt
>fuck that dog
>boss is a dick
>protestors suck balls
>piss on them all

>guy is emotionally detached murderhouse
>forced to put up with Mary Sue cunt
>throw bottle, then molotov, repeat
>fuck you bugs, Imma take your bitch
>ooh a giraffe

Postal 2

>let's go bowling

>waaah the SJWs and JDIFs ruining muh games
Cry more.

steal a car 4

Last of us

Die.

Last of Us?

yup

>Double crossed during a robbery by ex-gf
>Break out of prison with black guy
>Get involved in crime, but that's okay the radio is good
>Loads of construction workers in hot pants and everyone sounds like they're speaking through blown out speakers.

>wife and son die
>friend dies
>kill countless junkies and stereotypical gangsters
>be an alcoholic addicted to painkillers
>kill a helicopter with a radio tower and smirk on the edge of a skyscraper

>Be me
>walk outside
>green penis
>thefuck.jpg
>suddenly explosion
>die
>"FUCK"
>get banned by 10 year old server owner for cursing
>remember why I hate this game

Yup yup!

Max Payne 1

spoopy fish

> Be massive chad beast
> Fuck off hoards hundreds at a time
> Gotta murder some evil love baby turned mega-demon.
> Best friend is a nigger from space
> Prophecies and shit

Minecraft?

Garry's Mod?

It's more that the game trains you for the entirety of its narrative to become the best, most perfect warrior leader that you possibly can. The natives of the island learn to respect you and your abilities as you pretty much single handedly liberate them from the pirates and the mercenaries.

Then... when you make the choice to stay on the island, because you've grown to love the people there and are invested in their wellbeing and don't identify with your friends anymore at all... when you make the logical choice the game has been building up to for 30 hours, it kills you.

It just fucking kills you.

It's a bad ending that makes no sense and the developers are on record saying they did it to subvert the "white savior" trope. Even though the entire game is about being white and saving those people.

The "good" ending is to go home with your friends who fear and hate you now and pretend none of it ever happened.

Both endings just have bad, stupid messages.

yup
not what I was going for but it works

Didn't think this one would be so hard

doom classics?
doubt it

Nope

surgeon simulator?

>Be me
>Have a boat
>It's dark and I keep hearing bats
>So hungry
>THE SUN, THE SUN, THE SU...

I am bread

>swim
>spoopy fish

Bioshock Infinite

Subnautica

yeah didn't think so
can i get a hint?
era made? 90s, 00s, 10s, etc

halo 5

yup

>become bureaucrat
>take input from inbox
>process them
>put output in the outbox
>get a coffee break once every 5 years.

disdisdishonored ?

2012

Human Resource Machine

Could it be... Dishonored?

>Be me
>time travel to 1980s
>start game dev company
>dicks the game
>11/10 review
>cult classic
>kek.png

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Game Dev Tycoon

Yup

it would be a bit harder to guess if you didn't post a picture of it
but only a little bit

correct

>my character always wears the same clothes, even though days go by
>favorite weapon is a handy small knife
>second favorite is a baseball bat
>the main character typically can't ride any vehicles very well - all other characters can
>I go about collecting worthless shit
>at some point, some of the shit combines
>later, there is an astronaut in the story
>in the end, I kill a dog and marry some side character (pretty much no way around that, unless you just go on a killing spree)

???

>jurassic park

what about software inc?

>everyone is going insane
>everything I do is for my ex
>I am insane, but everyone thinks I'm not
>Everything hinges on me to make things right
>If I die, I'll just hurt everyone
>please god, why did she leave me?
>It hungers

ark survival evolved?

No

>get bullied
>be abused by drunk father
>sister commits suicide
>become addicted to drugs
>karate
>apocalypse

You mentioned plumber you fucking cockbreath, could it be any easier

>hallways